when someone you know is having an affair

[luvmyfam444]

do you get involved or do you keep it to yourself? and for how long?

 

[wdwmom0f3]

I guess it depends on who it is, but when I worked years ago at a bank there was a little something going on with a few people there and I kept my mouth shut. It all came out in the end and they all lost their jobs, their families and the respect of others in the office.

 

[luvmyfam444]

NOt family - newish friends - she's having the affair with one of his good friends @ the other guys house - not sure how long its been going on - I've known since April. (she bragged about it & told me the details). the couple is separated right now.

 

[wdwmom0f3]

Well, if they are separated then I would really keep my mouth shut. There is no point in embarrassing him. That's a tough spot to be in when she is telling you about it though. Does she think it's cool or something, because it's not?

 

[shortbun]

stay out of it, completely. Stop talking to her about it.

 

[aprilgail2]

I just keep it to myself. We have plenty of it going on at work- at least 25 percent (and that is a low estimate!) of the guys are having affairs (ones been going on for 7 years now) . A friend of mine was cheating on his wife and I did let him know that I don't condon that sort of thing but other than that I stay out of it.

 

[Mermaid02]

Mind your own! He probably knows anyway- whether he wants to face it is another story!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

They are seperated? I would say nothing. It is a MYOB situation.

 

[Keli]

stay out of it, completely. Stop talking to her about it.

MTE

 

[GoldieSaysMeep]

Divorces take a long time. Even annullements take a long time. If they are seperated, I really don't see what the big deal is if shes seeing someone else while they are waiting for the paperwork to get processed...

 

[mjkacmom]

Unless it is your SO, stay out.

 

[disneybound2010]

I've had a couple of friends that have either been cheated on or were cheating on their spouses and in my experience it was just best to keep my mouth shut. The couple of times that the cheating party let me in on their activities I DID tell them it was not something I approved of, but other than that I let it drop. I certainly had no business playing messenger. It was between the cheaters and cheatees. MHO If it doesn't directly affect me and mine, it isn't my business!

 

[beattyfamily]

In the OP situation, no, I wouldn't tell or get involved. If it's someone I'm not close to and if they are separated already, no.

If I knew my best friend or one of my sisters was being cheated on you bet I would tell. I would expect the same from them and I'd be hurt if they didn't get involved and told me if I was being cheated on.

If they are the ones cheating? All I 'think' I would do would be to voice my opinion on their actions AND I would probably loose respect for them. Now if I were VERY close to their spouse as well, I don't know what I'd do. Maybe tell my sister or friend, you tell your spouse or I will. But I'm not sure. Hope I never have to find out.

 

[taintedzodiac]

If I knew my best friend or one of my sisters was being cheated on you bet I would tell. I would expect the same from them and I'd be hurt if they didn't get involved and told me if I was being cheated on.

This is the key from my experience. If you're good friends/family with the person being betrayed, that's the only time to get involved. I've had the unfortunate experience of having a cheating spouse, and it would have been a lot easier if even one friend had known about it and told me. You'd tell a friend if someone was stealing from them, wouldn't you?

Sorry if I rant, it's a pet peeve.

 

[dismom2005]

They are seperated? I would say nothing. It is a MYOB situation.

I would agree - especially since it seems to already be out in the open. Not cool at all that she is bragging about it though, ugh, that's just awful.

 

[MushyMushy]

I don't believe it's cheating when they are separated, so I wouldn't say anything.

But I'm in the same boat right now. Several of my own friends are cheating right now. I swear, the world around me has gone insane! I feel like I'm watching everyone around me self-destruct and not care who they take down with them. And these are people who have always been good and solid to the core. Not just one friend, but several!

Mid life crisis?

 

[luvmyfam444]

well it isn't someone I'm close to - I did tell her I didn't agree with her & yes she was bragging about how much better things were with the other guy. They were not separated when it all started - in fact they went to counseling to try to work it out - but I know she didn't admit the affair. I just hate that she's leading her dh on - he thinks things are gonna get better - that she just needs space to sort things out when in reality she's done - just doesn't have the $ to file for divorce & I think is having too much fun playing around with one of his bests friends.

 

[minnie56]

I would say keep quiet about it which is sad.
I had a dear friend for more than 20 years..
Her Husband was a louse. She was VERY religious.
He was blatant about it..it was everywhere, everyone knew, except for her. She saw what she wanted to see.
He was 'engaged' to another women--claimed he and his wife lived in the same house only-for the kids. I knew the brother of the lady he was 'engaged' to. I was stunned when I heard.Then he took up a liason with a Mom of his young sons friend..at the same school as his kids. I could go on and on...

I made sure she found out his true colors. She point blank asked--was it me? I confessed-yes-I had made sure she became aware. She thanked me,
long story short, he 'found God' conveniently..wanted to save his marriage...and she took him back. He hated me. I became the enemy. That was the end of our friendship except for yearly Christmas cards which have become 'over the top' religious! She turned to God even more for guidance and comfort it seems. I call it hiding your head in the sand! I bet nothing - nothing- has changed!!!!!! He is a snake.

A wise head keeps a still tongue!

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Separated but working on the relationship = still married. Separated pending divorce is another matter. Still, if you are not close, I would stay out of it.

I have had too many friends cheat. It is one of the few things that I just can't help but be judgmental about...

 

[MushyMushy]

Separated but working on the relationship = still married. Separated pending divorce is another matter. Still, if you are not close, I would stay out of it.

I have had too many friends cheat. It is one of the few things that I just can't help but be judgmental about...

Just out of curiosity, what did you do when you found out your friends were cheating? I'm really struggling with this!