When somebody else is treating, what do you do?

[Poohlove]

Maybe since your boss is like a mother hen to all your coworker thought that she would be ok with ordering a salad because she knows that your boss wants to make everyone happy. I personally would chuckle at a coworker for asking for a salad when we weren't asked for requests other than a pizza topping and I definitely think that it is poor form. When I buy lunch for the guys at my work at best I will ask them what they want on their pizza (if we aren't getting a sandwich tray) if I asked each of them individually what they wanted (sandwiches, etc.) they would put us in the poor house LOL

If your coworker is willing and able to spend $30,000 on a holistic healer then I doubt that she thinks the $10 or so for a salad is a big deal

 

[Hikergirl]

To me its like going to someone's house for a party, they have a spread out of the food they planned to serve, and you come in and ask them if they can serve you X instead of Y. That is pretty rude. What the co-worker did isn't a 10 on the rudeness scale, maybe more like a 2 but still kind of rude IMO.

 

[Kellykins1218]

I find it very hard to believe that a boss would be taken back by such a simple and reasonable request especially from someone suffering from a "health scare." It's nobody else's business to speculate on whether her choice in food has anything to do with her health issues.

 

[anniemae]

I don't think I would say it was rude, but maybe a bit "forward" of the coworker. If the boss was offering to buy pizza and she wanted salad, she should have politely declined, and offered money for a salad. Chances are the boss would have offered to pay anyway.

 

[SC Minnie]

ehh-- I've ordered pizza for my group the day before a holiday. I've got one person that is lactose intolerant and another that just doesn't like pizza. I've let them order something else. It's not a huge deal IMO but I was dealing with less than 10 (everyone else was off). If it was a larger group and everyone wanted something special it would cause a problem.

 

[Lilacs4Me]

So based on what you just said, for the love of all that is good, give the poor woman a salad. I seriously do not understand the offensiveness of asking based on her current health concerns. Sounds extremely judgemental to me.

Really? How so?

I made sure to say that this is meant to be a lighthearted conversation, not worthy of a national morality summit. Boss turned around and said to the group "Hey guys, I'll order pizza for lunch - how does that sound?" and co-worker said "How about some salad too?" I merely stated that I would never do that and wondered if anyone else would?

"Sounds extremely judgmental to me" is going over the top just a little, don't you think?

 

[Lilacs4Me]

I find it very hard to believe that a boss would be taken back by such a simple and reasonable request especially from someone suffering from a "health scare." It's nobody else's business to speculate on whether her choice in food has anything to do with her health issues.

Agreed.

No speculation. Coworker is really open about all of it. She is very confused and worried about making the right choice. She wants to eat better, but doesn't want to commit to the total diet this guy wants her to be on. She chooses what to eat daily. Yesterday, she wanted salad.

FWIW, she ended up eating some of the pizza too...no big deal, and the thread isn't about the diet anyway. It's about asking for more than what is offered. She also has since decided to go the medical route and get a lumpectomy because she stated that she knows she won't be able to so drastically change her diet to a vegan, raw foods one. But she could change her mind still....she still has time to decide.

 

[lancermom]

Really? How so?

I made sure to say that this is meant to be a lighthearted conversation, not worthy of a national morality summit. Boss turned around and said to the group "Hey guys, I'll order pizza for lunch - how does that sound?" and co-worker said "How about some salad too?" I merely stated that I would never do that and wondered if anyone else would?

"Sounds extremely judgmental to me" is going over the top just a little, don't you think?

To me, that sounds like casual conversation AND it sounds like she was asking for salad for the whole group. Your original post made it sound like she was asking for a salad just specifically for her (and even if she did, so what?). If your small group is close enough, then asking about adding salad should not be a big deal. I can't even imagine giving that a second thought.

 

[Lilacs4Me]

To me, that sounds like casual conversation AND it sounds like she was asking for salad for the whole group. Your original post made it sound like she was asking for a salad just specifically for her (and even if she did, so what?). If your small group is close enough, then asking about adding salad should not be a big deal. I can't even imagine giving that a second thought.

Thanks for your opinion. Sounds like you are in the "I don't think there is anything wrong with asking for more than what is offered" camp.

Nothing wrong with your opinion of it not being rude. I'm frankly a little surprised that so many people felt it was rude. I thought it would be more 50/50.

 

[lancermom]

Thanks for your opinion. Sounds like you are in the "I don't think there is anything wrong with asking for more than what is offered" camp.

Nothing wrong with your opinion of it not being rude. I'm frankly a little surprised that so many people felt it was rude. I thought it would be more 50/50.

It's all situational. No, I would not go to a dinner party and ask for something different. I wouldn't ask for something different if the boss was having a catered lunch. I don't ask for something special when our building management hosts a lunch for all the tenants. But someone saying "hey, how about I order pizza, what do you think?" That's different. I do event planning. I plan all kinds of meetings, large and small, and ALWAYS ask for dietary preferences and try to accommodate them. Your office situation sounds even more casual than that.

 

[Disney Doll]

Don't you like it when a person plays doctor on them self?

Not really because they usually end up sicker or dead.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

Not really because they usually end up sicker or dead.

Millions and millions of people die going the convention route to medicine. To each his own.

 

[Lilacs4Me]

It's all situational. No, I would not go to a dinner party and ask for something different. I wouldn't ask for something different if the boss was having a catered lunch. I don't ask for something special when our building management hosts a lunch for all the tenants. But someone saying "hey, how about I order pizza, what do you think?" That's different. I do event planning. I plan all kinds of meetings, large and small, and ALWAYS ask for dietary preferences and try to accommodate them. Your office situation sounds even more casual than that.

The situation I was asking about specifically was my boss ordering pizza at the last minute for a small group of us who were working in the office yesterday. I thought I said that?

 

[LilyWDW]

The situation I was asking about specifically was my boss ordering pizza at the last minute for a small group of us who were working in the office yesterday. I thought I said that?

You did and it was clear.

 

[SMD]

Really? How so?

I made sure to say that this is meant to be a lighthearted conversation, not worthy of a national morality summit. Boss turned around and said to the group "Hey guys, I'll order pizza for lunch - how does that sound?" and co-worker said "How about some salad too?" I merely stated that I would never do that and wondered if anyone else would?

"Sounds extremely judgmental to me" is going over the top just a little, don't you think?

Maybe not extremely judgmental, but your opinion on how the coworker's health issue came through loud and clear in multiple posts. It was definitely negative, and judgmental. And that negativity did not come of as lighthearted, but more like recrimination. Plus, this is the DIS, and you had to know there would be some pearl clutching over any kind of question about rudeness or tackiness that would validate the negative things you were saying about your coworker.

 

[Lilacs4Me]

Maybe not extremely judgmental, but your opinion on how the coworker's health issue came through loud and clear in multiple posts. It was definitely negative, and judgmental. And that negativity did not come of as lighthearted, but more like recrimination. Plus, this is the DIS, and you had to know there would be some pearl clutching over any kind of question about rudeness or tackiness that would validate the negative things you were saying about your coworker.

Not judging her at all - she is looking at every option. That's a good thing. I haven't stated my opinion about her options at all, although I suppose I could have typed something to lead someone to believe I have a negative opinion and, being the DIS, I'm sure someone will be bored enough to pull out a few words in one or two of my posts and throw some quotes around them to prove that I have a vengeful vendetta against my friend. I think the worst thing I said was she was on the flighty side, but heck...she is the first to admit that! She has a hard choice to make...it's for her to decide. She has so far now decided to go against the $30,000 option. I support her either way.

And yes, I have issues with asking for more than what is offered to me. I clearly stated that and know it skews my perception when other people do and was the point of the thread. As I said, I am surprised that it wasn't more of a 50/50 split on the "asking for more than what is offered" topic. You sound like you are on the "It's fine" side. I have no problem with whatever side anyone falls on - that is what I asked for!

Completely agree about the DIS!

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

Not judging her at all - she is looking at every option. That's a good thing. I haven't stated my opinion about her options at all, although I suppose I could have typed something to lead someone to believe I have a negative opinion and, being the DIS, I'm sure someone will be bored enough to pull out a few words in one or two of my posts and throw some quotes around them to prove that I have a vengeful vendetta against my friend. I think the worst thing I said was she was on the flighty side, but heck...she is the first to admit that! She has a hard choice to make...it's for her to decide. She has so far now decided to go against the $30,000 option. I support her either way.

And yes, I have issues with asking for more than what is offered to me. I clearly stated that and know it skews my perception when other people do and was the point of the thread. As I said, I am surprised that it wasn't more of a 50/50 split on the "asking for more than what is offered" topic. You sound like you are on the "It's fine" side. I have no problem with whatever side anyone falls on - that is what I asked for!

Completely agree about the DIS!

I hope my "friends" don't go on a huge message board, refer to me as rude and ask if others find me the same way, tell everyone my personal health problems, call me flightly and mock my medical choices. It seems there is a lot of back peddling here but I sincerely hope your co-worker/friend doesn't google her issues and come up with this page.

 

[Lilacs4Me]

I hope my "friends" don't go on a huge message board, refer to me as rude and ask if others find me the same way, tell everyone my personal health problems, call me flightly and mock my medical choices. It seems there is a lot of back peddling here but I sincerely hope your co-worker/friend doesn't google her issues and come up with this page.

Me too! I would hate for her to see this on her own....I will probably just tell her myself on Tuesday.

Thanks for your thoughts. Have a very Merry Christmas - (or whatever you celebrate!) You sound like you need some extra Holiday Spirit!

 

[Caskett616]

The situation I was asking about specifically was my boss ordering pizza at the last minute for a small group of us who were working in the office yesterday. I thought I said that?

Yes you did, but I think that poster is trying to say that what they would do would depend on the situation. (People have been bringing up other scenarios, right?) Because I know that would have made a difference for what I would have done.

for instance, at my long time job, I'd known my boss for 20 years, and she'd been my boss for 10. I would have felt comfortable to say to her buying us pizza, "Hey, is it okay if I get a garden salad instead? I'm trying to limit my carbs, etc." She'd probably have teased me and said go ahead. And I guess you all would have thought I was rude and tacky.

But in my current situation, where I am a contract worker that's here for 2 months and then I will never see these people again, I'm not going to make waves. I would have just answered, none for me thanks, and moved on. If they had asked, I might have gone into the situation or not.

And I think that's what that poster was trying to say.

 

[mjkacmom]

I hope my "friends" don't go on a huge message board, refer to me as rude and ask if others find me the same way, tell everyone my personal health problems, call me flightly and mock my medical choices. It seems there is a lot of back peddling here but I sincerely hope your co-worker/friend doesn't google her issues and come up with this page.

It seems the OP has somehow touched a nerve with you, are you the co-worker?!