when kids have problem with friends..

[sunlver]

Thank you everybody for sharing your stories and advice with me. It really gives me a lot to think about. My oldest is 15 and a boy. He has had some friend trouble over the years..Now that he is in highschool, all the friend problems have resolved..He has met new friends in highschool and seems much happier.
Next year will be middle school for my daughter, and their will be LOTS of new kids around. I am hoping that will bring her into a bigger circle of friends.

 

[LittleBlue22]

sunlver, can we be friends?! I'm going through similar situations with my almost 10 yr old. Hormones I tell ya! My dd is friends close friends with two other girls and some days they are the best of pals and other... well, watch out.

I think you are doing a good job handling the situation. Its tough standing on the sidelines isn't it? Really, can we be friends and hold each other as our kids go through these wonderful hormonal times?

 

[mjkacmom]

Well this is the first situation I am aware of. My daughter is a tough cookie, doenst talk much about those sort of things.It was that the last two times the other 2 girls were with us, I could tell the cattiness...they were trying to say things to make my daughter jealous..like saying how they had a sleepover, how they were going to the movies etc...See my daughter is in her own little world she really doesnt pay attention to all of it. As a matter of fact, in the car that day she was playing her DS..and didnt pay attention to the other girls. THe other girls were talking LOUD and PROUD of their upcoming plans and I KNOW what they were trying to do.
When I brought it up to my daughter later, she said "I didnt hear that" and she was sitting right next to them..

I just dont want her to be played...SO I continue to tell her to be friends who want to be your friends and stay away from the rest.

She's not being played - she's reacting in the best way possible! Whether she's ignoring them on purpose, or just not paying attention, she's doing exactly what they don't want her to do. Good for her!

 

[krcit]

I have a high school dd and a 6th grade dd. Neither one of them(so far) has been involved in any 'drama'. They just don't play into it which is how your dd sounds. There was only one time that I said anything regarding friendships and that was when after a few girls were here, I noticed one of them being quite obnoxious to another. After they all left I explained to my dd that she shouldn't let one friend treat her other friend so poorly when they were both guests at dd's house. I would advise not getting involved. Stuff like what is going on with Mary has been happening for centuries and your dd seems to be handling it just fine. We have a new girl in the neighborhood and her mom is so overly involved with her dd that people are shying away from being friends with the girl. An example is she told another girl who was playing at a house a few away from hers to go home..she wasn't welcome on this end of the block all b/c the girl had had a fight with her dd
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[sunlver]

sunlver, can we be friends?! I'm going through similar situations with my almost 10 yr old. Hormones I tell ya! My dd is friends close friends with two other girls and some days they are the best of pals and other... well, watch out.

I think you are doing a good job handling the situation. Its tough standing on the sidelines isn't it? Really, can we be friends and hold each other as our kids go through these wonderful hormonal times?

Hey there, of course we can be friends ..the more the merrier. That is what I try to get across to my kids,

It has really helped to hear everybodys stories on this subject. I am really not an overbearing parent..BUT, just like any parent,I dont want my kids(or any other kids)to be treated badly.

 

[mamacatnv]

I have an 11 yr old DD in 5th grade who attends a small charter school - I totally understand. Stay out of it, let them sort it out.

However, I will share a tidbit I learned here on the Dis.
American Girl Library has several books that deal with girl issues, girl friends, being a good friend and mean girls. We bought DD a couple of the books and I know she consults them periodically for reference.
I'm glad I gave her that resource because honestly I am like you, I want to defend her, protect her etc. but she does need to learn how to do it herself. She needs to learn to be a good friend and how to stand up when a not so good friend comes into the picture.

My motto: Jokingly (kind of sort of and yet, it makes a bit of sense)
Boys are Stupid and Girls are Mean

 

[dislaney]

I know its really hard to see our children treated poorly but I too would stay out of it. Be there for your daughter as it sounds like you are. Being a parent really isn't very easy sometimes.

 

[We_love_WDW]

My dd is only 4 and deals with "mean girls." I cannot imagine what it's going to be like as she gets older

 

[marlynnp]

Frankly, it sounds like this 'friendship' is well on it's way to dying a natural death because of the behavior of the other girls. I'd just let it go.

You mentioned Girl Scouts but I'm not sure how involved you are in the troop. I would see if a troop activity about 'what makes a good friend' and 'peer pressure' could be arranged. I am a troop leader and when I see friction between my girls I handle it by doing a generalized troop activity - it gets the message across to the girls involved without singling out anyone with direct confrontation.