When is it time to charge rent to children?

[christineann]

It's time. If they can't pay room and board, maybe they can "earn their keep" by helping out in other ways (beyond just cleaning up after themselves), and it doesn't sound like that is happening. Though I know in your heart you want to help them, I think you would be doing them a favor in the long run to require that they take at least some responsibility for themselves now.

 

[Aisling]

My oldest is 23 and I'd never think of charging him rent. He;s not a boarder, he;s my son. The whole idea of him still living at home is so he can save money to buy a condo by next year, and he's on track. He works, so he does contribute, but it's not an "official" thing. Thank God he understands responsibility and wants to help out with the cable bill and other things that he uses. But rent...that's not how we do it in our family.

 

[TaraLee4]

Thanks! I see you are from the Hudson Valley area. I grew up there!! In Kinderhook.

never in my wildest dreams did i think i'd meet another DISser....from kinderhook!!!

 

[christineann]

When my son graduated from college, he asked me if he could live here (not forever!) and said he would do so only if I would accept room and board from him since he is an adult, working full time. He pays for his insurance, etc. in addition and has been an enormous help around the house. I don't see him that often since he works shifts (police officer). He and his long time girlfriend have just gotten engaged since she has recently graduated and started her career (teaching), and they are going to build a house on some property he bought and get married in a year. This is all part of the financial plan he had before he graduated. I wish I had his financial "smarts" when I was his age.

He's not a "boarder"; he's my son. He's very responsible and feels that, given his age (24) and employment, it's the right thing to do; that's his way. We are very close, and he likes my cooking, too

 

[MrsPete]

Having them pay you rent, utilities & food will be a huge lesson to them in how to budget for when they get into the real world as soon as they are married.

Since they both work full time jobs, and both will have a 2nd part time job, there is no reason they cannot pay you for food & utilities at a minimum.

Do not protect them from the real world. When they get married & move out, they'll have enough to adjust to as honeymooners, don't add money problems to the list by them having to learn it then. They need to learn it NOW.

ANOTHER IDEA, is to collect a small rent payment from them, put it into a savings account & give it back to them for the wedding when its time.

This is all 100% true. If you allow these two to "live free", you're depriving them of the chance to become independent adults. You're trying to protect them from going through financial struggles, and I"m sure you're doing it out of love and kindness. You don't want to see them do without things. You don't want to see them have to make tough choices, BUT by protecting them from those NORMAL experiences, you're keeping them from moving on into adulthood.

If these two are each working a full time and a part time job, WHY can they not support themselves? (Since nothing to the contrary has been mentioned, I'm assuming they are both able-bodied young people.) They're not supporting a child. Why aren't they able to make it financially? Where's their money going?

Also, how do you know what went on between the girlfriend and her parents? I'm guessing you heard it from her. Knowing girls this age as I do, I would want a little more information. I don't believe that they kicked her out over one small event. It's a relatively common thing with girls who are having trouble making the transition from their parents' house to the real world: they want to be forced to go. They want some drama. They want it to be a matter of "I can't go back". It's sort of like this: They feel that IF they're leaving their parents' house, there should be a reason . . . so they create one. Either they act out so that their parents take action and kick them out, or they exaggerate the situation in their minds. I don't know how many times I've seen it.

Yes, some parents really are crazy-nuts, but they're few and far between -- and there's always a tip-off; crazy-nuts parents have kids who are crazy-nuts too, and I haven't heard you say that about this girl.

If I were in your shoes, I'd tell them that she's been here a while now, and tempers are settling down, it's time to make peace within the family. Have her parents over for dinner and discuss the situation. I'd be willing to bet their story doesn't match her story.

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

What the heck did the girlfriend do that her parents kicked her out in the middle of the night, refused to pay for a wedding, and turned her room into a den?

Frankly, I'm having a bit of a giggle over the separate bedrooms part...

 

[Kath2003]

Wow, I lodged with another family and I paid rent (over $500/month) and YOU BET I cleared up after dinner every single night. I also cleaned my own bathroom. I was grateful for the kindness and support the family offered me - they were priceless to me whilst I lived there and I can never thank them enough - they weren't even my family!

They provided an evening meal every day, and breakfast if I wanted it (cereal or toast). I could have snacks, but it was what they had on offer (yoghurts, fruit or toast with jam usually). We occasionally had a glass of wine with dinner and I occasionally brought home a bottle as a 'contribution'. They supplied cleaning products and washing powder (because they used something specific); I occasionally bought some as a contribution although they never asked. If I wanted anything above and beyond this, I purchased my own.

I miss them so much, even though I am very happy living with my partner now. That time in my life is over, but it's sad not to see them every day.

Anyway find out what it would cost them to rent their own apartment. Add on bills, insurance, food, cable etc. Then charge them half of it. They will be getting a GREAT deal (and you will be several hundred dollars a month better off).

If they can't afford a wedding, they either get married for $40 in a simple ceremony or they wait until they can afford one. That's not your issue; it's their marriage, their issue.

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

My children will always have a room available in our home free of charge no matter how old they are. But with that said, they aren't going to lay around and do nothing but watch tv and eat. I would make sure they particpate in household duties and chores.

That's how my parents feel too. And they know that if and when the time comes, they'll have a room in our houses too. And there's no way any of us would charge our parents rent if they needed to stay with us.

That's not the way my family works.

I haven't read all the posts, but I disagree with the majority of the ones I read. I had more money when I WAS going to school than after I was done. Student loan payment, anyone?

Families take care of each other. And this girl's parents sound like whackjobs.

 

[christineann]

I think some are missing the point.......if an adult child is employed full time, it is not a bad thing to expect him or her to take responsibility, financial and otherwise, for himself/herself. My son DOES have student loans, and I have parent Plus loans for his education. He is an adult with a career and a financial plan. He said he would not live here unless he paid room and board; I don't "charge" him. His living at home helps out both of us - he contributes an amount less than it would have cost him to rent an apartment, and I get some help with expenses, which is welcome since I am a divorced mom who has had no financial assistance from the ex (it was worth it to get him out of our lives). Likewise, my daughter is a college student (away), and though she works at school, she is still my financial dependent, and I would not consider or accept any contribution from her.

I have elderly parents, and both have had serious health issues in the past 6 months. I know that if one of them were to die, I would welcome and insist that my remaining parent live with me so he or she would not be alone. Would I expect him or her to contribute to expenses? Of course not; an elderly parent is an entirely different issue than an able bodied, employed adult child. Apples and oranges!

 

[dizneydiva2005]

never in my wildest dreams did i think i'd meet another DISser....from kinderhook!!!

Did you go to ICC?? I graduated in 1986.

What the heck did the girlfriend do that her parents kicked her out in the middle of the night, refused to pay for a wedding, and turned her room into a den?

Frankly, I'm having a bit of a giggle over the separate bedrooms part...

I answered your first question. I can't control her parents and their INSANE thinking.
Giggling over they have separate bedrooms? What's so funny? I'm very proud my son didn't even consider sharing a room with her. Probably because he knew the answer so why bother asking.

 

[dizneydiva2005]

I think you and your husband sound like really nice people and great parents!
This world can be a really hard place and I for one,like you won't mind my kids at home as long as they want to be here. Good luck!

Oops, I meant to answer you in my last post.

Thanks a lot!

Here's my final update to this situation.

His fiance came to me today and asked if she could pay us XX amount each month. That she was sorry the upstairs wasn't as cleaned as I liked. (remember I'm a neat freak, so really it was never that bad... I grew up in a house with a father with COD. Everything had to be in it's place, neat, clean, I mean laundry had to be folder a perfect way-- everything for him is color coded. I'm nothing like that but)

Anyhooo, she and my son agreed to keep the bathroom picked up daily and cleaned top to bottom once a week. She is going to pay rent, my son at this point isn't. After all, he's always lived here with out paying, it has more to do with taking in the fiance last month.
As a matter of fact, she's upstairs cleaning- everything!

She came to me and gave me a hug and said thank you for letting me stay here.

And to all of those who thought I didn't want her here... hmmm, yeah, trust me if I didn't want her here, she wouldn't be. In the past I had banned her from coming here for about 4 months. I didn't think she was being as respectful as she should. So I told her not to come back. She lives with us now, and to be honest, I treat her like my own kids. I have no problem with keeping her in line like I would my own.

They are good kids and I love them both.

Thanks for all of your replies. Some were very mature and helpful--- sorry I couldn't respond to all of them.

I'm off to take care of my 2 younger kids- the swine flu has found a home here as well. it's not pretty!! LOL

 

[christineann]

Sounds like things are working out . I hope your younger ones are feeling better soon!