When is it time to charge rent to children?

[dizneydiva2005]

This jumped out at me. Your son is very young (as is the girl) I personally would set a move out date for her. It is nice to help her but don't trap your son in a relationship that he has no way to get out of if he wants to. It is hard to break up and date others when your ex girlfriend is at the dinner table.

he's engaged to her so he wants to be with her, but since they aren't married, I think he'd like some alone time!!!

Or wait, maybe that's me who wants alone time? I homeschool, so yeah, I don't get many quiet/ alone moments.

 

[Tinijocaro]

He's not wanting to play big boy. He didn't make the decision to have her move in when she was kicked out. His father and I did. He never asked for her to move in. We offered. I almost think he rather her not be here LOL!!!!!

I was afraid that this would be taken out of content. I was only asking if it was time for them to pay.

My mistake-I didn't read the whole thread.

 

[dizneydiva2005]

awwww....it sounds like you may have "blown up" at them? That's probably not the way you wanted to resolve this. !

ahhh yes, exactly... as I just said in my last few posts.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

well, we all have our opinions... and just because she didn't have a place to live... her parents kicked her out at night- with no where to go... doesn't mean I'm going to offer my son off to marriage. He can't afford to live on his own. So I'm not going to throw him out just because his girlfriend needs a place to sleep.
Personally, I think it was pretty darn nice of my husband to offer her a place to live. I was in a panic about it... but like he said, how many stray animals have we taken in, cared for, gave a home to? Surely, when a person needs help, we'll be there.

So when looking at what happened here saying he has to be married first because his father and I offered her a place to live- is well... silly IMO.

How nice of you to berate us after you gave us details. You are the one who gave the impression that they were living there to save up for a wedding.

 

[dizneydiva2005]

Oh my word, I am so embarrassed, I just realized I could post to several people in one post- not in like 100 of them. I am sorry for all of the posts guys!

 

[dizneydiva2005]

How nice of you to berate us after you gave us details. You are the one who gave the impression that they were living there to save up for a wedding.

berating. Seems I'm good at that!

I'm sorry I wasn't clear in my first post. She moved in after her parents kicked her out. It was a min. decision. Her living here has nothing to do with saving for a wedding. I mentioned her parents will no longer pay for her wedding because she is now living here. Although, they kicked her out? Whatever, right? I'd rather them get married on our 5 acres with the pond in the background then have them nuts put in a penny towards the wedding. Ok, totally another subject there!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

No, you said this in your first post. Why would you say that and not mean it?

Ok, so I realize they are working and trying to save for a wedding, that we can't at the moment afford to pay for either.

 

[dizneydiva2005]

Ditto.

I'd only call you a bad mom, OP, if it's ten years later and your ds and his girl and their KIDS are also now living with you and you wrote "ten years ago I asked what I should do but then I did nothing and now this is happening." then I'd be grumpy with you.

Now I say, although transitions are hard, it sounds like you need a little more "me" time that doesn't involve you being a maid, cook and dogsbody to your adult children and their girlfriend . If it feels selfish to kick them out, well, I think you've probably earned the right to a little selfishness, it sounds like.

10 years later? !!!

No need to be snarky about it. For the record, there was a time when families lived near each other and helped each other out all the time. Young couples habitually stayed with their parents until they could buy a home because marriage happened young, parents didn't need daycare because that's what their parents were for and old folks didn't go into homes, that's what their kids were for.... and it worked for generations. In my opinion, cycle of life does not mean moving out at 18 any more, how on earth could it with the price of many homes even after the crash above most people's reach with credit for a home impossible to get and the cost of food through the roof? For goodness sake, with all the people here on the DIS who are scrimping to put food on the table their entire lives and living hand to mouth one would think the reality that more supportive extended parenting could help them get a leg up in life would take off. But it hasn't. Most people just do what was done to them with little thought of the consequences of those choices. To each their own of course, but don't go slinging mud if you don't want it tossed back your way.

Thank you!! I totally agree with your post.

 

[dizneydiva2005]

No, you said this in your first post. Why would you say that and not mean it?

wow, are you related to my mother who is from Missouri?
Dang, you say you're sorry and she cont. to bring out the point of my mistake.

I meant that as in... I'm feel bad taking rent money knowing they are trying to now save for a wedding. They are not living here ONLY to save for a wedding. They live here because well, my son always has and his girlfriend got kicked out for smoking cigs (it's evil and she's going to hell for smoking according to some people ) and she needed a place to call 'home'.


I gotta be honest, I can't even imagine how it would feel to be kicked out on a moments notice - we feel her pain, and offered her a place to live. LIKE I said her parents wanted her on the streets to learn her lesson.

I explained all that.... so.....

 

[Piglet4Ever]

My parents started charging me rent once I quit college. They gave me a good deal I paid $75 a month plus I paid the cable bill. I still did chores around the house to. I also paid my car payment and my own insurance and all that.

 

[Mad4Mickey]

this is hard to answer, I have one still at home he is the baby and is 21. He is a good kid and makes good money as a MMA fighter but he does not pay me rent. He has the whole top floor of the house ( about 2500 sq ft). With that being said he cleans up after himself. He jokes and says that he couldnt afford to rent a place as big as he has now for free LOL . He is saving for a house of his own . As long as he is not in trouble, is not blowing his money, not disrespecting us or our home. He stays for free if he breaks my rules then he needs to find his own place.

It sounds like your son is a good boy and is trying to make a good living for himself and his future. I can see not charging him but to take on someone elses child and you need the help I would ask for enough to help cover the extra person but not so much they cant save to get out LOL

 

[Silent1CB]

Having them pay you rent, utilities & food will be a huge lesson to them in how to budget for when they get into the real world as soon as they are married.

Since they both work full time jobs, and both will have a 2nd part time job, there is no reason they cannot pay you for food & utilities at a minimum.

Do not protect them from the real world. When they get married & move out, they'll have enough to adjust to as honeymooners, don't add money problems to the list by them having to learn it then. They need to learn it NOW.

ANOTHER IDEA, is to collect a small rent payment from them, put it into a savings account & give it back to them for the wedding when its time.

 

[PaulaSue]

One month after he/she turns 18 or graduates/stops school.

 

[AKL_Megs]

I started paying rent when I was 18, right after I graduated high school. $20 a week. I'll never forget it. (Probably because, when I would give my parents trouble, I would hear, "Where else can you live off of $20 a week!" LOL. So true mom and dad!)

It sounds to me like these two need to get out and see what life is REALLY like, and BEFORE they get married. Wow, yes, before they get married. I think the #1 reason people divorce is over finances. Moving out for the first time is NOT easy. Moving out and figuring out how to live with a wife/husband, even harder!

 

[FireDancer]

Every situation is different, so in the end you have to do what is best for your family. I can relate my story and you can take it for what it is worth.

I graduated HS in 1996 and wanted to go to college. My family, however, was not in the position to help me pay for it and I was determined to get through without any student loans. This meant going to a local 4 year school and living at home. I knew I wanted a business degree but wasn't sure what I wanted to be. I also had to save up some money and gain some practical experience because while I planned on working to put myself through college I wanted to get some money saved. I also wanted to get practical experience in the working world so I could not only have a job that payed high enough to allow me to get out without loans but also so I could figure out what the heck I wanted to do.

I worked for a couple of years and decided to go into I.T. I switched jobs to one with a flexible enough schedule to allow me to work full time (actually I had to do a mandatory 48 hours per week) and go to school full time. I lived at home this whole time rent free because I was working towards something. My parents got divorced and my mom moved into a home too small for all of us. I moved in to my grandma and great grandma's house while I was in school. I was working over full time and doing 14 to 16 credit hours a semester to get out in 3 years (I went through the summer) and my grandma charged me nothing to live there. I had to pay my car payment and normal expenses like clothing and such, but I had to pay no rent or utilities and she cooked, so no food when I lived at home. The arrangement was that when I finished school I had a 6 month grace period to find a better job but after 6 months I would have to pay rent. I ended up taking a promotion before the end of my last semester and moved to FL the week after graduation so I ended up out an on my own.

I am grateful that my grandma was able to let me live there because it allowed me to get out of college paying cash. Had she charged me rent I would have had to take out loans for school, but I would have still gotten the education.

Maybe this helps you decide, maybe not, but I figured a real world scenario is the best example there is. Good luck with your decision making.

 

[PatsGirl]

..........................................................................
The Rule is: After HS graduation you will either be working full-time or going to school fulltime or in the military.

**If you are working full-time, you will pay at least $100/week rent, which will include utilities & cable and some food. It will not include special snacks, beer, cigarettes or energy drinks ( I only buy fresh, healthy food--they can eat that or they can buy their own.)

**If you are working part-time you will pay at least $50/week and you will do yardwork, home repairs, or other projects to work off your rent.

**If you are going to school full-time you are encouraged to have a 10-15hr/week job, but you don't have to pay rent.

**If you are going to school part-time you wil have a part-time job and will pay $50/week.

Under no circumstances will I pay for your love life, your car insurance, your credit cards, or your speeding tickets. And don't expect me to bail you out of jail, either.

Anyone who consistantly disturbs the harmony of our home will be asked to leave.
......................................................................................


Just. Do. It.

Same rules at my house. Gotta say I get alot of flak for it, from both friends and family DS was told from his freshman year in high school on that he would have to make a plan after high school graduation which could include full time college (and live at home holidays and summer, etc.), his own apartment, or the military. He chose the Air Force. I also offered to pay for a one-way ticket anywhere in the world he chose to go so long as he agreed to stay for one year before coming home. I'm so glad he chose the Air Force, he lloves it, I know he's getting three meals, a decent bed/dorm,and health insurance so I'm not worried about him all the time. Now, when he goes to the sandbox my security will come to an abrupt end I know

 

[tomthebarncat]

they make more money than you do!! or when you have had enough! whichever happens first.

 

[RitaE]

I kind of cruised through this whole thread and I'm rather confused....
Do you want this woman (Sorry, she's 20 she is an adult/not a girl) living in your house? Does your son want her living in the house?

I'm not talking about giving her a bed for a month or whatever while she finds her own living arrangements, I'm talking about the long term situation you seem to have set up here.

Because to tell you the truth you kind of sound like you don't want her there, and kind of sounds like your son doesn't even want it. But you have these images in your mind that she needs "saved."

... you REALLY need drop drop the whole "She could never" (fill in the blank with whatever form of self-care needed here like pay for housing, pay for food, pay for transportation. Same goes for your son. She is an adult, your son is an adult. They most certainly can take care of themselves. Twenty year olds do it everyday of the week in ever corner of our nation. Some of them even have children and take care of them too.

I think that before you come up with any kind of house rules, you really need to clarify for yourself what it is you want to achieve here.

 

[babycakes01]

I think you and your husband sound like really nice people and great parents!
This world can be a really hard place and I for one,like you won't mind my kids at home as long as they want to be here. Good luck!

 

[browneyes106]

I agree with a lot of people about charing rent when adult children aren't in college. I lived with my parents until I was 20 and I did help them with bills and groceries. My cousin who got out of the military last year is living with my aunt and uncle. They split the cost of ultilies and my cousin buys groceries for the house twice a month.