When is it time for kids to move out?

[monkey68]

I was watching a True Life on MTV the other day, and it was about people that still haven't moved out of their parent's house, in their mid 20's. I didn't get to finish watching it, but I started wondering, what is the big deal about being 20 something and still living at home? I'm almost 24, and I'll be moving back with my parents this summer and staying probably for at least another 2 years. Pretty much all my friends still live at home with their parents unless they're married. It's not like we bum around, we either work or we're still in school, but it's not something I would think is odd.

Is this a cultural thing, that you stay at home until you get married? I'll admit, most of my friends are not originally from America, so maybe that has something to do with it? My boyfriend is 26, and still at home, but he has a great job as a pharmacist so it's not like he can't afford to move out. But culture basically states that you live at home to get married, so I see nothing weird about him still being at home. None of my friends pay rent to their parents, I think my parents would be absolutely offended if I tried to pay them rent.

So what's your take on it? I am assuming it's cultural, I don't see anything wrong with being in your mid 20's and still living at home provided you're actually doing something and not just being a bum. Do you think it's odd? Just curious, really. When do you think your kids should move out, or when and why did you move out of your parents house?

 

[Kies99]

I'm about ready to kick my kids out of the house and they are only 5 & 7!!

In all seriousness, I've been on my "own" since I was 19. Not that I technically moved out, but my dad took a job in Germany and moved their with my mom while I was in college.

My thoughts are a couple years after college is fine. If you're paying rent and helping with food and chores around the house, then I'd give you a few more years beyond that.

After that though, you're out. It's time for you to move on as I want some quiet time!

 

[lovemygoofy]

I don't think it's a cultural thing totally. I sometimes think it's a spoiled thing mostly. I could absoutely state that I wouldn't date someone that was a professional but still lived at home at 26 or 27. That shouts dependent to me.

I'm not sure why someone in their mid 20s with a good job would want to live at home. I think it's because they don't want to have their lifestyle suffer. The person might have to live in a tiny apartment or even have a roommate. The person might not go out and about as much and may have to learn to cook and stay in. A 20 something at home doesn't pay the home bills and most don't even do their own laundry or clean up after themselves. I just think at some point a person needs to move out and be an independent person living on their own. You really learn alot about yourself when you are responsible for everything.

I'll never forget one time after college, a friend of mine was dating a guy that lived with his parents. For whatever reason, she ended up at his house. He still had his twin bed, with his kiddie sheets and his mom offered to make pancakes for his friend sleeping over. Needless to say that was the end of that relationship lol.

 

[SpecialK]

Here's a different perspective. I met my husband when we were both teaching. I had an apartment; he still lived at home. He had gone back to school in his early twenties and was working on his first masters when we met. He just couldn't afford to move out and was afraid I wouldn't date him because he hadn't. (His SIL wouldn't date his brother b/c he also lived at home so they moved in together - proving what I don't know.)

He wasn't dependent. He wasn't a slacker. Living at home helped him to meet his career goals after a late start. Would I have a problem with my kids living at home after college to continue their education and get a leg up financially? Absolutely not. It's actually pretty common around my neck of the woods.

 

[FSUDisneyGirl]

I think it may be partially a cultural thing. One of my roommates from the Disney College Program was planning on living with her parents for a few years after college (and was living with them during college) and she was Hispanic. She was talking about how her parents wanted her close by, and they were very protective of her...

On the other hand, I guess she wouldn't have been able to afford her red Mustang and designer bags and clothes if she actually had to buy food and pay rent.

Lovemygoofy, I agree, I think some people don't want to deal with a lifestyle change. My brother is 20 (and in college), but he just decided to stay home for the next 2 years instead of go away...because he doesn't want to deal with bills. Now, my mom will let him live at home while he's in school....but she'll kick his butt out when he's done!

 

[luvmy3jewels]

My dh has a good friend who is 34 and still lives at home. I don't think he dates much since the pool of available women around his age is very low and who is interested in dating a man that still lives with his parents?

I can't imagine wanting to live with my parents that long. When I went away to college, I made the decision that I would never move back. I don't really have any issues with people moving back if they need a little time getting on their feet, but there comes a time when you should cut the apron strings.

As a parent, my door will always be open to my kids. I don't ever invision a time where I would tell any of them they have to leave and not come back. But, I want them to grow up and be independent and will do everything I can to encourage them to be self-supporting.

 

[LuvOrlando]

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[DMickey28]

I officially completely moved out when I was 24 years old. I married when I was 26. My brother moved out for college and then came home for a few years when he was 23 years old. He moved out two years ago at 26.

I am going to be 31 this summer and moving back home to my parents house in a week with my 34 year old husband and my 2 year old son. We are moving from S. Florida to MA and then going to stay there while we look for a house to buy and save up more money. We could be there for 3/4 months or a year ... who knows!!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Depends really. I would prefer my kids get out on their own sooner rather than later. Sometimes that is not possible.

Now if my kid was living in my basement, coming home drunk, basically partying and not respectful, you gotta go do that on your own dime. I am not supporting that.

If they were staying at home saving and helpful, then you get to stay at meet your goal.

 

[clarabelle]

WARNING long post

There was a thread here on the dis several years ago that really struck a nerve with me. It was about hunger. someone casually asked if anyone had ever not had enough money for food.

To my surprise there were TONs of replies.
Most of them boiled down to two things.

1)rotten husband who got wife pregnant and then either left wife with kids and no money -or spent all the money on drugs or gambling etc...

2) Kids in college that ran out of money -or that had displeased their parents (boyfriend, lifestyle) and gotten pushed out of the house.

So point is that just because someone is 18 -I don't think it necessarily makes them ready to leave home. There are lots of stories here about kids that were pushed out of the house and into bad marriages and bad choices.
Although I would not want a lazy child partying and not working on my dime -I would support a child in school or just getting started in their field.

 

[Nie0214]

The last time I lived at home was the summer after my junior year of college. I just can't imagine going back home to live unless I'm really, really struggling financially.

There are people from high school who have finished college and are living at home, making OK money.. but they aren't paying any rent and just spend all the money they should be saving for a house on material things or lavish vacations BECAUSE they have no responsibilities other than a cell phone bill and maybe a car payment.

Obviously it isn't always like this.

I think people need to manage their own finances, live on their own/roommates, live away from home, etc. to find out who they really are and to learn to depend only on themselves. I couldn't go back home, but maybe I have a different personality / different goals in my life.

 

[KikiFan]

I would let my child live with me, as long as they were in school or if it was a transitional thing while they got back on their feet.

But I'm a big believer that young adults, especially women, absolutely need to live on their own for a while. I think it's a bad idea for a woman to go straight from her parents home to her husbands home. My mother and both my older sisters did that and I think that because they were afraid to be on their own, they stayed in unhealthy marriages longer then they should have. Adults need some time living on their own or with an actual roommate to develope some self reliance and esteem.

 

[NMAmy]

My dad lived at home until he married my mom at 32. It's not as weird as it sounds--his father died when Dad was 17. Dad put himself through college, then moved back home to help support his family and put both his brother and sister through college.

DD is only 18 and is planning on moving out on her own this summer. She always has a place to stay with me and I'm glad that she wants to be self-sufficient but I know she doesn't realize how hard it will be to go to college and support herself. I'm happy to be her fall back position.

Now, if she were 25 and not working and saving, then I'd be nudging her out of the nest. I can't see her doing that, though.

 

[monkey68]

I guess I should clarify, none of my friends that are still living at home are going out partying, staggering home drunk, and spending every cent they earn. I'm still in school, I have another 2 years to go, and I start my clinical rotations in the summer. The hospitals are all close to where my parents live, and my mom thought it was the stupidest thing for me to go and spend more money to get an apartment 10 minutes away from them. I kind of agree with her. The same is true for my other friends as well, they all are either saving or still in school. My boyfriend, while he probably could afford to move out and live on his own without a roommate, doesn't see the point when he could live at home rent free and save the money to buy something instead. He just finished school a couple years ago, since the pharmacy program is 6 years.

I agree that if they're not doing anything, the parent should put their foot down. But as long as they're living responsibly, or still in school, I don't think it's that big an issue.

 

[Tuffcookie]

I would much rather my kids stayed home until they were thru with their education and could support themselves. IMO, once they leave the nest, so to speak, I don't want them coming back home over and over again.

Oldest DS was home until age 25. He completed his education, got married, and is well established in his employment.

Youngest DS may be a little longer!

TC

 

[Nie0214]

I have nothing against anyone who is at home while going to college. It's the people who stay for years after.

 

[Vixen]

This is a cultural thing.. for example most of us hispanics live with our parents until we get married or move out with sombody i know in america its not that commen, when i go back to california im still gonna be living with mom and dad (thats if i dont get married with BF down here hahah) here in nicaragua you will see even 30 year olds living with there parents and they are no bums they have great jobs and pitch in the house with money

 

[korzmom]

my oldest dd26 just moved out and it was definetly time for her to go..yes she works but she never helped out . i was always nagging for her to just clean her room,if your going to spounge off your parents the least thing you should do is keep your space clean. i think its okay to stay if your going to school and or just getting started at a career.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I believe there is a cultural component. Even beyond that though I have seen more of a trend towards fully grown, out of school, adults living at home in recent years. I am not sure why that is.

For me, it never occurred to me to live at home after I graduated from college (the summer before my senior year was the last time I lived with my parents). My husband did not live at home after graduation.

For my own kids I would expect that they would move out and take care of themselves within a few moths of graduating from college (I can see needing a fwe months to ifnd a good job).

There are certainly valid reasons for moving back. My mom moved back in with her parents shortly after I was born when she and my dad split up. She needed a couple of years of lower bills and childcare help to get onto her feet as a single mom (never happened she and my dad got back together eventually, but that is another story). She worked and did not ask for baysitting except when working and she helped around the house, etc. She also was planning to get back out on her own as soon as was feasible.
Likewise, my SiL and her husband moved home for about 6 months when they wer eboth laid off a few years ago. Again it was temporary and they were working very hard every day on job hunting, helping around the house, etc.
I have also known people who stayed home to help an elderly or ill parent, etc.
All of those types of reasons make sense to me. Just to save money though strikes me (with my cultural bias) as not wanting to really grow up and take responibilty for oneself.

 

[mjkacmom]

I moved out a year after I got out of college, DH about 3 months after college (we both went away to college). The BEST advice my mom every gave me was to live on my own before getting married, to be self-sufficient. I was told I could live home until 25 (and pay a small amount of rent), but after being away at college, living at home felt like backtracking. Back in the day, it was unheard of having "kids" in their mid-twenties still living at home. I'm not raising children, I'm raising adults, and unless they have some sort of medical or financial misfurtune, I expect them to go to college, get jobs, and move out!