When in laws cause problems

[ConnecticutNonna]

WOW!

 

[NewRVLady]

DH took a while but finally realized his brothers happiness wasn't worth his own --his words. How quickly he forgot them!!


Thank you all for helping process my thoughts about this. I went through craigslist and found numerous people looking to rent out rooms. To me its the perfect solution...he wouldn't need money for security deposit or last months rent, some are charging as little as $100 a week - including everything! You can't beat that. I copied them and sent them to my husband, I said this is his only solution. He isn't living with us period, and certainly not for free so it makes more sense to me that he'd pay for at least his own room in someone else's home! Luckily I have a girls night out tonight, a rare luxury for this mama of 2 so I will enjoy my night, probably vent to my friends and hopefully feel better in the morning.

I hope he follows thru-BUT if he NEVER paid rent before to his MOM -who is to say he will pay for a room in a house? Or if they will take him???

 

[disykat]

YOU are not the one putting BIL on the street. He has done it to himself.

 

[arminnie]

I have a SS29 who is equally as worthless. I honestly do not care if he has to sleep in a ditch or under a bridge. Not my problem. I own my home free and clear and had it before I met DH. DH knows better than to even hint at SS coming for even a night. We have two homes and this one often sits empty for months. SS is still not welcome.

I do not enable *(&KYHH*&$^U%s.

 

[Forevermarypoppins]

I have a friend whose husband puts his brother and sister as #1/2 importance in his life. More so than her, more so than his own kids. He grew up in a broken home and his dad was (still is) an alcoholic. My friend asked me my opinion about it and I told her I thought her husband being the oldest must be the protector. Although all of them are in their 50's now, her husband still takes care of them.
Maybe the OP's husband feels some kind of obligation to help his brother.

I would not want this guy anywhere near my home or family either. Surround yourself with people who are positive and uplifting.

 

[barkley]

I hope he follows thru-BUT if he NEVER paid rent before to his MOM -who is to say he will pay for a room in a house? Or if they will take him???

from personal experience w/ family who mirrors the op's bil-while 'mom' never saw a penny of rent, utilities, contributions to/actual purchases of-food, items of personal hygiene need.....if it took cash out of pocket to move in w/someone and that someone wouldn't let um in the door absent that cash-and didn't feed um, provide.....you can be well assured that absent mom or some other sucker relative or friend who would take um in-that rent (and utility and food purchasing....) got paid.

 

[NewRVLady]

I have a SS29 who is equally as worthless. I honestly do not care if he has to sleep in a ditch or under a bridge. Not my problem. I own my home free and clear and had it before I met DH. DH knows better than to even hint at SS coming for even a night. We have two homes and this one often sits empty for months. SS is still not welcome.
when baby was 1 she posted a pic of him getting an MRI and joking that he just had his first Drug Test because ER thought he had digested some of this nut's drugs)
I do not enable *(&KYHH*&$^U%s.

arminnie- what is a SS29? I haven't seen that abbreviation before?

DH's nephew just kicked his girlfriend out ( mother of their 18 month old)... she was crying on Facebook that she was 'sleeping on the ground" because no one would let her crash.

We were relieved ( she has mental issues- when baby was one she posted pic of him getting and MRI and joking he just had his first drug test-ER docs thought he digested some of her pain meds/drugs-she thought that funny)

UNFORTUNATELY...... one week later she was back
(Their friend responded that Nephew was a good man and had put up with enough.. he has taken on lots of debt because of her...crashed car he just bought her.....she had pawned some of his belongings...put child in daycare and pretended to go to work....didn't come home one night....)

 

[Sue Sullivan]

I hope I am wrong but I have visions of the BIL being at the house when OP returns from her girls nit out.

 

[kimblebee]

arminnie- what is a SS29? I haven't seen that abbreviation before?

DH's nephew just kicked his girlfriend out ( mother of their 18 month old)... she was crying on Facebook that she was 'sleeping on the ground" because no one would let her crash.

We were relieved ( she has mental issues- when baby was one she posted pic of him getting and MRI and joking he just had his first drug test-ER docs thought he digested some of her pain meds/drugs-she thought that funny)

UNFORTUNATELY...... one week later she was back
(Their friend responded that Nephew was a good man and had put up with enough.. he has taken on lots of debt because of her...crashed car he just bought her.....she had pawned some of his belongings...put child in daycare and pretended to go to work....didn't come home one night....)

Not the quoted poster but I believe SS is short for stepson.. I could be wrong though.

 

[stitchfan75]

OP....I have lived this exact situation. My dh took it one step further and told me the person wasn't moving in and I came home to them setting up a futon in my dining room.
I eventually got them out but it took a huge toll on our marriage. That was 16 years ago and involved a lot of counselling after.
BIL hasty hit rock bottom...period. As long as people keep saving him he will continue to manipulate. It's called tough love, it sucks but you can't forfeit your happiness for someone else.

 

[jdb in AZ]

OP, did your marriage survive the night?

Our mooching manipulator has moved to Florida to be with his girl friend, so now he's mooching off her family. Last we heard he lost his temper with a little kid of the unlucky "host" so he's been sleeping outside on a lounge chair by the apartment pool. He was also caught shoplifting at WalMart last month. Every time we think he's hit rock bottom, he finds a way to sink lower.

 

[BadgerGirl84]

I'm curious to see how the renting a room idea went over with your DH and BIL.

 

[karensi]

I'm also curious as to what happened.
Any updates?

 

[DawnM]

Do you see anything in the BIL that would point to mental illness? If he has something along those lines, he may not be capable of holding down a job.

Please don't misread this, I am NOT saying you should take him in, just that maybe there is more going on.

 

[ronandannette]

Do you see anything in the BIL that would point to mental illness? If he has something along those lines, he may not be capable of holding down a job.

Please don't misread this, I am NOT saying you should take him in, just that maybe there is more going on.

There is always "more going on" since nowadays you can assign a pathology to practically every undesirable characteristic or behaviour pattern under the sun, but I don't see how that changes anything...

 

[DawnM]

There is always "more going on" since nowadays you can assign a pathology to practically every undesirable characteristic or behaviour pattern under the sun, but I don't see how that changes anything...

I understand this and it doesn't change what OP should do in terms of taking him in or not taking him in, but it may change what he really needs to do for himself.

 

[BadgerGirl84]

I hope the lack of updates means all is well with the OP and not that BIL has taken up residence....

 

[HM]

I hope the lack of updates means all is well with the OP and not that BIL has taken up residence....

I don't know. She's been away all weekend. I just can't think things are going too well. Sure hope I'm wrong.

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

No update?

 

[Wishing on a star]

We are all sending the OP best wishes and good vibes!!!

I am afraid that no news is not good news...
But, either way... sending my thoughts her way!