When Grandpa shouldn't drive anymore - what can you do?

[Handbag Lady]

You do everything you can to get the person to stop. Melt the keys, sugar in the gas tank, remove the spark plugs, pure reasoning, assistance from a doctor, the DMV, and family intervention....heck, lie and say a recall on the car happened and you heard about it over the internet.

After they hurt someone, you don't want to be the one saying that you should have done something earlier.

Their feelings over the loss of their ability to drive will never trump the life of an innocent person.

 

[SLP958]

You do everything you can to get the person to stop. Melt the keys, sugar in the gas tank, remove the spark plugs, pure reasoning, assistance from a doctor, the DMV, and family intervention....heck, lie and say a recall on the car happened and you heard about it over the internet.

After they hurt someone, you don't want to be the one saying that you should have done something earlier.

Their feelings over the loss of their ability to drive will never trump the life of an innocent person.

Or, tell them the truth. If he is not safe to drive on a freeway has no insight into his deficits he is likely even more confused than you realize. Lack of insight is a key sign in moderate to advanced cognitive deficits.

Report him to the doctor, DMV, insurance.
Explain that they have concerns and he will not be covered in the event of an accident.

So many times families wait too long and a major accident occurs.
His independence is not worth someone else's life.

 

[Arielle22]

Or, tell them the truth. If he is not safe to drive on a freeway has no insight into his deficits he is likely even more confused than you realize. Lack of insight is a key sign in moderate to advanced cognitive deficits.

Report him to the doctor, DMV, insurance.
Explain that they have concerns and he will not be covered in the event of an accident.

So many times families wait too long and a major accident occurs.
His independence is not worth someone else's life.

The problem with the bolded is that they don't believe you or they forget you had the conversation.

My BIL and his sister are the only relatives of their aunt. Last year she had a minor stroke and BIL took her car for repairs (legitimately) while she recovered.

She has not recovered and has gone downhill. She calls BIL many times a day and sometimes she rants about wanting her car. She had a cousin who was a lawyer who tried to tell BIL to give car back.

BIL told his aunt if she passed a driving test at the registry he would bring back the car. He got her a time scheduled and she forgot when the appointment was.

When the aunt tells BIL she is going to call the police for car theft, he tells her to go ahead and he will deal with whatever happens but she isn't getting the car.

My grandmother in law drove until she was over 90. She pulled out of a parking lot without looking and got hit by a mom and kids in a minivan. Luckily the family was ok but nana's van was totaled and there was significant damage to the family's minivan. She should never have been driving but my uncle in law lived in another state and had not visited lately ( my MIL was in assisted living herself so she couldn't help).

 

[SLP958]

The problem with the bolded is that they don't believe you or they forget you had the conversation.

My BIL and his sister are the only relatives of their aunt. Last year she had a minor stroke and BIL took her car for repairs (legitimately) while she recovered.

She has not recovered and has gone downhill. She calls BIL many times a day and sometimes she rants about wanting her car. She had a cousin who was a lawyer who tried to tell BIL to give car back.

BIL told his aunt if she passed a driving test at the registry he would bring back the car. He got her a time scheduled and she forgot when the appointment was.

When the aunt tells BIL she is going to call the police for car theft, he tells her to go ahead and he will deal with whatever happens but she isn't getting the car.

My grandmother in law drove until she was over 90. She pulled out of a parking lot without looking and got hit by a mom and kids in a minivan. Luckily the family was ok but nana's van was totaled and there was significant damage to the family's minivan. She should never have been driving but my uncle in law lived in another state and had not visited lately ( my MIL was in assisted living herself so she couldn't help).[/

The point is they should have long been stopped from driving by this point.

 

[Kellykins1218]

Rearrange his plug wires

Yep. My uncles did some rearranging in my Grandpa's car so he could still have his keys but not actually be able to go anywhere.

 

[mom2rtk]

DH has been "borrowing" his father's (87 yrs) truck for about 9 months now, ever since his dad's last traffic accident.

This is similar to what my husband did. He "took the car in to have the brakes looked at". Because his mother had dementia she was confused about how long the car was gone. Every week or so she'd ask if they were done with the car yet, and he said no. Then she'd move on to another topic.

OP, I feel for you. This is VERY hard. But please find a way.