When do you stop paying for your kids' cruises?

[allashore]

Trying to decide if I'm going to pay for my oldest daughter's cruise in 2020. She's going to be taking a gap year and working part time. I'm torn. I want to, but money doesn't grow on trees in our house. Curious what other people do/think.

would you be comfortable leaving a teenager home alone for an extended period of time?
maybe try a diff cruise line that is more reasonable, if this is a family vacation and she is family then pay her way
i would not want to be on a ship and not be able to get to one of my children that still lives in our house, if something happened, just b/c i wanted them to pay GUILT, would never forgive.
Once they go out on their own that is different. Away at college they can do whatever they want. If she goes away with friends that is diff, then up to you whether she pays for herself or not
how would dinners be every night? wondering what your other child is doing?

Adult children & grands is different, from reading above post, if that's what they want to do then go for it, can't take $$$ with you

just my thoughts since you asked

 

[cmph]

Every penny I earned during my high school and college years went to my college savings/expenses. I still graduated with debt, and there is no way I could have paid for a nice vacation even with a full time job soon after graduation. It wouldn't have been on my radar to allocate funds to vacations. I totally get wanting adult kids to be responsible, but if they are using their money for vacations - then they are taking that money away from another purpose, and I wouldn't want to ask them to make that choice in order to spend time with us. I personally will keep paying for my kids through undergrad years, b/c I'd rather they graduate with as little debt as possible and still want them to spend time with us. But it'll be with limits - like one trip per year, max, if that. And DH and I will travel at other times, guilt-free. After they are settled adults with full time jobs, we'll treat to one-off big trips, but with zero expectations or patterns - which is what our families did/do for us.

Whatever you decide, keep it consistent. I've seen situations where the eldest was cut off early on, and the rules loosened up (or were flung out the window) with subsequent siblings. I've witnessed how that affects adult relationships with parents, even 20 years later.

 

[MinnesotaMouseketeers]

We've paid for two cruises since our son turned 18.

Once when we went over Christmas, not going to take off without him for this holiday. And we told him we would pay for one more cruise to celebrate his graduation from college. We and one other couple that took their daughter who also graduated from college went on the 10 night Copenhagen, Norwegian Fjord, Iceland and Invergorden, Scotland cruise this past August.

Our son just landed a nice job in computer science and we told him from here on out he pays his own way if he wants to join us.

My wife and I will see if we hold strong on this for future cruises!

 

[JW9DVC]

When they expect it from you. If I choose that’s one thing. Yet if they always expect me to. Then they are SOL.

 

[MissDaisyofTexas]

My kids still have a few more years to go until they are grown (8, 10 and 14 right now). But when they are in college and older, I would love to be able to treat them to a cruise. I just know that I couldn't afford a vacation like that until I was in my 30s, as it's hard to save money in your 20s when you're finishing college and starting a new job with extra expenses like buying furniture and a car.

I don't see us doing it every year, but maybe as a special occasion (i.e. our 35th anniversary).

 

[darnheather]

would you be comfortable leaving a teenager home alone for an extended period of time?
maybe try a diff cruise line that is more reasonable, if this is a family vacation and she is family then pay her way
i would not want to be on a ship and not be able to get to one of my children that still lives in our house, if something happened, just b/c i wanted them to pay GUILT, would never forgive.
Once they go out on their own that is different. Away at college they can do whatever they want. If she goes away with friends that is diff, then up to you whether she pays for herself or not
how would dinners be every night? wondering what your other child is doing?

Adult children & grands is different, from reading above post, if that's what they want to do then go for it, can't take $$$ with you

just my thoughts since you asked

She wouldn't be alone as her dad doesn't travel with us, but yes I would thoroughly be ok with her being alone up to two weeks. We don't have other family in the area but she has many wonderful people in her life that could take care of her while we are gone. She is perfectly capable of cooking and I would be sad to hear of a 17 year old who couldn't cook for themselves. As I mentioned a few posts up I'm going to have her save for toward the airfare to help her learn about finances.

 

[darnheather]

Every penny I earned during my high school and college years went to my college savings/expenses. I still graduated with debt, and there is no way I could have paid for a nice vacation even with a full time job soon after graduation. It wouldn't have been on my radar to allocate funds to vacations. I totally get wanting adult kids to be responsible, but if they are using their money for vacations - then they are taking that money away from another purpose, and I wouldn't want to ask them to make that choice in order to spend time with us. I personally will keep paying for my kids through undergrad years, b/c I'd rather they graduate with as little debt as possible and still want them to spend time with us. But it'll be with limits - like one trip per year, max, if that. And DH and I will travel at other times, guilt-free. After they are settled adults with full time jobs, we'll treat to one-off big trips, but with zero expectations or patterns - which is what our families did/do for us.

Whatever you decide, keep it consistent. I've seen situations where the eldest was cut off early on, and the rules loosened up (or were flung out the window) with subsequent siblings. I've witnessed how that affects adult relationships with parents, even 20 years later.

Thankfully, she has a two year scholarship waiting when she goes back to school and her dad and I have saved up the remaining to years worth so she will not have to work during college or pay for any of it. She probably will work though as she adores her job and it's the place she plans to make a career with.

 

[mousefan73]

Whatever you decide, keep it consistent. I've seen situations where the eldest was cut off early on, and the rules loosened up (or were flung out the window) with subsequent siblings. I've witnessed how that affects adult relationships with parents, even 20 years later.

Very good point.. I have seen this too.. Doesnt have to be cruises, I have seen so many such cases ( one child get college paid for or wedding and others don't ).. Best was one daughter had wedding paid for in her 20s.. Other daughter got no money as she married mid-30s and reason was she was "an adult by then". Kinds like being super strict on the first born and one loosens up more by each additional child.

 

[CarolynU]

My kids are both in their thirties and married. I pay for all their cruises or any vacations we take together.
I am a widow, I’m retired with good pensions , savings and own my own place outright.
My kids have great jobs and salaries but have very high mortgages.
I’m making memories with them whilst I still can and that will lessen their inheritance but they understand that and am happy with the way I choose to spend my money.
They are having the benefit now rather than what’s left after all the tax payable.

 

[evedein]

I stopped paying for DD's vacations when she got married. I can't afford to pay for both of them & now they have 2 kids. Definitely out of my price range now. But I do miss our Mother- Daughter trips.

 

[cheermom2four]

We took a DCL Med cruise a year ago. It was a family cruise so I offered to pay for my 2 oldest kids and their spouses (they didnt have kids of their own at the time and my oldest DS and his DW ended up not going but my oldest dd and her dh went) as long as they paid their way to Barcelona and back plus their own food before and after cruise. it was my idea and the cruise with 7 people and 2 verandah cabins was actually cheaper than my eastern this coming march for 3 adults and 1 child (our youngest son is 18 so he's coming this trip also). I never got to take my 3 oldest kids on vacations when I was a single parent so I considered this our one big family vacation.

 

[ahain]

My daughter is a college senior and just turned 21. We will continue to pay/invite her to vacation with us as long as she is interested in doing so (at least for the foreseeable future). But just DD. We do not intend to invite or pay for boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse, etc.

 

[Chrissie & Kids]

I answered always, and that currently applies to my 3 children (DD 17 - high school senior, DS 22 - grad student, and DD 25 - living on her own and employed).

WDW, DL and DCL trips are family events and all of them are always invited and I cover the cruise, park tickets (or APs), meals and room (DVC villa on points).

When I was paying for their clothes and their food and their books I would still find a way to pay for their cruise, and now that I am no longer repsonnsible for those things, I am in the same or better position to provide them with these trips.

I don't want them to have to choose between saving for a house, paying down their student loans or coming on vacation with mom. I know the responsible decision would result in Mom loses everytime.

 

[MomOTwins]

As a practical matter, if you want her to come with you, I think you likely will have to pay. To begin with, what part-time employed student has the funds for a Disney Cruise? And even if she did, she would probably rather travel with her friends or a significant other, or on a solo trip, to a destination of her choosing. My parents pay for us to go on (sadly, non-Disney) vacations with them because if they didn't, I would just save my money and vacation days to go on the kind of trip I really want to take (Disney). Even knowing the vacation is free, it can be frustrating to be tied down to someone else's chosen itinerary, meals and activities, and doesn't feel as restful as doing your own thing. But I can't pass up a free vacation, even if it is not the one I would have chosen for myself.

That said, I don't think it is necessary for you to pay her way if you are okay with her not going. My parents go on vacations by themselves or with my sister all the time. And we go on vacations without them. It's only if they want me to take time off work and go to a place of their choosing where it matters if they are offering to pay or not.

 

[FSU Girl]

I guess what makes it a difficult decision for me is that I foresee many more years traveling with my youngest but not necessarily with my oldest. I had thought this coming PC trip would be the last. I do want her to travel with me but I also want her to learn to be responsible. I'm also not sure how much fun she'll have once she is in that in between 18-20 age.

My least favorite cruise was the last I did with my family when I was 18. I was only a few days into being 18, but wasn't allowed in the teen center. We did a trip to Alaska and there was very little for our age to do and the 18-20 group the cruise organized wasn't great. Was a different cruise line than Disney so I'm not sure how they handle things. My brother is two years younger than me and my parents did a few family trips with him that I didn't go on while in College. It would have just been too hard with schedules to do. Disney trips are expensive though, I know at 20 there would have been no way I could have afforded to go on one of their cruises without my parents help.

 

[siren0119]

Some of the decision may lie in whether you want this to be a "family" vacation (all children included) or you are "inviting" your kids to go on a vacation that you plan to take with or without them.

An example: My in-laws decided one year that they wanted to have a BIG family vacation - her parents, my in laws, all of their kids and spouses and grandkids. The family time was important so she footed the bill for the whole vacation. We were in a tough spot at the time and wouldn't have been able to go if we had needed to pay, but the question never came up. This was a family experience and our ability to pay wasn't part of the equation.

A few years later she and my FIL decided to do a week at a dude ranch in upstate NY. This was a vacation they were going on but had gotten a good rate, so she shared the booking details with all the kids. Whether we went or not was up to us, but so was paying for it. We opted not to go, my sister and brother in law did go. It was totally fine on all counts because we understood we were just being invited to take our own vacation at the same time as them.

 

[cgolf]

Our daughter cruised with us right up until she went to college which happened to coincide with our move from DCL to RCCL. We would have paid her way through college, since we are paying for that too lol, but she chose not to switch lines with us.

Our 2016 cruises on the Magic were great deals that we haven't been able to replicate. Once she is out of college and working, she will have to pay her own way if she wants to cruise with us. We were fortunate to be able to do a lot for her, but now it is mom and dad's turn to pay off the house and start thinking even more about retirement Oh yeah and of course a bunch more cruising

 

[WishUponAStarryNight]

It's a difficult, very personal, decision. From my point of view, teens and young adults should be learning about paying for necessities (clothes, car payment, car insurance, gas, cell phone, school books, etc.), allotting some money for their own entertainment (concerts, dinners out, movies), and saving the rest. I'm not sure how I would feel if my DS came to me at 19 and said he was going to take money saved from his part-time job to go on a cruise. It doesn't seem like the most responsible use of funds for someone just starting out. Sure, I'd expect him to pay for his own on board expenses, but if I wanted him to take the trip with me, I think I'd pay his fare. Saving for airfare may make sense and maybe paying for an excursion or two, but, otherwise, I'd be concerned that I was sending the wrong message by suggesting pricey trips are an appropriate way to spend hard-earned money when there's not a fair amount already saved in the bank.

 

[lklgoodman]

Years ago my dh's parents told us they wanted to do a family trip to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. They told everyone who was going on the trip several years in advance so that we could start saving for it. We all went on a DCL Alaska cruise. The traveling party consisted of my ILs, my dh's siblings and their spouses/kids, and then my dh, myself and our dd. Everyone paid their own way. My ILs probably would have helped with paying if anyone had needed it, no one did. My parents always told me and my siblings that once we graduated from college or got married we were on our own. My dh and I have already told our 10 year old dd the same thing. I was a teacher for many years, so I didn't make a lot of money. I certainly couldn't afford to go on expensive vacations when I first graduated from college so I didn't go on them. Everyone should do whatever works best for them.

Edit to add: On our first couple of cruises we paid for dd's souvenirs, now we make her pay for anything she wants herself. It's amazing how much junk she decides she doesn't really want now that she has to pay for it herself!!

 

[DVC Jen]

Right now yes. Because I still want a family vacation with them and they can't afford it. They are both working full time, but do not have enough left over for a Disney trip. Once they are making enough money to save for it and pay themselves - no. It will be on them.