When did you know the time was right to become parents?

[swea_pea1]

About 4 years after I had my first.

LMAO!

For me, it was when my "natural family planning" failed. Got ready, and right quick!

 

[Caradana]

Take your time ... these 20something years are so sweet. Spend your money seeing the world and living by your own agenda and your own calendar. It's a beautiful thing, and you can never get it back. (I'm 25, getting married in January, and we're thinking more about a beach house and Shanghai than kids).

 

[katerkat]

We decided to have kids around your age - I was 25, DH is 24 when Russ was born. We said "when DH finishes training" in the Air Force. Russ was conceived within a week of moving to DH's first permanent station.

For us, we have different priorities. Sure, we'd love to go out and travel and such, but the military seems to have a problem with short-notice trips. At least, for me. DH gets to go on a lot of them. Plus, we have enough to live comfortably, but not enough for really nice vacations. So we decided to have kids now, and if our timing works out, DH will be retiring from the military around when the kid(s) are heading off to college. Then we have the freedom to do what we want.

Plus, my grandmother died when I was young, my grandfather before I was born, and my other grandmother's mind was gone before I was 10. So I really wanted to let my son enjoy his grandparents while they're around, since it's something I didn't really have.

 

[beckmrk04]

bigolive9: wow- we do have pretty similar situations! It feels good to know that someone else has felt this!! Dh and I plan on starting to try in 6 months (I'm on meds until then), and essentially let things work themselves out. I just tend to get wrapped up in the details of things! Like another poster said, things happen for a reason.

And I dunno. I don't really feel a big itch to travel the world. I guess because we have already done a fair amount of traveling, I've been to France and took a nice long tour from Paris to Nice. We're ready for a family. It's just little things like careers, money, you know... the usual... that just make me worry, I guess. I am not a big fan of surprises. What can I say?

I love everyone's stories though!! Keep 'em coming!

 

[vetrik]

OP, we have (on the surface anyway ) the same situation. We are around the same age (25 and 27), with a cat and dog, married since May of '04. We are in the process of purchasing a house, and we have actually started trying for a baby. Like you, financially, we could be in a better place for a baby, but like others have said, you are never fully prepared. We both realize that I cannot stay at home with this first child due to finances, but are hoping to get things taken care of so that I can stay home with future children.
I am not sure what made us decide that we are "ready" to have kids- there are still days when I think I don't ever want to have children, just as a reaction to the state of the world today. Also, sometimes we do things and I think "I could not do this if we had kids." Other days, I wish I was pregnant now.
I know that we have been getting the "when are you going to have kids" question all the time recently, and I am sure you have also. I guess I can't really answer your original question, but have kids whenever you and your DH feel ready enough. Good luck whenever you do decide to expand your family.

Wow - I guess there are a few of us in the same situation. I am 25, DH is 27, we got married in May '04 also. We are currently house hunting (may put an offer on one today - I've been sick to my stomach all morning, it's so stressful). My mother just told me the other day that she is finally ready to be a grandmother (she had me at 23)

However, I still feel everyday that I am not ready to have kids yet - and I still can't imagine the day when I will want them, although I assume it will come. I want to own and be settled comfortably in our own house, I want to feel like I am totally ready to sacrifice the rest of my life because I have seen that once you become a parent, you are always and forever a parent.
I like our simple and easy life right now, where we can do what we want whenever we want basically, and I'm scared of a child taking over my life. I joke with my DH that when I think about having children I only see the bad, and he only sees the good. DH is ready to have kids now - he doesn't want to be an "old" dad. I think that for us, I hope that I will suddenly "feel ready", but I'm thinking if that doesn't happen, then I would like to start trying when I'm around 28 or 29.

 

[DisneyDmbNut]

I just knew.. I had a good job, DH has an awesome job.

I would rather have my kids when I am young (we are done) and enjoy my later years. DH can retire in 7 years..he won't because he will only be 52 and DD will be in high school then, but we could..we have his pension and the kids Florida Prepaid Plan is paid off..In 10 years, DD will be off to college and I will be 45...I plan on ALOT of travel!

 

[rt2dz]

my question is to all those parents out there: how did you decide when you were ready?

When the pregnancy test turned positive.

Seriously, you don't "know" until the day that baby pops out. For us, we wanted that baby. We wanted 3, maybe 4 (now have 3 and will definetly be going for for four at the end of the year). I was 26 and getting old to have a large family. Don't need to worry about that first one, it's the last one that scared me. We were emotionally ready. Secure in our relationship. No problems what-so-ever. It was just a matter of going for it.

Finicially, you are NEVER ready. But if you wait until you can afford them, you'll never have them. You have to give some things up, adjust others. But it does work itself out. That's the reason for baby showers--make your friends foot part of the bill. Hey, my in-laws raised 3 kids in a 2 bedroom apartment. If they could do it, we could do it. Especially since we are much better of finicially than they are.

 

[palmtreegirl]

DD was a surprise, she was born 1 month after our first anniversary I was 25, DH was 27. DS was planned and born 4 years later.

 

[CathrynRose]

Ummmm - the first time, was when the pregnancy test came back + ! !

The second one, was also - when the pregnancy test came back + !

 

[puffkin]

We are pregnant with our first child, and close to your ages....I am 25 almost 26 and DH is 27. We have been together 9 years. Lived together for almost two years before getting married in June '04.

I agree that you will never be financially ready for a child (unless you are independently wealthy or hit the lottery) however you can reach a point where you can "afford" it. The nice thing is, mother nature gives you 9 months to get your act together before the baby gets here.

We both knew for a long time that we wanted to be younger parents. I see my parents now in their early 50's with no kids/college to pay anymore and see how much they are enjoying their lives. Also, my mom (and inlaws) will be young, fun grandparents. I want the same thing when I reach their ages.

Another thing that clued us in to if we were ready was that we were starting to get too set in our ways, even at a very young age. Getting the dog (and then eventually the cat) helped us learn responsibility and taught us that things weren't always in our control. It was a great learning experience before taking the HUGE plunge of having a child.

OH, and just a warning, I was expecting it to take awhile to get pregnant. I was ready, but not quite ready if you know what I mean. I thought it would take at least 6 months or so and knew I would be ready then. Well, we got pregnant immediately, so I had to reevaluate things and mentally prepare for a baby sooner than expected.

 

[NMAmy]

If I had waited until I was ready, I'd probably still be waiting. (I'm a huge procrastinator!) DD was a surprise--I was 27 at the time and had been married for 5 years. I was on the pill and took them religiously. I always knew I wanted to be a mom but just couldn't make that final commitment. So, I look at it that this was fate's way of telling me that it was time. And it was. I can't imagine life without my darling daughter.

 

[VSL]

That's how I got here!! And how my mom knew it was time to become a parent!! And my mom was 20 when she had me...

Same here!

My mother was six months gone before she knew as well. Her only options were to keep me or give me up for adoption. She kept me, but I am half-adopted (by my dad - bio-dad didn't want me or anything to do with me).

I think it's different for different people. Some people conceive accidentally, some people just feel that the time is right, while others seem to prepare meticulously for it.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

I also feel you can be financially ready. We were married eight years before we had DS. I stayed at home for the first 3 years and now work 2 days a week.

We had a good time in our 20's. Partied, went out to bars and did numerous trips. It doesn't bother me now to stay home on a Saturday night, like some of my friends who had their children younger. They feel they missed out. Yes, granted we are the same age and they have teenagers and I have a 7 yo and a 2 yo, but for me it was right.

We went on trips prior to having children thinking we wouldn't travel with them, but we do. DH and I go away by ourselves once a year and then take the kiddies once a year. If we had kids in our 20's, we would have never been financially secure enough to do that. But then my friends kids are grown and they are still young. Another friend and I both had a child in our late 30's. We joke and say by the time they hit high school, we'll be attending their games with our walkers.

All depends what you want in life.

 

[chris1gill]

I feel sometimes as if I'm trying to overplan things, and that I'll wait until everything is *just right* and then I'll never have kids!!!

Just curious to hear other people's experiences and see if anyone else had this dillemma!!

Umm, you are absolutely correct in your statement....

You know when you're ready when the stick has a "+" sign on it LOL.... You've been married for a while, you both have jobs.... those are some good stepping stones in your lives

 

[froglady]

I didn't even marry until I was 25, almost 26, so that's the soonest I would have had one.

Then we wanted to wait until DH finished his residency (he was in his 1st year when we met, 2nd when we married, and had 5 more years to go) and fellowship, and were finally "settled." I had observed the residents who had families, and although it may have been the best choice for them, it was not the way I wanted my, and my children's, life to be.

We moved to FL for DH's practice in Feb, bought a house in Oct, and I was pregnant in Jan.

 

[mickeyboat]

I went off the pill my third year of law school (I was 24). I never got my period, but I wasn't PG. When I finally went to the doctor to get it checked out she said I might have trouble conceiving. I guess that made me ready to start trying. We were probably emotionally ready to have a child, but definitely not financially ready. After two PG losses and 3 1/2 years, we had Hannah, and by then we were definitely ready.

I think we would have had a lot of trouble trying to decide when or even if we would have another one. But Emily was a little surprise born less than a year later.

I don't think you will ever feel completely ready. I mean adding to your family is a huge step into the unknown.

Good luck.

Denae

 

[luvwinnie]

Actually it was my oldest ds who decided it was time I become a parent. I was on the pill when I got pg with him (and yes I took it every day).

I know it's POSSIBLE, just hearing it freaks me out!

 

[justhat]

Add me to the camp of 'when I saw the 2 lines on the stick'. But seriously, we knew we wanted to be young and had planned to start ttc around 9 months from the time we found out I was already pregnant. We were both 23 when our daughter was born, and had planned to be 24 so not a huge difference. Like Katerkat said, we wanted our kids to have lots of time with grandparents, and also parents as I lost my dad when I was 17 and we had both lost grandparents as kids. I had a great relationship with my maternal grandmother and she died when I was 19 so I wanted to be sure my kids had lots of time with my mom too.

Now we're both almost 26 and expecting surprise #2 in August-once again, we planned to start ttc just about 9 months from the time we found out #2 was already on its way.

I wouldn't worry about things like travelling and going out on Saturday nights. We still travel just as much as we used to, and what will limit us starting in June is my husband's job, not having a 2yo. Madison has gone everywhere with us from the time she was 2 weeks old. We decided we wanted to go somewhere, we'd pack her up and head on out. So far she's been to WDW 6 times, DL, Las Vegas, Minnesota, Cleveland, New Orleans, Myrtle Beach, NJ/NYC, Phoenix/Tucson, 2 cruises, and we'll be taking her to WDW, DL, New Orleans, and the Dominican Republic all before the end of May. So having kids will not mean an end to your life. No, we don't go see movies every week like we used to, but there are babysitters around if you want to do that. We just choose to rent a movie and watch it after she goes to bed, but that's just our preference. We have plenty of time to ourselves when we want it, but enjoy spending time together too so we haven't really found that our daughter cramps our lifestyle. If you're the type of couple who enjoys getting out a lot, you'll still find ways to do that when you have kids. Oh, and we were not financially ready either, nor would we have been had the baby come on schedule, but we felt that the benefits outweighed that negative.

 

[kimwim8]

We both knew for a long time that we wanted to be younger parents. I see my parents now in their early 50's with no kids/college to pay anymore and see how much they are enjoying their lives. Also, my mom (and inlaws) will be young, fun grandparents. I want the same thing when I reach their ages.

That's exactly what I wanted. My parents got married when mom was 18 & dad was 19. They had us 3 girls by the time my mom was 25. I loved having young parents and I wanted to be a young parent too. I was actually stressing when I got prego with DD at 25 that I felt "too old". I know now that that's crazy...But I got married at 23, had DD at 25 and had DS at 28. I love the way it all turned out. I'm 32 now, and love every minute of being their mom.

Sounds to me like you're ready. Waiting 6 months is no big deal. And even though you've said that, if you change your mind, that's ok too! I am like you in that I wasn't looking to accomplish anything in my 20's. I had my career, I had my house and I had my man. I was ready! haha

Good luck no matter what!

 

[VSL]

Add me to the camp of 'when I saw the 2 lines on the stick'. But seriously, we knew we wanted to be young and had planned to start ttc around 9 months from the time we found out I was already pregnant.
. . .
I wouldn't worry about things like travelling and going out on Saturday nights. We still travel just as much as we used to, and what will limit us starting in June is my husband's job, not having a 2yo. Madison has gone everywhere with us from the time she was 2 weeks old. We decided we wanted to go somewhere, we'd pack her up and head on out. So far she's been to WDW 6 times, DL, Las Vegas, Minnesota, Cleveland, New Orleans, Myrtle Beach, NJ/NYC, Phoenix/Tucson, 2 cruises, and we'll be taking her to WDW, DL, New Orleans, and the Dominican Republic all before the end of May. So having kids will not mean an end to your life. No, we don't go see movies every week like we used to, but there are babysitters around if you want to do that. We just choose to rent a movie and watch it after she goes to bed, but that's just our preference. We have plenty of time to ourselves when we want it, but enjoy spending time together too so we haven't really found that our daughter cramps our lifestyle. If you're the type of couple who enjoys getting out a lot, you'll still find ways to do that when you have kids. Oh, and we were not financially ready either, nor would we have been had the baby come on schedule, but we felt that the benefits outweighed that negative.

ITA. I definitely want to be done by the age of 30 (I'm 21 now). I guess it also helps that my BF and I are not 'going out' types anyway, and anywhere we'd want to go would be suitable for a child as well.

Don't get me wrong, we're not ambitiousless (is that even a word?!) - in fact, my BF has plans to do his PhD in Psychology next year and plans on either becoming a Clinical Psychologist or getting involved in research, and I have athletic goals that I want to meet and exceed, but it's what we want.

We also want for me to be a SAHM (much to my mother's horror..).

Congratulations, BTW!