When did you know the time was right to become parents?

[beckmrk04]

So, DH and I have been together going on six years, married since Oct. 04, and we're both out of school. We both feel emotionally that we are ready to be parents, but that financially, we could be better. We are still young (me-almost 25, dh-26), but my question is to all those parents out there: how did you decide when you were ready? Was it a surprise so you just got ready real quick? Did you wait until later in life? I feel sometimes as if I'm trying to overplan things, and that I'll wait until everything is *just right* and then I'll never have kids!!!

Just curious to hear other people's experiences and see if anyone else had this dillemma!!

 

[ElizK]

If you wait until you are financially ready, you will never have kids! Look at whether you are financially able to be a stay-at-home mom (if that's the plan), ready for the commitment and responsibility of being a parent. I was very ready when we had our older DD, but I think the responsibility came as a shock to my DH. It took him a little while to catch up. Tough times! We were a bit younger than you (I was nearly 24, DH nearly 26, when she was born).

You're doing the right thing talking it all out. You'll hear over and over how your life will never be the same once your baby is born... and it's true! But that's not a bad thing. Wouldn't change a thing!

 

[Mishetta]

Well, we really didn't plan it but it was a good thing that it happened since I was already 35 (& my Dh was 27.) I was NOT really ready though & even though my oldest is 10 y/o & my youngest is 4 y/o ~ I'M STILL NOT READY!!

Don't keep putting off till you're financially ready ~ that will NEVER happen. I would recommend having your kids at a younger age than I did. I feel too old to be a Mom of a now 4 y/o. I was 45 running after a 3 y/o & that was no fun.

Good luck to you!

 

[Hannathy]

Enjoy your 20's. You can do the same thing in your 50's and 60's but you can't do the same things in your 60's that you do in your 20's. You have plenty of time. I disagree I think you can get to a place financially you can be ready. I knew I wanted to stay home so I worked full time and extra to get all our student loans out of the way, We bought a house and paid off the cars, and all the credit cards. With only a mortgage I could afford to stay home and I haven't regretted it for a minute. We had a lot of fun in our 20's, impromtu trips to the city, weekends away - without checking 3 soccer schedules and homework. Have fun, get your finances more stable and when you are ready you will know it you have a lot of time IMO.

 

[AMcaptured]

You are still very young IMO. My husband and I were married 8 years before we had our daughter. We built our house after we were married 3 years and it took us 5 years before we felt we were financially ready to welcome a child into our life.

I am not sure if you want to own a home or do already but I think that should be a consideration if that is something you dream about.

In my opinion, if you have to ask strangers on a message board this particular question then you probably are not ready to start a family yet. You still have quite a few years before you have to worry about being to "old"

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

I knew it was the right time when I got knocked up. There was no turning back after that!

Btw, I don't think you should have to wait if you really don't want to. I had my dd at 21 and I enjoyed my 20's just as much as anyone else. It was just a different type of joy.

 

[beckmrk04]

In my opinion, if you have to ask strangers on a message board this particular question then you probably are not ready to start a family yet.

While I respect your opinion, I am NOT asking people when or if I should have kids- let me make that very clear. My husband and I will decide that. In fact, we have decided to wait at least another 6 months before trying. In my original post I simply asked for people's experiences, wondering if other people had gone through a similar experience. Please don't judge my readiness or maturity based on one post. And I don't "have" to ask strangers- I just like to hear other people's stories! I already know what the important people in my life have to say.

And yes, we do own a home, which we purchased a year ago and have spent the last year renovating.

 

[NJBlackBerry]

DW and I had been married for over seven years, owned a home and had good jobs. Never thought about a family. Never really wanted one.

We were flying home from WDW (yes..) and we looked at each other and literally both said - "It's time". DD was born 11 months later.

Answer: when you are ready..

 

[MoniqueU]

About 4 years after I had my first.

 

[goodeats]

We are 27 right now (been married for about two years), and we don't feel ready yet. We want to travel together for a bit (Scotland, Alaska, etc) and get to a slightly better place financially. Yes you shouldn't wait until everything's perfect, but you can wait until you're more comfortable. I'd really like to be a SAHM, and in Southern California I can't do that right now. We just bought our first place, and I don't want to have children there. I think 30 or 31 will be the right age for us. My parents were 31 when I was born and my DH's were 32 and 35. I guess it seems normal to me to have kids in your 30's. Some of my friends are having kids now, and I think there parents had them young too. It's just what you feel comfortable with.

Of course if it happened by 'surprise' then we'd be overjoyed. I can't wait to be a mom, but I'd like to wait a bit.

 

[luvdzne]

Let's see.......DD #1 is 11 and DD #2 is 7.......hummmmmm ask me 11 years from now when DD #2 turns 18 I'll let you know

 

[Aidensmom]

I knew it was right when the at-home test was positive.

Personally, I think if you want a child and are financially able to feed and cloth it, then the time is right. You can spend your whole life trying to plan out the "perfect" time to have one.

 

[4greatboys]

Actually it was my oldest ds who decided it was time I become a parent. I was on the pill when I got pg with him (and yes I took it every day).

 

[Sylvester McBean]

I knew it was right when the at-home test was positive.

I was going to say the same thing, the EPT test didn't lie. we were both 24. I think we were better off having our daughter early. at 36, I can't imagine doing it again. like it or not, if it happens you'll learn to be ready really quickly.

 

[aprilgail2]

I decided once I was financially secure and had a house for my child to grow up in and not an apartment that it was time to have my daughter...but for others they are fine with not waiting and raising their child in an apartment-its all a personal choice...I wanted it the way I wanted it and others wanted it the way they wanted it and some had no choice in the matter LOL...but when you are ready you will know it! I personally wouldn't have had a kid in my 20's...to much for me to still see and do without kids...once I was in my 30's I was ready.

 

[beckmrk04]

Actually it was my oldest ds who decided it was time I become a parent. I was on the pill when I got pg with him (and yes I took it every day).

That's how I got here!! And how my mom knew it was time to become a parent!! And my mom was 20 when she had me, 24 when she had my sis, 27 when she had my brother. She loved having kids young. I'm more of a middle ground sorta person, I think. It's funny, because I think when Mom was my age, she already had one almost in Kindergarten!

 

[MrsKreamer]

Well, I like so many others felt I was ready about 7 months into my first pregnancy. We were suprised with #1 and #2 for that matter, both while taking the pill every day, next time we are trying a different method ) Anyway I really enjoy being a young mother. I am 23 and will be done(youngest should be 18) by the time I am in my mid 40s. Dh and I will be in a better position for our time then. My aunt and uncle just turned 42 and they have a 3 y/o and a 6y/o. No thank you. I wish we all had a magic timer that said, yes you are ready...
Don't let anyone discourage due to age though. You just might miss out on the best years of your life.
ETA: Even if DS was planned he still would have arrived around my 25th b-day. Women in my family tend to need hysterectomies anywhere btw 35-45. So I always knew if I wanted kids I had to have them young.

 

[LisaNJ25]

When at 17 the line turned blue

 

[tammyandtommy]

Well I have had some crazy cicumstances....... I got pregnant the summer before my senior year in high school. Tom was a freshman in college. We split for a year, you know hormones and all. After our first child was born we grew up and got back together to see if we could make it work! We have worked hard to keep things together. We have been together for 12 wonderful years! Married for 10 this October! In those 12 years we have added one more to our clan, and then got Tom snipped!

So the moral to my story is, dont stress I think everything happens for a reason, I got knocked up in high school, which made me grow up and see what was right in front of me, it also opened doors to experiences that I would never have had with out getting pregnant at a young age. I have a great husband, 2 beautiful children, and Tom and I have both went back to college, I graduate in Sept from nursing school, and he graduates in a few years. We are better for our little oops, but you could have fooled me at the time! LOL

You two will decide when its right and if it happens before or after, just keep in mind everything happens for a reason!

 

[bigolive9]

OP, we have (on the surface anyway ) the same situation. We are around the same age (25 and 27), with a cat and dog, married since May of '04. We are in the process of purchasing a house, and we have actually started trying for a baby. Like you, financially, we could be in a better place for a baby, but like others have said, you are never fully prepared. We both realize that I cannot stay at home with this first child due to finances, but are hoping to get things taken care of so that I can stay home with future children.
I am not sure what made us decide that we are "ready" to have kids- there are still days when I think I don't ever want to have children, just as a reaction to the state of the world today. Also, sometimes we do things and I think "I could not do this if we had kids." Other days, I wish I was pregnant now.
I know that we have been getting the "when are you going to have kids" question all the time recently, and I am sure you have also. I guess I can't really answer your original question, but have kids whenever you and your DH feel ready enough. Good luck whenever you do decide to expand your family.