When children (an adults) stare.

[henri + katie's mum]

My son is getting to the age where he notices people's differing abilities.

Would anyone care to share some approaches I could take with my son to educate him about people with differing abilities? (I don't even know if "differing abilities" is an appropriate term.)

I can tell him not to stare, but that doesn't answer his questions.

I've often thought I could take my son over to a person in a wheelchair and ask him/her to explain why they use it. I guess that would be rightfully intrusive for some people though. So, what do you suggest?

Thanks.

FYI - My son is only three, but you don't have to limit your response to his level. Maybe the level of a child under 10.

 

[alizesmom]

Different people respond differently to being asked. I appreciate the candor and curiousity of children when they ask about Alize. I don't mind most adults either. What I do mind is people who approach me to ask but basically do not attempt to interact with Alize. That is just plain wrong. Also, be aware that many are medically fragile. If you or your child is sick, save your curiousity for another day. Karen

 

[LindsayDunn228]

Please don't approach someone in with a disability and ask them to explain to your son.

1. It's neither you nor your son's business what their disability is and how they came about it.

2. It's your job to educate your child, not the disabled person's.

A simple answer to "why is that lady/man in a wheelchair?" could be "they probably just have some trouble getting around." Short, sweet, and to the point.

If you walked up to me with a child and asked me why I was in a wheelchair, I would probably ask, "Are you kidding me?" It's intrusive. Now if a child walks up alone and genuinely inquires, I talk to them. Being a paraplegic, my answer is, "I can't walk and my wheelchair helps me get around."

I hate to sound huffy, but it's just a warning to what you may come across if you use this method. Teach your child that if they don't like people/kids to stare at them, don't stare at others. A good "do unto others" moment.

If I can be of any help, please PM me. I was injured at age 6 and grew up disabled so I have a different perspective on things.

 

[Sunbeamblue2002]

The first thing I would tell him is that watch what he says. To walk around using the word "retard" or "don't be retarded" is as hurtful as a racial surl.
Also a good and safe way is the contact a local Nursing Home and adopt a Gandma or Aunt. The staff will be glad to have someone come in and talk to you about diffent ablities as well as a smiling face to come in a visit every once in a while. These things might help him understand that we are all part of one big community of life and every person has some value.

 

[KPeveler]

i've explained my cane to kids as just like their mommy's (who whoevers) glasses. "you know how aunt betty needs glasses to see better? well, i/that person uses a cane to walk better."

if you son asks questions of someone, i think its ok... but i have had adults ask me "whats wrong with you?" (not that you would be that rude!) and my answer is usually something like "none of your business" or "nothing has worked right since the aliens have abducted me"

i generally encourage kids to ask questions, so they learn to see me, and not my mobility device

btw, good for you for asking... too many parents just tell their kids not to stare, but never explain anything...

 

[Mason7AK]

My DS is 5 yrs old and in a wheelchair. He is cognitively right on track for his age. He is a curious little guy too, and he never minds other kids asking him why he is in a wheelchair. He usually responds with " Jesus made me different" . He doesnt quite understand yet about his Spina Bifida. We still get questions like "Will I be able play football?" and recently he said to me out of the blue (even though we have talked about his disability since he was tiny) "You mean I won't EVER be able to walk??". And like other children, he is curious about others with disabilities. You would think he would understand to some extent other people in wheelchairs, but he has asked me before why "that man uses a wheelchair like me" or even "why does that person have only one arm" etc. So I have to educate my disabled son just the same as you have to educate your typically developing son. I have found it best to just talk with him about all people being different. That some can walk and some cannot, some can see and some cannot, and some can hear and some cannot...you get the picture, and that all are special in their own way.
Another thing about kids in wheelchairs...maybe adults too...please, please teach your son not to come up to the wheelchair user and hang on the wheelchair, play with the wheelchair or try to push the wheelchair .
That can be so annoying to the child (and/or adult). My son considers his wheelchair part of his personal space and he HATES for other children to mess with it! Now, if he invites them to push him, thats another story! Just an FYI that those not in wheelchairs might not realize.
Angela

 

[livndisney]

While I appreciate the desire to want to educate your son, I am not sure I want to be part of the lesson. I know my DD gets very upset when a stranger starts asking questions and then our day is ruined. Most of the time when I go to WDW I want to "forget" the disabilities. I want to just spend time with my family. I don't want to be a sideshow, just a family enjoying the day together.

That said I would suggest reading some books to your son that show people with different abilities. I believe Clifford and Sesame Street have several books you might want to check out. The Clifford series on TV has a young girl in a wheelchair as does Barney.

 

[loadsapixiedust]

I applaud the OP for wanting to educate her child in a sensitive way, you first you need to educate yourself so you have the means to answer his questions. It's not fair to expect to approach people with disabilities for answers. While I have no problem answering questions about my DS or his disability, he finds it upsetting at times, so it's not a great way to approach a stranger. Better that you educate yourself about a wide range of disabilities and then you can pass on your knowledge to your son in language that he can understand and at an appropriate time and place.

I think it's more important that you teach your child about the things which make us all the same rather than those which make some of us different. We are all people after all.

There are some excellent childrens books which would be a good starting point for some discussion about disability.

 

[Mickiethepooh]

I am another one that votes for leave me alone, don't come up and ask what is wrong with me. I have had salesmen in stores ask me that when I am on my scooter, guess who does NOT get the sale.
But I think it is funny when little kids point and say why is that lady driving a car in the store?

 

[Daydreamer64]

I just tell my kids that the person in the chair or acting different, just needs some support, that they are just the same as us but use a different way to get around or communicate.

One thing I learned is that it can be demeaning to be in a chair and be spoken "about" instead of to! I have been broken my ankle four times and was chair bound after the last time for a few weeks- it didn't matter where I was, most people addressed my Dh if they thought that I needed something. I must have looked really odd one time, my leg was under the table- so it was hidden, because we were dinning out and the server asked my DH if I would like a refill on my drink? I immediately motioned with big wavy arms for another server, who came right away, and asked her if she thought our server would like to give me a refill on my drink- the look that I got was great! I then proceeded to tell server #1 that most people in a chair are quite able to speak, do speak to them and if they are not able to communicate, then their care giver will speak for them.

 

[KPeveler]

Another thing about kids in wheelchairs...maybe adults too...please, please teach your son not to come up to the wheelchair user and hang on the wheelchair, play with the wheelchair or try to push the wheelchair .
That can be so annoying to the child (and/or adult). My son considers his wheelchair part of his personal space and he HATES for other children to mess with it! Now, if he invites them to push him, thats another story! Just an FYI that those not in wheelchairs might not realize.
Angela

Thanks for pointing this out... i have had random people lean or hang on my wheelchair... i wanted to say, listen you touching my chair is like if i walked up and grabbed your butt it is MY space. if a child wants to touch, and asks, that is fine. but please teach them to respect the space. same goes for service dogs - they are not pets, so kids should learn not to pet them without asking first.

thanks for asking about this... it is much better than making up answers for you kids, which might be wrong (not that you would be wrong on purpose, but unless you have been in a chair or have a family member who is, then you wouldnt necessarily know)

 

[merryweather20]

I'm fairly new at needing my wheel-chair but I'd have to agree with the above posters, my medical history is probably a little peronal to go into with random strangers.

At three probably all he needs to is that some people need help getting around. A little older, and you could explain that there are lots of different reasons someone might need one from helping injuries to heal for a short period (as above), or due to progressive illnesses like Arthritis etc. and that the person may be able to walk by themselves but they do need the chair to get around a store or Disney etc.

I also second the posters above who suggested teaching him not to touch someone else's wheel-chair and treating everyone the same. These are both things so many people don't understand. When I started using my chair I was floored at the amount of people who would come up with out asking and push my chair to "help" me out. I hadn't technically been out, except to work and the doctors in more than a year, but I was sure I'd never would have done the same thing.

 

[OneLittleSpark]

I must have looked really odd one time, my leg was under the table- so it was hidden, because we were dinning out and the server asked my DH if I would like a refill on my drink? I immediately motioned with big wavy arms for another server, who came right away, and asked her if she thought our server would like to give me a refill on my drink- the look that I got was great! I then proceeded to tell server #1 that most people in a chair are quite able to speak, do speak to them and if they are not able to communicate, then their care giver will speak for them.

​

OK, I will have to do this some time!! I love it!! Thank you so much for making me laugh so much I cried!!

OK, and back to the serious stuff (if I can keep a straight face long enough), I'll agree with what everyone else has said. Everyone in this world has differences and similarities. It might be helpful to relate unfamiliar situations to familiar ones, as K suggested. So and so wears glasses to help them see, some people use a stick or a wheelchair to help them get around. The whole "everyone is different and everyone is special" line works for me.

OK, sorry if this is a bit garbled, the brain's gone and I'm still trying to suppress a giggling fit! Thank you for asking, though!

 

[Earstou]

...please, please teach your son not to come up to the wheelchair user and hang on the wheelchair, play with the wheelchair or try to push the wheelchair .
That can be so annoying to the child (and/or adult). My son considers his wheelchair part of his personal space and he HATES for other children to mess with it!

This goes for ECVs, too. Please teach your kids not to hang on them, sit on the back, or continually bump into them!
I couldn't believe the number of kids that did that at WDW while we were in lines. I have equilibrium problems, and the constant jiggling made me dizzy and nauseous! My dh and I were constantly telling kids to move away from the scooter!

 

[Janet Hill]

Once while at WDW, my daughter (6 at the time) asked me why a man was in a wheelchair. Before I could answer my 8 year old son who has asperger's interjected:

It's obvious his legs don't work. Lots of people have problems just like Daddy's pancreas doesn't work and I have problems sometimes. ..and you, well you're just annoying.

 

[Earstou]

Once while at WDW, my daughter (6 at the time) asked me why a man was in a wheelchair. Before I could answer my 8 year old son who has asperger's interjected:

It's obvious his legs don't work. Lots of people have problems just like Daddy's pancreas doesn't work and I have problems sometimes. ..and you, well you're just annoying.

Brothers can be sooo nice sometimes!

 

[Michigan]

Once while at WDW, my daughter (6 at the time) asked me why a man was in a wheelchair. Before I could answer my 8 year old son who has asperger's interjected:

It's obvious his legs don't work. Lots of people have problems just like Daddy's pancreas doesn't work and I have problems sometimes. ..and you, well you're just annoying.

 

[OneLittleSpark]

Thank you for sharing that one!

 

[pcparamedics01]

I have a child with Autism. People do not know he is Autistic until he does something to highlight himself. I was in an Eckerd one day and there was a older woman with her mother that would scream in her conversation aimlessly. Some kind of Syndrome. I cannot remember. Now it was tough to explain to him why we should not stare and laugh. I proceeded to tell him to to not look or stare at people, for all people are different just like you.

Even as a young child I was always told not to stare. To this day I look away! It is the polite thing to do. I would not explain about every disability. I would merely tell your child not to stare at anyone that is different because it is rude! I just kept on telling him not to stare and laugh because it is rude, and if he continued he would make her sad and he stopped.

 

[Cheshire Figment]

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