When children (an adults) stare.

[WildGrits]

When someone says stares, I don't know if they mean to notice or to actually get that glazed looks like a cow.

I don't think there is anything wrong with noticing someone who is different then what you are use to. I can't remember my girls ever pointing out someone in a W/C. I do remember years of my youngest pointing out every overweight person she saw. I was so happy when that ended.

I'm not in a W/C personally but I do think it would be very intrusive to go up to someone and ask why they are in a W/C.

I have to say that I am guilty for pointing out someone to my kids in the mall once. He had, excuse my ignorance as to what this is really called, a prosthetic leg that looked like a spatula. I had only seen them on TV before during the marathons. I thought it was the coolest thing. I did stare but it was out of total awe. Yes I know, shame shame I know your name.

 

[WildGrits]

Once while at WDW, my daughter (6 at the time) asked me why a man was in a wheelchair. Before I could answer my 8 year old son who has asperger's interjected:

It's obvious his legs don't work. Lots of people have problems just like Daddy's pancreas doesn't work and I have problems sometimes. ..and you, well you're just annoying.

Got to love that whole Autism Spectrum and lack of filter. We have one of those at home too.

No please, tell me how you really feel.

 

[dclfun]

I don't like to be approached either to ask to explain my disability. Usually when this happens, the parent will tell me that their child is curious and they seem to feel that it's proper to use me as their teacher. I've even seen kids who weren't curious or staring, etc. be encouraged by their parents to ask about my disability as if I'm a "lesson". They then leave the conversation with a satisfied smile as if they've given some great educational experience to their child and I leave the conversation feeling quite "used". I agree that the parent is the teacher and not the person with a disability. It's also best if the parent is going to talk about me, my equipment, etc. that they not speak so loudly that I can hear the conversation. No one likes being "talked about".
I esp. appreciate NOT being asked by a child ( or adult ) if they can pet my SD. It gets exhausting to be constantly asked and if I allowed everyone to pet my SD who "asked nicely" she'd be touched all day long. There's nothing that gives me more grief than to be somewhere and I hear in the background, very loudly,..."go ask the lady if you can pet her dog...it's okay to ask". No, it isn't okay. It's actually a felony to interfere with a service dog team which includes distracting the dog, petting, etc. Now if a child comes up to me on their own, I don't mind explaining my equipment or how Skye helps me. There's nothing wrong with spontaneous, natural curiosity and I'm not offended by that. As to staring, it's culturally rude in any circumstance and would make anyone uncomfortable, regardless of if they're disabled or not. ---Kathy

 

[missypriss19]

I wish your children would be able to talk to my spouse instead of some of the other people that have posted on this site. He loves talking to children about his chair and the reason for him being in it. Children are naturally curious. I do agree that your children need to taught proper manners with any person being disabled on not. I have always taught my son that if God had made us all the same it would be a very boring world. That is why people are tall, short, thin, fat, balck, white, brown, wear galsses, have different colored eyes, and different ways to get around. You just need to be trueful with you children and give them answers appropiate for their age.

 

[henri + katie's mum]

Thank you for all the different perscpectives.

You have given me some things to think about and some different ways to educate my son.

I do understand that what one person is comfortable with, others may not be.

Thanks again.

 

[luvyawdw]

I hesitated to post but I will share my and our daughters thoughts on this .
First, we have 2 daughters, one 19 and one 13. Our 13 year old has physical impairments that have required her to be in Phys and Occ therapy since age 17 months, multiple surgeries and part time in a wheelchair. Academically she is a between a 3.8 and 4.0 student in the eighth grade . She appears very thin and tiny. 52 inches and 45 lbs. Our oldest daughter is what is considered "normal" in physical appearance, but has her own issues that are different than everyone elses. How so ? We are all different some how. Some things are visible some are not. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Our 13 year old has strengths in areas of her life that far surpass her sisters, and vise-versa.
So getting to the question on how to educate your child about people who are "different" or using assitive devices to get around and the issue of staring or asking them questions...............hmmmm. I would not suggest going up to anyone and asking them to explain to your child anything about thier impairments that are visable . I can't ask you how this would make you feel because honeslty it is not possible to put ourselves in their place and say " Well, I wouldn't mind if I were them". Our daughter is very outgoing, extremely positive and very beautiful. When people ask her what is wrong with her it makes her feel that they are not seeing her, just her disablity. Do you see my point ? It also brings attention to a personal issue in our daughters life that she would like to not think about all the time, when some one asks her or worse stares, boom its a reminder just when she may be having a great time! When I see children stare (depending on the age) I as Beths parent get very offended. Staring is very rude. I think we can usually tell if its a curious youngster with a little smile or a rude teenager whispering to their friends. I have to say what is worse is Adults who stare , or allow their children to stare . Educating your child at a young age is a great way to respect everyone. Hypothetically, if you were walking around one day with a sad look on your face because something happened in your life that was, well, sad, would you like it if I came up and said "what happened to you?"
I hope this makes some sense to you. I get a little emotional when I am explaining our take on this, so you see how a question like this can affect someones day I don't want to seem harsh either, we are just not that type of family, I just wanted to express honest feelings . Maybe if we can give you some insight your son will be an up and coming leader in his generation to be kind and polite in an area that is lacking in our society.

 

[Mrsjvb]

I have to comment on the whole talking over issue that many of you have commented on.

While I do not use a wheelchair at home(yet, somehow I don't think that will last much longer), After attempting to do AK and failing miserably, we went and got me one for the rest of our trip 2 weeks ago. The castmembers, to a person, all spoke to ME when it came to directions on where to go and whatnot. The only problem is, DH is deaf in one ear due to some surgeries he has had, and coupled with the fact that the background noise is never what you would call quiet.. he almost never got the actual directions, so he'd be trying to steer me one way and I am like..no we gotta go there, the CM said so!. Would have been a lot less stressful if they had just spoken to him anyway..heheheh

 

[thop529]

I have no probalem at all talking to a child about my disability. If they ask me I'll tell them what the problem is.

Most people don't stare anymore. Now I have had some people while getting out of my van will actually stop and watch my every move. That is when my patients go out the window. I have gotten out of my van a couple of times and really loudly will say...."TA DA" like I have just done a trick. In fact I have seen a t-shirt that says on it..."Keep staring...I may do a trick". I have thought many times about buying it but never have.

Just let your child know that there are people out there who does not do everything like they do.

 

[alizesmom]

I already posted about not minding when questioned about Alize. I really appreciated the input of those who are in the chair. What you say totally makes sense to me. It probably won't change how I handle the situation since Alize isn't aware of being different and probably never will be. But it sure will make me aware of how to better act. Thanks. Karen

 

[MisMikiNikiLynne]

I have never been upset with anyone who asks about my daughter, Nikki's disability. What I don't like is when a child is courious and the adult/parent with them pushes them along not allowing them to find out "why?". My daughter Nikki, (9 yrs) is in a wheelchair and is severly impaired both mentally and physically. I have her in a main stream classroom for just this. I cannot begin to tell you how many of her classmates have had to educate THEIR parents on what Nikki can and cannot do! I even have had a couple of children ask their parents to come meet Nikki! The parents usually don't have a clue what to do so the child will tell them "you can touch her hand", or she likes it when you "talk to her". If you or your child were ever to approach myself or my daughter and ask a question, I would be very happy to talk with you! I think most parents of children with disabilities would!

 

[madenon]

You know what, Karen? There is no right and wrong way. As you've seen in this topic; some will bite your head of if your son asks a question like "why do you use a chair?", while others will take time to explain. You see, those of us using a chair are just like anybody else; humans all with their own caracters and moodswings. You know from every day life that asking 100 persons the same question, will not give you the same 100 reactions. A lot of the times your guts will tell you what to expect or do. And sometimes you'll make a mistake, well that's life. This can be a touchy subject -you don't want to do anything 'wrong' and the person using a wc can be oversensative or just in a real bad mood-, like a lot of things in life.

Compare it to other things in life, how do you educate your son about those? If he has a question like "mommy, why is that lady so big?" when he sees a woman in the grocerystore that is obese, would you tel him to ask her? Would you get all nervous because weight is a touchy subject for a lot of people, or would you try and teach him about different people and different bodies?

If you ask me, it is about 95% following your gut instinct and logic thinking. Do what feels right at that time in that spot. If he asks a question about a wc when a wc is right in front of him waiting for a ride, maybe it feels right to ask the person in front of you if it's allright if your son asks a question. (this'll give you some space for those who do mind questions)

Take it to his level without telling him lies. A wc is nothing more but a way of transportation. Some walk, some ride a bike, some use a stroller, some use a wc. For the young kids like your son -3 yo, right?- I take the time and talk to them. IF the happen to ask this specific question, I'll ask them about strollers. They'll be the first to tell me a stroller is because their kidsis/brother/whatever small child can't walk or walk long enough yet. This is a good opening for me to tell them my legs can't walk and I use the wc just like "point at sis/brother/kid" uses a stroller. For me, it is SO not important to inform a toddler about too much of the negative stuff. The most important are 3 things;
- people are all different, but all are equally worthy. It isn't our place to judge people -at the right age add educating the difference between judging an act and judging a person-
- be sensative to your surrounding at a level that is appropriate to the age and cognative level of that child
- be honest, don't lie


Because I've got some nice stuff on my chair, kids don't ask a lot about the 'touchy' subjects, or remember to do so after the 'cool stuff'. They are way more into the lights in my wheels -mommy, we need those on Annies stroller-, Animal or Kermy on my joystick or wanting to have a little contest to see who can 'run' the fastest, them or my chair.

I've had some kids try out the chairs over the years. Why? Because it's a great way to teach them -and the are the best teachers when it comes to teaching adults!!!- and I can understand their natural enthousiasm that makes them kids. A wc can have positive attraction to them, and I'm not the one to say that's a wrong thing. Sure, it's a great moment to educate them, but there's nothing wrong with a basic positive look at a wc. Hack, I'm even still like a small kid in the toystore if I see the newest toys for the wc's. A kid sitting in my chair for even only 5 minutes learns more than 5 hours could teach him if you talk. The child not only can experience the fact that a wc is also positive -without it we ain't going anywhere afterall- but they also will notice the down sides that come with it and absorb that in a constructive way. Now don't come running to me with a busload full of kids. Sometimes I'll feel like doing this, enough times I won't. It's just like 'your role', somehow the situation will tell me it might be a thing to do.

Kids this young will tend to pick it up very quickly in a positive way -allthough sometimes being scared of the unknown, but than again, they'll also be scared of the lady with the really weird big tatoo in her face-. Sure, they blur out things that can make you go "god help me" as a mom. But come on; their toddlers! To me it's more important how a parent reacts to such a comment than the comment in itself. Dragging a kid away in shame is something that I don't like. Most kids will remember it as "a disability is something to hide and not talk about". Just tell him/do the same thing you'ld normally do if he makes a comment that isn't appropriate.


Adults, those are the ones that need some sensitivity training. The poor things just are so shocked by a wc, a group of them just freeze to the ground or loose their ability to speak and think. And you know what? Being nice, open, moody, rude, nothing worked as great as having some simple but very -if I say so myself- stuff on my chair. For instance those lights in the wheels of my manual chair gets loads of reactions of people that are so enthousiastic about some lights, they totally forget the annoying "ouch wc, person in it, must be retarded, must I talk to them to not hurt them or do I hurt them by talking to them, ah poor thing, such a poor life". I get a lot of stares, I can't go into public with that chair with not getting stares. But very very little people still stare at me in that chair because of the chair. Nop, the lights are way more thrilling.

My Animal/Kermy on the powerchair also has that effect but in a smaller way. I like the way it breakes the ice AND like giving my chair some additude/toys, so I'm looking allover the place to pimp that chair to the level my manual is at.

OK, I'm on my preaching way, can't stop talking. As you've seen here, there is also a lot of difference about the way 'we' rollers look at things. You mght get your head bitten of about a question DS has, I've had my head bitten of about letting anyone other than me use the chair or my black sence of humor that also applies to my chair. If you ever get your head bitten of, think about it for a moment. Did you play a roll in it that could be done better next time? If so, you learn. If not; let it go. It's life, sometimes it just sucks and you can't do right. That doesn't mean you were at 'fault' or should've done better in raising your child/interacting yourself.

 

[Yoda_K]

I have no probalem at all talking to a child about my disability. If they ask me I'll tell them what the problem is.

Most people don't stare anymore. Now I have had some people while getting out of my van will actually stop and watch my every move. That is when my patients go out the window. I have gotten out of my van a couple of times and really loudly will say...."TA DA" like I have just done a trick. In fact I have seen a t-shirt that says on it..."Keep staring...I may do a trick". I have thought many times about buying it but never have.

Just let your child know that there are people out there who does not do everything like they do.

I am in a motorized wheelchair. Our van has a ramp and when I go to back up into the van I get stares all the time. They even glare at my g/f because she is not giving me directions. Some even have tried to tell me how to do it .

As for the OP question, I went to Disney World with my parents and a child about 7 yrs old came up and asked "why can't you walk, why are you in a wheelchair"? I was not offended at all. I have Cerebral Palsy and I have a speech impediment, so my Dad took over the explainations . It does not bother me when people ask, I would rather educate people and let them see how I am personally than them make assumptions.

It bothers me when parents don't educate their kids when the children clearly want to ask questions. It saddens me when they pull them away.

 

[merryweather20]

Adults, those are the ones that need some sensitivity training. The poor things just are so shocked by a wc, a group of them just freeze to the ground or loose their ability to speak and think.

I am in a motorized wheelchair. Our van has a ramp and when I go to back up into the van I get stares all the time. They even glare at my g/f because she is not giving me directions. Some even have tried to tell me how to do it .

Okay, I had to post again, because these two posts really hit home. I just got back from Chapters (a big box book store). When I went up to the door I forgot there was a lip (large enough for me to need to back in). Before i got the chance a group of six people gathered and preceded to freak out about how I would get into the store. Seriously freaking out over a four cm lip and a broken door button, that I told them was no problem. I assured them everything would be okay while I was turning around, but no one really calmed down until I was in the store

And the in and out of the car thing is almost a daily deal. About 5 times a week someone will ask if I need help putting my wheel-chair in the car, which is really sweet, but about once every other week someone will not beleive me when I tell them no thanks! They'll actually grab it from me, curse a little, ignore me when I say it needs to be tilted on its back and then tell me I never could have done it myself!

Anyway back to the original topic, since you aren't going to know how outgoing a person is to ask them just by lookin at them. You might want to ask his pre-school or later on his elementary school about contacting local charities or organizations to have a speaker come in. Obviously this will differ by area but I remember MS, and the Head Injury Assoc. sending a fabulous speaker to our school throughout elementary school. This obviously doesn't need to be mobility related either since likely any of these will teach the children about respect, treating everyone the same etc.

 

[lisaluvsmickey2000]

I am a private duty nurse to special-needs kids. This exact question was asked of one of my kids' dad. Here is his response, copied from his blog which can be found at benandbenniewaddell (dot) blogspot (dot) com

Exceptional Interaction


"Bennie I can't think of how to phrase this question where it doesn't seem rude--- and I think that is part of the problem with many parents-- they are trying so hard not to offend & to be PC, they just end up saying... nothing.

My question for you--- I have two young children, and I hope they wouldn't behave like the ones you encountered. I KNOW I wouldn't react like that mother or grandmother did. But as you know, kids are curious about anyone that might look or seem different than themselves.

1. What SHOULD the mother/grandmother have said?

2. Would you welcome interaction with other kids with Ben? Or would that be intrusive?

3. How should we as parents teach our kids to interact with kids that may be less verbal?

ughhhhhhhhhhh. see here I go, I feel like everything I said is offensive. Please know that is not how I intended it to sound--- I genuinely don't KNOW. What is welcomed? What is offensive?

Ben & other kids like him deserve to be able to interact, and I need to teach my kids HOW to interact."

This was an excellent series of questions posed by my dear blogging friend Crouching Mommy, Hidden Laundry. Trust me, cmhl, there was nothing rude or out of bounds about your inquiry. In fact I am very pleased and appreciative that you were honest enough to post these questions. In fact I'm going to encourage some of my fellow exceptional parents to blog here with their own responses. Hey Gretchen, Kelly, Karen, and Kyla - you gals are on the clock! Use your own blogs to respond and I'll link there or send me an e-mail which I'll post unedited here.

The key to the answer of each of the questions is that most of the parents of exceptional children could have easily been in the situation to pose the same questions at some point in the past. We weren't always special needs parents! To be honest eight years ago I wouldn't have known the answers myself. Joan and I discussed this issue a great deal Wednesday night and we both agreed on how to react to every scenario we threw at each other. That is rare!

Let's start with one of the first things that struck me in cmhl's comment: political correctness. To be honest Ben is a disabled child. There is no doubt about that. He will never walk, talk, or even interact with the world like a normal child would. The term "special needs" or "special child" was clearly the terminology used until recently. From my own observations what I'm about to say is important. There are many children that will never have the cognitive understanding of their peers. Even though it is a fairly safe labeling there are a significant number of children who truly understand their "difference" with their peers. Fortunately we know that Ben is one of them but there are many cases where that fact can remain unknown until a child is much older. We therefore use the term "exceptional" for an obvious reason. Ben maybe different but he wants to function like any other of his peers. He is an exception to the rule. Therefore we've used that term to describe him from a very early age.

Next was the question of what a guardian should do in the case of a confrontation. Most often Ben gets "the stare." Generally speaking when a child does this it doesn't bother us like it does when an adult looks at our son like something grotesque. An adult should know better in this day and age but there is absolutely nothing we can do about that. What we do appreciate are the kind smiles Ben gets when we're out in public. Fortunately that is the typical greeting Ben gets from older folks.

In regards to the children, it is in their nature to be afraid of something out of the norm. Seeing another child in a wheelchair hauling a bunch of equipment behind it can be a pretty frightening sight! In a young child's eyes this is an extremely abstract picture and we parents of exceptional children honestly understand that. We actually had a situation occur last weekend that happens every now and then. Given the museum's theme a mother came to the table to meet us and talk about our art. She desperately tried in vain to get her daughter (I'm guessing her age was 5) to get close to Ben and hold his hand (we honestly encourage that when we are out and about) just to show her there was nothing to fear. The little girl ended up crying and very upset.

Although I respect that mom for what she was trying to do she might have postponed an opportunity in the near future for the little girl to accept some other child with disabilities. There's a good chance the mother did more harm than good. If a child is that fearful of the situation it is best to wait until another convenient time. Generally speaking most kids will have to face up to that fear once they are in elementary school. Otherwise have a little chat with your little one(s) when you get home. There are some great story and picture books available at the library that can acclimate children to that experience better that forcing the issue.

In regards to the grandmother (or the mother) of the boy that confronted us she should have immediately come forward to tell him that there was nothing wrong with Ben. She should have added something like, "that little boy has a lot of challenges in life that you don't - he must be very brave. Why don't you ask his father if you can meet him?" Better yet I should've said the same thing and this is very important for the other special needs parents reading here. To protect your child and ease an uncomfortable situation you better be prepared to take the initiative! You can more easily explain that a wheelchair, a suction machine, a ventilator, or whatever are just tools to help our sons and daughters grow healthier just like a pair of glasses helps poor eyesight.

Finally I would always encourage your "normal" children to try and interact with special needs children! Always ask permission from their parent or guardian first before shaking hands, hugs, or however the meeting plays out. You'd be surprised at how well some of us can get around these days with a medically fragile child! I have had countless encounters over the past eight years when Ben has not been with me. In every case I have asked permission to greet the child, asked for their name, and talked to them a bit before I ever mention that I'm also a special needs parent. It has never failed in establishing a great conversation. We exceptional parents want to talk about our kids just as much as any other parent! The end result is that I feel incredibly rewarded by the experience and I'm going to bet the same goes for the other parent.

The questions refer to an incident that happened a few weeks ago. Ben and Bennie were the featured artisits at EdVenture Museum in Columbia, SC. 3 boys around 8 years old kept staring at them and one kept shouting "what's wrong with him!" The grandmother(?) did not say or do anything, just looked away like the kids weren't doing anything wrong or embarrasing. Bennie wasn't sure what to do, so he pushed Ben away to another room. He now regrets that he didn't wheel Ben right up to them and inclued grandmother in the conversation about how Ben is exceptional! An artist that's been featured on CNN and the local news! A funny young man that amazes all that know him everyday!

 

[OneLittleSpark]

Because I've got some nice stuff on my chair, kids don't ask a lot about the 'touchy' subjects, or remember to do so after the 'cool stuff'.

I find this same thing when my chair is decorated. When I went to Disney I had fluffy things on stalks and flashy lights on the wheels (still do, in fact), I found all I really got was positive comments (well, some people may have muttered something, but I didn't notice, so who cares?). I even struck up a conversation with two sweet young kids because of it. We were waiting at the bus stop when I heard the girl behind me remark on my decorations. I turned around to talk to her about them and ended up having a 10 or 15 minute conversation with her and her younger brother about my wheelchair, the decorations, what all the bits of the chair did (the little boy was fascinated with the fold down back), my Crocs (complete with Disney decorations), what we'd been doing in the parks and any number of other things while we waited for the bus. Hopefully they learnt a little bit about wheelchairs and wheelchair users (i.e. I'm not from another planet, honest!) and if nothing else, I think their parents were glad that I kept them entertained .

 

[reneandbaby]

My oldest daughter is blind and also cognitively disabled/autistic. She is six years old but very, very low verbal and sometimes reverts to self-stimming if she is starting to get bored or she is very excited.

I get kids who come up all the time and ask "What's wrong with her eyes?" or "What's wrong with her?". I don't mind kid's curiosity, but I do gently correct "Nothing is "wrong" with her--- but her eyes don't work the way yours or mine do. That's why she uses a cane, to help her find things that you find with your eyes".

Similiar to the climbing on the wheelchair comment--- any adaptive equipment is "hands off". I cannot tell you the amount of times that young children have literally ripped DD's cane right out of her hand so they could use it as a toy, or we've put it down someplace so she could play on the swingset or something and find another child has picked it up and taken off with it. Once, someone actually stole her cane while she was jumping in a bouncer and we never did get that one back. I make sure we have several canes around the house just for that reason.

It doesn't offend me or make me upset that kids try to do this, since they obviously don't know any better. And honestly, a bright, shiny, long metal stick is practically a magnet for toddlers and young kids. Heck, it took me several years to get my three year old to recognize it's not his toy and now I'm getting to teach the same lesson all over again to my one year old, who will happily go up to her sister and play tug-of-war over the cane. That's why it is always a nice bonus if, when other parents are teaching their children about how to interact with those of differing abilities, they can help me out by also teaching the "hands-off" approach to adaptive equipment.

I think the whole staring/looking away thing depends upon the extremity of it. For example, the person who furtively looks at us and then suddenly does everything within their power NOT to look in our general direction again, as if they're trying to avoid us, is just as obvious as the person who sits there and stares as if we have 10 heads. Not staring doesn't equal "not looking." In every day life, we often make eye contact with stangers and give a smile and say "how are you?" or "hi?" or even nothing but a look and a smile or nod. We notice people around us all the time and look at them...it's human nature and it's part of how we interact with others. What I appreciate the *most* is when someone simply interacts with us as if we are normal family, and approaches my daughter as if she is a normal six year old and talks to her. No, she can't answer back, but I'll fill in where needed. But most often people are just afraid to even talk to her or acknowledge her existence and that is what makes me sad.

FTR--- we decided to send my daughter to the school for the blind this year. When we took the family for registration day, my son looked around at all the children and adults with canes and turned to his sister and said "OOOOOOOOO look C___! Look at all the canes! They see just like you do C!" And then every time we passed someone with a different type cane than DD's cane he would start with the questions and the commentary "Mama, they don't have a rolling cane." "OOOOOO....that's a loooooooong cane!" "I *like* that cane Mama. Can we get C one of THOSE canes mama?"

All of blind adults who were the recipients of his cane chatter were pretty amused to be discussing the pros and cons of various canes with my preschooler.

 

[Notatourist]

Let me ask a question of the folks here, with apologies to the op. I'm not the pc type to say "well, they are handicapped, or disabled". If you're in a chair I tend to say that you are wheeled. You need a chair to get around."

Is that offensive? It's not meant to be. I'm just very point blank. And to the partner of Skye. I'm the type to ask, when in a stopped area (like a ride line) to ask if it's permitted to pet said animal. Is that taboo?

Just curious.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

Let me ask a question of the folks here, with apologies to the op. I'm not the pc type to say "well, they are handicapped, or disabled". If you're in a chair I tend to say that you are wheeled. You need a chair to get around."

Is that offensive? It's not meant to be.

Offensive, no. Cheesy, VERY. Just my opinion.

*Note: this is not an attack on above poster. Just answering his question about whether it is offensive or not. I am commenting on the idea, not on the poster.*

 

[Notatourist]

No problem. I'm just not one for the PC police. Cheesy, I'll give you. I just hate the word handicapped or disabled. Folks I know with other abilities are more abled than most.

I just want to make sure I'm not offending folk. I once had the chance to work with kids with progeria. If you don't know that disease, it ages the kids really fast so, 7 is more like 70 body wise. It's sad, but these kids have more life than most of us.

I had kids staring that day, along with adults, but the wildest was one person who said "Those kids are a gift from god..."

Their gift was changing my perspective.

 

[luvyawdw]

To Henris mum and others. I think it is fair to say everyone has a different take on this. My earlier post is the opinion of our family, I am not judging others that don't mind being asked about their or their loved ones disability . We just personally do not like to be asked for the reasons I stated in original post. It is just to personal to talk to total strangers about, and it is also an instant reminder to our daughter that she may look "different", just when she may be forgetting all about her disablilty and having a great day a question like that could really upset her. Like I said before, we can't really honeslty say we(a non-disabled person) wouldnt mind to be asked if we were disabled, because I do not believe we can put our selves in that place. I would never instruct either of my children to ask someone (a total stranger) to explain their disablity to them. As far as stareing, I think for the most part we can tell a stare of a curious child that means no harm, an ignorant stare that is from someone who you believe to be old enough to know better, and worse an ignorant adult I do have to say I agree with the post that says they don't really like it when people avoid looking at you altogether, a smile or just a glance like you would anyone else is nice I would tell my young child who is learning about all of this just to be kind, that might really help. I also agree with all the pp that said to just let him know reasons a person may need a wheelchair, simple and to the point, just like glasses, hearing aides, canes, service animals,...........
There are many different opinions on this topic. I respect all of them
For us, Beth is cognitivley right on track and is very in tune with all that goes on around her, so I do not like put her in the position of having us explain about her disablilty to a total stranger, and taking time out of our day to do this. She does love a nice smile or a wave from small children, we both comment when children do this that their parents take time to teach them kindness.
I do want to add, however, that we have explained to Bethany's classmates as a class about her disability and allow them to ask questions. We do not feel they are stangers, they are her peers that she is around each day. Anyway, hope this helps a little.