What's an appropriate punishment for this?

[honeywolf7]

My daughter, son, mother, and I were at the grocery store tonight. Jessica (my daughter) tried to steal a package of Lifesavers while I was busy paying (if she had asked I would have bought them for her.) My mom caught her and we had a serious conversation about what can happen if you steal (and Jessi admitted that she knew it was wrong when she did it.) Now my question is "what's the best punishment for this?" I told her I would think about it overnight and let her know in the morning. I want it to be serious enough to fit what she did but she IS only 5 and going through a lot of turmoil in her life right now (because of what's happening between me and her father), so I don't want it to be too severe....Any suggestions?

 

[LucyStorm]

DD did the same at age 4. I made her go back to the store, tell the cashier that she was sorry, and pay for the gum she took. To make the punishment have more meaning, I then threw the gum away so that she wouldn't get any reward for her deed.

The cashier was wonderful, a grandmotherly type, who told DD she would accept the apology this time, but that it was a very bad thing that she had done, and she needed never to do it again. DD took this very seriously, and has never done it again, and at 14 still will mention sometimes "Mom, do you remember when I took that gum at the store?"

 

[LucyStorm]

Becki,
I also wouldn't cut her any break about this because of what is going on between you and her dad. You don't want her to use that as an excuse for unacceptable behavior.

((((hugs))))

 

[honeywolf7]

Lucy, my dad gave me the same punishment when I was a kid (except I think I was 8) for stealing some Easter candy...rather than throwing it away, he made me give it to the next kid that came into the store. The problem is that my daughter already lost her allowance (50 cents a week) for something else she did this week (refusing to clean her room because she wanted to watch TV.)

 

[Kteacher]

When one of my sons was a little older than your daughter I had something similar happen. While we were in the checkout counter he took a pack of gum without me seeing it and slipped it in his pocket. Of course when I saw him chewing the gum in the car and asked him where he got it he broke down and told me he stole it. I turned the car around and drove back to the store without saying a word to my son. We got out of the car, and I brought my son over to the customer service desk. I asked to see the security person on duty. When the security person came out I told him my son had stolen something, and apologized for myself and my son. I paid for the gum, and when we got back to the car I told my son that he would have to pay me back for the gum. It is common for kids that age to take things. Some people may think what I did was too harsh, but my son really understood that what he did was wrong.

 

[Goofyposter]

Groosch....I'm afraid Eros wood advocate the death penalty fer this......

 

[LuvTigger]

Although I like the idea of having to return to the store and apologize, I guess it wouldn't work in this situation because she didn't actually steal it.

What does she value most in her life right now as far as hobbies or possessions? For instance, if she loves video games and can generally play them whenever she wants, you could take that away. One of my friends' daughters is a total clothes horse, and once, her punishment was that she couldn't wear any of her "nice" clothes to school. She had to wear black pants and a white t-shirt, and that's it, for a week. Because clothes were so important to her daughter, it really made an impact on her.

Also, I would ask her if she not only knows that it was wrong, but if she understands exactly WHY it's wrong.

 

[Serena]

Becki, how are you doing???


How about having her do something for the store? Or for someone else? Sort of like community service.

Of course you wouldn't want it too harsh, and you'd want to be there with her.
Does grandma know someone that could use some weeds pulled or some dusting done?

She would have to do donate her time for someone a minute for each penny, or something like that. Does this make any sense what so ever??

 

[Mishetta]

Oh Boy....what to do??? The hardest part of being a mom is inflicting punishment on your own child!

I've handed my son all kinds of punishment....from no TV/Computer to no Gameboy for a week, not being able to go outside to play with his best buddy for a day, etc. Although, the best punishment I ever handed out (in my opinion) was he had to write 10 times "I will listen to the teacher," (when he got in trouble for talking out of turn.) That year he got into trouble so often that you could see it in his writing that he had gotten so neat.

Good luck on whatever punishment you decided, but as another poster mentioned, don't let what's going on between you & the father of your child stand in the way of disciplining.

Sending some Pixie Dust your way!!!

 

[disykat]

I think you've gotten lots of good ideas here. It sounds like you're a great mom for taking it seriously. Since she didn't actually take it, you might not have to be so hard on her. It would be great if you could have a store employee talk to her about the seriousness of stealing and maybe even take her in back and show her the security mirrors etc. I know my kids preschool classes got to see some of that stuff on their tours.

(I shouldn't say this, but I have to make a sarcastic remark that refers to another thread going on. My first thought when I read your post was that some people would say that you should give her candy every time she doesn't try to steal candy. That'd teach her! Sorry, I couldn't resist.)

 

[poohandwendy]

(I shouldn't say this, but I have to make a sarcastic remark that refers to another thread going on. My first thought when I read your post was that some people would say that you should give her candy every time she doesn't try to steal candy. That'd teach her! Sorry, I couldn't resist.)

LOL, Disykat!!

On topic... I think you should give the 'talk' and leave it at that.
I would try to keep you discipline style as close to normal as possible, don't allow guilt or pity to guide you in raising your children. It doesn't make up for anything or make children happier in rough times. Consistency is the key, JMHO.

 

[dalepool]

Sad this happened , But glad it was family that caught her...What ever you do a lesson needs to be learned. You have a prime opportunity to teach your child that stealing is a crime and she will face consequences for her actions. 5 is a wonderful age to have had this happen as she will remember this for the rest of her life. I know from experience and I'm now 50. I only STOLE one time -----I knew right from wrong I just didn't know the punishment!

PattyN

 

[dianeschlicht]

I agree with Lucystorm. We did that with our DS too when he was about 6. He never forgot it!!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

If you have the candy then I'd do what Lucy said.

If you do not go have a talk with the store manager/head cashier.
My sis is one and they are happy to have a talk with little ones all the time about this.

 

[yepod]

Please read carefully as I'm not disagreeing with what anyone has said, but as I read this it reminded me of my distant past.

I would emphasize to you that it is your responsibility to punish your child. It is OK to have the stores staff help, but don't make them the "bad guys".

When I was a clerk in my fathers store, I had numerous parents who would come in & point me out as "the guy who's gonna get you if you're bad/steal" It's like telling your child "the cops are gonna punish you if you break the law" It IS the truth, but it makes THEM out to be the bad guy. I used to tell the kids in front of their parents that NO, if they misbehaved, I was going to "get" their parents LOL

Good luck with the problem, I'm sure you will handle it well

 

[honeywolf7]

You know what....I have a friend that is a security guard. Maybe he'd be able to give her a good talk about it. I was already going to ask him just because he's the father of 4...I hadn't even thought about his job and the fact that he used to work at a mall.

 

[Serena]

Becki, that would be perfect. In my less than humble opinion anyway. lol

 

[JESW]

7 yo DS "borrowed" a pencil from one of his classmates last school year. It was when he was REALLY into pencils and collected TONS of them. His teacher (a wonderful woman) caught him in the act. He then denied it - which made her more upset. (the stealing and then lying about it)

Well, when I came in to pick him up I was met by him AND his teacher. I was told the story and DS was still saying that he was "borrowing" the pencil (it ended up in his backpack)

Proper punishment? Well, as soon as we got home I took away ALL his pencils (which were the most important things to him at the time). We then had a talk about stealing and how wrong it was. I also had a back-up. DS had a classmate whose father is a police officer in our small town. I did not make out the officer to be a bad guy, but I did tell DS that I could get officer _____ to take him on a tour of the police station and show him where the jail cells were.

Well, THAT got him!!! He did not want to go anywhere near that jail cell. So far we haven't had any other issues..

Good luck to you....it really is very common for that age.

Jill

 

[padams]

I have been reading this thread with great interest because DS 6.5yo recently "forgot" to tell a friend that the friend had left a favorite toy at our house. I found the toy hidden behind DS' bunk bed. DS "confessed" in tears that he liked the toy and wanted to keep it. I explained that he can't take other people's things, and that it was stealing, stealing is wrong, etc. I took away his gameboy, and banned him from playing on the computer, and watching TV or videos for 10 days. He also had to return the toy to his friend and apologize to the friend and the friend's parents.

I liked the idea of taking away the pencils. Maybe I should have taken away DS' favorite toys instead... Thanks everyone for all of your thoughts and comments. Pamela

 

[JESW]

Oh, another comment about my DS "borrowing" his classmates pencil......

His teacher (who I liked A LOT) also had him write a note to her about why it was wrong to lie. (he denied taking the pencil) He also had to write a note to his classmate saying he was sorry he took her pencil. I knew the girls Mom and called her to apologize. (Her DD had no idea the whole thing took place.) DS also had to go into school the next day and apologize to his classmate. Big stuff for a little kid!

As bad as it may seem now, it is actually a good thing to use as a life lesson. I'm sure my DS will remember his little incident for a long time.

Jill