What's a "successful life"?

[MimitoAlex]

This is a great topic really food for thought.

For everyone it will be so different, depending on where you are in your life. There are many many phase's that everyone goes through.

For me what I would consider a successful life, being loved and giving love wholeheartedly. Raising your family and seeing them thrive. Helping others, being kind, honest and trustworthy. Being a good friend.

 

[sam_gordon]

This is a great topic really food for thought.

Thanks.

For everyone it will be so different, depending on where you are in your life. There are many many phase's that everyone goes through.

As I said in my OP, I feel I've had a "successful life". BUT, when I look at the items that factor into my feeling, I can't say that someone who doesn't have those items is "unsuccessful". So then what really is the difference between a "successful life" and an "unsuccessful" one?

Since there are other threads looking for deeper discussions and not just "fluff", I thought I'd throw it out here.

 

[fla4fun]

I think a successful life is one that, when you reach its end, leaves you with no regrets. Your life may or may not appear successful to those around you, but so long as you have no regrets that is all that matters.

 

[Lord Manhammer]

Thanks.

As I said in my OP, I feel I've had a "successful life". BUT, when I look at the items that factor into my feeling, I can't say that someone who doesn't have those items is "unsuccessful". So then what really is the difference between a "successful life" and an "unsuccessful" one?

Since there are other threads looking for deeper discussions and not just "fluff", I thought I'd throw it out here.

Do you equate a successful life with a happy life?

 

[sam_gordon]

Do you equate a successful life with a happy life?

Did you read my OP? I never mentioned happiness.

Answering the actual question, I don't know. I'm also looking at it from the angle of "at my funeral, will folks say 'he had a successful life'"?

 

[Lord Manhammer]

Did you read my OP? I never mentioned happiness.

Answering the actual question, I don't know. I'm also looking at it from the angle of "at my funeral, will folks say 'he had a successful life'"?

Of course I did. I never said you mentioned happiness. I asked the question.

For me, I equate happiness with success. I don't care how much money I make, but am I happy? That is what defines success for me. I don't look at it from the funeral angle because what will I care what people think, I'm dead. I'm publishing my writing so that will be my legacy from that standpoint.

 

[Dan Murphy]

A successful life can be/is different for each individual. My idea of a successful life may be different than yours (generically yours). For me, success in my life has been to raise two kids who are good, responsible adults today in their own right with their families. I was able to provide for my family over the years. I have no enemies that I am aware of.

 

[Wendy31]

I think “my life is a success” is going to be very different for each individual. Additionally, a person’s view of what determines personal success may change & evolve as the person’s age/stage changes - someone who is 27 may define success very differently from someone who is 67.

All that said, though, for me, personally, I think w/ success come certain levels of feelings of contentment, goal/life achievement, & personal fulfillment - and what brings those things is going to vary from person to person.

Love is a big part of success, but I don’t think having someone to love or being loved necessarily defines success because, like others have said, the majority of us probably have both people we love out of obligation & people who love us out of obligation. And not every person is married or has children - so, while some people may feel successful because of family & loved ones, every person’s success can‘t be defined by family.

I don’t think you can have success w/o first having a purpose - and what that purpose is will look & be different to each individual.

To feel “successful,” I think a person needs to feel that he/she has reached a state of personal contentment in life & feel that he/she is fulfilling or has fulfilled a purpose in his/her personal life.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I think a successful life is one that, when you reach its end, leaves you with no regrets. Your life may or may not appear successful to those around you, but so long as you have no regrets that is all that matters.

I see your point, but I’d say that there are probably very few people who have no regrets completely, if that’s what you mean. I take care of many people who are at end of life and they talk a lot about their lives. I took care of someone last week who is 77 but is still very regretful about something that happened when he was 22, because it not only changed the course of his life, but it caused him to lose his dream and passion about what he really wanted to do for a career. It wasn’t necessarily his fault, but he still regretted what happened, and talked at length about it. Just one example. (Otherwise I’d say he was a very successful person from what I could see - had family showering him with love and a career he wound up doing very well in, etc.) I have some small regrets thus far, but thankfully, nothing major. I was surprised recently when one of my kids mentioned a regret. But it just goes to show us that things evolve and change as we move through life, and we’re bound to have some regrets along the line unless are lives are perfect, which very few are. JMO and perhaps another way of looking at it.

 

[sam_gordon]

I see your point, but I’d say that there are probably very few people who have no regrets completely, if that’s what you mean. I take care of many people who are at end of life and they talk a lot about their lives. I took care of someone last week who is 77 but is still very regretful about something that happened when he was 22, because it not only changed the course of his life, but it caused him to lose his dream and passion about what he really wanted to do for a career. It wasn’t necessarily his fault, but he still regretted what happened, and talked at length about it. Just one example. (Otherwise I’d say he was a very successful person from what I could see - had family showering him with love and a career he wound up doing very well in, etc.) I have some small regrets thus far, but thankfully, nothing major. I was surprised recently when one of my kids mentioned a regret. But it just goes to show us that things evolve and change as we move through life, and we’re bound to have some regrets along the line unless are lives are perfect, which very few are. JMO and perhaps another way of looking at it.

I think instead of saying "I looked back and had no regrets", it would be more "I looked back and, knowing what I knew then, I would make the same decisions."

I definitely made some bad choices in my life, especially when viewed in hindsight. But I think I would make the same choices (even if I shouldn't) based on the information known at the time.

 

[holden]

I think a successful life is one in which you have achieved what you set out to do.

My goals have changed over the years. Some I've met and others I'm still working on. I don't feel "successful" just yet.

I think my most challenging and important goal will take quite a long time. I'm working on being the best parent I can be. I'd love to say that my goal is to have kids who do get advanced college degrees, have fabulous jobs, etc., but I'm slowly realizing that it's not my place to dictate their lives. All I can do is try to support them, give them direction, let them make mistakes and be there when they need me. It's up to them to be "successful" in their own ways.

If I die knowing I did my best by them, I'll consider myself successful.

 

[NYCgrrl]

My life has been successful because even during the bad parts I learned a thing or two that propelled me forward. As Shirley MacLaine said in “Postcards on the Edge”: “I m still here, G-d damn it!!!. I live and breathe that stuff.

And just because there is no one around who really knows me… out loud I can say that I cackled upon learning that the ex returned to France to pick herbs from a mountain…I’m sure it made him feel more successful and at peace in a groovy kind of way….

 

[flyingdumbo127]

For me a successful life is that in however a tiny, teeny way I was of kind witness to my Savior Jesus. That I made a kind difference in this world.

Definitely also the blessing of being able to share faith, love, and friendship.

 

[tinkerbellandpeterpan]

I'm not successful with my career compared to my education by outside standards, but I am quite content. I am very successful with my marriage although it took a a second try to get there. It makes me appreciate my husband so much more. I'm successful in the relationships I value. I'm successful in letting things I can't control not bother me. And I'm successful in living the values that are important to me. Would someone look at my life and objectively say "she's really successful"...probably not. But at the end of the day I feel pretty good about how my life looks and feels day in and day out. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else so all in all I consider it successful.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I think it's accomplishing what you can accomplish. However, if you can't accomplish xyz it doesn't by virtue mean you aren't a success. Sometimes we try something and it doesn't work but we attempted or life circumstances get in the way. But if these things are beyond your control it doesn't somehow make you not successful.

As a random example someone mentioned having a roof over your head which I think was meant to say a very basic need is met but realistically some don't get that. Homelessness or transiency doesn't mean someone isn't successful most especially if by life circumstances things happened. We all know how the rental and housing market is. Some of them may be in work programs too but lack housing and it would be cruel IMO to take away "a successful" life by placing it on housing like that.

In general though I don't think there is a person out there that can truly be successful at everything in order to say their entire lives are successful we all have faults, regrets, unlived dreams or failed promises. And in truth some of these responses are about living for other people as opposed to living with other people if that makes sense. I think that's why there's some pushback surrounding things like love especially when considering things like martial status and children.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Additionally, a person’s view of what determines personal success may change & evolve as the person’s age/stage changes - someone who is 27 may define success very differently from someone who is 67.

That was something I was thinking about when I started reading some of these responses. Our priorities shift and change, our lives often change, our circumstances change, our memories even change. What we might say doesn't make us successful now may not even be a thought decades later towards the end of our life.

 

[disneychrista]

I’ve given this some thought. And I think I’ve been successful in some aspects but unsuccessful in others. The successes outweigh the unsuccessful.

I’ve been successful in raising children alone, my career and financially (meaning I stay within my means and have my needs taken care of).

I’ve been unsuccessful in close friendships and romantic relationships.

 

[amylevan]

I think the definition of success is going to vary greatly based on one’s values and goals. Someone who values money is going to see high salary as successful, whereas those who value love would save a love-filled life is a success.

For me, I heard this quote for the first time back when I was in high school and hung it on my wall. (I printed it with my dot matrix printer to put the time into perspective). I still find it to be a wise description:

“To laugh often and love much:
To win respect of intelligent people
And the affection of children;
To earn the approbation of honest critics
And endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty;
To find the best in others;
To give one’s self;
To leave the world a little better,
Whether by a healthy child,
A garden patch,
Or redeemed social condition;
To have played and laughed with enthusiasm
And sung with exultation;
To know even one life has breathed easier
Because you have lived…
This is to have succeeded. ” -Emerson

 

[goofyernmost]

I was also thinking about this component of what does it mean to be successful. I was a first born with lots of expectations placed on me to succeed in sports and school. No matter what I did, I never felt it was good enough.

Fast forward to now, I have learned that it was wrong for me to put that burden on myself in trying to please others. But as kids do we know any better? And even as adults do we know any better?

Taking a long shot here DCLMP, I think we both need to take a step back and see that we are successful but realize there is a fine line in pushing ourselves to excel vs I could do better. Do better for who?

There was not a high degree of "expectations" placed on me. Sometimes I wish there was because I might have tried harder. I feel that I set my own expectations and honestly I don't think I have lived up to many of them. It's to late now to be remorseful about it, but it does enter my mind from time to time.

The one traumatic thing that I can think of had to more to do with talent then achievement. My Dad had a beautiful voice and he acknowledged that for himself. He was asked to sing at weddings, church choir solo's and many other things. Most of the family (my fathers side) were musical. He had been compared to Enrico Caruso** for voice quality.

I was so intimidated by that fact that I couldn't allow anyone besides myself or my mother whom I knew would always tell me what a great voice I had to hear it. That meant that most of the rest of the world never got to hear me because I didn't have that confidence required to put oneself out there for judgement.

I loved music and I have kicked myself in the butt over the years for not joining into chorus's or quartets. I was, at one time, the youngest person to ever be a member of a national organization of Barbershop Singing when I was 12 years old (SPEBSQSA). My dad was a member and brought me in. I was fine with the chorus because I know I was just one voice in many, but was never able to join in when it was my voice that had to carry that part of harmony all by myself. All I needed was a little self assurance that I was good (at least). But even when I heard it, I could not believe it. Now that I'm old my voice, or what is left of it, is something that even I don't like to hear.

All that said, what I feel at this point in my life, I was not a colossal failure but I certainly had bigger expectations about everything but blame myself because I was never willing to put the extra effort beyond what I was comfortable with or felt that I could achieve personally. I kept the Bar Low intentionally.

**I didn't know who that was except that he was an old timey highly praised Operatic Tenor from back in the early 20th century.

 

[tzolkin]

While I think being loved and being happy are important aspects of life, I don't think they are how I would define "success". In my mind, to be successful requires having certain core values and intentionally working toward accomplishing something.

To me, success is making deliberate choices that cause your life to reflect what is most important to you.

Because we all have different values, success is different for each person and our definition of success will (hopefully) change over the course of your life as you grow or as you're exposed to different environments or cultural expectations. If someone values prestige and expensive goods, then their idea of success is going to be completely different than someone who values human connection and empathy. Someone who believes generosity to be extremely important may define their success by how much they are able to give, but someone who values creativity and originality may define success by what artistic legacy they leave behind.

No judgement on anyone, but no teen pregnancy and no daughters on a pole
...
you see, everyone’s “success” is subjective.

It certainly is subjective. Throughout my life, I think people have tended to describe me as successful despite being a teen mom but I believe that most of my successes and positive attributes are actually because of my situation not in spite of it. For both my spouse and I, our education, our marriage, our financial stability, our parenting, our empathy and ability to relate to different types of people, etc. are all directly influenced by the fact that I had a baby in high school. It was not an embarrassing "mistake" that had to be overcome; it was a motivating presence that impacted who we are as people and all of the life choices that followed.

I recognize that your post was made in a joking way, but the sentiment is true for a larger segment of the population than I think most people realize. Having two now adult daughters myself, it's absolutely bizarre to me how many people define their own success as a parent by their child's sexuality.