What Would Your Reaction Be?

[Andtototoo]

I would be livid with my husband.

Then again, I'd be livid with my husband if he regularly left his wallet in an unlocked car outside. That's egregiously careless and WOULD affect our family if it were stolen. So, I wouldn't be inclined to let it go or think it's an amusing quirk or even, an acceptable behavior.

If someone is so absent minded that they cannot remember to keep track of/keep safe their money/credit/security devices, then they need to find coping mechanisms that force them to keep track of it. They also need to be prepared to be solely responsible for their own credit -- no shared bank accounts or credit cards, etc.

 

[rodeo65]

ITA. Being forgetful really isn't a defense. Not to be unkind, but it's a choice. OP, maybe find a place inside your home to place your bag each time you return.

I agree with this. I often say I am forgetful, but usually the things I "forget" are really just not high on my priority list at that moment, so they are "forgotten". To me, your personal financial security should be a pretty high priority. My uncle has had his identity stolen and it was horrendous what he had to go through dealing with it.

I don't even leave my purse near a door. Around here, there have been instances of thieves opening the front door / breaking in the front door looking for purses and wallets left on the front hall table. And we do live in what is considered a safe neighbourhood. I take mine upstairs where it isn't an easy grab.

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

Someone mentioned that the garage door opener was probably in the unlocked car sitting outside. So everything in the garage would be in danger, and the family in the house if the didn't lock the door to the garage.

 

[kidshop]

I'm with DH. He tried acting like an "adult" by constantly reminding the OP to not leave the purse in the car. The OP chose to ignore the warnings/reminders. The OP put their FAMILY finances in danger. They weren't HER finances, it was the FAMILY'S. If someone had actually stolen the purse, they both would have suffered. Therefore he had a right to be concerned.

Those who think he stepped over the line, what could he have done to get his point across?
1) Reminders were not working
2) Just leave it go and tell her "no whining" if/when her purse gets stolen (again, he would suffer also if that happens)
3) Something else?

If the person never 'remembers' to do the thing, the only other option is for the responsible party to check every day for the offending deed. In this case the purse left in the car, or in my case, that the cars are locked, and the garage door is closed. I think that s much more childish treatment; someone has to check after you each day to make sure the basic safety measures are in place.

But, I do it since I have to. My dh often leaves the keys in the ignition in the unlocked car? Why? Who knows...he gets mad if I remind him too much, so I just add that to my list of things to do each day. I wish I could count on him more to remember stuff like that. Maybe op's dh wishes he could count on her more.

 

[QueenElsaTheFirst]

I never intentionally leave my purse in the unlocked car in the driveway. Obviously I know that's a dumb thing to do. It's just that after years of leaving my purse in my car, in my locked garage, I often forget to grab it and bring it in the house. Habits are hard to break

Glad to hear everyone's opinions and to get perspective on what my husband was feeling, it's good to see it from his point of view. Also glad that the kitchen renovations should be done next week, so I can go back to parking in the garage In the meantime, I've taken my house key off my keyring and put it in my purse, and disabled the garage door opener in my car, so I physically can't get into the house without my purse

 

[gwynne]

I never intentionally leave my purse in the unlocked car in the driveway. Obviously I know that's a dumb thing to do. It's just that after years of leaving my purse in my car, in my locked garage, I often forget to grab it and bring it in the house. Habits are hard to break

Glad to hear everyone's opinions and to get perspective on what my husband was feeling, it's good to see it from his point of view. Also glad that the kitchen renovations should be done next week, so I can go back to parking in the garage In the meantime, I've taken my house key off my keyring and put it in my purse, and disabled the garage door opener in my car, so I physically can't get into the house without my purse

It sounds like you've figured out something that works for you. The most important thing is to not use forgetting as an excuse. I can tell you want to be treated respectfully. I can also tell your DH also wants to be treated respectfully.
When you're careful and mindful with your purse, house keys and wallet, you're not just security personal property, you're being respectful. That's a good thing for both of you.

 

[mjkacmom]

My first reaction was that he was wrong to do that. However, I get where he is coming from. DH does some things that annoy me, that I've begged him not to do, and nothing seems to change.

For example, he coaches a few soccer teams, and sometimes will take my van to games and practices. He has giant bags of soccer balls, and tends to forget to take them out of my van when he gets home. Many, many times, I've gone grocery shopping, or to Costco, and have lifted the back door, only to find there is absolutely no room for my purchases. As much as this frustrates me, leaving a purse in an unlocked vehicle is much worse. I live in a very safe area, and even my van has been victim to thieves stealing loose change.

Another thing he does is forget to wear his seatbelt (I notice this when he pulls into the driveway). This really pisses me off, because he's risking his life, and it takes second to fasten it. I wish there was a way to pull a stunt like the OP's DH to really make a point.

ETA - my passive agressive move with the soccer balls is to put the bag in the driveway, so he has to get out of his vehicle to move them before he parks.

 

[brockash]

I say it's your business if you want to leave your purse in your car. If it gets stolen, that's your responsibility. You deal with the consequences. I'm not on DH's side at all. This is something you may do to teach a child a lesson, and even then it is mean.

I would totally agree if they weren't married or raising kids together. Once you're married or have kids together things like this can severely impact both parties and the entire family. That's the difference for me.

 

[ceemys]

I am siding with your husband on this one. You put not only yourself in danger (keys and identity that a thief could take and come into your house) but you put your family in danger as well. I bet you won't leave it in there anymore.

 

[tcufrog]

I think you were irresponsible and needed to learn not to do that but leaving you without your keys and your wallet for a day put you in a dangerous position. What if you needed to take you or the kids to the hospital due to a medical emergency? You wouldn't have been able to.

It was childish of you not to call your husband though as soon as you realized you couldn't find your purse. I am very absentminded and have been perfectly willing to eat crow and call my dh at work when I've torn up the house unsuccessfully looking for something crucial or urgent because that's what adults do.

 

[Pumbaa_]

it just seems so mean! I get that this is a bad habit, but what he did was just plain mean

OP, where do you keep your phone? If you keep it in your hand, maybe time to start putting it in your bag and hten bring both in the house

I have to say if my DH thought it was his job to 'teach me a lesson', we would not be in a happy marriage I can tell you that

 

[Tozzie]

We're remodeling our kitchen right now, so our garage is full of construction type stuff. So after being spoiled and always parking in the garage, I've been parking in our driveway for the past month or so.

I've gotten in the habit over the last several years of leaving my purse in the car in the garage. I'm horribly absent-minded so it's helpful to just leave it in the car so I never forget it. Well I've still been doing it, and my husband has been connnnstantly harassing me not to do it, or to at least lock the door to my car if I do ( I always forget that too since I'm used to parking inside!)

Anyway, this morning I took my boys to school and went to the grocery store with my daughter, got all the way there and realized my purse was gone! I didn't panic at first, thinking I left it at home. But got home, searched the house top to bottom, and no luck. Then I got back in the car and went to all the places I was yesterday (with a cranky 3 year old in tow.) No luck finding it. I'm panicking at this point because I have my wallet, my checkbook, my sons' fundraising money for their tball team and other things in there. I called the CC companies, and good news, no charges on the cards after yesterday. I figured the purse hadn't been stolen at that point, since the criminals usually use the stuff right away. We have a huge dumpster at the end of our driveway for the construction garbage, and so I ended up climbing in and going through that for an hour to see if it had inadvertently been tossed out with scraps from the kitchen.

Long story short, I never found it. My husband came home and I'm like dreadddding telling him because of the "I told you so" that I know is inevitably coming. He says,

"You look frazzled, what's up?" (Incidentally this should have been my first clue, he never notices the way I'm feeling ) I tell him I lost my purse and a huge grin cracks over his face and he says,

"Hmmmm, maybe in future you'll remember to lock your car!" And he pulls my purse out of his work briefcase!!!!! He had walked out to his car this morning and noticed my car was unlocked again, so he grabbed my purse and took it to work with him.

So yeah. I'm LIVID. Though I get that he was trying to be helpful I think what he did was ridiculous and infantilizing. Then again, I know his heart was in the right place. And he's currently putting all three kids to bed while I relax in a bubble bath with a glass of merlot to make up for my day

What would your reaction be if your SO did this? Totally egregious and just begging for an at-home vasectomy, or a worthwhile lesson for this very absentminded mom?

I don't think you have a right to be livid about anything. In addition to you credit cards I am going to assume your Driver's License was in your wallet. Thieves could do more damage with that than with any credit card you have and it would take a heck of a lot longer to straighten out if you became a victim though your own actions of Identity theft. Your husband was probrably at wits end with your irresponsibility and careless ness. I don't blame him.

 

[Wishing on a star]

While you're livid now, imagine the slow burn DH must have been doing watching you day after day being so completely reckless with the security of your car, your family finances, even your home (since I assume you keep a garage opener in your unlocked car) after constant pleas on his part not to.

This, EXACTLY...

If there is no big history of her DH being like controlling and treating her disrespectfully (doesn't seem to be)... I have to cut him some slack on this.

Note: While I am NOT irresponsible, this is coming from a woman who might be a bit more slack than my husband about this kind of thing.... All of those unsecured credit cards, keys, personal information, etc... Anything that might have happened would definitely affect him and be his responsibility. While my husband might never take that drastic of an action... I can def. see him coming close!!!!

 

[Metsfan520]

This is one of those questions where the women are gonna side with the OP..."oh he would be in the dog house for weeks"

and the men are gonna side with the hubby...."see if you had just listened to him that would not have happened"

I have to say that it is completely irresponsible for you to be leaving that type of information open in the car. I would think you should count yourself lucky that it was just your hubby that did this and not someone else with a more malicious intent.

Nope, not every woman is going to side with the wife. I'm a woman, and I side with the husband. Yeah what he did was kind of childish, but you know what? the OP is acting like a kid. Even if every account was separate, it still will be a mess for both of you if your purse was stolen.

And I have to say that a lot of the OP's actions are kind of strange to me. One-I have never ever left my purse in a car - locked, unlocked, in the garage or outside. Never.

Two-once when I couldn't find my credit card, the first thing I did was check online to see if there were any charges. Then I called and asked for a new card. I didn't want to take a chance that someone had it and new charges hadn't gone thru yet, or they hadn't used it yet. I don't understand why you called, but didn't cancel.

But I guess everybody's different.

 

[anniemae]

I kind of agree with hubby on this one. Yes it was taking it a bit far, but he was probably at his wits end. You put your family at risk. What if your house keys were in your purse, or a garage door opener? Then anyone would have free access to your home. Not to mention the hassle of someone getting your money, credit cards, check book, phone etc. I would have been frustrated if I were him too. I am confused as to why you refused this basic safety measure.

 

[mom2rtk]

He treated you like a child.

And you were acting like a child.

I'd call it a wash and move on.

 

[mom2rtk]

Monday AM, my coworkers DH got in his vehicle early AM and noticed a hand swipe on drivers side window-so someone swiped the mist and look inside...walked to each neighbor with cars in driveway-same thing...drove out and EVERY SINGLE car left in driveway had a hand swipe. He called the non emergency police #
They live in a new very nice subdivision in a town with no crime

You just never know

I would never leave my purse in car-ever

We had something similar a few years ago after some snow fell overnight. We saw footsteps coming between ours and our neighbor's garages. They went to first one car in our drive, then the other, then out the drive and down the street, with the footsteps leading up to every single car along the way. VERY eye opening.

 

[goofyintoronto]

I think you were irresponsible and needed to learn not to do that but leaving you without your keys and your wallet for a day put you in a dangerous position. What if you needed to take you or the kids to the hospital due to a medical emergency? You wouldn't have been able to.

The OP did say in her original post that she was at the grocery store when she realised she didnt have her purse. So clearly, she had her car keys! It was just the purse that was missing.

Besides, in a medical emergency you can always call 911/ambulance.

 

[SeaShelley]

Yes, I would have been upset; however, I bet you won't be leaving your purse in your car any longer.

On the subject identity theft......PLEASE - if you currently carry your social security card in your wallet or purse TAKE IT OUT and put it somewhere safe in your home. A PP mentioned the damage that could be done with a stolen drivers' license, which is true, but a stolen social security # is the ultimate for any identity thief!

 

[RitaZ.]

We're remodeling our kitchen right now, so our garage is full of construction type stuff. So after being spoiled and always parking in the garage, I've been parking in our driveway for the past month or so.

I've gotten in the habit over the last several years of leaving my purse in the car in the garage. I'm horribly absent-minded so it's helpful to just leave it in the car so I never forget it. Well I've still been doing it, and my husband has been connnnstantly harassing me not to do it, or to at least lock the door to my car if I do ( I always forget that too since I'm used to parking inside!)

Anyway, this morning I took my boys to school and went to the grocery store with my daughter, got all the way there and realized my purse was gone! I didn't panic at first, thinking I left it at home. But got home, searched the house top to bottom, and no luck. Then I got back in the car and went to all the places I was yesterday (with a cranky 3 year old in tow.) No luck finding it. I'm panicking at this point because I have my wallet, my checkbook, my sons' fundraising money for their tball team and other things in there. I called the CC companies, and good news, no charges on the cards after yesterday. I figured the purse hadn't been stolen at that point, since the criminals usually use the stuff right away. We have a huge dumpster at the end of our driveway for the construction garbage, and so I ended up climbing in and going through that for an hour to see if it had inadvertently been tossed out with scraps from the kitchen.

Long story short, I never found it. My husband came home and I'm like dreadddding telling him because of the "I told you so" that I know is inevitably coming. He says,

"You look frazzled, what's up?" (Incidentally this should have been my first clue, he never notices the way I'm feeling ) I tell him I lost my purse and a huge grin cracks over his face and he says,

"Hmmmm, maybe in future you'll remember to lock your car!" And he pulls my purse out of his work briefcase!!!!! He had walked out to his car this morning and noticed my car was unlocked again, so he grabbed my purse and took it to work with him.

So yeah. I'm LIVID. Though I get that he was trying to be helpful I think what he did was ridiculous and infantilizing. Then again, I know his heart was in the right place. And he's currently putting all three kids to bed while I relax in a bubble bath with a glass of merlot to make up for my day

What would your reaction be if your SO did this? Totally egregious and just begging for an at-home vasectomy, or a worthwhile lesson for this very absentminded mom?

I vote for the latter.