What would you say...

[Zandy595]

wow...I would ignore her. Why in the world are your inlaws friends with her? was she involved with DH for a long time before you and friends of the family? do they have kids together or anything?

She and DH were together for 3 or 4 years, in high school. They broke up because she and her family moved away. They do not have kids together.

 

[Serena]

This is not good. No you cannot tell them who they can be friends with.
Her motives may be innocent, but the chances of that are slim.

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

I wouldn't accept her friend request, but I understand why your inlaws did. Eighteen years is a long time. It's entirely possible that she doesn't even remember that he cheated on you with her.

You can block her.

 

[Keli]

My guess would be to get info on hubby.....stay away...far, far away.

MTE

 

[BeachGirlFLA]

I would not say one word to her. I might (depending on how close you are to the IL's) let them know that it bothers you that they're friends with her because your husband cheated with her. I wouldn't expect them to just drop her as a Facebook friend, but at least you would have told them how you feel.

 

[pianogirl73]

I'm not sure if you know this, but if you send her a message on FB it gives her limited access to your profile for an amount of time. (30 days, I think.

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

I would not say one word to her. I might (depending on how close you are to the IL's) let them know that it bothers you that they're friends with her because your husband cheated with her. I wouldn't expect them to just drop her as a Facebook friend, but at least you would have told them how you feel.

Personally, I think you're better off leaving this alone. After 18 years (if you and the hubby have a good relationship), I don't know that I'd bring this up to them.

That's just me. I truly don't think it's any of their business.

 

[Zandy595]

I'm not sure if you know this, but if you send her a message on FB it gives her limited access to your profile for an amount of time. (30 days, I think.

No, I didn't know that. Thanks. From all the advice here, I've decided against sending her a message.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

LOL! Thanks for the advice. I'm glad I posted here before I sent her a message.

Now, what to do about DH's family members who are friends with her. I'm not sure they know he cheated on me with her. Do I have the right to tell them who they can be fb friends with? I don't think I could confront them face to face about this and tell them that it bothers me. I'm a very shy person IRL.

Again you do not go down the drama road. You seem determined to stir the pot here.

Keep the door closed and your private business should remain private.

Ask yourself why you want to air your DH's past transgressions with his family. That is worse than sending her a message!

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

^ I agree. Well, I don't know if you're necessarily trying to stir the pot but I agree that you should let it go.

Block her completely and let your hubby's family be friends with whomever they want to be friends with.

What would you say? Alice is a bad person because she slept with Joe while we were dating and I don't think you should talk to her? Unfortunately, using that logic... Joe is also a bad person.

Eighteen years ago.
Let it go.

 

[BeachGirlFLA]

I guess what I was thinking is that I've seen some situations where the daughter-in-law was just like a daughter to MIL and FIL. I could see a woman who had that good of a relationship with her in-laws going to them and saying "I noticed you're friends with Alice. That kind of bothers me because when Joe and I were dating she did something that really hurt me" and then letting it drop.

 

[RadioNate]

Big fat ignore and BLOCK her. She just wants to see info on you and your DH (more HIM than you!) she probably doesn't even remember that he cheated on you with her and I'd doubt his parents know.

She is looking for a way in....don't open the door.

 

[pilesoflaundry]

I would block her. Also make sure all your photos and things are set to friends only and private. Someone I didn't want to see my pictures and things was able to through a mutual friend and I wasn't happy about it but it was sorta my fault for forgetting to block access.

 

[Disney Doll]

LOL! Thanks for the advice. I'm glad I posted here before I sent her a message.

Now, what to do about DH's family members who are friends with her. I'm not sure they know he cheated on me with her. Do I have the right to tell them who they can be fb friends with? I don't think I could confront them face to face about this and tell them that it bothers me. I'm a very shy person IRL.

Ignore her. Don't confirm her as a friend. Don't respond in any way.

As far as DH's family...you really have no right to tell them who they can friend. I wouldn't say anything to his family about who they friend because they may not know about his transgression of 18 years ago, and then you'd have to explain...I could just see it becoming a big mess. If they did know about his transgression 18 years ago, they may think "It was 18 years ago. They were young & stupid. What's the big deal?" then you will look very jealous and small-minded.

 

[dis-happy]

Why? She's trying to spy on you and your life with dh.

Not sure about all the ins and outs of FB, but if you are linked with your MIL and the others, and she is linked with them too, can she see pictures of you and your immediate family? If so, I'd be blocking those photos.


Anyone remember the really old creepy movie where an old girlfriend worked her way into the family, killed off the wife and became the happily married new wife and mother to her kids? Not saying that could happen, but I sure wouldn't be opening any doors or windows to old girlfriends in the past. Sane people move forward with lives, they don't try to re-live the past.

 

[smiley]

Now, what to do about DH's family members who are friends with her. I'm not sure they know he cheated on me with her. Do I have the right to tell them who they can be fb friends with? I don't think I could confront them face to face about this and tell them that it bothers me. I'm a very shy person IRL.

Quite simply, no. If anything I would ask them about her during an in-person casual conversation. Nothing good can come of you attempting to tell them who and who not they can be friends with. You may be surprised that she actually looked them up and asked them to be friends, they accepted and have heard nothing since. It could be that simple. Once you find out, let it go.

 

[Octoberbride03]

Why? She's trying to spy on you and your life with dh.

Not sure about all the ins and outs of FB, but if you are linked with your MIL and the others, and she is linked with them too, can she see pictures of you and your immediate family? If so, I'd be blocking those photos.


Anyone remember the really old creepy movie where an old girlfriend worked her way into the family, killed off the wife and became the happily married new wife and mother to her kids? Not saying that could happen, but I sure wouldn't be opening any doors or windows to old girlfriends in the past. Sane people move forward with lives, they don't try to re-live the past.

No I don't remember the movie, but there was a very similar sub-plot in 1 of the IN Death books from JD Robb/Nora Roberts. Yeah, I most definitely would not be going down that road.

 

[Tinijocaro]

I think many people treat the FB friend thing as if you should friend every person you have ever known-good or bad. I really do.

 

[1PrincessMomma1]

.

 

[Boston Tea Party]

I think many people treat the FB friend thing as if you should friend every person you have ever known-good or bad. I really do.

Isn't that the truth??? I mean, if I would treat you like the plague in real life, I dang sure don't want anything to do with you on Facebook, either. That's one reason that I don't have my maiden name on the thing. People who need to find me know how. The past is better left there - in the past.