What Would You Do?

[Lillian Gracey]

21st birthday?! Scrap any and all Disney plans. Vegas all the way - I honestly cannot think of a more magical place to turn 21!

My grandma loves Vegas! She goes every year. My brother might be bowling in a tournament in Vegas this summer and she keeps telling us to let her know when the tournament is so she can book a flight. Maybe that is something we can do instead.

And thanks guys for your encouraging words and advice. I do agree that I am creating some unnecessary drama right now and being selfish. I hope I'm not the only one who thinks irrationally when something that suddenly pops up could potentially put a damper on your plans. Getting slammed with this sudden engagement didn't help since it was another thing that was causing my plans to change. Of course it just had to be the exact same day I ask my grandma to come because no one else can come. I will just have to be patient and wait and decide if I absolutely have to change my dates. I am also going to see if I can talk to my aunt about not making it when my trip is.

And thank you to those who respect me for not wanting to take my boyfriend because my mom would not like us to share a hotel together because we are not married. I do still live at home and while yes, I am an adult, I live under her roof and want to respect that. Though she is not happy about the whole trip because I'm stressing about it and she doesn't think I have enough money to go. She called my other grandma and asked if she would go if we paid for her and she said she would see because she has to give my grandpa shots everyday and will have to teach him how to do it if she goes so it all depends on that.

And I totally should book another room just for my boyfriend.

@lblume91:We have been together for 1 1/2 years as of yesterday. It feels more like forever.

Thanks guys. Hopefully things will work out in the end. I'm going no matter what, but I don't want to go alone, but I will if I have to. I will keep everyone updated with what's going on.

 

[whitney37354]

I'd go ahead & book my vacation for two people. If they decide to have a shower or wedding during that time, sorry, I have already made plans. Either Grandmother or boyfriend can go. Let them both know the Plan A/Plan B and be sure they are okay with it.

Have fun on your trip and don't worry about the rest of them.

 

[Princess Sleepy]

Since you and your cousin have to share your grandma for 2 events that are important to each of you, why don't you call your cousin and coordinate your dates instead of guessing and assuming? Since they apparently haven't set a shower date yet (or possibly even a wedding date) perhaps she would be willing to set it for a date that won't conflict with your planned trip with your grandma. Communication would seem to be the key here.

 

[Lillian Gracey]

I'd go ahead & book my vacation for two people. If they decide to have a shower or wedding during that time, sorry, I have already made plans. Either Grandmother or boyfriend can go. Let them both know the Plan A/Plan B and be sure they are okay with it.

Have fun on your trip and don't worry about the rest of them.

I have my vacation booked. I just need to call and tell them to add another person, but I want to wait until I know who is going before I make the call.

I already made a reservation for 2 for California Grill at 8pm so I have time to watch Wishes. That's what I wanted to do for my birthday dinner because I wanted to watch such a beautiful show from a nice view while eating a nice meal.

I will send them my sincerest apologies if the shower just happens to be during my trip and I will send a card. I would love to go because she is my cousin and all, but my vacation will come first because of how long I have been waiting for it. I have been planning this longer than she's probably known her fiancee. Sometimes, I just don't understand Judaism. I guess I'm slow because I have been dating my boyfriend for 1 1/2 years. Maybe I should take him and hope for a proposal. My grandma is counting on us to have red-headed kids.

I hear magical music coming from my mom's room. I hope it's something that has to do with Disney.

@Princess Sleepy: That is what I plan on doing. I know how much a wedding shower is important to someone. It's a wonderful day for a future bride, but I'm hoping she will be kind enough to not have it during my trip so Grandma can go with me. This trip means a lot to me and I know her shower means a lot to her. So if she is willing to work around my trip, I will be very happy, but I understand that she does not have to. It's not like her and her family go out of their way for my family anyways.

 

[ccgirl]

Sorry...wedding trumps birthday. You have a birthday every year. I think your Grandma is smart in wanting to wait. You, however, are under no obligation to wait. Your trip is now booked. I would share that date with your aunt/cousin so they know. However, I would not expect them to work around you either. The pure logistics of working around guests schedules are a nightmare. Are you comfortable going away with your boyfriend? Or, is there a best friend that would like to go with you? Wait and see....who knows, maybe the dates work out and you can do both.

 

[Meteora]

And thanks guys for your encouraging words and advice. I do agree that I am creating some unnecessary drama right now and being selfish.

Hey, give yourself a break. It might be selfish to ask Grandma to pick you over your cousin, but you didn't do that. The only thing you're doing is expressing disappointment that your cousin's (recent) plans have interfered with something you've been planning and looking forward to for a long time, and it's fine to feel disappointed. Why not call your aunt and (leaving grandma out of it) explain that you have planned a trip for such and such dates, and mention that if at all possible, you'd love to be able to attend the shower.

You've already planned for two people, so I think the easiest thing to do is wait and see when the shower will be. If it's for the same time, at that point you can evaluate whether you'd rather go on your planned trip alone (or with your boyfriend) or wait for a time when your mom or grandma can go. If not, then there's no problem.

 

[Ceila]

I just want to comment on the issue of going with your boyfriend. I grew up in a very conservative household, and I personally chose to adhere to those beliefs. That did not preclude me from traveling with my boyfriend (who is now my husband!), though!

As adults, what did or didn't happen behind closed doors was between us and us alone. I expected my parents to respect that I was an adult and was capable of making my own choices. Yes, people will assume that you are participating in certain "activities" if you share a room, but I don't have much patience for people who assume. I also didn't worry about appearances. To some people that might be important, but to me it was not.

If you would like to invite your boyfriend to go along, I say ask him and have a great time! DH and I went at about the same age as you and we had a blast!

 

[CathieArms]

I'm not entirely sure I understand. You think they might get married in the next 9 or 10 weeks and they haven't even announced a date? If that's the case, then I think you should go forth with your plans and hope your grandmother will go with you. If we were talking about something 6+ months off, then I'd say you should try to work around it; but, it sounds like you're talking about something in the next 60 or 70 days. I think you should get your grandmother to go with you and let THEM plan around YOU if they want Gramma at their wedding.

That's my opinion. May not be great advice, but there ya have it.

And as the mother of a 15 year old dd who I seriously hope will someday respect my own wishes and feelings, I commend you for wanting to respect your mother that way. Whether you and your dh are intimate or not is not really the question. It sounds like it would bother your mother to know that you were sharing a hotel room and I think it says a lot for you that you would try to respect her feelings like that. I think at some level - if you are intimate - I think she's knows it, but it's a whole lot different for a mom to know it than it is to have her be forced to admit it to herself. Ya know what I mean?

 

[SmallWorld71]

Maybe I'm missing something, but has the shower date actually been set? There are 31 days in May, surely you are not planning on being in WDW for all 31. If I were in your shoes, I would find a way to ensure that the shower was not during my trip. I would talk to my aunt, grandmother, cousins' friends, whoever .... and help come up with a date that would make everyone happy. I would also volunteer to help with the shower (making centerpieces, addressing envelopes, whatever is most helpful.) I think if you approach it the right way, it can work out for everyone. Good luck.

 

[Lillian Gracey]

@ccgirl: Like I stated previously, I do not expect them to change anything for me. It won't hurt to ask, but I agree that I shouldn't expect them to. Especially when probably 300+ people will be at the wedding (They know a lot of people and that's roughly how many were there at my other cousin's wedding). I don't have that many friends, but I can ask around. I will just wait and see what happens. I have a little over 2 months to til the trip and knowing them, they will probably decide before the end of the month.

@Meteora: Thanks. That made me feel better. I am very disappointed that this happened just as I was asking my grandma to come along. I will give her a call and hope that they can at least consider having the wedding shower before or after my trip. I won't expect them to actually move the date, but I sure hope they will at least consider it.

@Celia: I'm glad you understand how it is growing up in that kind of family. My mom won't even allow my boyfriend to be in my room with me, even if the door is opened. It's not a crazy big deal, but I don't like lugging my laptop or PS3 up and down the stairs every time he comes over, which has been pretty often for the last few weeks. lol I definitely agree with you on assumptions. Just because I go to my boyfriend's place doesn't mean we engage in those "activities". I'm going to expect those assumptions if I do decide to take him along, but of course there is no way to prove people wrong.

@CathieArms: I guess it may have been a little unclear. I'm talking about a wedding shower in the next 9 to 10 weeks. Regarding the actual wedding, It's not that I think they will by the end of the year, it's more like I know. With the way their community works, people usually get engaged and married pretty quickly. Like I stated in the original post, her sister started dating a guy in November or December of 2009. They got engaged in May of 2010 and got married in August of 2010. I'm expecting it to be the same way.

I don't expect them to work around me because they don't have to, but I am praying that my grandma will be able to go. It would mean a lot to me.

Thank you very much! I really appreciate that and I hope your daughter is the same with respecting your feelings. It took me a while to, but I'm getting there. My mom definitely does know that we have been intimate because I have told her. I want to have a better relationship with my mom and even though it hurts her to know that I did not save myself for "the one", I think it makes her feel better that I am being open about it instead of trying to hide it from her/ deny it.

@SmallWorld71: A shower date has not been set yet. I plan on being in Disney World May 9th -13th. I, being somewhat pessimistic, am thinking that it will be during that time and with my terrible luck, it probably will be. I will definitely try to talk to them about it though. Thank you for the advice!

Thank you again everyone for sharing your opinions! I am glad there are different opinions. I was hoping for that because it definitely helps me realize that even though this trip means a lot to me, I shouldn't let this sudden engagement ruin my plans and I shouldn't try to "ruin" my cousin's plans.

 

[collegejunkie]

i would go with the bf. just because there's a bed and you're sharing a room doesn't mean that any of that naughty stuff is going to happen. you'll probably be too tired lol. but really, it's your birthday, you have a bf who i assume you like and want to spend time with, you have a pin! everything is set. don't worry about what other people are doing. go and have a great time

 

[tlh0726]

Didn't read all the posts

here is my 2 cents


Book the trip for 3 take boyfriend and grandma. you and grandma share a bed.
If grandma doesn't go then just you and boyfriend go.

 

[SOnotLayuh]

Take him and have fun.. life is too short...

I totally agree.

 

[Ceila]

@Celia:I'm going to expect those assumptions if I do decide to take him along, but of course there is no way to prove people wrong.

What you need to decide is how much you care about other people's assumptions. It took me a while, but as I've grown older I realize that those who truly care about me will believe the truth about me, and those who choose to make (and hold on to) wrong perceptions are the ones who don't really care about me. It's a matter of respect and trust. If someone want to assume I've gone against my beliefs when they have no factual proof, then they aren't someone whose opinion matters to me anymore. And that's true for all aspects of life, not just vacationing with a boyfriend.

Whatever you decide, remember to be true to yourself, and those who love you should trust you to make the choices for yourself that are right for you. Good luck!!

 

[Lillian Gracey]

What you need to decide is how much you care about other people's assumptions. It took me a while, but as I've grown older I realize that those who truly care about me will believe the truth about me, and those who choose to make (and hold on to) wrong perceptions are the ones who don't really care about me. It's a matter of respect and trust. If someone want to assume I've gone against my beliefs when they have no factual proof, then they aren't someone whose opinion matters to me anymore. And that's true for all aspects of life, not just vacationing with a boyfriend.

Whatever you decide, remember to be true to yourself, and those who love you should trust you to make the choices for yourself that are right for you. Good luck!!

Thank you so much for that! That really cheered me up. I definitely agree and I'm hoping my family won't judge me and think bad of me if I do end up taking him along.

It's a tough decision because I would hate to hurt my mom's feelings, but I would love to take my boyfriend with because he has never been to DW before. I will have to wait and see what happens. Hopefully I won't end up having to make a tough decision that will make my head hurt.

 

[Tara922c]

I would say book your trip, and if your grandma agrees go, and have fun. It isn't your fault your cousin planned her wedding shower, and you already had a vacation planned. I would go ahead and plan the trip now because I think it would be kinda crappy if your cousin already had her shower planned, and your grandma decided to go with you instead. I would think your grandma would have some pull, and talk to your cousin about doing the shower a few days before, or after your vacation so she could attend. I just lost my grandmother a little over a month ago, and would have loved to be able to spend a week at Disney with her. Talk to your grandmother, and plan your trip. I just wouldn't be upset if your grandma says she can't go because it is your cousins wedding shower. May has 31 days, and if your cousins shower is xx date, you can schedule your trip for another weekend. I would book the trip now, so it isn't an issue later.