What Would You Do?

[Lillian Gracey]

I am not looking for flames nor do I want people to argue. I am looking for advice and opinions. My plans have been changing rapidly since I even started thinking about this trip (and I'm sure some of you have noticed that) and with it coming closer, a problem has arisen.

I have 4 cousins on my dad's side of the family. One just got married in August and her sister just got engaged yesterday, but I didn't know until a few hours ago and with the way their family is, she will probably get married before the end of the year. (Her sister started dating her husband last November or December, got engaged in May and wed in August)

Now here is the problem. I emailed my Grandma last night about going to Disney World with me to celebrate my 21st birthday and she emailed me a couple of hours ago saying that it depends on what my cousin is planning for her wedding, i.e. shower, etc. and when it's going to happen. I'm expecting the shower to be in May (when my trip is) because we have Passover coming up in April and it wouldn't be in March because that is WAY too little time for people to get gifts. Plus, her sister is pregnant and due in July so they will probably want to do it before then and the wedding will probably be some time after her fiancee graduates college in August.

I was originally going to go with my mom, but she recently got a job and doesn't want to ask for days off already. I have my boyfriend and my mom told me he could go, but I don't want to take him because I know how she feels about him and I being being alone together (hotel room, bedroom, etc.) without being married and I want to respect that even though I would love for him to come along.

Am I being selfish for wanting my grandma to come with me to Disney World instead of worrying about my cousin's wedding shower? Am I selfish for even thinking about missing the shower if it's during my trip dates to celebrate my 21st birthday that's the week before? (My family isn't that close with my cousin's family) I fully understand how important it is to my cousin and our family, but with this just now coming up (It wasn't that much of a surprise. We knew it was going to happen soon even though she has only been dating this guy for a few months [at most probably]), it's putting a damper on my plans because I was looking forward to this for the last 6+ months. I know I could go solo, but I want to make/share memories with someone special to me. I have been waiting 11 years for this and I just feel that I'm being overlooked because of another quick engagement and it honestly hurts. I'm going to pray that it won't be during the dates for my trip.

I know I could move my dates, but I don't want to go during the crowded times of the summer and I want to see the Flower and Garden Festival, plus I have that PIN for 35% off a value hotel that I want to take advantage of.

What would you do if you were in my situation?

I am also not looking for people to agree with me. If people disagree with me, then that's fine with me. I just want to put that out there so people don't accuse me of expecting sympathy.

 

[goopysolelady]

Would your cousins change their long planned for vacation for YOU? My guess is they wouldn't . Now, I do understand about Grandma not wanting to miss a shower/wedding/whatever activity. I say ... go with your boyfriend and ENJOY the trip! You only turn 21 ONCE and what better place to be on that special birthday. I also understand your concern with your Mom about sharing a room but...most rooms have 2 beds or bed/couch! (And, it IS 2011!!! ) Don't give up your special trip...enjoy it and forget about what's "happening back home"!

 

[Lillian Gracey]

Would your cousins change their long planned for vacation for YOU? My guess is they wouldn't . Now, I do understand about Grandma not wanting to miss a shower/wedding/whatever activity. I say ... go with your boyfriend and ENJOY the trip! You only turn 21 ONCE and what better place to be on that special birthday. I also understand your concern with your Mom about sharing a room but...most rooms have 2 beds or bed/couch! (And, it IS 2011!!! ) Don't give up your special trip...enjoy it and forget about what's "happening back home"!

They really wouldn't. To be honest, I wouldn't care that much if they didn't make it to my shower/wedding or changed their plans to attend. They never came to my high school graduation or anything like that. They hardly, if ever, come to anything that is special to my family. They are WAY too busy for the rest of our family, plus my cousin is going to school in New York. It's been like this for as long as I can remember. Would I like for them to come? You're damn right I would, but I wouldn't expect them to because of how they are.

I know this is important to my grandma. What grandma wouldn't want to be apart of something so special?

Anyways, If my grandma can't come, I may have to take him. He's never been, but it would crush me because my grandma and grandpa went on my very first trip 11 years ago and it would mean so much to me for us to share this magical trip together. I have been so torn on whether to take him or not because I love my mom and try to respect her wishes as much as I can, but I think I will if my grandma can't go.

Thanks though! It's really encouraging.

 

[suemom2kay]

Hannah, just wait and see what happens. I know, easier said than done. There may be more PIN's. I have a lot of respect for you in not going against your mother's wishes.

If you book you could always cancel. Wait and see if you can work it around the shower/wedding. Find out (through the grapevine if you have to) what your cousins plans are, length of engagement, timing for wedding, etc.

 

[Lillian Gracey]

Hannah, just wait and see what happens. I know, easier said than done. There may be more PIN's. I have a lot of respect for you in not going against your mother's wishes.

If you book you could always cancel. Wait and see if you can work it around the shower/wedding. Find out (through the grapevine if you have to) what your cousins plans are, length of engagement, timing for wedding, etc.

Thank you! I am trying to be a better daughter and doing what makes her happy (I wasn't really a good kid in middle/high school) even if I don't agree with it is something I am willing to do because I love her so very much.

Waiting is going to be the hardest part. I've been waiting 11 years just to go and having to wait to see if this trip will even happen is even worse. :'(

I have this trip booked already because I wanted to make sure I at least had the discount, so if I had to change dates that the PIN can be used for, I will be safe since it just expired. I hope to know as soon as I can so I can stop stressing.

Thank you!

 

[kylieh]

Two separate questions - you had your trip planned before the shower etc. Take you trip.

On taking your Boyfriend, that's up to you. You don't want to disappoint your mum but you're looking forward to your trip. Two beds in most rooms. And if adult time is/isn't happening now, being at DW doesn't make it happen or not happen.

 

[clandrum]

You are a a very thoughtful person. It seems like you are a person who puts everyone before yourself. I say do something for yourself and take the trip with your BF. Sit down and talk before you go and make the hotel arrangements and expectations clear before hand. I hope you go and have a wonderful trip.

 

[linnell]

I think you are looking at things like Grandma is choosing your cousins over a nice trip with you. And while you only turn 21 once, you do have a birthday every year and Disney will always be there. Your cousin will (hopefully) only have one wedding shower, which is always a chance for your grandmother to see extended family and share in a celebration.

Also? You are turning 21. While your mom has every right to express her disapproval, you are an adult and if you want to go on a trip with your boyfriend you should. I think that sounds like a great way to spend your birthday.

And maybe you can take grandma another time, thus getting a good excuse to go again!

 

[Coach81]

Take him and have fun.. life is too short...

 

[LaurenT]

I am not looking for flames nor do I want people to argue. I am looking for advice and opinions. My plans have been changing rapidly since I even started thinking about this trip (and I'm sure some of you have noticed that) and with it coming closer, a problem has arisen.

I have 4 cousins on my dad's side of the family. One just got married in August and her sister just got engaged yesterday, but I didn't know until a few hours ago and with the way their family is, she will probably get married before the end of the year. (Her sister started dating her husband last November or December, got engaged in May and wed in August)

Now here is the problem. I emailed my Grandma last night about going to Disney World with me to celebrate my 21st birthday and she emailed me a couple of hours ago saying that it depends on what my cousin is planning for her wedding, i.e. shower, etc. and when it's going to happen. I'm expecting the shower to be in May (when my trip is) because we have Passover coming up in April and it wouldn't be in March because that is WAY too little time for people to get gifts. Plus, her sister is pregnant and due in July so they will probably want to do it before then and the wedding will probably be some time after her fiancee graduates college in August.

I was originally going to go with my mom, but she recently got a job and doesn't want to ask for days off already. I have my boyfriend and my mom told me he could go, but I don't want to take him because I know how she feels about him and I being being alone together (hotel room, bedroom, etc.) without being married and I want to respect that even though I would love for him to come along.

Am I being selfish for wanting my grandma to come with me to Disney World instead of worrying about my cousin's wedding shower? Am I selfish for even thinking about missing the shower if it's during my trip dates to celebrate my 21st birthday that's the week before? (My family isn't that close with my cousin's family) I fully understand how important it is to my cousin and our family, but with this just now coming up (It wasn't that much of a surprise. We knew it was going to happen soon even though she has only been dating this guy for a few months [at most probably]), it's putting a damper on my plans because I was looking forward to this for the last 6+ months. I know I could go solo, but I want to make/share memories with someone special to me. I have been waiting 11 years for this and I just feel that I'm being overlooked because of another quick engagement and it honestly hurts. I'm going to pray that it won't be during the dates for my trip.

I know I could move my dates, but I don't want to go during the crowded times of the summer and I want to see the Flower and Garden Festival, plus I have that PIN for 35% off a value hotel that I want to take advantage of.

What would you do if you were in my situation?

I am also not looking for people to agree with me. If people disagree with me, then that's fine with me. I just want to put that out there so people don't accuse me of expecting sympathy.

You're asking what I would do...which is not necessarily what you would feel comfortable doing...
I would not expect my grandmother to go, because I wouldn't want her to miss my shower in order to go on a trip...though if my grandmother had done that I wouldn't be angry...just disappointed.
I would not cancel my trip just to go to the shower for a cousin that I'm not especially close to (I would, of course, send a gift).
And if my mother gave her blessing (and possibly even if she didn't, since you're 21), I'd be all over taking my boyfriend - you'll have a great time!
It's perfectly natural to feel the way you do, but it doesn't mean you're right and they're wrong (or vice versa)....just remember that in the grand scheme of things, this is just a tiny blip on the screen of life.

 

[imthatgirl]

I completely understand where your grandmother is coming from. she knew about the wedding, and therefor does not want to make plans with you until she knows when everything is happening. I get that this wedding stuff happened after you planned your trip, but your grandmother wasn't part of you planning your trip, she was an afterthought.

I think you should make plans to go to WDW if thats what you want to do, but you need to respect the fact that other people may have more important things to deal with.

As for taking your boyfriend, only you can decide if thats something you want to do.

 

[KJay]

my grandma and grandpa went on my very first trip 11 years ago and it would mean so much to me for us to share this magical trip together.

If I were your grandmother, this would totally make me want to go with you even more! It's so sweet.

This is a shower, not a wedding- I don't think it's that big of a deal to miss, especially for a special vacation. I guess I'm not as sentimental as some regarding showers. (Plus, it sounds like the wedding may be right around the corner anyway!)

I respect the fact that you want to honor your mom's wishes, but she has said that she's ok with your boyfriend going. He may not be your first choice for your trip partner, but if your grandmother will not commit to going, I think you should go...and enjoy!

 

[WDSearcher]

I am not looking for flames nor do I want people to argue. I am looking for advice and opinions. My plans have been changing rapidly since I even started thinking about this trip (and I'm sure some of you have noticed that) and with it coming closer, a problem has arisen.

I have 4 cousins on my dad's side of the family. One just got married in August and her sister just got engaged yesterday, but I didn't know until a few hours ago and with the way their family is, she will probably get married before the end of the year. (Her sister started dating her husband last November or December, got engaged in May and wed in August)

Now here is the problem. I emailed my Grandma last night about going to Disney World with me to celebrate my 21st birthday and she emailed me a couple of hours ago saying that it depends on what my cousin is planning for her wedding, i.e. shower, etc. and when it's going to happen. I'm expecting the shower to be in May (when my trip is) because we have Passover coming up in April and it wouldn't be in March because that is WAY too little time for people to get gifts. Plus, her sister is pregnant and due in July so they will probably want to do it before then and the wedding will probably be some time after her fiancee graduates college in August.

I was originally going to go with my mom, but she recently got a job and doesn't want to ask for days off already. I have my boyfriend and my mom told me he could go, but I don't want to take him because I know how she feels about him and I being being alone together (hotel room, bedroom, etc.) without being married and I want to respect that even though I would love for him to come along.

Am I being selfish for wanting my grandma to come with me to Disney World instead of worrying about my cousin's wedding shower? Am I selfish for even thinking about missing the shower if it's during my trip dates to celebrate my 21st birthday that's the week before? (My family isn't that close with my cousin's family) I fully understand how important it is to my cousin and our family, but with this just now coming up (It wasn't that much of a surprise. We knew it was going to happen soon even though she has only been dating this guy for a few months [at most probably]), it's putting a damper on my plans because I was looking forward to this for the last 6+ months. I know I could go solo, but I want to make/share memories with someone special to me. I have been waiting 11 years for this and I just feel that I'm being overlooked because of another quick engagement and it honestly hurts. I'm going to pray that it won't be during the dates for my trip.

I know I could move my dates, but I don't want to go during the crowded times of the summer and I want to see the Flower and Garden Festival, plus I have that PIN for 35% off a value hotel that I want to take advantage of.

What would you do if you were in my situation?

I am also not looking for people to agree with me. If people disagree with me, then that's fine with me. I just want to put that out there so people don't accuse me of expecting sympathy.

It seems to me like you're creating unnecessary drama for yourself by filling this scenario with a bunch of "what ifs." A wedding date has not been set. There is no confirmed shower scheduled. If you want to plan a vacation for your 21st birthday, plan one. But respect your Grandma's wishes to wait and find out about the wedding if she wants to. You may not care whether or not you miss your cousin's shower / wedding, but your Grandma might enjoy being part of one of her grand-daughter's celebrations. If you were getting married, you'd want your Grandma there, right? Your cousin probably feels the same way.

You won't take your boyfriend because your mom doesn't like the thought of the two of you sharing a hotel room. OK. But if you live away from home now, your mom is probably aware that you and BF may be sharing a room already. It's nice that you want to respect that, but it kind of sounds like you're just trying to create more drama. If you want him to go and he wants to go, then go. Are you afraid that your mom will be angry?

You could change your dates but you don't want to because you don't want to go at a more crowded time and you don't want to lose your PIN or whatever. Basically ... you don't want to change your plans for a wedding that your cousin might be having during that same timeframe. Has it occured to you that if you let everyone know what dates you already have a vacation planned that they might take that into account when choosing their wedding date? If the date hasn't been chosen yet -- and presuming that your cousin wants you at her wedding -- they might not choose that exact time. Again ... creating drama where none exists.

And finally, you're feeling overlooked because one of your cousins announced her engagement several months before your 21st birthday? More drama! You don't really think that your cousin and her fiance sat down and said, "Hey -- let's announce our engagement now so that we can totally overshadow Lillian Gracey's long-planned birthday trip to WDW", do you?

Honestly ... I think you have yourself all worked up over nothing. Any disappointment or hurt you're feeling is your own doing. You're upset because a cousin that you admit isn't really all that close to you had the audacity to announce her engagement without checking with you first to make sure it didn't disrupt your life. That seems a bit silly.

 

[WDSearcher]

Anyways, If my grandma can't come, I may have to take him. He's never been, but it would crush me because my grandma and grandpa went on my very first trip 11 years ago and it would mean so much to me for us to share this magical trip together.

If it would mean so much to you for you to share this magical trip together, then reschedule. If the PIN discount is more important, then stick with your dates.

It's like you're trying to turn this into this big sentimental thing that you just really really want to share with your grandma, but only if grandma is available at the right time. You need to decide what's most important -- being at WDW to celebrate your birthday, sharing a magical WDW vacation with your grandma, or being at WDW when it's cheaper and there are fewer crowds. It doesn't sound like you can have all three.

 

[momof2n2]

First - I didn't read all the other posts, so forgive me if I have missed something.

Second - I think you are right for not traveling, unmarried, with your boyfriend. You are not only honoring you mother, you are honoring yourself.

Third - taking your family's feelings into consideration is noble, too. In this I am thinking your grandmother.

Can you just wait? Those dates for all those activities should be hammered out soon, and you may see that there is a good window for your travels. If not? Well, frankly, while celebrating your 21st b-day in WDW may be a wonderful memory, it isn't really all that important. Right now it must seem like it is, and I am not flaming you. I just have to throw out there that 20 years from now, 10 years from now, man, even 5 years from now you WILL chuckle when you reflect on this concern and see how little it did matter WHEN you went. NOT trying to be unkind... but I really think I'm right on that. ♥

 

[Allison]

Are you selfish for missing a wedding shower for your cousin because you are on vacation-No, not at all.

But, of course, grandma wants to be at the wedding shower for her other granddaughter so you shouldn't expect her to ditch it to go on vacation with you. So, in that regard, you are being selfish. I bet grandma would do the same for you if you were the one planning the wedding.

 

[lblume91]

I'm going to answer this from two different perspectives here.

First, remembering back to when I was 21 - My vote is for you to go with your boyfriend & have a great vacation, not worrying about your cousin & her feelings. Your trip was planned before her shower, which still isn't planned. If you & your boyfriend have been together for a while, it would be alot of fun for you two & something you'll always look back on with fond memories. (If you haven't been dating that long though, it could be awkward & wouldn't want to take him.)

Second, as a mom of an almost 18-year-old, who will be 21 before I even know what happens - I would probably not be thrilled with the idea of her going on a vacation with her boyfriend but would understand why she wanted to do that. Again, if you've been together a long time, it would be okay with me, as a mom. If you haven't been together very long, then I'd try to talk you out of it.

Only you know what's best for you in your situation.

 

[TenderDonkey]

21st birthday?! Scrap any and all Disney plans. Vegas all the way - I honestly cannot think of a more magical place to turn 21!

 

[jking6]

I say go and enjoy your trip. If you are worried about your family's reaction if you share a room with your boyfriend you should know you can book up to 3 rooms in the same hotel with 1 discount code. Stay in seperate rooms.
I have missed extended family events because I already had a vaction booked before there dates came out and I did not let me stop my vacation.
enjoy and good luck in what ever you decide.

 

[mombrontrent]

Go with your boyfriend and have a great trip!