What Would You Do?

[maciec]

my dd is 9 and in 3rd grade. She still believes in Santa. She came home and told me that they were reading, as a class, Superfudge by Judy Blume. In the book the author gives the impression that there is no Santa. I am now at a loss as to what to do. I don't want her to find out through the book that there is no Santa. I have placed a call to the teacher and I am waiting for her to call me back.

What would you do?

 

[Jennasis]

Have you considered telling your daughter that SUperfudge (which is an AWESOME book BTW) is just a book? A work of fiction?

Or you could concede that eventually your kid WILL discover that the isn't a Santa, and this is pasrt of that process.

I am at a loss that you would call the teacher to complain that a fictional book the class is reading might debunk a MYTH your daughter believes in.

 

[Christine]

I had one of those kids who believed in Santa until 4th grade. I did nothing to perpetuate the myth, as fun as it is for kids, and knew that he would come to it on his own eventually (even though he didn't want to). When it gets to the point that everyday life is interfering with the myth, I think you've got to come out with the truth. It is an age appropriate book and, IMO, 3rd or 4th grade is on the outside edge of believing in Santa.

I definitely would not be calling the teaching to have her stop so my child could keep up that particular belief.

 

[Janet Hill]

IMO I'd just tell her. However, this is coming from someone whose kids haven't believed in Santa since age 5. The older one was just too logical to fall for it and it took him two years, but he finally convinced his younger sister that there's no way for this to be true. I will say it did nothing to dull their spirit of Christmas, or even wanting their picture taken with Santa.

 

[HM]

I'm sure this is not the first time she's heard of the possibility, right?

Just ask her what she thinks. Follow her lead.

I'm assuming you are calling the teacher to find out whether the book 'gives it away' not to complain right?

I'm sure my DD and DS read that book. They continued to believe in Santa for a good while...and we did a good job of making it look like there really was a Santa too.

 

[JessicaR]

At this point there will be many references that she will accept or choose to ignore. I have no doubt that a friend or two have already stated 'their' beliefs.

I believe in the spirit of Christmas and Santa and I'm 46. Nobody can take that away from her so don't worry.I would let her believe what she wants as long as she wants.

That book needs to come with a Santa alert! Have a look at the reviews on Amazon - it is WIDELY discussed.

 

[KAMKIM]

my dd is 9 and in 3rd grade. She still believes in Santa. She came home and told me that they were reading, as a class, Superfudge by Judy Blume. In the book the author gives the impression that there is no Santa. I am now at a loss as to what to do. I don't want her to find out through the book that there is no Santa. I have placed a call to the teacher and I am waiting for her to call me back.

What would you do?

I would tell her its a fictional book and leave it at that. My DD8 is in 3rd grade and still wants to believe but I think she is catching on

 

[ZephyrHawk]

When my children start to question, I know exactly what I will tell them:

"The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see."

 

[maciec]

Have you considered telling your daughter that SUperfudge (which is an AWESOME book BTW) is just a book? A work of fiction?

Or you could concede that eventually your kid WILL discover that the isn't a Santa, and this is pasrt of that process. I know it's coming, but I would like her to be a kid as long as possible.

I am at a loss that you would call the teacher to complain that a fictional book the class is reading might debunk a MYTH your daughter believes in.

I loved this book as a kid. I agree that it is awesome. I am NOT complaining to the teacher. I just wanted to find out how she handles the questions that I am sure follow the reveal. I will go off of her lead. For all I know, she skips right over it. Why should I spill the beans to my dd when there may be no need to?

I had one of those kids who believed in Santa until 4th grade. I did nothing to perpetuate the myth, as fun as it is for kids, and knew that he would come to it on his own eventually (even though he didn't want to). When it gets to the point that everyday life is interfering with the myth, I think you've got to come out with the truth. It is an age appropriate book and, IMO, 3rd or 4th grade is on the outside edge of believing in Santa.

I definitely would not be calling the teaching to have her stop so my child could keep up that particular belief.

I didn't say that I was calling to stop the teacher. I just want to talk to her and be prepared if/when my dd comes to me and starts asking questions.

I'm sure this is not the first time she's heard of the possibility, right?

My dd has never discussed otherwise with me. She may have, but as of right now I don't have any evidence to say she has.

I'm assuming you are calling the teacher to find out whether the book 'gives it away' not to complain right?

Nope, not calling to complain

I'm sure my DD and DS read that book. They continued to believe in Santa for a good while...and we did a good job of making it look like there really was a Santa too.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I would not have called the teacher. I would just say it is a book and leave it at that.

3rd grade is the age where the myth is debunked so it is normal really, OP. Your dd is just questioning something that is probably in her mind already.

Janet Hill my youngest was like that. She could not accept the logistics of Santa. I tried to "make it real". In K she was examining handwriting. By first grade she was skeptical but "went along". In second grade she demanded to know the truth.

 

[KAMKIM]

I would not have called the teacher. I would just say it is a book and leave it at that.

3rd grade is the age where the myth is debunked so it is normal really, OP. Your dd is just questioning something that is probably in her mind already.

Janet Hill my youngest was like that. She could not accept the logistics of Santa. I tried to "make it real". In K she was examining handwriting. By first grade she was skeptical but "went along". In second grade she demanded to know the truth.

I make DH write the names on the tags now because our DD8 is examining my handwriting as well.

 

[diznygirl]

Another one of the things I learned here on the DIS: if you don't believe in Santa, he won't come.

I was faced with questions from my oldest and that's what I told him. We've always approached Santa as a great mystery because there is an awful lot we don't know about him. But I told him I heard that if you don't believe in him, he doesn't come to your house anymore. And he was willing to believe a little longer.

Remind her that the book is fiction, and that lots of people have doubts. Good luck!

 

[maciec]

Thanks for all of the advice! I know that the time is coming and she is growing up, but I just don't want her to grow up too fast. I just want to be prepared. This is easy compared to some of the other discussions we will have here in the next few years. UGH! Gee I can't wait.

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

We take the Obi Wan Kenobi/Polar Express approach in our house.

Obi Wan was explaining to Luke how when he had told Luke that Darth Vader had murdered his father was true "from a certain point of view."

We explain to the girls that Santa's kind of like that. True from a "certain point of view."

That leads us to the Polar Express book. It was normal for people to stop being able to hear the bell as time went along. The people who maintained the point of view that Santa was real could still hear the magic of the bell.

Sooo, for our rational kids, (girls, 9 & 10), this allows them to keep Santa real in their hearts by maintaining the creative mystery of believing in the possibilities and "point of view", while acknowledging for most of the world Santa is just a mythical construct.

We believe in the idea of Santa

 

[suejai]

DS figured it out when he was around 7 but didn't let on until he was around 9 or 10 . Mind you we started to suspect towards the end.

My guess is your daughter is already coming to the realization herself.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Sooo, for our rational kids, (girls, 9 & 10), this allows them to keep Santa real in their hearts by maintaining the creative mystery of believing in the possibilities and "point of view", while acknowledging for most of the world Santa is just a mythical construct.

We believe in the idea of Santa

My 18yodd does this but my 13yodd was "Spock" from birth. She finds the whole Santa thing illogical.

My 18yo starts covering her ears when the younger dd starts on her rants.

 

[MarilIncredible]

Can you tell her that Judy Blume is Jewish and Jewish people don't celebrate Christmas and therefore may not believe in Santa?

OK, so I am kidding.

I think by age 9 most kids have doubts if they haven't already decided that Santa is not a real person.

How about reading her the Yes, Virginia letter?

 

[JessicaR]

Can you tell her that Judy Blume is Jewish and Jewish people don't celebrate Christmas and therefore may not believe in Santa?
OK, so I am kidding.

I think by age 9 most kids have doubts if they haven't already decided that Santa is not a real person.

How about reading her the Yes, Virginia letter?

I like this and it is true.

 

[kristilew]

I highly recommend The Autobiography of Santa Claus. It is a wonderful book - we listen to it on CD every December. There are 24 chapters to make a great Christmas countdown tradition.

Anyway, the book gives a ton of history and incorporates all the legends of Santa, explaining everything in a logical and believable way. And it gives an "out" to explain kids and families who don't believe in Santa, AND it gives a way for your kid to gracefully age out of Santa without ever having to decide that he's not real.

They know in their hearts, and certainly hear from others, that Santa isn't real, but if you've got one who loves to believe in the magic, why ruin it for them?

Having said that, I do agree with a pp that if keeping the ruse going is getting in the way of daily life, you've gone too far. When questions did come up with DD12, we just asked "Do you really want to have this discussion?" and repeated "you must Believe to Receive."

 

[FireDancer]

We read that book in class in 4th grade and I remember I loved it.

We grew up a bit different with regards to Santa. My parents never told us he was real in the sense that he was a man living in the north pole that flew from house to house every year. We were told he was real in the sense that Mickey Mouse is real. He existed as a myth and a symbol and stood for something as opposed to being a physical person. It never took any magic out of it for us. We still saw him at the mall and got presents from him, but we understood Santa then like I do now, an abstract idea as opposed to a physical person. It was the same when we went to Disney as kids. Mickey was a man in a suit who symbolized what Mickey symbolizes. Some may say that it takes away the magic but I still love Mickey Mouse now as I did then, I've been to the parks enough times to prove that.

I'm not saying it is best to do it the way my parents did, everyone should do what they feel they want to do. Hopefully it puts into perspective that even if your kids don't believe that he flies around once a year and climbs down a chimney they can still find him magical. Kids are a lot smarter than grown ups often give them credit for. Take it for what it's worth.