What would you do?

[TinkBride]

Backstory:

DF's parents dislike me and they have said beyond TERRIBLE things about me. They do not really support this wedding at all and are slightly upset with DF for marrying me.

DF and I planned an intimate DFTW because DF was ADAMANT from the beginning that he did not want a large wedding and go to a large expense, he just wanted close family there and that was all that mattered to him. I agreed i did not want a large wedding as well (I have been married before and had the ginormous wedding). We both wanted simple, intimate, and cheap.

Our parents are splitting the cost of the wedding.

Dilemma:

FMIL has came up with the grand idea to have an at home reception upon our return. Hello? We had a DFTW to get away from that.

She has a guest list of about 100-120 and is wanting to spend lots of money to have this "party". Neither DF or i want this at all. I am completely against it and DF only wants it for the gifts (terrible i know), but the list of people they have are practical strangers to DF and I have NO IDEA who they are at all.

DF said that he doesn't want it either, but his parents are really wanting to do it. Now remember these people dislike me immensly.

I feel like they only want to do this to show off and have us be their showboats. It has been made quite obvious that this assumption is correct.

Even better, FIL have made hints that they will not pay for DF's last two college classes to graduate "because he will be married by then"......even though they have paid books and tuition for 6 years for him.

So, DF's thoughts are save the money, pay my tuition for the two classes, and give us a nice gift, instead of planning, spending, and stressing to have the reception.

By the way, she has not even started planning this hardly and wants to have it in April......in Indy things book up FAST....


UUUUGGGGHHHH!!

What would you do?

 

[JJClemson]

How stressful! My FIL are kind of doing the same thing... ugh! Ok, since they do not care for you your DF should talk to his parents. Have him explain that you did not want a big wedding to begin with and this would just be an extra hassle for him. Tell him to thank them for the offer, but explain that this is not what you two, or what HE, wants. He should ask them to pay for his classes instead of this event.

My FIL are insisting on throwing an at-home reception even though we are having a DFTW for 70, and my parents are throwing an at-home reception for 100 DF's parents are just doing this to show my parents up. I told DF to tell them if they insist on doing this, it's fine w/ me, but I am not helping to plan it or give my opinion on ANYTHING. I told him I will show up for the event and be nice, but his mother better not tell me to do anything else! We have such a loving relationship I guess I would suggest you do the same if they insist on having the at-home reception.

Good luck to you These FIL situations are so tough...

 

[Maggimus]

We had similar feelings like you and your DF. We had a destination wedding (WDW) so we could get away from all the people, etc. But... DH (AND I, I must admit) wanted the gifts. Selfish I know- but heck... everyone else gets them- we should too!! So we chose ourselves to have an at home reception. We had a whole lot of people there.

I have the worst anxiety of almost anyone you will ever know-- family gatherings gives it to me more than anything!

So we did have the at-home reception... but- it was very relaxed (which made it not hard at all). We booked a great relaxed reception barn... we had a local B-B-Q joint (Buddy's Bar-B-Q) cater it.... we had the cake, DJ, all of that... but the great thing was that it was so big- we hardly saw everyone... and they spent more time reminiscing to everyone else than us. We didnt mind too much because we didnt really want to have to explain everything and talk the entire time. We said from the get-go that we wouldnt dance together (brings more attn to us- and we danced at our real wedding)... so we got the gifts (what we wanted)... most all of our family/ friends came (what we wanted)... they all had a good time together (what we wanted)... and we werent too involved. With food there- people were pretty busy at their own tables, and saying hi to everyone else. The DJ kept people entertained...

and to keep us from having to answer questions- we put photos up at a table, along with a video and tv of the wedding so peopel could watch it if they wanted. It was very relaxed. Best of all- we didnt wear our wedding outfits. Everyone wore dress casual clothing... It was more less like a big birthday party or something. Worked out great for us.

And... I had no anxiety (although I was more nervous about the reception coming than the actual wedding).

I do remember DH and I saying on the plane ride home that had we not already had the reception planned... that we wouldnt have done it. Simply because we were sorta tired of all the attention and pictures.

All in all, I am glad we had the reception... that everyone in our family had the opportunity to share in our joy (whether they decided to come and do so was another thing)...

Good Luck with whatever you decide...