What would you do?

[dznystar]

You're planning the wedding of your dreams, but you know that in reality you can't really afford most of the things you really want. Then you're faced with a decision, Custom or Intimate? You have more people in your immediate families than are allowed at the Intimate, unless you don't have the children attend. Except for my 3 year old son, who will be part of the wedding. (Would that be a terrible thing to ask for adults only?) But on the other hand, you REALLY want a first dance and a father/daughter dance. Then theres the custom wedding. At $100 a head, that limits the number of guests attending. What do you do? I'm so completely stressed out about this, and it seems that no one else around me feels the pressure. DF and I talk about it, but its not as big of a deal to him. He just wants me to be happy. Opinions please.

 

[ItGirl753]

First, calm down. I think you can do it! I do not know how many people you're looking at inviting. I've been planning a custom on the <slim> side.

On a weekday, there is a $10K minimum. Look at the site fees. The Wedding Pavilion is more expensive than the other locations. I am planning on a weekday morning wedding with a lunch reception. The minimums are less for lunch. It is not $100/plate, but you do have to add in beverages too. Read the small print on the Disney FTW website. It has info about lunches on there. I'm also not having all the extras like characters, or carriages.

Hope that helps, and good luck!

 

[dznystar]

Right now we are planning a custom on Thursday June 14 at 7:30. I wanted pictures close to sunset so I had to pick the latest wedding available. I wish I'd win the lottery. (of course you do need to play to win) I'm trying to keep my options open, but when you've dreamt of this day your entire life, its hard to let some things go.

 

[PrincessTanyuhKaypoo]

Hi dznystar,

I went through the same thing when we were about to hit the one year mark. For so long I didn't think we'd every be able to have a custom wedding, but we had too many family members to have an intimate. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place!

Honestly I've had a few moments where I've wished we were an intimate instead, just to make the planning easier. But I think I would have wished we'd gone custom too!

Having your reception so late is definately going to cost you a lot more than doing a morning or afternoon wedding. Where are you planning to have your ceremony and reception?

It's a hard decision to make, but it's a decision that only you and your DF can make. What ever you choose to do, it wil be beautiful and amazing- a true fairy tale!

 

[MEME]

Well, I understand your frustration. I always thought that I would want a big lavish wedding; however, as I have gotten older I realized that your wedding day is such a small element in a marriage. My now husband and I have two children together; had a home built a couple of years ago....so everything was working out (backwards) for us; very non-traditional. I realized that I wanted our wedding day to be family oriented; I wanted our children to feel that they were a huge part of our wedding; along with having an intimate occasion. I wanted the simple pleasures in life on this day; family, friends and love.

We posted a script on our wedding website for everyone to read:

"We have chosen to get married at Walt Disney World because it offers the simplest and most cost-effective way for us to marry, honeymoon and vacation with our kids! The Disney Fairytale Weddings department offered exactly what we were looking for, a small gathering with close friends and family, an intimate wedding with a priceless experience."

So in a nutshell; this is why we went with an intimate. Everything went perfect, everyone was blown away....it was a very magical experience.

My husband has a very large family so we hosted a post-wedding reception upon our return. So in essence; we still celebrated with everyone!

http://www.gibbswedding.weddingwindow.com

 

[Belle83007]

MEME- congrats on your 1yr anniversary!!! Your pics are beautiful!!!!

 

[ItGirl753]

dznystar,
I forgot to mention that we are currently deciding between an intimate and a custom. We've planned on a custom all along, but an intimate would allow us to put some money towards other things.

I totally understand that an intimate is not even enough for your immediate family! With me, It will be 18 exactly! Of course, I'd rather have a few friends there so we're hoping to pull off a custom.

 

[dznystar]

dznystar,
I forgot to mention that we are currently deciding between an intimate and a custom. We've planned on a custom all along, but an intimate would allow us to put some money towards other things.

I totally understand that an intimate is not even enough for your immediate family! With me, It will be 18 exactly! Of course, I'd rather have a few friends there so we're hoping to pull off a custom.

That's kind of how we feel too. My son, who just turned 3, will definitely be included. But I have 3 nieces and 3 nephews and DF has 1 nephew. How do you tell my brothers, who will be traveling down for the wedding, that they can come, but their kids will not be able to go to the wedding? I know you can set up one of those children's events. I just feel like it would be sort of akward. That would be the only way we'd be able to have a custom. There are just too many kids.

 

[PrincessMeganKatie]

dznystar,
The only thing that the children can't go to is the actual ceremony. They can attend anything else you have planned before or after the ceremony, such as a dinner, welcome party and/or dessert party. So you could arrange to have something set up for them during the ceremony (such as hiring Disney babysitters) and then invite them to dinner and everything else.

Our immediate family is exactly 18 as well, so we just made it. (Actually, we didn't because my sister's boyfriend made 19. He is coming down to Florida and will do everything else with us except the ceremony. They are only 19, so I feel bad, but no too bad about him not being able to go to the ceremony.)

 

[Tabetha]

That's kind of how we feel too. My son, who just turned 3, will definitely be included. But I have 3 nieces and 3 nephews and DF has 1 nephew. How do you tell my brothers, who will be traveling down for the wedding, that they can come, but their kids will not be able to go to the wedding? I know you can set up one of those children's events. I just feel like it would be sort of akward. That would be the only way we'd be able to have a custom. There are just too many kids.

Is it just me, or would children rather not sit through a wedding ceremony anyway? Maybe it would help if you didn't approach it as 'the kids can't come to the ceremony' and started thinking about it as 'we've got a fun activity planned for the kids while we're doing the "boring stuff"'. (I am certain you wedding ceremony won't actually be boring, but come on - they're kids!)

I also think if I were a parent, I would have a much better time at the ceremony if I wasn't handing crayons off to my kidlet trying to keep them entertained and quiet.

Just my completely inexperienced point of view!

 

[sarah_n_brian2006]

Ask your wedding planner what kid based events are going on during the time of your wedding ceremony, if you go intimate. They could do the Pirate cruise or lots of things, you could even plan your wedding to that. They could have fun that many families do not allot time for, so it would be special for them. WDW tries to go for everyone, so its only fair that they give parents a break. Its an option.

 

[tink606]

well, were having an intimate and my brother decided not to come to the wedding cause my two nephews 3 and 7 were not going to be able to attend, i told him about the idea of the cruise while the ceremony took place which is only half an hour long and he didnt go for it he said it was either his entire family or no one. also I told him that they were going to be included for everything else which is the dinner and the parks and stuff but he still didnt want to so we still decided to go with the intimate and invited two of our closest friends instead, they have been our friends since before we met and throughout our entire relationship so we really wanted them to be there and since my brother was being st***d about the whole thing then we included our friends instead and were very happy with our decision. Also as intimate u could still have ur first dance and father/daughter dance, which is what im doing, i just have to provide them with my cd player and the music since they dont have it and my location is outside in sunset pointe. To me, Intimate is totally worth it if ur not able to have the custom or to just save money for something else such as a down payment for the house, honeymoon, vacationing, etc. Whichever one u decide to go with im sure it will still turn out to be a very special day. Good luck in deciding and remember that Disney always finds a way to make your special day very special and magical whether its intimate or custom

 

[dznystar]

Is it just me, or would children rather not sit through a wedding ceremony anyway? Maybe it would help if you didn't approach it as 'the kids can't come to the ceremony' and started thinking about it as 'we've got a fun activity planned for the kids while we're doing the "boring stuff"'. (I am certain you wedding ceremony won't actually be boring, but come on - they're kids!)

I also think if I were a parent, I would have a much better time at the ceremony if I wasn't handing crayons off to my kidlet trying to keep them entertained and quiet.

Just my completely inexperienced point of view!

Good point. I guess I didn't think about it that way. My son is very well behaved. I am amazed. But some of my nieces and nephews aren't.

 

[friendofgusgus]

Dznystar-

Here is one thing that really helped me with our guest list: ask your family before you decide. In our case, not all of our siblings are coming by their own choice - some due to costs, some don't like to travel, one has a child under 1 year old, etc. We turned out to have an extra space and to include two of my friends who I thought would be off the list - and we have to make room for my FH's 5 children from his first marriage!

We really struggled with the Intimate/Custom thing but now that we're close, things are turning our just fine - and with the money we saved, I'm riding in Cinderella's coach!

I only visit here on the weekends (and sometimes not even then) so forgive me if I've missed other posts of yours. From what you're saying here, though, it sounds like you're trying to decide before you get a real idea of who might be coming - and that may change everything!

Best of luck with your decision - so many of us here know that it all will work out in the end!

Jennifer
Intimate Wedding 12/1106

 

[happylalagirl]

dzny - we had a similar situation. Both of our immediate families are enormous and very close. We both see our aunts and uncles all the time and are just like extended parents to us, so for us it wasn't an option to not invite them. We did say no children. There are only 5 children coming. One is our daughter, one is our ring bearer and the other 3 are young cousins whose parents are in the middle of a bitter divorce and we wanted them to have something (happy) memorable from this year. Everyone in the family knows they are invited because they all know the circumstances these children have been living in for the past 9 months and they are fine with it. One of my DF's cousins is bringing a babysitter with them. She is a friend of theirs and they are all vacationing while they are down for the wedding. You have plenty of time to save. You have seven months. If we can save almost $13K in 4 months, you'll be fine. Just put it in a savings account and don't touch it. I highly recommend the ING savings account. You can't beat the interest and you can't just go to an ATM and take it out. Whatever you choose, you'll be happy. Don't stress. Try to see how many people would be interested in coming. We had originally heard from people that 75 would be attending and now that it's time to give the RSVP's, there are a bunch who can't come due to circumstances. Things change in time. Don't stress. Just take some time and figure it out. You'll be ok. If you need to chat, just PM me.

Friend of gus gus - you are getting married the same day as me!!!!! That's so cool!!!!!!

 

[dznystar]

dzny - we had a similar situation. Both of our immediate families are enormous and very close. We both see our aunts and uncles all the time and are just like extended parents to us, so for us it wasn't an option to not invite them. We did say no children. There are only 5 children coming. One is our daughter, one is our ring bearer and the other 3 are young cousins whose parents are in the middle of a bitter divorce and we wanted them to have something (happy) memorable from this year. Everyone in the family knows they are invited because they all know the circumstances these children have been living in for the past 9 months and they are fine with it. One of my DF's cousins is bringing a babysitter with them. She is a friend of theirs and they are all vacationing while they are down for the wedding. You have plenty of time to save. You have seven months. If we can save almost $13K in 4 months, you'll be fine. Just put it in a savings account and don't touch it. I highly recommend the ING savings account. You can't beat the interest and you can't just go to an ATM and take it out. Whatever you choose, you'll be happy. Don't stress. Try to see how many people would be interested in coming. We had originally heard from people that 75 would be attending and now that it's time to give the RSVP's, there are a bunch who can't come due to circumstances. Things change in time. Don't stress. Just take some time and figure it out. You'll be ok. If you need to chat, just PM me.

Friend of gus gus - you are getting married the same day as me!!!!! That's so cool!!!!!!

Thanks. I've decided to start working on some favors and other things for the wedding to kind of take my mind off the thought of money. It seems to be working pretty well so far.

 

[Laurafoster]

The best thing to do is to find out from family and friends who would be likely to attend! Then work out how much you would need to be spending on a custom wedding, and then how much it would cost for an intimate wedding.

If you are planning a meal after the intimate and a pirates cruise or something for the kids the price will bump up! also dont forget to factor in any extra flowers and champagne!Also with a custom the $100 per head does not apply to kids, only adults! Kids meals are around $20 for most locations!

That was how i worked out my decision, i worked out that the extra i would have had to pay for the babysitting for the kids, the extra champagne for the toast, the extra transportation costs and for extra flowers at the WP. i also really wanted mickey and minnie at the "reception" so that would have put me too far from the minimum of a custom.

I would speak with family and friends and get an idea of who would be attending, then have a chat with the planner and work out estimated budgets for both, then you can get a better idea of which option would suit you best.

 

[luvsmickey]

Also, you can have more than one wishbook. I couldn't decide either. I got both wishbooks and started to compare. I put all the things I needed into both and came out with some totals. It'll give you an idea, of course it's not exact, but it sometimes helps to look at both side by side. Good luck!