What would you do

[princessblueeyzes]

Hi guys. I am having kind of a dilema- I have set 3 appointments up for my DF's sister to go and get her BM dress- I don't care about the style just the color and she has broken every single appointment. this last appointment she set the date and the time and told me that for sure she would be in town to go shopping for her dress. Now apparently she suddenly has an overnight field trip that she has to go to. I understand school and things but never a teacher dropping this on his class 2 days before . I don't know she wants to go to the Davids in El Paso to get her dress- I am just concerned that she is going to buy a dress that is not the color that I want them in, and I called the store there and the lady wouldn't take any of the information down. What should I do? What if she comes to the wedding wearing some off the wall color that I didn't want them to wear? What can I do?
Please help me. What would you do in this situation. I feel that I have been a very good bride to my BM and everyone and haven't turned into bridezilla on them. I told DF that this really bothers me as I keep setting up these appointments and she keeps breaking them even when she has been given Months notice before the dress appointments.

 

[lovindonald]

Yikes, I am so sorry. It sounds like she is either just being difficult or is in denial. Will DF talk to her? Me being me, I would be very clear and tell her that if she does not show up in the appropriate color dress that I would not allow her to be in the wedding. It is a choice you have to make. You are not asking very much of her. Could it be a cost issue? Weddings are stressful enough without this kind of hassle. I would go to DF and see what he can do for you. I hope this works out and goes smoothly. Best of luck to you!

 

[princessblueeyzes]

It's not a cost issue as she doesn't have to work and her parents pay for everything -new car- new computer-school- apartment-food everything. DF thinks that I am stressing over nothing and that I can't control the situation. If she does show up to MY wedding with a different color than the colors that I have asked the BMs to wear then I will have to let her know that she is not allowed to be in the wedding and only a couple of pictures. Which I know will upset DF and his family but I feel that I have done EVERYTHING for her already

 

[sajetto]

Really, I would think that it could be that you are months from the wedding and she doesn't feel that its an urgent need. Maybe you should give her some sort of deadline.

 

[dsnyfan6/18]

that's tough... and I know how it is - DH wouldn't pass on any information, and things that I felt taht were really important (b/c they were!) he didn't see the necessity. I think you need to set a deadline, especially if the dress needs to be dyed or altered. As much as you don't want to be a bridezilla, i think you are just going to have to "lay down the law" or else, when she shows up wearing hte wrong color at your wedding, you're going to have to lay down the law there, and tell her she can't be in the wedding.

good luck!

 

[Marty Moose]

I'm pretty sure the colors at David's are pretty standard and go by names (ie different reds might be: apple, garnet, wine, etc.) so if all you care about is the color then I would just tell her the name of the color you've chosen, along with a guideline of how long the dress might take to come in once ordered (some people are genuinely surprised at how long it takes!) and let her go to her local store.

If she can't follow those simple instructions...then she's out.

I really think that the other poster (sorry, forgot who it was) was right about her probably not feeling rushed as it is still 5 months away. Little does she know that 5 months is NOTHING to a bride to be!!

Also, she might be more inclined to fit it into her schedule if she doesn't have to worry about working with your schedule as well!

I'm sure it will work out and your wedding will turn out perfect!

 

[princessblueeyzes]

Thanks girls. I told her that the color needs to be apple and that if she does have to order her dress it probably won't be in until October or November plus Alterations takes time too. If she doesn't get the dress by the end of next month then I'm going to tellher and DF that she is cut from the wedding and my reasons why. I know that 5 months is a ways away but I just ordered my FG dresses on June 21st and they told me not to expect them to come in until middle of October this is why I am so stressed about it and I told her my reasoning but hopefully she really gets the clue and her dress soon.

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

Really, I would think that it could be that you are months from the wedding and she doesn't feel that its an urgent need. Maybe you should give her some sort of deadline.

that's what i would do. tell her "you either get the dress by this date, or you're not in the wedding." sounds harsh, but it's your day, you shouldn't be getting all of this drama from her.

 

[vonderbar]

Just read your post about DF sister's BM dress. Since this was from 2005, how did it all turn out? Good I hope, since you wouldn't want to start your marriage with family drama.
J

 

[princessblueeyzes]

Just read your post about DF sister's BM dress. Since this was from 2005, how did it all turn out? Good I hope, since you wouldn't want to start your marriage with family drama.
J

This all just happened on 7-18-06-not so sure how it is going to go yet but I'll let you know what happens. You are right that I don't want to start my marriage with family drama but unfortunately I am dealing with very selfish people- (his mom, stepmom, sisters, dad, and of course my mom and stepdad too). Unfortuantely this has been my life-some kind of drama with the family everyday- I know it's sad to say buy I've gotten to the point where I don't even care anymore about who said what and why their feelings are hurt.

 

[dsnyfan6/18]

I had SIL drama on the day of my wedding. She has really thick glasses (well they are glasses from 10 years ago, and she just refuses to get new ones, or contacts) so we all tried to convince her to get new glasses (since she can't see and squints all the time!) or contacts. She kept saying that she was going to go, didn't go, so by the time the wedding came I was like whatever, but the camera flash always reflects off of it. Then the day of the wedding, she comes wearing this huge blue-stoned gothic cross-type thing, that was absoutely appauling. everyone was wearing dainty silver neclaces that looked nice, and she has this huge thing around her neck. Thank god that one of my BM's that knew how i felt went over to her and basically told her that i didn't want it on for pictures and the ceremony , that i didn't care about at the reception, she could wear it then. After some dirty looks, she took it off, and i didn't even notice, she put it back on for the ceremony (I was pissed when I found out later on) With the glasses, it was another story, my mom went up to her in the beginning of pictures, and was really nice about it saying "you just paid all this money to get your makeup done, show off your pretty face" well she wouldn't take them off unless my mom went up to her and took them from her, and my mom wasn't there the whole time, so now most of my pictures have a huge flash of bulb on her eye and the pictures don't look so nice...

bottom line, stick to your guns! remember, it is YOUR wedding and she has accepted to be a part of it... I wasn't a bridezilla but sometimes I feel like I should've been

 

[princessblueeyzes]

I had SIL drama on the day of my wedding. She has really thick glasses (well they are glasses from 10 years ago, and she just refuses to get new ones, or contacts) so we all tried to convince her to get new glasses (since she can't see and squints all the time!) or contacts. She kept saying that she was going to go, didn't go, so by the time the wedding came I was like whatever, but the camera flash always reflects off of it. Then the day of the wedding, she comes wearing this huge blue-stoned gothic cross-type thing, that was absoutely appauling. everyone was wearing dainty silver neclaces that looked nice, and she has this huge thing around her neck. Thank god that one of my BM's that knew how i felt went over to her and basically told her that i didn't want it on for pictures and the ceremony , that i didn't care about at the reception, she could wear it then. After some dirty looks, she took it off, and i didn't even notice, she put it back on for the ceremony (I was pissed when I found out later on) With the glasses, it was another story, my mom went up to her in the beginning of pictures, and was really nice about it saying "you just paid all this money to get your makeup done, show off your pretty face" well she wouldn't take them off unless my mom went up to her and took them from her, and my mom wasn't there the whole time, so now most of my pictures have a huge flash of bulb on her eye and the pictures don't look so nice...

bottom line, stick to your guns! remember, it is YOUR wedding and she has accepted to be a part of it... I wasn't a bridezilla but sometimes I feel like I should've been

Thank you for your encouragement. I will stick to my guns and hopefully I won't have to be a bridezilla but if need be I will.