What would you do? Rotten teenager

[Rock'n Robin]

One problem in my community that I haven't seen much in this post is enabling parents--the parents who when darling jr. gets arrested send their lawyer to get him out, send the lawyer to school saying "you have no proof so you can't kick jr. off the team", etc. This is a MAJOR problem here esp. with the parents who live in the better areas of town. Their little darlings can do no wrong. There was a major party one block from the police station a couple of years ago, and when the cops came the kids would not open the door, telling them they needed a warrant. Well they got one an hour later but watched the house so no one could run off. By the time they got a warrant several parents were there with lawyers (the kids had been calling with their cell phones!) protesting what was happening. Of course several garbage bags full of empty beer cans and bottles were taken from the premises, and somebody had to be drinking them!
I am also a firm believer in curfew. I teach HS and I can tell you that the nicer, better kids have curfews, and the barely passing drugged up kids don't.
But I also know that when DD#1 graduated from DARE, the officer told us he had DARE graduates who were drug addicts, alcoholics, etc. and that stuff like DARE won't do it. Parents are a big part of it. But even the best parents in the world will lose some battles.
God bless. Hope things work out for you.

 

[KarenC]

I have witnessed parents who don't hold their kids accountable.

I live in the school district that had the girls powder puff football hazing back in May of last year. Many girls were seen over and over again on national television doing some really stupid things while under the influence of alcohol. When they were suspended from school, many of their parents took the school district to court. They all lost but it cost the taxpayers somewhere between $250,000 and $400,000 in legal fees to defend the school district. The kids were also prevented from going to prom, so the parents supposedly rented them a ballroom at the same hotel the prom was at so they could have a non-prom. Parents bought the kegs and provided a place for the pre-parties that fueled the disaster. As it was happening all I could think about was WHAT ARE THOSE PARENTS THINKING....It seemed parents were so happy to have their kids involved in the "cool" crowd, they wouldn't do anything to jeopardize their kids social status. Hello folks, get some self-esteem.

Fortunately, while there were serious injuries, no one was killed, either in the hazing or while driving to or from the forest preserve.

It's one thing to accept that your children make mistakes and help them understand the need to make better choices. It's a totally different situation when parents help the kids get into trouble.

As a result of the hazing, the community put together a task force. One of the things they decided was that kids tend not to receive consequences for underage drinking, etc. because people are afraid to saddle them with a criminal record due to youthful mistakes. They are looking at some type of teen court that would provide consequences but not necessarily a permanent record.

 

[dennis99ss]

Wilderness--Sorry about your experience, but, everyone here is advocating punishment fit for drunk driving, when that was not what happened. This girl did not drive. She was done what she was told to do, get a ride.

So, you tell her before the party, no drinking, but, if you do, get a ride.

Then, when she gets a ride, you punish her as if she had driven.

So, yes, she should be commended on doing the right thing. I am sorry for all of those that think only some kids drink, etc. but, it is a reality. kids will drink in part because of those who place such an emphasis on not drinking. If they are going to drink, you can always counsel them, etc. on that, but you should reward them for having the sense not to drive.

 

[twinmomplus2new]

I have been away as I said in my earlier post and have just returned to find the end of this thread.
Yes, supposedly she did a little car switching at the end of the street. However as a prior poster said she drove it period.

As for Dennis. reward her, are you freaking kidding me?

If you read the post, She went to a party at christmas time came home appeared drunk I questioned her. she denied, 10 minutes later, I said boy its cold in here! And she replied I know I am wicked drunk!!!! I said excuse me? To wit she replied I said I know I am wicked cold too. Ahh nope not what you said. So first offense, No yelling, a nice calm disscussion, I thought long and hard and determined I would cut her some slack, As teens are bound to do this.

2nd offense 10 days later, goes to another house Party. Comes home drunk, Express dissapointment, ground her for 10 days, Don't have to take the car, as she didn't have it cause she totalled it from slipping on ice on her way to school.

3rd offense 3 strikes you are out. PERIOD.
I don't know where these posts are coming from, screaming and yelling? Over the top punishment> HUH????

There was no yelling and or screaming, I simply said, Your drunk give me the keys. I have not determined what else other than taking the car keys, I am going to do. I am simply to steamed to even contemplate it. I can assure you though there will be no rewarding a 3rd strike. Adult actions come with adult consequences. A 17 year old is not an adult and she is not allowed to drink. PERIOD. Thats correct my kid my punishment. However we are also talking about an offense that she can be punished for outside of my kitchen, The drinking age is 21.

Thanks for all your imut. I appreciate the kind words during a rotten couple of days>

 

[dennis99ss]

I don't care how you punish your kids, or what the rules of your house are. If you take the car away for breaking a "no drinking at all rule" fine, but what I understood everybody posting to be discussing is the driving offense, which there really wasn't one.

And yes, I would reward her, could just be with a little bit of praise, etc.

Tell me, next time she goes out and ties one on, why shouldn't she drive....the last time she didn't, she got punished.

 

[christineann]

I agree with most of the posters, especially Sorcerormickey. A lot of kids drink but not all do. The parents of a lot of kids at my children's high school frequently gripe about their kids' drinking and partying, but all of these kids have cars - their parents don't want to take their cars away because they want their kids to be popular (they said it, I didn't). I told my son that his truck (which he helped buy) will be gone within 24 hours if he drinks and drives - I will not allow him to kill himself or anyone else. Fortunately or unfortunately, he learned by observing his father (me ex) what alcohol abuse does to people. Besides, he wants to be a police officer, and he will not be accepted into police corps if he makes a mistake like this. He was on a traffic patrol with an officer one night, and they clocked a VW bug at 110 mph on the interstate - it took them over a mile to even catch up, and there were 4 drunk teenagers in the car. They weren't wearing seatbelts, and the officer told them it wouldn't have mattered anyway - several truck drivers had called 911 because they were weaving in and out of the 18 wheelers. The car was a brand new 18th birthday gift to one of the kids.

I knew a girl in college who lost her father and had a very difficult time dealing with it. She started drinking heavily and decided to drive the 40 miles home one night and killed a young mother who was making a quick trip to the grocery store to buy milk for her kids' breakfast the next morning. The girl went to jail in spite of the character witnesses who said she was a good kid, etc. Tell that young mother's family that the girl simply made a mistake.

Sorry for the long post. It seems only logical that if a kid drinks and has a car, the possibility of killing him/herself or someone else only increases. If you think kids are going to drink anyway, go ahead and wring your hands, but don't provide him or her a car to drive. You may be held legally responsible, and rightfully so.