What would you do? Question about keeping one twin back in 1st grade...

[disykat]

I would have them both go to second grade and get extra help for the struggling student - unless they are very close to the age cutoff. I don't think having the kids be a year older than most of their classmates is really doing them any favors in most circumstances - and it certainly would be a disservice to the one ready to move forward.

 

[Pin Wizard]

Wow! I don't envy you. I'd have to keep them both back. There's just that risk of "I'm not good enough" to go on for years!Good luck!

 

[mtemm]

wow...I have twins but they are only 10 months. I never even thought about that. my gut says to hold both back, using reading as my personal excuse for the daughter who could move on. I don't know. have you ever visited the website www.twinstuff.com I wonder if you could find feedback from btdt twin moms. there is a forum for every age range..I'm hoping this link will take you right to the age 6-12 forum. http://forums.twinstore.com/eve/ubb.x?a=frm&s=36960974&f=9486072351

good luck! that does sound like a tough decision. let us know what you decide...I may need to know someday.

 

[twinmomplus2new]

As a mom of twins, I absolutely would NOT keep one back without the other.

As far as treating them as seperate indiviuals of course you do treat them as 2 kids not a unit. Mine are as differant as night and day. However when it comes down to brass tacks. They are twins you can not undo or influence what nature has already done. As differant as mine are. their primary relationship other than me is each other. There is somthing to be said about having a relationship with another indiviual that is so even.

I know all twins do not have this relationship. But, for those that do.....I really think this would be awful.

 

[snoopy]

My mother was faced with this same issue 30 years ago, with my younger set of twin brothers. She ended up holding them both back, even though the one boy really didn't need to be from an academic standpoint. Her reasoning was exactly the same as yours, and at that age (they repeated kindergarden), they really didn't know the difference. They were thicker than thieves all through their lives and still are, so I think she made the right decision.

 

[HollyJoy]

If your one daughter (who is progressing normally) isn't doing exceptionally, then it wouldn't hurt her to hold her back... it may just give her an edge next year. I vote for holding them both back.

 

[Kermit]

That is tough. When I was in school, there was a set of b/g twins who were in 2 separate grades. Their mom started them different years because she wanted them to be different. Or at least that's what they told people. The boy was in my grade and in the gifted and talented program. The girl was a year behind and was probably got mostly B's and C's. They simply didn't tell many people they were twins, and they did fine. I can't tell from your tiny picture. Are your girls identicle? If they are, that obviously wouldn't work as well.

Having known how well my friends did with it, I still would be reluctant to hold one girl back. I, too, would wonder how long it would impact her. I do think that you should always hold a child back when they're young if it's necessary, since it isn't as big of a deal when they're young.

Could you maybe put them in a different environment just for next year? Maybe somewhere that the one who's doing better could not be bored with the exact same material? A small private school or homeschooling just for the one year may be enough to get your struggling daughter up to speed, and neither of them would have to do the same work in the same textbooks over again. I think that it's usually a good idea to change as much as you can when a child repeats a grade anyway, and it's especially good in this situation.

 

[4greatboys]

I would agree with holding them both back. That extra year can be very beneficial. My oldest has a Sept 2 b-day (out cut off is Sept 1) so he waited the extra year and I think it has benefitted him greatly. Ds #2 has a May b-day. He did great in kindergarten, a little reading problem in first grade, 2nd grade was great then after that he has just struggled. Im not saying he wouldnt have had problems even waiting the year but I think the extra year does help them especially with maturity.
My 2 little ones are 4 (5 in Feb) and 2 (april b-day). They will start regular kindergarten at 6. Ds 4 is in preschool now, going to put him in half day kindergarten next year and full day kindergarten at 6. Just to give them that little bit of time.

 

[m&m's mom]

I guess I would probably let both advance or hold both back.
My DD was in a similar predicament. She was born 16 weeks premature. She was born on July 10th and was due on Nov 1st. That crossed school years. I debated before she started Kindergarten and spoke to every teacher in my family (a LOT of them). Every one said if in doubt- hold back.
I did hold her back and am very glad I did. She is still a little immature but making straight A's in 2nd grade now.
I think that would be very hard on both girls to be in separate grades.
Maybe get a tutor now and over the summer would give some insight. Of course the maturity is something a tutor can't really help w/ (wish they could).
Good Luck!

 

[janette]

I'm a twin, I can't imagine not having my sister in my class. It is too much a part of being twins. Unless there was a vast difference in ability I'd work to keep them together.

 

[padams]

You should hold back both of them since the one who is doing fine needs extra help with reading. I can't imagine sending one twin to the next grade without the other.

Not a twin situation, but there is a boy in my son's class whose parents held him back in 1st grade. His sister is exactly one year younger, so they had her repeat kindergarten to avoid both of them being in the same grade but a year apart in age. She didn't need to be held back so the parents have made sure that she is given extra, more challenging work so she isn't bored. She is now one of the leaders in her grade.

 

[danacara]

This may be an unexpected question, but: are they identical or fraternal? If they are identical, I might be inclined to hold them both. If they are fraternal, I might send the one ahead to the next grade - not sure, really, but the probability that I'd do it would be higher. My rationale: kids think like kids. If your daughters are identical, they'll catch that the one left behind is "behind." If not, chances are that they'll be treated more individually by their classmates, who don't look too far beyond appearance.

 

[ZachnElli]

My old boyfriend (LONG time ago!) was a twin and his twin sister was held back one year in elementary school and he wasn't. Maybe it was easier because they are boy/girl.

 

[melanie18]

I gotta go with the others who say to hold them both back. They are so young and to hold them back a year at this age is understandable. On a different note, wasn't there an episode about this exact topic on Everybody Loves Raymond?...I watch too much TV.

 

[swilphil]

If you hold one back, hold them both back. If your area is like ours, there are a lot of kids who end up starting kindergarten when they are 6. The trend is when in doubt, hold them back.

I used to teach high school. I had a twin who was held back but his sister wasn't. He was a mess, for many reasons, but having his twin sister a year ahead of him didn't help.

 

[CindysGusGus]

I had this same issue two years ago with my twins. I now have 7 yo boy/girl twins. When they were in Kindegarten my DD was very shy and had speech problems. She recieved good grades and we were blind sided from the teacher and speech therapist at the end of Feb that they felt that she should be put into a T1 program (federally funded and needed a certain amout of students to get the funding). I fought tooth and nail about this. DD was deemed too immature (how mature do they want a 5 yo to be?) My DS excelled and I felt that DD would always feel inferior to him. To me it felt that they were asking me at age 5 to decide the rest of her life. Essentially it would be a big problem. As twins hitting certain milestones are special and graduation would be one of them. However, I wanted to do what was best for her. They even suggested keeping DS back to be with her (actually he should be in an excelled program, not retained.) Basically what we did was progress her on to the first grade. She still had a few maturity issues but did very well. She kept her grades at honor roll level and in the 2nd grade now doing extemely well. I think the people that know the abilities of their children best are the parents. Follow your heart. The first grade will not decide the fate of your children. I am sure you will be ok. Feel free to PM me if you have any questions.

 

[casey49781]

first is there anything you can do at home to help her out i work with my daughter all the time when her papers come home weekly if i see shes struggling i copy problems on paper and work with her,,,,,,,try jumpstart to kindergarden,,,,or other programs ,,,,,i would most likely keep them both back if from now til school begins again and there progress wasnt better since you mentioned the other was having problems as well,,,,,

 

[Disney01]

I didn't read the other replies, but I hope you read this one. I am a teacher and when went to school, one of my classmates had twins and was in this same situation. She ended up keeping one back, so they were in different grades. She decided in the end that she needed to treat them as individuals, because that is what they are, and to meet each of their needs based on individuals. They are different because they are two different people, and I think if you handle it the right way, it can be successful for both daughters.

 

[casey49781]

im sorry jump start to first grade

 

[disykat]

He was a mess, for many reasons, but having his twin sister a year ahead of him didn't help.

This is why I am generally against retention. Everyone says "give them the gift of time". I say think about what it will mean having an at risk child who turns 18 during his junior year of high school. As a first grade teacher I found it easy to take the ability levels of all children in my classroom - when there was a one year spread in ages. However, now it is common to have a two year gap in ages, which can make life interesting - mainly due to all the parents who retained smart kids and are now demanding that they be challenged.

Can you tell this is a big pet peeve of mine?