What would you do? Inappropraite discussion in a restaurant

[NewJersey]

I would have stood up and said "Do ya mind?! I've got kids here!" In fact, I think I've actually said stuff like that to people being PG-13 in front of my kids.

People have no sense of decorum or appropriateness anymore-especially when they're on their cell phones-ugh!

It's all "if you have a problem with my behavior, too bad" rather than "let's all behave in front of the children, here".

Friendly's is a *Very* kid oriented place, it's not like they were in a bar. If we sat there and sang "The Wheels on The Bus Goes Round And Round" over and over and over again at a restaurant loud enough for the people behind us to hear, through the entire meal, then that would also demonstrate a lack of good manners.

I guess that's what we'll have to do, next time, since a few of you lovely well mannered people have just about threatened to "whoop my hiney" [sic] should I point out th them that I have kids that can hear an inappropriate conversation.

We'll be tuning up our kazoos, now...

I would have said right back "Private conversation here...you can easily move your table."

 

[NewJersey]

Oh, that's hysterical, nothing like being threated with having my "heiney whooped" by someone on the disboards.

What was I saying about a total lack of decorum, yes, here you are, right here.

It's not a private conversation if it takes place in PUBLIC. Restaurants are PUBLIC.

And frankly, being my height, I don't live in fear of much. Stupidity reproducing oneself, perhaps. That's about it.

Wow, I've read 3 of your posts, and your ignorance and hypocrisy keeps getting worse and worse.

Scratch that: Now I've read all your posts on this thread and wow you are quite ridiculous in addition to extremely patronizing and you come off as a know-it-all.

 

[Disneyrsh]

Wow, I've read 3 of your posts, and your ignorance and hypocrisy keeps getting worse and worse.

Scratch that: Now I've read all your posts on this thread and wow you are quite ridiculous in addition to extremely patronizing and you come off as a know-it-all.

Thanks, Joisey, I do my best

And btw, it's not a private conversation if it's held in a public place. And this isn't my opinion, this is a legal definitition.

It's funny how the people who think they have every right to speak however they want in public and that I'm supposed to take my behaving behind somewhere else to avoid them are also the ones threatening physical harm, albeit in several comically disguised 'hypothetical' situations.

Evidently the neanderthals haven't quite died out yet...

 

[NewJersey]

And btw, it's not a private conversation if it's held in a public place. And this isn't my opinion, this is a legal definitition.

Funny how you think people should stop talking about a current event to cater to you. However, you can just as easily get up and move. It's hypocritical to expect someone to stop discussing a matter because you find it offensive, but you see no fault in you expecting others to tiptoe around you. I guess you shouldn't sit near me at the Cheesecake factory next time. My friends and I were discussing sex (OH MY!!) at the table, when we ate there on Saturday. Of course, we have common sense and use indoor voices so others can't eavesdrop (sp?).

If you want respect, you should also practice it.

Evidently the neanderthals haven't quite died out yet...

After reading your posts, I'd have to agree.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

The fact of the matter is that it's up for debate whether or not it's an inappropriate discussion to be having in front of an 8yo. I don't necessarily think it is, if done in an age appropriate way. I assume that most of us thing that dropping the F bomb every few words is inappropriate, but we're not even going to agree on how to handle that. One glimpse of a newspaper if living in that area would mean that story would be on their minds.

Disneyrsh, I would be interested to know how you would have handled my Pentagon question in post #93.

 

[ducklite]

Joisey

It's Jersey. NEW JERSEY to those who don't live there.

Anne (A PROUD fermer New Jerseyan who will gladly tell a fellow Jerseyite "which exit" but find it completely unhumourous when asked that by someone who doesn't even know the difference betweeen a broad from Millstone and a chick from Freehold )

Anne

 

[Disneyrsh]

Speaking of 9/11--for those that think that children should be sheltered from everything, what should I have told my 6yo the other day when we were near the Pentagon? We took a wrong turn and went by the corner where the plane had crashed into the building and our 12yo asked if that was the corner that the plane had crashed into and we told him it was. Our 6yo wanted to know what we were talking about, so I told him that one time a plane crashed into that building. I left out the terrorist details, etc. and Jake did let it drop (which actually surprised me). If he had of asked more questions I would have given more details). How would you have handled that?

Sometimes a person doesn't plan these discussions--they just happen. As long as they are age appropriate I think they are ok. It's some of the graphics that are shown on tv or in the newspapers that can be very disturbing, especially to young children.

Ok, I think I would have addressed it the same way you did.

My kids would have said "what happened there?" And I would have said "that's the Pentagon, and a plane crashed into it a few years ago." The next question would have been "why?" and I would have said "Because sometimes bad stuff like that happens. But most of the times planes are fine."

Trying to explain terrorists to my kids I think would have traumatized them unnecessarily-my kids spend a lot of time trying to be in controal, as much as possible, of the world around them, and explaining terrorists to them would just give them nightmares (jeez, it gives ME nightmares and I'm a grownup, most of the time).

My kids don't know about 9/11, they were 1 and 2 when it happened. They'll learn about it in school from an historical perspective, like many other tragedies that happened in history, at an age approprite time. I see no point in making them see videos or in any manner trying to recreate the horror and tragedy of that day.

 

[Disneyrsh]

My friends and I were discussing sex (OH MY!!) at the table, when we ate there on Saturday. Of course, we have common sense and use indoor voices so others can't eavesdrop (sp?).

I'm sorry, New Jersey, maybe you should take a few more years in school, because if you had read the OP's post carefully, you would have understood that she didn't have a problem with the TOPIC of the conversation, she had a problem with the fact that the people behind her were speaking loudly enough so that her children could hear every word.

She doesn't care that people have adult conversations in restaurants (and neither do I), she cares that people have such a lack of manners that they either can't keep it down or can't keep it polite, as do I.

Obviously, if you were discussing an adult topic quietly enough that you weren't overheard by the rest of the restaurant (who I'm sure would have been just thrilled with your escapades), then there's NO ISSUE.

I'm literally amazed that you can't understand that.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Okay silly question--why is everyone suggesting moving tables?

She wasn't at a Cafeteria. I know our local friendly's--you are seated by a host...and often times it is crowded, where would you move?

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

"Do ya mind?! Private conversation here!"

If you are having an audible conversation which your tone of voice makes it difficult to tune out while in a public place--your conversation is no longer private.

 

[singingpixie]

Wow, how are you so sure that they're going to learn about 9/11 in a history class before they hear about it in another situation? References to it are so common in our society, and it is pretty much assumed that anyone in this country is familiar with what happened. I would be worried that it would come up when you weren't around, and they would find out some version of what happened from peers- I'd much rather be able to have a discussion about that on my terms than letting them hear things elsewhere.

 

[Bob Slydell]

If you are having an audible conversation which your tone of voice makes it difficult to tune out while in a public place--your conversation is no longer private.

In a place like Friendly's, where booths are literally back to back, patrons are just as close to the table behind them as they are to the person across the table (farther, actually). Thus, the volume needed to talk to a person across the table from them is loud enough for the table behind them to hear (assuming they're paying attention).

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

In a place like Friendly's, where booths are literally back to back, patrons are just as close to the table behind them as they are to the person across the table (farther, actually). Thus, the volume needed to talk to a person across the table from them is loud enough for the table behind them to hear (assuming they're paying attention).

Then that guarantees that it isn't a private conversation then, wouldn't it?

Regardless--if attempts to ignore, tune out, and otherwise distract do not work--then the conversation is too loud regardless of content.

FTR--we don't have issues when we go to Friendly's, or any restaurant for that matter. We go to some pretty loud restaurants at times. So I'm a bit baffled about all the trouble in other places.

 

[Disneyrsh]

Wow, how are you so sure that they're going to learn about 9/11 in a history class before they hear about it in another situation? References to it are so common in our society, and it is pretty much assumed that anyone in this country is familiar with what happened. I would be worried that it would come up when you weren't around, and they would find out some version of what happened from peers- I'd much rather be able to have a discussion about that on my terms than letting them hear things elsewhere.

Just don't see the seven year olds sitting around at a playdate going "did you see the second plane crash into the building?"

We don't watch the news (because it's never good), I stay updated by looking at the news I choose to look at on the internet.

The girls watch the tv shows we agree on from the Tivo list, and they skip past the commercials.

They're not discussing it in school, and I'm with them when they're not. I just don't see a big benefit in explaining something so traumatic to them at this age.

I wouldn't explain concentration camps to them, either, at this age. Human atrocities can wait until they're older.

I find it almost perverse, society's desire to prepare their kids for 'the real world'. What's the hurry? They'll discover evil, sloth, and assorted human venality soon enough. Knowing about it is not the same as being prepared for it.

 

[phillybeth]

Evidently the neanderthals haven't quite died out yet...

I'll have the roast duck with mango salsa...

 

[summerrluvv]

DS and I have visited the WTC site several times. He knows that airplanes crashed into the buildings by "bad guys" and the buildings fell down and a lot of people died. He has a snow globe in his room that a very nice man gave him at the site that has the buildings in it. He was little when it happened too, but it's a major event and something that I think he should know about and something that he will eventually learn more about in school when it makes it into the books. They have a couple of moments of silence on 9/11 so I'm sure it's talked about in school, not necessarily the details, but the event and the remembrance of the people that perished that day.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

It's true that the topic of 9/11 comes up so frequently that it will be hard to keep it from little ones until they are older and learing about it in history class. Same in my area about the DC sniper shootings. It affected us so much that the topic comes up when we least expect it. We can be talking about baseball and my 12yo can mention the fall baseball season that he missed due to the sniper shootings. Or a Ride-On bus can pass by and we get a glimpse of the driver, leaving us with tears in our eyes, reminding of the last shooting. We can drive by Leisure World and remember one of the first shootings (or maybe it was the first shooting). So far my 6yo doesn't know about it, but there will be a time that he catches on and I will need to explain. I can't expect my older kids to never mention it--it's a part of us, even though we didn't lose a loved one.

 

[ducklite]

I'll have the roast duck with mango salsa...

Anne

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

For the 9/11 question. My oldest was 1--and I taped and taped and taped and taped.

I have the actual crash since it is so rarely shown now except in documentaries regarding the event.

I have the confusing unfolding events that day--some of the memorial services, "first shows" since 9/11--I think the View--and I don't remember what else. Just different snippets from the day of and days following the disaster.

My daughter asks...I can show her footage. We don't have to read a sanitized book or a Harvard dissertation on the subject. We can watch and we can chat.

She doesn't know about 9/11 just yet--but the day will come when she will ask. And the way *I* have chosen to handle it is with videotapes from that day.

When major events happen--I don't shelter my kids. However--if we go to a restaurant to have some dinner--the last thing I would expect would be for a graphic current even to be talked about with specific detail loudly.

As with any subject matter--your volume should be guarded b/c not everyone wants to hear your *personal* conversation.

If someone came on the DIS and said they were speaking loudly in a restuarant and couldn't believe that someone asked them to tone it down...am I to understand that everyone would be defending their right to be loud?

 

[Disneyrsh]

For the 9/11 question. My oldest was 1--and I taped and taped and taped and taped.

I have the actual crash since it is so rarely shown now except in documentaries regarding the event.

I have the confusing unfolding events that day--some of the memorial services, "first shows" since 9/11--I think the View--and I don't remember what else. Just different snippets from the day of and days following the disaster.

My daughter asks...I can show her footage. We don't have to read a sanitized book or a Harvard dissertation on the subject. We can watch and we can chat.

This is a really different perspective than my own, and I'm struggling to understand it. I think how you honor that day is every bit as valid as how I do, but I gotta ask, why would you watch it again?

For me, the scars from living through it once were bad enough-what good can come of watching it again?

Seriously, because I don't understand...