What an interesting thread! I read a lot on the CB, but felt the need to post as I am a Special Education teacher of at-risk students at an alternative school - lots of pregnant girls and boys in my student population. I must say I am very encouraged by all of the positive posts from parents on here who claim that they would emotionally and physically support their daughter if she became pregnant. I would pose several other factors to consider in this discussion as I've counselled hundreds of kids about this very topic:
1) It's just as important to send the same message to a son if he and his girlfriend became pregnant. I'm tired of the double standard of boys vs. girls - girls are tramps, yet boys are popular. Parents, please don't perpetuate this double standard - a baby is a baby, and it is a serious, life altering event for both teens involved.
2) Most of my girls (ages 15-21) find themselves in bad relationships and this is the crux of the problem. Children aren't taught how to choose a proper mate (most of my students' parents are at-risk themselves, so it's no wonder they couldn't help their kids). I see many of you saying that you were dating at 14 and 15 - why? What do you know at that age about being in a relationship? How did you choose your boyfriends/girlfriends? It's much worse for most of my girls because they are in abusive relationships, or in relationships with drug addicts, men in jail or unmotivated high school drop outs. Keep this in mind when you are letting your daughters date at such young ages - sex is an adult activity and needs to be treated as such. More specifically, our society believes in throw away relationships, date lots of people, one night stands, etc. - all of these activities are sexual in nature, so that's what our young people believe they too should be doing - if I had a dollar for everytime I hear, "Everyone does it, Miss" or, "Sex is no big deal," or "There's nothing else to do!" - I'd be a rich woman! Sex is a big deal and parents need to teach their children that it is!
3) Teenagers are still children - they get the sense that they are adults because adults (namely their parents) let them date, engage in adult activities such as bringing boyfriends to weddings, family functions, etc. at very young ages. Instead of this, I would encourage all parents to talk to their daughters about their life goals, self esteem issues and number one on the list, be great role models. I always remind parents that even as teenagers you need to think about the future - for example. My parents raised me and my sister from a very young age with an incredible amount of foresight to think about having a husband and children one day; therefore, if we were considering engaging in any high risk or embarassing activities that we would be embarassed or ashamed to talk to our children about, then we shouldn't do it!! Not only do my students respect me for this, but so does my husband and I know my daughter will one day as well.
4) Self esteem is a big issue. Most teen girls engage in sex for purely self esteem issues. If they feel valued in their lives, they are more than likely going to approach sex in a more cautious tone - which means they'll more than likely go to parents or other caregivers for help with their decision - whatever that decision is.
5) Role Models - Britney Spears and company are not good role models for girls. It kills me to see 9 year old girls dressed up like 25 year old women with belly shirts and hip hugger jeans on - moms and dads, please don't allow your young girls to dress like this. Stop buying this crap and go one step further, don't allow your teen girls to buy or wear this crap either!! Unfortunately, I can assure you, that my students value public appearances only - they check each other out and we are having huge issues with revealing clothes at our school (no uniform despite being Catholic school because our kids can't afford uniforms) because with this comes sexual remarks, innuendos, crude humour, etc. I've been placed in some very awkward situations in regards to this, so again, please teach your children about decorum and taste.
6) Teach them that sex is a big deal. We are inundated with sexual images everywhere which has desensitized kids, believe me. You can't believe how simplistic by students think about sex - they think it's their right because everyone does it, period. So, please teach them that it is a gift to be treasured, and hopefully this will ensure that you aren't surprised by a pregnancy announcement. Which brings me to my next point: since most of you are letting your young daughter's date at such young ages (or you yourself did), what else do you think 14 or 15 year olds are going to be doing out when they spend all hours together, or, when they have been together for 3 or 4 years? I would caution you to limit the time your children spend with their partners as the relationship then proceeds at either lightning speed or at adult levels.
7) Hypocrisy - This is related to above in regards to being good role models. It bothers me when I hear parents, especially fathers, talk about how they'd shoot their daughter's boyfriend or disown their son if a pregnancy happened - give me a break! Yet these same men brag about all their past girlfriends, etc. Please understand, fathers, that you play a very important role in your children's lives. My students can't stand the fact that their parents lie about how they behaved when they were teens - talk to your kids about your at-risk behaviours (if you had any) as it will help them more than lying to them - my students can't stand this and it just reinforces their own at-risk behaviours.
8) Let them know you love them, but you expect good, positive choices because you've taught them how to make good, positive choices!
This is a very interesting thread, and as a teacher of teenagers, I can assure you that you do have influence in your children's lives. My kids tell me that they wish their parents respected them, talked to them and valued them like I do. Sex is a big deal to my hubby and I, so it is going to be a big deal for my daughter - she will not date at 14 (not even sure what the purpose of this is?), and she will be raised to believe that her body, mind and soul are the most sacred gifts she has to offer someone. This will hopefully ensure that she understands what a momentous decision having sex truly is. I also teach my students the same thing and believe me, it's much harder to teach these values to teenagers, then to younger children.
I truly wish all of you luck who will experience this event in their lives as it's a big one!
Tiger
During a trip to WDW last year, there was a family walking in front of us in Frontierland. The mom was pushing a baby in a stroller and an older child, girl no more than 14, was walking behind her while holding the boyfriend's hand. Mom couldn't see this, but the boyfriend was blatantly grabbing the girl's behind. 
Why is a boyfriend "necessary" at such a young age? 
We kissed. A lot. And that was just about it. He was unbelievably good for my self-esteem. Beautiful person, inside and out, and he made me feel beautiful and desirable too - I think I've carried around the legacy of that early affirmation for a long time. 
