what would you do if you received this letter

[ols386]

I'd probably toss the letter, thinking that it was a joke.

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

What truly, absolutely floors me is how many people are coming to this dinner.

I mean, they must know how she is, she even called one onto the carpet for bringing the wrong blue dish last year, and they're coming back.

Coming back.

That's what really gets me-that this is not a first time thing, and that she has so many people willing to participate.

She forgot one thing on her super-comprehensive list:

Valium and/or Xanax. Not both. Except for you, Uncle Bob, you bring lithium.

 

[ericamanda01]

No way! No How! I would toss the letter and have a nice dinner at home!

 

[NotUrsula]

While I do believe that the letter was written as a joke, it sounds like the kind of thing my family would appreciate. We always have the party at the house with the most space, and right now the person whose house that is can be hilariously compulsive about details.

For instance, there is a designated family mashed-potato pan, which my eldest sister happened to receive as a wedding gift in 1960. It's really a Magnalite roaster, but it's large enough to sit across two burners, so it's the only pan big enough to handle the number of potatoes we have to cook. The cooking of the potatoes cannot commence until that sister and her pan arrive, and she is ALWAYS late. Every year until recently, there was always a brouhaha when it came time to peel those potatoes, because the hostess of the moment never seemed to have decent peelers. A few years ago I couldn't make it to dinner, so I went out and bought 8 nice OXO potato peelers, and sent them to that year's hostess in a wooden box. My gift to the whole family was NOT having to listen to the annual argument over what to use to peel the mountain of potatoes! Now the box of peelers is part of the tradition, formally handed over whenever the hostess duties change hands.

I'm guessing that the "non-regulation" casserole pan that someone brought the year before was actually too large to fit in or on the stove, necessiitating tearing the kitchen apart to find the last remaining unused dishes to heat the spuds in (because as we all know, spuds that travel will not stay warm until they reach their destination!)

We do assign specific foods, and we stipulate quantities. Particular people are asked to do particular things because we know that they can be counted upon do do those particular things well. When people trade, bad things tend to happen, like the time my sister "X" insisted on bringing the stuffing, even though she had never made stuffing for 40 people before. It turned out badly, and no one ate it. You can change your assignment, but we ask that you do it early enough to make a trial run on the dish, to be sure that we don't get ugly surprises. Sometimes the orders can make no sense -- when I was in college I was always under orders to bring fruit salad, even though I *hate* fruit salad and do not eat it. There is in fact only one person in the family who likes it -- the husband of the sister who always told me to bring it. I guess that her theory was that since I only had to make a small dish of it, it was cheaper for me, but I still didn't like bringing it. I finally got out of it when one of my nieces got old enough to join the rotation.

My SIL is a rather militant vegetarian; having her at family meals is a trial, because she constantly comments on how "bad for you" all of our favorite foods are. (Which is amusing, actually, because we are not casserole people; there are mountains of identifiable fresh veggies on our menu, though we are generous with the butter.) She is presently miffed because she always brings the same thing to all parties, and no one will eat it -- vegetable soup. What she doesn't see is that their refusal to eat it isn't so much about her cooking (though it's VERY bland), but about the fact that it is soup, and thus very filling. No one wants to fill up on soup and feel too full to eat the holiday-only favorites that they have been anticipating for MONTHS.

 

[Joolish1313]

Eek. Being nice, she's very clear. Being realistic, I'd say thinks but no thanks, we're not coming. Being realistic if she's family, I wouldn't offer to host. That's worse than the letter and ganging up on family is just bad form.

 

[Buckalew11]

I liked the part that the newly wed lady is now supposed to contribute as an adult. Too funny.

I think all that is already kinda know at our thanksgiving dinners so no letter needed. haha

It is funny to read.

I'm betting the mashed potato casserole dish was too big to reheat in (even though it is supposed to be "ready to eat"). You'd have to reheat potatoes at some point, wouldn't you. Maybe she couldn't get the dish in the microwave. LOL

Thanks for sharing.

 

[Carly_Roach]

Since I have no clue of the family dynamic, nor do I have a clue as to what context the letter was written in, I have no basis for judging whether or not it was (is) over the top. NotUrsula comes close to my first impression when reading the letter, however. This sounds like it's coming from a woman who'd trying to organize 40 family members for what everyone hopes to be a happy Thanksgiving dinner.

Ergo this: until more information is given, I have absolutely no problem with the letter. If I received it from a family member I'd probably shrug, be happy I'm not the poor soul hosting this year, and do whatever I was told.

That's just how we are. We get along well in my (and DH's) family because the majority of us work to keep the drama to a minimum.

 

[Kurby]

where are you guys getting that the meal is for 40 people??

we have the same number of families (cousins under new married names) but at max are only 25

i would hardly think anyone except the rich would even have enought room in a house to have a sit down dinner for 40 people. and since there's no mention of anyone bringing extra chairs i wonder where they are coming from and the extra tables.

we are 6 families in 1 and occasionaly invite my mom's cousin and husband if in town bringing us up to 25 or 27 and that's tight on space and once you're in your seat your in your seat until dinner is finished.

who here has room for 40?

 

[NotUrsula]

where are you guys getting that the meal is for 40 people??

we have the same number of families (cousins under new married names) but at max are only 25

i would hardly think anyone except the rich would even have enought room in a house to have a sit down dinner for 40 people. and since there's no mention of anyone bringing extra chairs i wonder where they are coming from and the extra tables.

we are 6 families in 1 and occasionaly invite my mom's cousin and husband if in town bringing us up to 25 or 27 and that's tight on space and once you're in your seat your in your seat until dinner is finished.

who here has room for 40?

I didn't say the letter-writer did, I said that we did. We borrow tables and chairs from the church hall, and we have 4 tables set up. That's why we use the largest available space.

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

where are you guys getting that the meal is for 40 people??

we have the same number of families (cousins under new married names) but at max are only 25

i would hardly think anyone except the rich would even have enought room in a house to have a sit down dinner for 40 people. and since there's no mention of anyone bringing extra chairs i wonder where they are coming from and the extra tables.

we are 6 families in 1 and occasionaly invite my mom's cousin and husband if in town bringing us up to 25 or 27 and that's tight on space and once you're in your seat your in your seat until dinner is finished.

who here has room for 40?

I do!

You'll be sitting on all sorts of crazy things like foof chairs, office chairs, fold out chairs, old and new dining room chairs, kitchen stools, and patio furniture, but we definitely have had 50+ people at parties in our other houses, which were smaller than this one (about 3000 sq feet).

Even when I was growing up we had that many people at my grandmother's and aunt's houses, and we were blue collar middle class. It was but awesome!

And even with that many people we never had marching orders like that. Everyone knew what they were good at, brought that, and hosts provided the meat and the drinks. Good times!

 

[marthachick]

4. A pie knife


1. A pumpkin pie in a pie dish (please use my silver palate recipe) no knife needed.
2. An apple pie in a pie dish, you can use your own recipe, no knife needed.

Um, why would you need a knife? See # 1 & 2.

We plan via email and ASK what everyone wants to bring. No one DEMANDS anything. We might ask Tracy to make her fabulous chocolate chip cookies, or Vicky to make veggie casserole, but never demand anything!

 

[turkeymama]

Whoever said those of us wouldn't really intentionally bring something different because we'd hate to have her upset all day??? You obviously don't know the above poster or myself...i would SOOOOOO intentionally bring something she didn't ask me to and also bring it in some weird container just to p*ss her off. You can bet money on it I would.

I have such a wicked sense of humor that I would totally bring something just enough "off" that it would send the host into a tail-spin. Not enough that she could call me out on it, just enough that she would want to.

 

[sbell111]

If we received that letter, we would start a new family tradition: Thanksgiving anywhere but at her house.

 

[sparkyboy]

If we received this letter, we'd politely decline and help out at one of the shelters or continue to deliver meals to the shut-ins so as to make someone else's Turkey Day as well as ours brighter.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

If we received that letter, we would start a new family tradition: Thanksgiving anywhere but at her house.

Maybe that is the idea?

 

[diznygirl]

I have such a wicked sense of humor that I would totally bring something just enough "off" that it would send the host into a tail-spin. Not enough that she could call me out on it, just enough that she would want to.

I dare you to use aluminum foil instead of a plastic lid!!

 

[IDoDis]

I have a friend who said she was tired of always having to pay for the big meals & celebrations that were always at her and her DH's house. She counted about 18 celebrations between all of the holidays, BBQ's and birthdays. She said she's now going to start charging all of the family members, so at each dinner, they will receive a bill for their portion of the meal.

I copied the letter from the OP into a word file. It will be fun to email this to my friends before Thanksgiving!

 

[Mad4Mickey]

This has got to be a joke , I just cant imagine anyone really being this rude .

 

[Imzadi]

Whoever said those of us wouldn't really intentionally bring something different because we'd hate to have her upset all day??? You obviously don't know the above poster or myself...i would SOOOOOO intentionally bring something she didn't ask me to and also bring it in some weird container just to p*ss her off. You can bet money on it I would.

I have such a wicked sense of humor that I would totally bring something just enough "off" that it would send the host into a tail-spin. Not enough that she could call me out on it, just enough that she would want to.

The problem with both your lines of thinking is that you think the letter writer will have a melt down and it will be a contained, isolated incident, unto herself that everyone can watch, and then be done with. Usually, these control freaks cause miserable situations to everyone around them to feel the rest of the day. They aren't passive-aggressive about it either. Just agressive. She doesn't seem like the type to have a 10 minute melt down then gets over it.

Who knows, maybe elderly, sick grandma lives with her and can't travel, so everyone has to go to her place. People probably learned several years ago, it's better to appease this nutcase that purposely fuel the situation. You have to decide whether 25 other family members made miserable by you purposely bringing an item to cause a deliberate meltdown is worth it.

Your "offering." I guess she thinks she is God.

I thought the one who cooks the turkey for the holiday meal IS God for the day.

 

[Mad4Mickey]

where are you guys getting that the meal is for 40 people??

we have the same number of families (cousins under new married names) but at max are only 25

i would hardly think anyone except the rich would even have enought room in a house to have a sit down dinner for 40 people. and since there's no mention of anyone bringing extra chairs i wonder where they are coming from and the extra tables.

we are 6 families in 1 and occasionaly invite my mom's cousin and husband if in town bringing us up to 25 or 27 and that's tight on space and once you're in your seat your in your seat until dinner is finished.

who here has room for 40?

We do but I would have to rent tables and chairs and have in the past.

2 years ago we had my DD wedding shower and we had 80 people and we borrowed tables and chairs from the Fire Dept : )

We have always had the holidays at my house and when people ask if they can bring something I always tell them if you want to bring something special that you make we will be happy to serve it . BUT to DEMAND that they bring a spoon ? a dish with a lid ?