What would you do... canceling vacation w/friends?

[kdibattista]

We have been going on vacation for the last few years with friends of ours (and their 2 children). We were unable to go last year because I started a new job and was not able to get vacation time. Last year they had another family go with them (we are friends with them as well). We told them before they left last year that we were not sure if we would be able to go this summer because we are saving for our adoption. They booked a place last year while on vacation (that's pretty standard) with an extra bedroom for us in case we came. We still told them we weren't sure (this was last August). Last month I thought we would be able to swing it and told them to count us in. Now we are realizing that we just don't want to spend the money. We would rather save it. They still have 5 months before the vacation. My friend made a comment about having to now switch to a smaller house because they don't need the extra room.

Now, here's the question... would you offer to still pay for your portion or a part of it because we did agree for a month that we would be going? We honestly would only lose a couple hundred dollars but we would have lost gas money, food money, a week of work for me, etc. if we actually go.

 

[Kimberly815]

Hmm. This is a tough one. You made it perfectly clear to start with that you weren't sure if you could go. And only said yes for a short while.

Personally, (just the kind of person I am- nonconfrontational) I would encourage them to see if they could make the change to a smaller place, so that they aren't spending unnecessary money on the bigger place that they don't need. If it cost them a fee to change to a different place, then I would likely offer to pay the fee (whether they take me up on it or not).
If they couldn't change. I would offer to pay for part of my share if they couldn't find someone else to take my place (but probably not all of the cost it since I am not using it). That way I know that I did what I could. Or a least offered to do what I could.

 

[Hannathy]

I would pay you did say you were going. They couldn't ask around because according to them you WERE going. It would be nice if they found another family if they gave you your money back but you did ask them to hold your place, doesn't matter how long once you gave the affirmative it was yours.

 

[RC Fan]

Since they booked knowing there was a good chance you would not be able to go, I don't see how you would be responsible for paying anything.

 

[minkydog]

If you value this friendship I'd suggest you offer something toward their cost. They may or may not take you up on it, but they will appreciate the offer. Nothing destroys relationships faster than misunderstanding over money.

 

[ktglads]

If it wouldn't cost them anything to switch homes, I wouldn't pay anything, but I would offer to take their details and make the call for them so that it is no extra hassle for them.

 

[Patty3]

I would pay you did say you were going. They couldn't ask around because according to them you WERE going. It would be nice if they found another family if they gave you your money back but you did ask them to hold your place, doesn't matter how long once you gave the affirmative it was yours.

I would pay as well. It may not be as simple as just finding another house. This happened to us last year and in order for us to rent a different place, the house we initially rented, must be rented or we loose any money paid towards that rental.

 

[Hannathy]

I don't understand why others are saying she shouldn't pay. She DID say to count them in - were the other people not to believe them ? She is changing her mind after committing not the other way around. Disney charges you if you cancel after committing.

 

[MAKmom]

Don't you have to take vacation or lose it at work or will they pay you it & the week you work? You need to pay for food at home anyway for the week just take it with you. I' mean if you offer to pay them. This is a hard one!

 

[salmoneous]

Once you said you were in, you were committed in my book. All the previous uncertaintly doesn't really make a difference.

The question then becomes whar are you committed for. I don't think you need to pay the whole cost, so they can have an empty room. But if there is some sort of fee in switching to the smaller cabin, or if rates have gone up, then offering a few bucks to help make them whole would be the appropriate gesture.

 

[DVC Sadie]

If I committ and say I am going then the friendship would mean more to me than money. I would definately pay for our portion whether or not they choose to stay in the same house or switch houses.

Last year you stated that you wasn't sure but then you committed so therefore your committment stands. There is no question IMO what the proper behavior is in this instance.

 

[mickeyfan2]

Once you made the commitment you are obligated to pay your share.

 

[Rajah]

Hmm. This is a tough one. You made it perfectly clear to start with that you weren't sure if you could go. And only said yes for a short while.

Personally, (just the kind of person I am- nonconfrontational) I would encourage them to see if they could make the change to a smaller place, so that they aren't spending unnecessary money on the bigger place that they don't need. If it cost them a fee to change to a different place, then I would likely offer to pay the fee (whether they take me up on it or not).
If they couldn't change. I would offer to pay for part of my share if they couldn't find someone else to take my place (but probably not all of the cost it since I am not using it). That way I know that I did what I could. Or a least offered to do what I could.

 

[va32h]

First, yes, I would offer to pay for any fees associated with the inconvenience of having you cancel (a fee to switch reservations, your portion if they can't be switched, etc.).

But a second note on this part:

Now we are realizing that we just don't want to spend the money. We would rather save it.

Have you told them this is the reason? Because if you haven't yet, I wouldn't. A long time ago, my spouse and I turned down an invitation to go on a trip with friends, because we couldn't afford it. After that, every time we spent a dime on anything, those friends would give us a look or comment that clearly said "oh, you couldn't afford to go skiing with us, but you can afford _________?"

We didn't stay friends long after that - friends and money issues just don't mix!

 

[kdibattista]

Thanks everyone... I really do appreciate the responses. I am going to offer to pay for our portion because I agree, I don't want to chance that it would come in the way of our friendship.

MAKmom - I'm a massage therapist and don't really get "vacation" time. If I don't have myself on the books, I don't get paid

Thanks again!!!

 

[kdibattista]

Also, the family that went last year is going again this year as well so they won't be by themselves.

 

[mickeyfan2]

I might be tempeted to go one last time before the adoption happens.

 

[kdibattista]

I might be tempeted to go one last time before the adoption happens.

Believe me... I'm sooooo tempted . But hopefully, we will be going with our daughter next year