What was the meanest thing a family member ever said or did to you?

[MeanLaureen]

The other day I received an email from my sister in law that really hurt my feelings. Before I tell you what she said - a quick background.

Most of you know I'm suffering from AOSD, a chronic, debilitating autoimmune disease that leaves me in constant pain. The past 2 months my doctor has me out of work because my CPK rates are "critically high" in his opinion so that means something is up with my muscles now.

My mom lived with me since I bought my house at 21 yrs old. I was her main support since she couldn't afford to live on her salary. The last 5-6 yrs she became very needy and clingy and wanted everything done for her. I love her and took care of her but she was very hard to live with and very demanding.

The past 2 yrs she became almost incapacitated. She just gave up. Then around Easter, she fell and broke her hip. The doctors said she would not be able to live with me because I work and someone had to be with her 24/7. Even if I didn't work, it would be extremely difficult to care for her because at times my pain is so bad that I can barely walk even on Vicodin and other pain killers.

One of my brothers (who lives in another part of the state) volunteered to take her in since his wife doesn't work. Since then my mom has recovered very well and sounds better than she has in years. They have had her living with them for 4 months.

Now to the email. She wrote this to me and my other brother who lives out of state. She told us she was at her wits end and we would have to each take her for a week a month. She said, and I quote:

"Lauri, if you say you are too sick. All I can say is tough. If your Mother can get over pneumonia, over a hip surgery, fight this dimentia she had, at 75 years of age, you can get up and get over yours"

She then goes on to tell me that it's "simple logic" that I am making myself sick because I drink too much tea (ummm.. okay. 3 cups a day is bad? I thought they were finding out good things about tea, like it's an antioxident?) and that I need to get out and exercise and exercise fast. (okay, that would be totally opposite of what you are supposed to do with AOSD. Exercise during a flare will make it intensify and cause extensive damage to the joints and organs that are inflamed at the time).

It really hurt me that here I am on bed rest, in horrible pain, worried about what's wrong with me now and scared that I might be one of those AOSD patients that just doesn't wake up one morning and she writes this to me.

With family like that, I don't need enemies.

So what is the worst thing a family member ever did to you?

 

[browneyes]

My oldest brother said his life was going great until the blackest day of his life happened on December 26th, 1969. He wishes that day never came around (in other words, he wished I'd never been born). And that's just the simpliest of things he's said mean or did to me.

If you'd like, you could give me your SIL's phone number and I'll straighten her out for you, Lauri.

 

[Cruisin]

How rude!!!!

My mother in law has said too many nasty things to write them all down. Usually she trys to hide her barbs in something semi nice. I once showed her some rose bushes I planted when we were first married (25 yrs ago). Instead of saying oh, aren't those nice etc. the first thing out of her mouth is ......... well, you will have to keep the weeds out of those

A few years back she had a breakdown of sorts and said to my husband "I don't want to say anything that will take you away from your wife ???? Your place is with her???" WHAT??????

Over the years I have just learned to ignore the mean nasty things she says and I rarely see her any more, at least not any more than I have to.

 

[meandtheguys2]

WOW, what a witch! I hadnt realized you got a diagnosis finally. Can you tell me what AOSD is? That is one I have missed.

As for your SIL, some people are just totally self-centered, which I believe relieves them of that nasty feeling of empathy for anyone! At least if it is an inconvenience! I have to deal with someone similar, and I am beginning to let it go. She has a need to believe my DGma is able to understand and do so much more than she is capable. She ignored her for years becasue my mom and I were helping her. Mom got cancer, I had three boys and she had to step up to the plate.

Take care of yourself and realize that she just plain doesn't get it. (My professional unsolicited advice!)

 

[Octoberbeauty]

Sorry she did that! Some people need to think before they speak!

 

[Scratch42]

So sorry but sometimes "Family" can be trying to say the least!



Scratch

 

[Kimberle]

Lauri,
That is just terrible. Your sister does not sound like a very nice person.

I guess the "meanest" thing was when dh whole family got together on Christmas day and didn't invite us. Or when IL's "uninvited" us to their house for Mothers day a couple of years ago. BIL invited them over. Or maybe last Easter when my parents came for Easter, (I haven't had a holiday with them for over 10 years.) IL's perfered to go to BIL's house rather than spend Easter with us (BIL had nearly 40 people, so they wouldn't have been missed). My parents were really hurt, and felt bad like they were intruding.

 

[geffric]

Lauri maybe you need to remind her and the rest of the family that you took care of your mother for the past 5-6 years, so you have done your part and done your weeks and it is now time for the others to step up...

 

[eeyore kelly]

My MIL trapped me in a room at 81/2 months pregnant on Christmas night and tried to pray the "many demons that make you the mean little witch" out of me. A few years later she called CPS and told them she need to raise my children because of my demon possession. Tried to get DH to divorce me. Tried to get me arrested.

I wouldn't even respond to the email. it was hurtful and uncalled for.

 

[RadioNate]

My mother called me fat last week.

We weren't invited to a huge family reunion on DH's side. We thought his parents were just going to his grandparents for thanksgiving. about a year later we saw all the professional photos from the event. His grandparents did a vow renewal and every grandchild was there except DH. All his grandparents children, their grandchildren and great grandchildren. Even step grand-children were there. We weren't.

My mom sounds a lot like Cruisin'Kroezes' MIL. Everything is negative. I get a new outfit and show her, she doesn't say "wow that looks nice", she says "wow it's a size 8, I didn't realize you were that fat"

Laurie - please email back your SIL that you took care of you mother for years and send her info about your disease. Then tell her where she can go. It can't be good for you mother to move every week anyway.

 

[Amberle3]

I say, tell her that you'd be pleased as punch to have your mother come and visit for a week a month. You (of all people) know how trying it can be to look after your mother.

But since there are special requirements in your household, and you're on doctor-ordered bed rest, your SIL will have to provide, at her own expense, a personal care assistant to stay with your mother the entire length of her stay, 24 hours a day. Otherwise to intentionally leave your mother in the care of someone who is on doctor-ordered bedrest and therefore incapabale of properly attending to her could be construed as neglect and you sure wouldn't want your SIL being accused of purposefully neglecting your mother.

 

[luvmarypoppins]

Basically our familys, or I should say what is left of them don't speak or barely speak to us , some for reasons we have yet to know or understand.

1. Dh family - his aunt told him his other aunt was in a coma and couldnt speak to us for like 2 years and wouldnt tell us where she was, just in a nursing home in florida. We later found out she came out of the coma in like 2 months and was getting better, although wheelchair bound. When we went to visit her combining it with our trip to WDW the home told us , oh your other aunt moved her and we cant tell you where she is, WHAT? Dh was practically crying, saying we live thousands of miles away, all we want to do is see her., well I think they broke the privacy rules, but they told him. We went to the next place in tampa and had a nice visit. His other aunt was there like in 5 minutes flat, barely spoke to us, saying, I am just dropping off depends, yeah right. Well his beautiful aunt died about 3 weeks later, so glad we saw her.

2. My family - Worst, after my mom dropped dead, and I had just almost died about 2 weeks before from surgery and complications, my wonderful aunt, aka the daughter in law says, oh what are you going to do with your grandmother? (She was 91 and lived with my mom). Obviously she wanted to get rid of her daughter in law status right away, hence I am not helping you. Neither was her daughter , the other grandaughter. So with more surgery planned, 3 kids, under 8, one who had speech problems and I had to take to therapy and we lived in another state, we inherited grandma. Well it was not easy, but God blessed us through all of it. My aunt and cousin wont talk to me since my grandmas funeral. My dh tried to call my cousin once but she just about hung up on him etc. My aunts sister does send me a christmas card each year, I tell her the truth, that her sister does not speak to us etc. I wish nice aunt pattricia was my aunt instead of the mean aunt laura.

3. My other aunt, dads sister, just decided to call me after my cousin was in the hospital for a week. He literally died and was shocked back to life 3 times and had 4 more stents put in. I told DH, well I know I am the last one she called, guess she figured she better give me some warning in case he didnt make it and she just called for that instead. I am always the after thought to her. She does treat me more unfairly than my dads twin brothers kids, the other cousins. Everyone sees how she just dotes all over my uncles illegitimate son, that has been going on for years.

O.K. Whats the old saying, you cant choose your relatives. I dont have many left and the ones left are nothing to write home about. But I dont even live in the same state as them, so maybe that is a reason. They all get christmas cards from us, no matter what. Bless you all with your own difficult situations.

 

[Lisa F]

It sounds like SIL is frustrated having to take care of your mother and is lashing out at you. It's not an excuse for what she said, but my parents are taking care of my 87 year old grandmother who is living with them and the majority of their fights nowadays are about her. As I'm sure you well know, it really does put a strain on the family, especially when the primary caregiver is not even her own child but the spouse of her child. I know I personally have a lot more patience for my own mother than I do for my mother in law and maybe she is feeling resentful that although your brother stepped up to the plate, she is the one who is taking care of your mom.

That said, it's not an excuse for what she said to you. It sounds like she is ignorant of your disease and can't understand how someone so young can be so sick. I'm sure if you had cancer she would understand, but she's just plain igorant. On the other hand, if you care to work through this with her maybe understanding where she is coming from could help

The meanest thing a family member ever said to me was... you guessed it, my MIL. I could take my pick from many but the first will always be my favorite. We were driving back after doing some part of our wedding planning and she was yammering on about how the daughter of friends of theirs spent what she considered to be a ridiculous amount of money on wedding photography... then added "but she is gorgeous, blonde hair, blue eyes, size 4, so for HER I'm sure it was worth it." Now I'm not blonde, I have brown eyes, and I'm certainly not a size 4 so her statement really hurt my feelings... I always try to not read too much into what people say but how could she have meant anything BUT "you're not really that pretty so don't bother with an expensive photographer, it won't be worth it." If someday I end up taking care of her full time, it wil take some attitude adjustment on my part to cope with it, that's for sure.

 

[Maleficent13]

Originally posted by eeyore kelly
My MIL trapped me in a room at 81/2 months pregnant on Christmas night and tried to pray the "many demons that make you the mean little witch" out of me. A few years later she called CPS and told them she need to raise my children because of my demon possession. Tried to get DH to divorce me. Tried to get me arrested.

O...M...G!!! Thank goodness I don't have any stories to share, but WOW. This one takes the cake.

I think if it was me I might have to speak in tongues whenever my MIL was around.

 

[Crankyshank]

I'm really sorry you have to deal with this ML, on top of everything else That is so cruel of her to say things like that.

As far as meanest things someone has said to me. My Mother was incredibly emotionally abusive to me growing up. Fortunately she has seen the error of her ways and has stopped since I moved out of the house. However, there's not enough bandwidth on this site to write down all of the nasty and hurtful things she has said to me- including that she wished abortion was more available when she was pregnant with me

 

[eeyore kelly]

I think if it was me I might have to speak in tongues whenever my MIL was around.

It has crossed my mind. Now that I have children, I limit our contact with her, and if she says anything the slightest bit nasty, we leave. I refuse to have a scene in front of my kids. Sad thing is, DD and DS do not like her because "she hates you, Mom, and talks about you when you and Dad are not in the room." I just told them that just because she says something about me doesn't make it true.

 

[Microcell]

Originally posted by Amberle3
I say, tell her that you'd be pleased as punch to have your mother come and visit for a week a month. You (of all people) know how trying it can be to look after your mother.

But since there are special requirements in your household, and you're on doctor-ordered bed rest, your SIL will have to provide, at her own expense, a personal care assistant to stay with your mother the entire length of her stay, 24 hours a day. Otherwise to intentionally leave your mother in the care of someone who is on doctor-ordered bedrest and therefore incapabale of properly attending to her could be construed as neglect and you sure wouldn't want your SIL being accused of purposefully neglecting your mother.

Um, that about says it!! You can't move a 75 year old woman with Dementia around like that! Print all these up and smack your SIL in the face with them!! Tell her to suck it in and be family for goodness sake!

I have so many horrible things- the worst from my father was I am quotiing verbatim, no exaggeration here- he lost the lifetime father of the year on this alone:

"I am sorry you miss your mother, she has been dead 4 days now, but we need to make one thing clear- I asked your stepmother if she wanted you all the night your mother died. She allowed me to come and get you, and you will be living in her house. I told her that night that I would GLADLY put you in foster care if that is what she wanted. You have her to thank for being here."

There was this too, I am not sure which was worse, so you can decide:

" You made my wife cry today at counseling, so I want to make something clear- If you were in a boat with her and I could only save one of you, it would be her, do you understand? I would let you drown."

I moved out a month after that. I would have left that day but he said until I turned 18 he would call me in as a runaway. I left a couple of days after my 18th birthday. By the way she cried because I said I was going to move out when I turned 18 because I saw no point in paying them rent while in high school and I might as well live on my own if that was the case.

The really sad thing is that we were good kids put into a psychotic situation. I was in no way rebellious until I weighed paying for abuse or living on my own.

 

[piglet too]

So sorry that SIl ids being such a ...well I can't say it here.

Meanest things for me?

My family ~ When DH and I were having problems and talked about seperating, my Mom told him that he could stay and I would be the one to move out. (we were living with my parents at the time) I just feel that as her daughter, she should have been more supportive of me. Another time DH and I were joking around and she got mad at me so threw the remote "on theouch" but hit me and fractured my elbow.

My in-laws ~ When SIL was pregnant, I wanted to throw her a baby shower. My MIL said that since she was not married that her pregnancy was a disgrace and there was no way that she (MIL) would allow a shower for a "******* child." Now please keep in mind that my oldest son was born three weeks before we got married, I had a wedding/baby shower and I guess by MIL's standards, was a disgrace and had a "******* child." When DH stood up for my hurt feelings, she simply said "oh whatever, I did not mean her!" But she could say it about her own daughter?

 

[Microcell]

Originally posted by eeyore kelly
It has crossed my mind. Now that I have children, I limit our contact with her, and if she says anything the slightest bit nasty, we leave. I refuse to have a scene in front of my kids. Sad thing is, DD and DS do not like her because "she hates you, Mom, and talks about you when you and Dad are not in the room." I just told them that just because she says something about me doesn't make it true.

See my post for reference, but I have a firm philosophy that no one speak ill of me to my children. I will not allow my father alone with my kids and we only see him at his request- which has been darn near a year now. Last time we saw him he told my then 1 year old that his grandma loves him (refering to my step). I told him that my kids grandma is in heaven and they will not know his wife. I never spoke to him that way before but it felt GOOD!!!

 

[Shugardrawers]

The worst thing a family member ever said to me? You mean besides "You'd be so pretty if you lost weight"? That has to be the meanest compliment you can pay anyone. Please don't use that. It probably was the day my grandmother told me "people like you, until they get to know you". She said a family "friend" told her that. That family friend was a young man several years older than me that had been trying to get me to give up my virginity to him. I'll bet he left that part out. Anyway, WHY would you say something like that to a 14 year old???? I've never forgotten it and it's possibly why I have so much trouble making friends.