What to wear to a memorial...?

[AKL_Megs]

As some of you may know, my DH's uncle died in an accident over the weekend.

In lieu of a funeral, they are having a memorial. His body won't even be there. They are choosing to celebrate his life, rather than be saddened by his death.

What is the appropriate thing to wear to a memorial? I asked my mom, and she said, "Absolutely no black," but I definately don't want to be the only person not in black!

Since we are celebrating his LIFE, should I wear some white with black pants? Are colors acceptable?

I just can't wait for this to be over. Death is never fun.

 

[MIGrandma]

I think colors are acceptable nowdays at funerals and memorials.

My best friend gave the eulogy at her Dad's memorial and she wore a bright red jacket and black pants.

When I go to either I usually wear a skirt and blouse, or slacks and a sweater/blouse. I rarely see anyone dressed all in black at them anymore.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Just dress nice. You can wear colors.

 

[AKL_Megs]

Thanks you two!

 

[VillageMama]

I'm very old-fashioned in this regard. It pains me when folks say, "Don't wear black... We're celebrating the deceased's life!".

Of course I want to celebrate his life... but first could I please express some grief?? I'm sad because this person is not with us anymore.

Why must we speed up the mourning process by insisting that everyone have moved on to the celebratory stage by the time of the funeral/memorial? If happy memories spring up organically that day and we all share some laughs about the deceased, that's wonderful. That can be very healing.

It used to be that mourners wore black for a year. It feels disrespectful to me to have "moved on" by the time of the funeral.

So my family is usually the only ones at a funeral/memorial dressed in black. But it brings me some comfort to dress that way. I think it's insensitive of others to insist that we avoid black.

 

[stashbin]

My aunt just passed away last week and I wore a black dress that had a color design all over it one day, and the next I wore a black dress that had a tan design all over it. They are both like church dresses.

However, I agree with previous posters, just dress nice. As long as you don't bust up in there with lime green or some other loud color, you probably won't be noticed anyway.

 

[AKL_Megs]

I'm very old-fashioned in this regard. It pains me when folks say, "Don't wear black... We're celebrating the deceased's life!".

Of course I want to celebrate his life... but first could I please express some grief?? I'm sad because this person is not with us anymore.

Why must we speed up the mourning process by insisting that everyone have moved on to the celebratory stage by the time of the funeral/memorial? If happy memories spring up organically that day and we all share some laughs about the deceased, that's wonderful. That can be very healing.

It used to be that mourners wore black for a year. It feels disrespectful to me to have "moved on" by the time of the funeral.

So my family is usually the only ones at a funeral/memorial dressed in black. But it brings me some comfort to dress that way. I think it's insensitive of others to insist that we avoid black.

It's funny that you mention this. I found it rather sad that his body won't be there. None of us even gets to say "goodbye", not that we can't do that without a body, but it is just different when they are "there"... maybe I am old fashioned as well.

I think his wife is still VERY much in denial, poor thing, and just doesn't want to face a funeral, which is just fine. It just seems, to me, disrespectful to leave him at home (he was cremated) while everyone attends HIS memorial.

Maybe I am just sad. Who knows.

I plan on wearing black pants, or black pinstripe pants, and a nice shirt... I am not sure what the weather will do, so that is the deciding factor.

 

[AKL_Megs]

As long as you don't bust up in there with lime green or some other loud color, you probably won't be noticed anyway.

Well, maybe not... unless you are a Dis-er!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

It's funny that you mention this. I found it rather sad that his body won't be there. None of us even gets to say "goodbye", not that we can't do that without a body, but it is just different when they are "there"... maybe I am old fashioned as well.

I think his wife is still VERY much in denial, poor thing, and just doesn't want to face a funeral, which is just fine. It just seems, to me, disrespectful to leave him at home (he was cremated) while everyone attends HIS memorial.

Maybe I am just sad. Who knows.

I plan on wearing black pants, or black pinstripe pants, and a nice shirt... I am not sure what the weather will do, so that is the deciding factor.

My dh's family has memorials like this. Coming from a Catholic background it really felt weird when I went to the first memorial, which was 6 months later after the passing. His grandpa had donated his body to science and DH's grandma had scheduled the memorial in the summer so many friends and relatives could travel to it.

However now that a lot of time has passed and I am older, I find that it doesn't really matter. Honoring the wishes of the family is what counts.

Sorry for your loss....

 

[minkydog]

I have never worn black to a family funeral. It just isn't done in our family. We don't wear outlandish stuff, but we will wear nice print dresses or dress slacks. The men, by and large, do not wear suits, rather opting for business casual. My mother wore a lovely turquiose dress with silver embroidery to her husband's funeral. I'm sure everyone in the church was scandalized(Russian Orthodox Church) but she did wear a black head covering. I thought she looked beautiful and I'm sure my step-father would have thought so too.

Our family has done occasional memorial services, but mostly funerals. After the funeral we go back to the house and then we celebrate the life of our loved one. We drink a little wine, eat some ham & fried chicken, and talk about the good times. At my dad's funeral DBro brought a keg and gave all the kids horseback rides on his old horse. My dad would have loved it!

 

[johnsontrio]

It's funny that you mention this. I found it rather sad that his body won't be there. None of us even gets to say "goodbye", not that we can't do that without a body, but it is just different when they are "there"... maybe I am old fashioned as well.

I think his wife is still VERY much in denial, poor thing, and just doesn't want to face a funeral, which is just fine. It just seems, to me, disrespectful to leave him at home (he was cremated) while everyone attends HIS memorial.

Maybe I am just sad. Who knows.

I plan on wearing black pants, or black pinstripe pants, and a nice shirt... I am not sure what the weather will do, so that is the deciding factor.

Are you sure he won't be there? I have heard recently of several Memorial Masses where the Urn has been prominently displayed with a large photo of the deceased. One Mass even had Military Honors with 21 gun salute and taps. Seems to me that we are in an age of evolving traditions regarding death and options afterward. Not everyone can afford, or even wants, the traditional viewing, visitation, church service and burial. People are slowly deviating from what is expected and choosing other options. I'm Ok with that, but do feel that this needs to be clearly communicated with family and friends to avoid confusion. Peace be with you and your family during this stressful time.