What to do

[LAD1108]

I may have to cancel my families vacation because my mother hurt her leg and can't walk. I am an only child (funny at 42 I still use this term) and I do not have any outside help. I do not know if I should let my DH and DS8 go without me or cancel all together.

I really am at my wits end, this is the second time this has happened since May 28th---my whole summer has been running back and forth to her house. I think I had 3 weeks of peace and that is it.

I got the insurance---what are my options?????

 

[Mousema]

I feel for you, I'm an only child also. I don't know what I would do. You didn't say how many days away your trip is. If it's not in the 45 day window you can cancel and use the deposit for another trip.

 

[LAD1108]

We are supposed to leave on 9/21 and returning on 9/25----a short trip just because of this....I can't be away too long. My mom is 72 and has a variety of health problems...

I am at the end of my rope---all of my enthusiasim is gone---

 

[LegoMom3]

Do you have a hospital or assisted living facility nearby that you could ask about home services for your mother while you're away? In our area there are visiting nurses that can come for short-term needs. I'm assuming your mother needs round-the-clock care. I would look into such services where you are (you could start with a hospital and maybe get more referrals from there).

I'm another "only" here; my parents are still fairly healthy (they don't live near each other, which doesn't help me either!) but I always wonder if such a day will come for me. You sound like you really need a break, though. I would try to exhaust ALL my resources before totally giving up. You've got to keep your relationship with your DH and DD strong first, harsh though that may seem. If you all need a vacation together, do all you can to make it happen.

 

[deekaypee]

I second LegoMom3's response. I may be reading into your post, but it sounds like this trip is warranted. You say things like "I think I had 3 weeks of peace and that is it" and "I am at the end of my rope---all of my enthusiasim is gone." Both indicate to me that the trip has to take some priority, for your immediate family's well-being, your DH's and DS's needs and your own emotional health.

And I hope I'm not speaking too far out of turn, but it sounds like you might want to use this time not only to find appropriate short-term care for your mother but also to start looking into longer-term care options. If her needs are increasing--and it sounds as if they are--then now is the time to address the situation. I know we don't like to think of this, or at least I don't, but our parents get older and they can then depend on us more and more. And that can be exhausting. So I believe you'll want to look into getting some relief from your situation as the only child and (potentially) the only adult caregiver. I'm not necessarily talking about assisted living situations or nursery homes, but a variety of options. Does she have insurance, savings, etc., to pay for health care? What about your family's financial situation? How about your mom's relationships with other adults, like members of a church or another community organization? Does she have a circle of friends to help with her emotional and intellectual needs, and perhaps her physical ones? (If no to the last two, then your mother needs to work on gaining those important social networks.)

And, perhaps most importantly, have you had these conversations with her? If not, it sounds like it's time to start.

I'll be thinking of you and hoping for the best. In the meantime,

 

[lgp1]

I hope you can work something out so that you can still have your trip.It sounds like you really need a break with your family.Hope everything works out ok for you.
Lyndon.

 

[Samantha/NC]

Do you have anyone from her church or yours--or how about a neighbor that could help out, especially for such a short trip.

 

[VaNana]

I hope you can find some help so that you don't have to cancel. Some nursing homes and assisted living facilities offer respite care just for this type of situation. It takes in patients for short-term specifically to give the families a break. Like others have said, home health is another option. Call her doctor's office and ask for suggestions from them, sometimes Medicare is able to help especially if she has been in the hospital.

My mom is now in a nursing home, but was in assisted living for five years before that, and before that we tried her living with us, living at home with help, etc. so I totally understand what you are going through.

You sound like you really need this vacation and you need to spend the time with your family so I hope you find a solution.

 

[Anc96]

I may have to cancel my families vacation because my mother hurt her leg and can't walk. I am an only child (funny at 42 I still use this term) and I do not have any outside help. I do not know if I should let my DH and DS8 go without me or cancel all together.

I really am at my wits end, this is the second time this has happened since May 28th---my whole summer has been running back and forth to her house. I think I had 3 weeks of peace and that is it.

I got the insurance---what are my options?????

I know how you feel. I had the same situation of what to do with my mother when we were on vacation. She needed constant care and there is no one but me.
I found an assisted living home in the area.. it was wonderful. To tell you the truth, my mother fought me on it at first, she made it really hard... I did feel bad, but I was not going to let my daughter miss out on our vacation together so I told my mother there was no choice.
She went.. and she loved it there! Thank goodness!
I called daily.. she was fine.. we had a great time.
So look into that. It's not only you that will miss out, but your son will. Hopefully your mom will understand. And if not, she'll get over it. Your son wants you there with him.

Good Luck with whatever you decide.