What to do? UPDATE but no date yet, Page 2 :)

[MomNeedsVacay]

girlfriend, you've got to learn the fun in dating!! A girls gotta eat, right? (j/k) Look, dating is fun---even if the guy ends up being a weirdo or a dud.
I know others have said this, but I went on a date with a guy 10 years ago who totally wasn't my type--even my roommates joked around about how this guy was sooooooo not my type. After our first date, my friends asked "How was it?" ...I said, "Romantically, there is nothing there---but he is the type I'll be friends with forever..."
11 years and three kids later, we're still together!! Give him a shot-- and maybe he won't be into you, either, but maybe his roommate or brother would be. You never know what kind of doors can open if you let them....

 

[pilesoflaundry]

The love of my life was just a friend that I never thought would turn into anything else. We hung out a lot and things just ended up working out. If I went into it with the mind that we would date or any other notions I would have missed out on the very best thing to ever happen to me. He was not my type at all at first. He's just what I need though.

You can go, have some dinner. No pressure. If it turns into more than dinner great, if it doesn't, you had something to eat. Relax. Sometimes dinner is just a hangout and sometimes it's a preview of what is to come.

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

I just realized that I said 10 years, then 11 years....it'll be 11 years this June...he he

 

[coolshannie]

I agree with everyone else and to also say to not put time limits on anything. I wasted so much of my early twenties and late teens worried about getting a boyfriend and settling down. I dated A LOT of guys and I really think I wouldn't be who I am today if I had met someone at 19-20 and gotten married in my early twenties. I'm so much more grounded in who I am now and what I want out of life. Just keep yourself open. In fact, I recommend writing a list of 20 things you want to do by the end of the year that has nothing to do with guys or getting a boyfriend. Maybe learn a new language, go white water rafting, run a half or full marathon, etc. And it's ok to do these things alone. I made the same kind of list when my life had become centered around settling down as I started feeling like everyone around me was getting married and having kids. I went skydiving by myself, I went hiking and tent camping in the mountains, I did all of these things that made me realize life is short, fear prevents us from doing so much, and happiness doesn't come from someone else. A lot of my friends that I was jealous of when they were getting married at 22-23 are now getting divorced or are not happy in their marriage. Honestly a lot of guys in their late teens early twenties aren't looking to settle down or have a serious girlfriend. True some of them are and some of them are looking for the right person but most of them are just trying to have fun and not take things too seriously. I suggest you learn something from them. Not saying you should be out there partying and sleeping around but loosen up and try to step out of your comfort zone and try new things to be able to experience life.

"Life is like a coin. You can spend it any way you wish but you can only spend it once" Lillian Dickinson

I found this advice to be the most helpful. I guess my entire life I have really been the goody goody and most of my friends are that way as well and wouldn't be caught dead at a party. But maybe it is time for me to step out of my shell a lot... not just a little. I still live at home as I attend the local university, that was my decision and honestly I don't regret making it, but in some ways I think it's kept me in the shell that I created. I think I will make a list of 20 things I am going to do with myself or a friend for this year as you suggested and try to open myself up to new opportunities. Many people I am friends with have had boyfriends that at least dated for a few months to a couple of years or are still dating them. I guess I just feel left out sometimes and maybe that is more why I view things the way I do and I should change that. I think the list will help me as well, as since I left high school ive felt as though I am not involved in anything. I've tried getting involved in some college activities, but the church groups are extremely small, to the point that it's not worth it so I thought by getting involved in the church I am getting involved with people who have the same values.

As far as the date, I'm going to go. You were right. I was blowing it out of proportion, and maybe part of it is even though I'd like a boyfriend, I've never so much as been asked out on a date, besides going to homecoming and prom and that was completely different. So I will go, because as you've all said... It's just one date and I should give him a chance.

Thank you to everybody who replied, your advice really did help.

 

[merekc]

All this to say that at some point those friendships can progress on to something more, but they don't always.

I was friends with my DH in high school for several years before we ever went out. He actually set me up on a date with one of his friends because he thought we'd be perfect together.

You never know where friendship will lead.

 

[dislaney]

I found this advice to be the most helpful. I guess my entire life I have really been the goody goody and most of my friends are that way as well and wouldn't be caught dead at a party. But maybe it is time for me to step out of my shell a lot... not just a little. I still live at home as I attend the local university, that was my decision and honestly I don't regret making it, but in some ways I think it's kept me in the shell that I created. I think I will make a list of 20 things I am going to do with myself or a friend for this year as you suggested and try to open myself up to new opportunities. Many people I am friends with have had boyfriends that at least dated for a few months to a couple of years or are still dating them. I guess I just feel left out sometimes and maybe that is more why I view things the way I do and I should change that. I think the list will help me as well, as since I left high school ive felt as though I am not involved in anything. I've tried getting involved in some college activities, but the church groups are extremely small, to the point that it's not worth it so I thought by getting involved in the church I am getting involved with people who have the same values.

As far as the date, I'm going to go. You were right. I was blowing it out of proportion, and maybe part of it is even though I'd like a boyfriend, I've never so much as been asked out on a date, besides going to homecoming and prom and that was completely different. So I will go, because as you've all said... It's just one date and I should give him a chance.

Thank you to everybody who replied, your advice really did help.

Sounds like a good plan. You never know when and where you might meet the perfect guy for you, but if you never give anyone a chance you will never meet Mr. Right. I think a lot of people have thought that someone was Mr. Wrong and he ended up being the right one. I know it happened to me. It is after all just a date. Have fun!

 

[NMAmy]

As far as the date, I'm going to go. You were right. I was blowing it out of proportion, and maybe part of it is even though I'd like a boyfriend, I've never so much as been asked out on a date, besides going to homecoming and prom and that was completely different. So I will go, because as you've all said... It's just one date and I should give him a chance.

Thank you to everybody who replied, your advice really did help.

Good for you! I hope you have fun.

 

[tar heel]

Let go of the Prince Charming fantasy and just have fun. Friends are good to have and sometimes they become more.

I don't remember meeting my husband. We worked together in an intense environment and did some projects together. I often had lunch with co-workers and a big group of us hung out outside work. Somewhere along the way DH and I became more than friends. We're working on our 28th year of marriage.

 

[coolshannie]

Okay ladies,

Ready for my drama-filled lifetime movie story? If you would have paid me a million bucks to tell you my life would have looked like it does this week, I would have doubled over in laughter.

So there is boy #1 who we have discussed and I have said I would give a chance too. Boy #1 has since text messaged me that we'll go out tomorrow and go from there.

A few minutes after he text messaged me as I was staring at the screen shocked, as the way he said it, it implies that he believes this is more then just a date. I'm freaking out because now I feel like a horrible person, because if this goes horribly I am completely leading this poor guy on!

Here's where more drama unfolds...

I was on facebook and got an IM from a guy I work with. Now before I go further you have to understand that the week before I had expressed to my manager that I'd love to go out with someone, find a boyfriend etc. This was after we had been discussing the two new boys coming to our store that were both around my age. So she tells me she is going to find out if they are good guys or partyiers for me so she could set me up, because she always wants to set me up but usually those guys are dating someone else, or are huge partyiers, or are a few years younger then me.

Anyways so guy #2 IM's me and I tell him that I feel like everything is going horribly wrong with guy #1 and said date. And he tells me that maybe he should show me what a real date is like. I THOUGHT he was joking because we joke around a lot at work so I said, " Maybe you should!" But then he says it again and I realize that my manager has set me up with him.

He is a very nice guy and I am very attracted to him... I never would have considered him before because as far as I knew he drank and partied. So I asked my manager these things as I know at this point this was her doing, and she says to her knowledge he doesn't party, drink, or do weed anymore and only ever did it on occasion when a friend threw them. Okay, i can't judge someone by their past. ( To me drinking and drugs are a big deal because of family history with addiction, i can't do any of it and will not subject myself to someone who would want to push me to do those things, ever. I didn't mention that before but that's why it's a huge deal to me...)

So now I am going on a date with a guy who I am not that interested in, but I AM giving him a chance as you've all suggested, but he thinks there is great potential for there to be more then one date... He doesn't do any kind of drugs, drink, or party by the way, I've never mentioned it so just thought I would.

Then there is guy #2 who is a year younger then me, he's really nice, I always have a lot of fun when I am working with him, and I reallyyyy do like him, but he could possibly still be doing things that if it was more then just one date would drive me crazy if he even so much as asked me to be involved in it, and i guess thats the point where you break it off, but maybe he really doesn't do any of this anymore, or even if he does who's to say he would ever drag me into any of it.


Okay that's the end of my drama-filled lifetime story. Please reply, I'd really love to hear your thoughts at this point!


Also, I've started my 20 things I am going to do this year list. 20 things I am going to do by myself or with my very best friends. Thank you for the PP who gave me the idea. It's really fun trying to come up with things to do; things I've never done before!

 

[Andy B]

I think you have to just dive in with an open mind, I can't relate to your attitude to a drink or going to a party, most people do both but not to excess, you may have to accept that.

 

[AlexWyattMommy]

With Guy #2, if the dates don't go well, will you still be able to work with him? Or will it become awkward?

I never advise dating people you work with in close contact. It can become very sticky or ugly when things don't work out.

 

[Disney Doll]

shannie, calm down!!!!! You're 20. You don't need to decide between guy#1 and guy#2 (and guys#3 and #4 should they come along).

I repeat, you are 20. Your early 20's is the time for you to date, go out, have fun, figure out your life, find out what you want to do. If you go on dates, that's great. If you go on a date and meet someone with whom you "spark", even better. If you go out on dates with nice guys and don't spark, then you have lots of nice new friends.

Get out of your head that you MUST have a boyfriend. Go out with guy#1. Go out with guy#2. As long as you don't lead either to think that they are "the only one" or that you are exclusive with either one, there is no problem. Men like a little competition.

 

[sbell111]

shannie, calm down!!!!! You're 20. You don't need to decide between guy#1 and guy#2 (and guys#3 and #4 should they come along).

I repeat, you are 20. Your early 20's is the time for you to date, go out, have fun, figure out your life, find out what you want to do. If you go on dates, that's great. If you go on a date and meet someone with whom you "spark", even better. If you go out on dates with nice guys and don't spark, then you have lots of nice new friends.

Get out of your head that you MUST have a boyfriend. Go out with guy#1. Go out with guy#2. As long as you don't lead either to think that they are "the only one" or that you are exclusive with either one, there is no problem. Men like a little competition.

I completely agree (except for the 'Men like competition' bit. That's just not true.).

 

[wvjules]

Man, guy, ...not BOY! I keep seeing a 12 year old with candy and flowers at your doorstep.

And, what DD said!

 

[krcit]

Good for you OP. Just relax a little bit and stop worrying so much Don't automatically dismiss someone because they like an occasional beer. I have friends that don't drink and I would never dream of pushing a drink on them. No biggie. Of course if you go out with someone and find out that thay are a huge drinker or partier then don't go out with them again. As far as date #1, you agreed to a date, if he thinks it's more than that that is not your problem.

 

[NeverlandClub23]

Also, I've started my 20 things I am going to do this year list. 20 things I am going to do by myself or with my very best friends. Thank you for the PP who gave me the idea. It's really fun trying to come up with things to do; things I've never done before!

You're welcome I do it every year. It is fun to come up with new things and to take steps to achieving each thing.

I agree with others to just take each guy as a fun time out. I also wouldn't discuss with either guy any other guys. You may give them the impression that you're talking about the two of you or something he said to some other guy (which can affect his trust in you). Just take it day by day and see what happens. I know the unknown is scary and you want to have everything planned out but life does not work that way. Just be true to yourself and get out of something if it doesn't feel right, trust your instincts but also learn the difference between instincts and fear. And if it does come down to where you have to let a guy go or you haven't developed feelings and he has, treat him how you would want to be treated. Let him down quickly and gently. Yes, he will probably be hurt but it's another life lesson/experience for both of you. Just don't jump to any decisions when you haven't even really gotten to know either of them.

BTW, some people drink more in their early twenties than they do later in life. I drank from the time I was 18-22 just about every weekend. Now I drink maybe once or twice a year, if that (I never did drugs though and refused to date guys who did). Believe me when I say this is such a huge changing time in your life. You will look back even 3-5 years from now and probably not recognize yourself or a lot of the people you associate with. Have fun and good luck to you!

 

[PolyndianPrincessJes]

Another vote to calm down, girl!! I think you're reading waaay too much into the text! I know you're new to all this, but take a step back. Go on the date. Take it from there (as in, you'll know whether or not to continue...not take it to the altar!!).

I'd hang out with your co-worker casually first because that situation can become icky, as a PP said.

Seriously, don't put too much thought into all this and quit overanalyzing!!! Dating is supposed to be fun, especially when you're just starting!! Relax!

 

[RadioNate]

I've been reading this thread and refrained from commenting but OP, I seriously mean this in the nicest most helpful way possible....CALM DOWN. Jeez, girl, lighten up.

Enjoy life. You are far too young to be this keyed up about life. Have some fun. You wouldn't be caught dead at a party? Really? Parties can be fun. You don't have to drink, do drugs, or whatever to have a good time. Really, most people aren't going to care if you drink or not. Really. You are making this SO much more of an issue than it really is. No one sits around pestering people to get wasted. You family issues with addiction are YOUR issues and by cutting off people who occasionally have a drink or party in college is really really limiting the amount of people who could be in your life. I'm not just talking about dates either.

Ok, I'm getting hung up on that and I don't mean to. Heck, I don't really even drink I couldn't tell you the last time I had a drink. I think I had a few sips of wine on Christmas with dinner. My point is no one cares. If they offer, just say no thank you.

You are 20. Get out there. Meet people. Have fun. Try new things. NOW is the time to do that. You don't have to marry any guy you date. You don't have to be BFF's with any new person you meet.

You sound so incredibly stressed. It is sad to me because this is the time of your life that you don't have to be stressed out about every little thing.

I think the list is a great idea. Learn who you are. The world will not end if you don't have a boyfriend.

I HAD serious boyfriends in HS and college and I completely regret that. I wish I had spent FAR LESS time on dating and more time just having fun and doing things I wanted to do.

 

[NeverlandClub23]

I HAD serious boyfriends in HS and college and I completely regret that. I wish I had spent FAR LESS time on dating and more time just having fun and doing things I wanted to do.

Amen!!