What to do in Disney when your husband hates Disney....

[mi*vida*loca]

The strongest relationships I've ever witnessed are those that make time for their spouse AND themselves. Date nights, adult only getaways, girls nights, guys nights, etc. They seem so much more happier and just seem to have a stronger bond.

I make sure I take time for myself and one on one time for my SO. I want to make sure I don't lose myself and then when my kids are gone I'm at a loss at what to do with myself. Or once my kids leave I don't want to look at my SO and think "what am I supposed to do with you now." Or to not know how to be a couple.

It doesn't mean I don't love my kids or they aren't important to me. Not at all.

 

[NHdisneylover]

The most important person to me is my wife. My kids come next. My kids will eventually leave. The person who is still there shouldn’t be 2nd fiddle to anyone.

I've been debating if I was up for being crucified for posting something similar about my husband, but hadn't worked up the courage yet---kudos to you.

I love my kids dearly and I've prioritized them many, MANY times---but they are a close second to my spouse: he's my world and the person I plan to spend forever with. The kids will hopefully grow up and find their own lives, if they became the center of my world how would I cope when they move on?

 

[mjkacmom]

I think it’s just semantics then. I meant revolve around being that everything you do in life when they’re still in your care revolves around providing for their welfare. Waking up earlier to get them ready, feeding them, going to their events, helping with homework, working so you can adequately provide for them, etc.

I have not gotten up earlier than my kids to feed them in years! They used to just eat cereal, but now make themselves egg sandwiches most days. I clean up the mess after they go to school. I learned during ds19’s senior year in high school that getting him up and going in the morning was a huge mistake, the others started getting themselves up in upper elementary.

 

[LSUmiss]

I've been debating if i was up for being crucified for posting somehting similar baout my husband, but hadn't worked up the courage yet---kudos to you.

I love my kids dearly and I've prioritized them many, MANY times---but they are a close second to my spouse: he's my world and the peosn I plan to spend forever with. The kids will hopefully grow up and find their own lives, if they became the center of my world how would I cope when they move on?

I actually agree with this too. I guess I would officially classify it as DH & DS are equally the most important in my life.

 

[cabanafrau]

I have not gotten up earlier than my kids to feed them in years! They used to just eat cereal, but now make themselves egg sandwiches most days. I clean up the mess after they go to school. I learned during ds19’s senior year in high school that getting him up and going in the morning was a huge mistake, the others started getting themselves up in upper elementary.

Yes, exactly. And you're talking about children with needs more similar with those of OP's children by the ages given.

 

[LSUmiss]

I have not gotten up earlier than my kids to feed them in years! They used to just eat cereal, but now make themselves egg sandwiches most days. I clean up the mess after they go to school. I learned during ds19’s senior year in high school that getting him up and going in the morning was a huge mistake, the others started getting themselves up in upper elementary.

That’s just an example of things some ppl do or have done. If you have s young kid, you likely still do it.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

I actually agree with this too. I guess I would officially classify it as DH & DS are equally the most important in my life.

The only difference is my son isn't equal. My husband definitely comes fist.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I will try to re-focus on the OP's situation, and respond to the ongoing conversation after this....
OP, I am trying to be objective and helpful here.
And, I really see absolutely nothing valid about the whole 'who is selfish' thing.
That is not what this is all about!!!!! Not at all !!!!

OP, just to point out the obvious. (NOT ALWAYS WELCOMED OR POPULAR, I KNOW!!!)
You and your family have been to WDW several times.
You have mentioned that your DH did not like Disney, as well.
You must realize that you can't keep claiming that "He just sprung this on us."
You can not really overcome a situation, unless you come to terms with it and understand it, FIRST.

In your last update, once again, you also mentioned how personally meaningful it was to share Disney with your Father... And then you suddenly lost him.
For anyone, that is a LOT of emotional and psychological influence!!!!
This seems to be illustrated by the fact that you have started a pre-trip report months, and now possibly a year, before the scheduled trip.
I do understand that. I am trying to be understanding and helpful. Not necessarily judging at all.

The thing is, you can't keep forcing and 'transferring' all of this onto your DH.
He can not be expected to step in and fill those shoes and those expectations, if he is not really, personally, 'onboard'.
I am quite sure he has his reasons that he is not only NOT a big Disney Freak... But, that Disney just doesn't seem to work for him.
It sounds like he has tried to give it a go and to 'be there', several times over the years.
But, everyone has their own feelings and limitations.

I will venture an assumption that, if you continue to refuse to recognize this, and to force and transfer all of this onto your DH, it could very well make things worse.

I know that I might have problems and issues if being expected to fill my DH's mother's shoes.
And, a DH, by the same token, should not be expected to step in and fill a womans father's shoes.

 

[Wishing on a star]

On to the other current somewhat heated conversation....
I would have to say that my DH and my DS would be equal to me.
Yes, my DH is my DH, and the one who I expect to live my life with.
But, remember people, the day could come where DH is no longer here...

 

[BLAZEY]

DD8 and I go on vacations and leave DH at home. We do other vacations where we all go. DH does things with his friends that he likes to do. DH is really much more of a homebody and his idea of the perfect vacation is staying at home and playing video games uninterrupted. She understands that we like different things. We have done DL and WDW as a family, DH doesn't really like flying but she knows he did it for us and he enjoyed the destination. DH would like driving it even less. DH not wanting to go on our lake vacations to the cabin which DD8 & I enjoy and he doesn't , does not make him selfish or a horrible father, he has been to the lake a couple of times and this years said he'd rather not go, we said fine, enjoy your long weekend playing video games, please remember to feed the cats and clean the litter boxes, we'll see you Tuesday. (Him not coming meant I also didn't have to make arrangements for someone to come care for our cats too!)

 

[cabanafrau]

On to the other current somewhat heated conversation....
I would have to say that my DH and my DS would be equal to me.
Yes, my DH is my DH, and the one who I expect to live my life with.
But, remember people, the day could come where DH is no longer here...

What does that mean? Is that he could possibly die, or is that the marriage could end?

 

[BLAZEY]

She said he said they can go alone.

I think that is very GENEROUS and UNSELFISH of him.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

The kids will hopefully grow up and find their own lives, if they became the center of my world how would I cope when they move on?

One way is the case with my mother-in-law.

For her her husband is second and her kids are first. I'm not going to say that's right nor wrong even if my viewpoint currently differs from her (I have no kids at this time so..).

Anyways it took some time but eventually after we had a frank and honest discussion she put it out there "but I'm your mom" and both my husband and I said at the same time "but I'm/she's his/my wife". After that she got the message. Him and I are a team and he's moved on in a way.

But with her because of her personal way of going about things and because she put her kids first without at least knowing how she would cope in the future it's became a really rude awakening for her. To date her son (my husband) is still the only child who has been so self-sufficient; her other daughters, while one is married (aged nearly 21) and the other in a relationship (aged 26) still depend quite a lot on her--and if you ask her she secretly (though it's not always a secret) enjoys that, thrives on that and fears the day when they will fully fly the nest.

 

[QueenIsabella]

That’s just an example of things some ppl do or have done. If you have s young kid, you likely still do it.

Yeah, not really. I'm always awake early, but I haven't made my kids breakfast in years. Probably starting around kindergarten, I would help as little as possible. Not because I wasn't capable or interested, but preparing meals for oneself is a life skill that's important. Obviously, you start simple, with a bowl of cereal or a poptart. My 11yo can make himself eggs, mac and cheese, grilled cheese, and so forth. Not gourmet by any means, but he can get himself fed (I do have rules about not using the stove or oven without an adult at home).

I'm not criticizing you for making your child breakfast, just pointing out a different view on the subject. Every Wed., my DD has a lesson, so every Wed., my boys make dinner. It's typically pasta, and I try to put the dots close together. Older son is 20, but has Asperger's and other issues, so I try to set them up for success. They gain skills and confidence.

 

[missbrooke06]

OP!!! I have actual advice!!!

Holy smokes I certainly did not expect all these responses. Normally no one reads my posts LOL!

It's funny how so many people are speculating about my DH being selfish or my kids being selfish. Did I make them sound like that in my post? I certainly didn't mean to. My husband is a great person, he just happens to hate Disney. My kids love their dad and just wanted to be with him, I can't blame them for it.

12 pages of comments is a lot to read through, I didn't get home from work and stuff until 9:00. It took awhile to get through everything.

To put some of these speculations to rest:

We go camping when the weather is warm, take day trips to historic places and do a lot of family hikes. All things my husband likes to do. Do I love it? It's not my favorite thing to do but I do it. My kids enjoy it and my so does my husband and that makes it enjoyable for me. I also go to the junkyards with my husband, do I love that? Well, I have to admit I do lol. He rebuilds cars (Jeeps and Volkswagens) for fun. He is in the Army so he likes military stuff too. He likes to hunt and is planning on going on one of those big hunts out west next year. He is going on his own vacation, I am fine with that.

I pay for the Disney vacations and we have been there about 8 times. In 2004 my parents purchased DVC and never used it. My mom passed away before we were able to go. I did go with my dad a few times, he actually lived in Florida for a few years so it was nice to have that time with him. The DVC is now mine, I pay the dues every month.

My father died in July. We thought he had a stroke but it was a brain tumor. He died in 2 days. My cat drowned in the neighbors pool, my son totaled his car and I got into a car accident a few weeks ago.

This vacation was planned for all of us to go so the kids thought DH was going. He sprang it on me that he hates Disney and doesn't want to go so I had to tell the kids dad doesn't like it. He said to go without him, which I will, I have no problems doing that, except for the driving part. I don't want to drive all that way a lone but I will deal with it. The kids have a good time with him when he goes and when I told them he wasn't going they thought if we planned more things he liked to do maybe he would reconsider and that's where I wanted the suggestions of some things to do. He rides the roller coasters
with my youngest, they love to see him eat a lot at Biergarten and they can't believe he can drink that big beer. No one is forcing him to do something he doesn't want to do. We go to Universal, he doesn't like that either. He doesn't like crowds but honestly we haven't been there when it's been crazy crowded. I plan to go to the beach and to Kennedy Space Center this time too.

As for the dance recitals, my daughter has 2 dance recitals and 4 competitions with her dance school and 4 recitals with her high school. I do not expect him to sit through 10 recitals a year, especially when 6 of those are the same dances. And she has been dancing for 13 years. I couldn't sit through 10 Nascar races, just 1 is good for me.

What I was really looking for was just some suggestions on different things to do in that area or in driving distance for him to do or for us to do that he would like. I didn't know about a fishing excursion so I will look into that.



I worked until 4, came home made dinner, took my daughter to dance, went to a weight loss meeting, picked up my daughter from dance, came home, did dishes, read through 12 pages of posts.



Thank you. Life has sucked these past few months.

Keep in mind, I'm reading you literally so please disregard if not relevant.

You said you had to tell the kids Dad's not going. Maybe Dad should tell the kids he's not going and why? You know "I love you guys so much and I know how much fun you have at Disney but the [crowds/heat/rides/Dole Whips/whatever] make me not have fun and then I'm not fun to be around. I don't want to ruin Disney for you by being grumpy. You should all go and send me lots of pictures."

Don't feed into the kids' idea of convincing. Instead, encourage Dad to have an honest conversation with them.

 

[LSUmiss]

Yeah, not really. I'm always awake early, but I haven't made my kids breakfast in years. Probably starting around kindergarten, I would help as little as possible. Not because I wasn't capable or interested, but preparing meals for oneself is a life skill that's important. Obviously, you start simple, with a bowl of cereal or a poptart. My 11yo can make himself eggs, mac and cheese, grilled cheese, and so forth. Not gourmet by any means, but he can get himself fed (I do have rules about not using the stove or oven without an adult at home).

I'm not criticizing you for making your child breakfast, just pointing out a different view on the subject. Every Wed., my DD has a lesson, so every Wed., my boys make dinner. It's typically pasta, and I try to put the dots close together. Older son is 20, but has Asperger's and other issues, so I try to set them up for success. They gain skills and confidence.

So would you sleep in & just assime your 5 yr got dressed, ate an appropriate breakfast & got to school ok?

 

[LSUmiss]

I think that is very GENEROUS and UNSELFISH of him.

Generous how? To “let her go & pay for her own vacation”? She said that it’s her DVC & she pays.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

Generous how? To “let her go & pay for her own vacation”? She said that it’s her DVC & she pays.

They’re married. I’m sure “his” money covers expenses, right? Park tickets, food, gas.

 

[LSUmiss]

They’re married. I’m sure “his” money covers expenses, right? Park tickets, food, gas.

She said she pays for it. Just b/c they’re married doesn’t mean anything. There was just a whole multi page thread about ppl who don’t share $ & have their own $ in their marriage to do whatever with.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

She said she pays for it. Just b/c they’re married doesn’t mean anything. There was just a whole multi page thread about ppl who don’t share $ & have their own $ in their marriage to do whatever with.

Yup. I was one of those. Separate accounts here. And I’m going on a trip with just DD. I guess i just see it differently than you do. Yea technically “my money” is covering the trip but my SO pays bills in our home which gives me more disposable income.

Plus these are his kids. He’s taken them to Disney 8 Times. There’s more costs to a Disney trip than dvc.