What to do? Grades and DD.

[codimouse]

We already booked and paid for our room, tickets and reserved rental car.

Our trip is in approximately one month.

Our 12 year old DD is usually an A or A/B student. Well one and a half weeks before the grade reporting ends for the 6 weeks report card she totally bombs 2 subjects and now has an F in those two subjects. Teachers say she has until Next tuesday to bring these to passing with last minute tests, assignments and extra credit.

I dont want to cancel our trip because DH and I have no other time off this year due to a family reunion here at home at the end of the year.

But I dont want to reward her with a trip. She says she is positive she can bring these up to passing.

And she will work hard for the 3 weeks into the next grade reporting system for next report card.

If she cannot bring these up should we just go or cancel?

All this for just chit chatting in class and not doing the work in class. AAAAAAAAAAAAA.

 

[ohiominnie]

We already booked and paid for our room, tickets and reserved rental car.

Our trip is in approximately one month.

Is there anyone who can stay home with dd while the rest of the family goes?

(only asking as a possibility, just in case)

 

[inslady]

Since it doesn't appear you have previously "attached" the trip to your daughter's school performance, I would not cancel the trip. Instead, I would deal with the matter in the way you would if there was no vacation planned and upcoming. I hope she improves her grades and everyone is happy!

 

[java]

Ah hormones........ I have a 12 year old son and I can honestly say I think this year the teachers are trying to break them. They call it "Get them ready for high school" but really it has been a huge leap in responsibility. I think if she is normally a good student and has just hit a bump in the road this is probably all she will need to turn it around. I wouldn't cancel a trip over it.

 

[ilovejack02]

Since it doesn't appear you have previously "attached" the trip to your daughter's school performance, I would not cancel the trip. Instead, I would deal with the matter in the way you would if there was no vacation planned and upcoming. I hope she improves her grades and everyone is happy!

I kinda agree. There are other ways to fix this. If had you attached this to grades up front then yes, take it away, but im betting since she always did well in school you didnt feel that was an issue. Take phone time away, tv time, friend time , computers. You get the idea. If this is the first time she has ever really messed up, then go on the trip and enjoy yourselves and ground the heck out of her while at home lol. Next year be sure and attach any trips to grades.

 

[PrincessasMommy]

I have an 11 year old DD who has gone from an A student to a C student over the past few weeks for the same reasons. I have never had so many conversations with her school as I have recently. I think that this is a hard age, with hormones and harder assignments clashing.
I think that if she sees your dissappointment and regrets that she has let you and herself down, and makes an effort to bring up those grades then why punish her so harshly? It's a trip to Disney, not "No TV for a week!"

 

[LuvOrlando]

The report card sounds worrisome and not because of the grades but because the sudden drop may indicate something is terribly wrong. I would be very concerned about whatever is causing the sudden changes, not the fact the grades dropped themselves. Drugs, drinking, abuse, bullying, gangs, social problems, there is such a long list of troubles kids face.

If you have a good relationship with DD maybe the vacation would be a good time for her to confide in you with some TLC. If your relationship is not quite so open maybe there is a school counselor or therapist who might be able to shed some light on whatever is going on before it gets too far.

Don't get me wrong, academics are #1 in my home too. That said, in my opinion, a A+ kid doesn't suddenly reject their own values unless something is wrong. No matter what she tells you isn't wrong, I wouldn't let go until I got to the root of things.

I hope it all works out for you guys.

 

[codimouse]

She is grounded. everything she loves and wants is gone.
leaving her with grandparents would be just as much fun for her.

The vacation wasnt based on grade performance because it has never been an issue.

This child usually gets the presidential gold medal for her school accomplishments and standardized testing.

 

[codimouse]

The report card sounds worrisome and not because of the grades but because the sudden drop may indicate something is terribly wrong. I would be very concerned about whatever is causing the sudden changes, not the fact the grades dropped themselves. Drugs, drinking, abuse, bullying, gangs, social problems, there is such a long list of troubles kids face.

If you have a good relationship with DD maybe the vacation would be a good time for her to confide in you with some TLC. If your relationship is not quite so open maybe there is a school counselor or therapist who might be able to shed some light on whatever is going on before it gets too far.

Don't get me wrong, academics are #1 in my home too. That said, in my opinion, a A+ kid doesn't suddenly reject their own values unless something is wrong. No matter what she tells you isn't wrong, I wouldn't let go until I got to the root of things.

I hope it all works out for you guys.

We are close knit family. It is just the socializing in class and between, etc. Conference with teachers, etc all say the same thing. Why they choose to chit chat in school now is beyond me. Then she turns in incomplete work which is not acceptable and receives an imcomplete. This drastically brings down an A or B FAST!

 

[TheDizMom]

That's a toughy. Do you have insurance for the trip, because it's a huge chunk of change to loose if you don't. Is she missing school or is it during her spring break, which from the timing it sounds like it is. One way around it would be to go but make her spend an hour or so a day in the room, maybe while you are at the pool or something, doing some make-up work. Ask her teachers from the classes she is doing poorly in if they can suggest some work for her to do on your trip or come up with something on your own. Having to spend a little time away from the fun will teach her the consequences of her actions, but you can still go on your trip. If you don't want to do that find something at home that is important to her and take that away for a while. She is probably faced with a certain amount of challenges just from being in middle school and trying to fit in, which would affect her grades unfortunately. It sounds like she gets she screwed up. As my DH always says, do it the first time you kind of get the easy pass because we all make mistakes. Do it twice and no more easy pass.

 

[dustya21]

I am a Mom of 2 wonderful kids. My ds is going to be 14 next month, and my dd will be 10 in June. I would agree and say don't cancel the trip. I try to keep in mind that Junior High ages are so funky for kids! And chatting in class, go figure! I work at my son's school, and his teachers say he likes to talk alot!! This trip would be a great opportunity for you to spend some time with your daughter and and maybe she'll open up about what may be causing her grades to decline. My ds is an A student. He has carried a 3.8 grade point average all year. When he struggles, he'll just fill me in on why, and we seem to work it out. My dd struggles tremendously with her comprehension in reading, and I find she get's frustrated easily when we try to work on it. But she eventually works it out, and I just try to help her any way I can. I just keep in mind that they are two seperate people and they learn at their own individual speeds. So, just hang in their. It sounds like your girl does good academically and maybe your Disney Trip will give her some down time, and a chance to catch her second wind when she gets back to school. I think we're all pretty tired this time of the school year. Sometimes the break does us all some good!! Good luck and have fun on your trip...

 

[perdidochas]

The report card sounds worrisome and not because of the grades but because the sudden drop may indicate something is terribly wrong. I would be very concerned about whatever is causing the sudden changes, not the fact the grades dropped themselves. Drugs, drinking, abuse, bullying, gangs, social problems, there is such a long list of troubles kids face.

If you have a good relationship with DD maybe the vacation would be a good time for her to confide in you with some TLC. If your relationship is not quite so open maybe there is a school counselor or therapist who might be able to shed some light on whatever is going on before it gets too far.

Don't get me wrong, academics are #1 in my home too. That said, in my opinion, a A+ kid doesn't suddenly reject their own values unless something is wrong. No matter what she tells you isn't wrong, I wouldn't let go until I got to the root of things.

I hope it all works out for you guys.

It's not that uncommon. My wife teaches 7th grade math, and she had a lot of much lower grades since Christmas.

 

[pezpam]

I wouldn't take the trip away, nor would I panic just yet. At 12, kids (girls especially if we were anything to go by) can suddenly become very chatty. However, your DD sounds like she's a great kid and student, not a chronic problem. These grades may be the wake up call she needs and might do the trick all by themselves if she's always taken pride in her good grades. Since she's always gotten very good grades, it's possible that she thought she could chatter away and still do well - now she knows she can't and she's promised to try and she knows you're watching. Give her the chance to do better.

As others have said, the trip wasn't linked to the grades and it seems a bit out of proportion to take it away in response to what may well be a very temporary problem. Use the time to talk to her in private to see if anything more than chattiness is bothering her - trying to start that discussion where other kids her age can hear it (or she thinks they can) probably won't get very far.

Academics are a big deal in my family and I htink the drop is something you need to keep an eye on, but it's not necessarily the end of her good school performance. She sounds more like a kid you should be patted on the back for raising.

Good luck to you both - and have a wonderful trip!

 

[codimouse]

Thanks everyone!! We will go. With some extra homework for the drive!!

I know this is not a decline in her school career. She is a fantastic kid.

I just checked online and one grade came up 5 points and hopefully by friday that one will be a passing grade.

What makes it hard I guess is her circle of friends is growing however due to bussing and where they live this is the only time the can socialize in person.

I explained they can do this at lunch, between classes and on the bus. And then on the phone at home which I understand is not the same.

 

[MSSANDRA]

We had sort of the same thing happen. Trip paid for and not more vacation time and DS has a lot of trouble with his breathing and misses a LOT of school. I was panicing a little but we decided to go anyway. We did let the teachers know that this trip was already planned and that we were very much concerned about the time missed but we went and it was fine. I too say go. A break with lots of family time might be just what she needs. I would be strict on getting the grades up and with all the make up work but I would not let her miss the trip.

Perhaps make her miss an afternoon of swimming to do homework or something to that accord to let her know that her actions did affect her fun on the trip.

 

[Darcy03231]

We had the same problem with DS (13) after the first marking period. From that point until the next progress report he wasn't allowed to use the the computer except for homework and he was reduced to one hour of television each night (and then not until all his homework was done and I checked it). There were no social activities during the week. It didnt' take long for the grades to improve. Luckily, our children have agendas and all the work is written down and checked by the teacher at the end of the day so I knew what he had to do. According to his teachers this isn't unusual for this age group. All in all he's a great kid, just had learn school first, friends second. Grades have stayed up since. I would still go on the trip and just restrict her at home until the grades were better.

 

[bopper]

I like to think about logical consequences. Also, this is the age where they become less family oriented and more peer oriented.
Canceling vacation has nothing to do with school work and also would be detrimental to the family dynamics.

I would say the logical consequences for poor grades are: no TV, computers, ipods, video games, talking to friends etc. until homework is done. She has to show you the homework assignment and her work daily. You don't chase after her. After that, "screen time" is limited to 1 hour (or whatever you desire) per day. Ask the teacher for a weekly email describing the level of work being done in class.

I would go on the vacation and enjoy your DD. Look for positive things that she does. They just get stinkier in attitude at this point, but you have to look past this, while still being firm.

Mom to a 13 year old girl

 

[codimouse]

Looking at her online school report which is updated daily by instructors....she brought up one F to a B!!! Yay!!

The other 2 are looking up as well.

She did listen to me.

 

[codimouse]

. Ask the teacher for a weekly email describing the level of work being done in class.



Mom to a 13 year old girl

They do not do that at her school or in this school district. We have an online Parent Connection site we use. If we have questions then we send an email. But this is updated daily or at least twice a week. Shows everything for the 6 weeks and then each grade assigned to it. From homework to quizzes, to tests to standardized tests.

 

[Darcy03231]

That's great news on the grades. Looks like she got the message. Its amazing how quickly they can get the work done and bring the grades up when their favorite things are taken away!