What to do about unexpected guests!?!

[rie'smom]

In my post,I said if not cancelling the carnival,INVITE them to join in the fun. I would never treat a fiend like an imposition much less family. BTW, it seems that there has been notice that the family is arriving. It's not as though BIL and his family showed up on the doorstep and said,"Here we are,entertain us."

As for the cancelling out of town plans,. Nowhere did the OP state they had out of town plans. Come on,rearranging a schedule or including family in plans is quite a bit different from cancelling a trip away from home.
I would not invite 7 people to a birthday party and that is one thing that I would not change due to the celebrant's age.

Family is very important to me because my brother died. It
brings home the fact that while it's easy to say that plans shouldn't be rearranged and you can visit another time-sometimes,there will never be another time.

Another thing is if it's important to the OP's hubby that they spend time with his brother's family,that should carry weight in any decisions. I'm not that wild about all of my inlaws but if this situation arose and he wanted to spend time with family,then I would honor his wishes.

 

[RickinNYC]

I completely agree with the sentiment of "family first." BUT the other half of the equation is that the BIL is NOT taking into consideration that the family they are visiting might have plans. Like any other axiom, "family first" is a two way street and means ALL family and not just those that might be inconvenienced.

In any case, I would change what I could change, but stick to what is important to my family and me. If that means everything, then the visitors will have to deal with it. If they get bent out of shape, that's their problem. Don't make it your own. I wouldn't get angry at them. Disappointed? Sure. But not ticked off. Life is too short to waste on that emotion.

Just a thought about the volunteer work at the carnival. You really absolutley need to decide today whether you want to cancel that portion of your plans. As a volunteer services director, I know that there are certain positions that are very, very easy to fill. I suspect this is one of them. Most volunteers would jump at the chance to not only help, but to do so in a carnvial like environment. No problem. I'm certain they have a back up list. I know I would!

For what it's worth, cancelling five days before this event is not cancelling at the last minute. Trust me. Cancelling the day of, sure. But not five days. I get cancellations ALL the time and always appreciate this kind of advanced notice.

 

[PhotobearSam]

I find it rude to just expect them to drop their plans. I would not.

I am at the age where I won't do things because I have to, I need to want to.

i hope all works out and that you have time to enjoy the things you get to do.

 

[Maleficent13]

There are really two questions here.

1. Is BIL a rude *******? Answer: Yes.

2. Now that we've established #1, how do we deal with it? I would rearrange as much as possible without inconviencing any of the people involved with my commitments so as to afford my DH time with his brother. That's just me. Or, alternatively, I would keep all my commitments but excuse DH from them and let him concentrate on feeding/entertaining his DB and family. This is MHO, YMMV.

 

[Lizzy2]

Yes, BIL is not thinking but he probably didn't mean any harm. I would just be honest with him about what's up and work around it for my DH's sake if for no other reason. I like the idea of meeting them at a restaurant on Fri.night and a pizza place with each family paying for themselves shouldn't hurt anyone's bank account. On Sat. just have them join you at the carnival. The kids will most likely think its fun. On Sunday, DH should be able to hold down the fort while you go do your thing. This is actually a pretty common issue with my DH's family because we all live hours away from each other. The way we do it is basically this: if you have enough time to plan a trip to visit then the hosting family clears its schedule and arranges things around you. If you want to visit with less than two weeks or so notice then the hosts do the best they can and you understand that you will probably be on your own part of the time and that you will eat out or do take out and share the cost. This has worked well for us and there have been no hard feelings this way. And if someone has the chance to visit on the fly then it can happen easily. Just do the best you can and if BIL doesn't like it then it would be time for
DH to let him know that next time you all will need more notice before he visits. Chances are if you do your best with a loving attitude it will all work out just fine.

 

[mickeyboat]

Chances are if you do your best with a loving attitude it will all work out just fine.

MTE