What to do about this gift exchange situation?

[Took]

I would not exchage gifts with such a distant relative-that YOU are not even related to!

Get the Fiancee to buy the gift!

I dealt with a wacky gift-giver for years and was relieved when we stopped exchanging stuff-she gave JUNK to my kids and it would really make me mad. SO NOT worth it!

We don't exchange gifts with most relatives, either, just my sister and DH's and their kids, to whom we're very close. I'm soooo glad not to have to buy for folks I don't know and who don't know me.

 

[MissyDVC]

Give her daughter clothes in your daughter's size and toys that your daughter likes. Then, when she re-gifts it back to your daughter, you know it will fit and be liked as well!

Sorry, I couldn't resist.

Love this!!!

 

[Veronica Lodge]

Have you pointed out that your daughter is 2? When she gives her an inappropriately sized gift I would just kindly say - "thank you for the gesture but can I have the receipt to exchange that . It clearly won't fit her"

Who is the poster with the GREAT funny MIL Holiday Gifts? Remember the fuzzy sweater!! oh my

This would be my advice as well. My grandmother used to give me "old lady" sweaters and jewelry that I hated (and hated her wasting money on) and one year, I'd finally had enough. I told her I really appreciated the marcasite and faux onyx flower ring, but it really wasn't my style and it didn't fit properly to boot. I asked if she had the receipt so she could return it. She got it off HSN or QVC, so instead of mailing it back to them she gave it to my aunt, who is 30+ years OLDER than me and a big costume jewelry wearer. Now, grandma usually gives gift cards, unless she asks me what I want and I give her specific suggestions.

Was that poster with the great Xmas gifts something like JeanFL?

 

[EthansMom]

We ended gift exchanges with extended relatives years ago. Here's how you do it: Right about now (late summer/early fall) tell the person, "Please don't buy our family gifts this holiday season. We're cutting back on gift giving." Then, don't buy them gifts. You will encounter some people who complain, cajole, whine, etc... but many are happy to simplify their lives. You also might find some people who don't believe you and still give you gifts, but stick to your resolution and the second year, you'll be amazed at how few people figure out that you really don't want to exchange gifts.

If you feel you "must" exchange gifts with these folks (for instance, every year you get together for a big family get-together and everyone has to bring gifts for everyone else), then limit gift exchanges to "just gifts for the kids" and budget an affordable amount (say $15-$20 per child for a gift from you and your DF combined).

BTW, this may be a good time to take a look at your whole gift-giving strategy. When my DH and I married, I was shocked to find that we spent $$$$$$ on all of our family members ($40-$50 per gift, both of us with parents who were divorced and remarried, plus siblings and their children, and grandparents, and shipping since we no longer lived near ANY family members). We dramatically changed our gift giving and have been happier for it.

 

[SandrA9810]

After all of my family moved apart, no one give gifts to each other. My aunt still sends toys to little ones. And us older ones will usually get a check.

We love going through Kari's box from her parents. They go to this "auction" thing where they get a bunch of knock off products from china for really really cheap. They usually send a few really nice things, and a bunch of fun stuff. Nothing that's actually useful.

 

[Ephany]

We ended gift exchanges with extended relatives years ago. Here's how you do it: Right about now (late summer/early fall) tell the person, "Please don't buy our family gifts this holiday season. We're cutting back on gift giving." Then, don't buy them gifts. You will encounter some people who complain, cajole, whine, etc... but many are happy to simplify their lives. You also might find some people who don't believe you and still give you gifts, but stick to your resolution and the second year, you'll be amazed at how few people figure out that you really don't want to exchange gifts.

Yep, I sent out a letter months before Christmas saying DH and I were no longer giving presents to siblings. We'll gladly get something for the nieces/nephews but it was seriously ridiculous for them to give us a gift card to Home Depot and for us to give them a gift card in the same amount because we lived on opposite ends of the country and don't see each other but once every 5 years or so.

You would have thought I was the devil incarnate but we stuck to our guns and it's immensely simplified things. One of his brothers still sends us gifts; they've decided we're too poor to exchange gifts not that we don't want to. This is DH's brother who always is talking about their big new home, big new car, big new tv etc... I've got enough stress at Christmas with my school finals and buying for the people we actually see and like, I'm not going to worry about people who only talk with us because they feel that they're obligated to.

As for the cheapskate aunt, I'd call her on it and ask for the gift receipt (preferably in front of everyone else) since it obviously must have been a mistake, there's no way your DD could wear something like that?! It's not her kid's fault she gives bad gifts though, so I'd probably stick with something smaller like an Itunes card or movie tickets that they could enjoy but are fairly inexpensive.

 

[SleepyMom]

Give her daughter clothes in your daughter's size and toys that your daughter likes. Then, when she re-gifts it back to your daughter, you know it will fit and be liked as well!

Sorry, I couldn't resist.

This is exactly what I was going to suggest! Make it a size or two too big for your DD and and you will be set when it is re-gifted back to you. I wouldn't be brave enough to do it though, so my back-up suggestion is to say the kids exchange gift cards from now on, then your DD can go out and pick what she wants.

 

[bumbershoot]

You either have to laugh at their pettiness or become a predatory gifter like I am with the monogramming.......I also like to give them "ultra-healthy" food (think salad, no fats, no dressing), they eat like crap normally--and have to stick a few bits of my "dish" in their mouths at family gatherings.

That is hilarious.

Why don't you just have a talk with her and call her out on her behavior? "Jane, I understand that you don't like my DD so maybe it would just be best if you stop giving her ridiculous gifts. We will just stop exchanging gifts between our families". No gift is way better then what she is getting now.

Sigh, that's a good and adult way of dealing with it.

I would not exchage gifts with such a distant relative-that YOU are not even related to!

Get the Fiancee to buy the gift!

Agreed!

 

[SharpMomOfTwo]

If it were me, I would buy her kids some 3X mens pants for the next birthday, and say something to the mom like "No need to thank me sweetie - I know how much MY kids love getting crap from you that doesn't fit, so I figured your kids would like the same!! HUGS!!"

 

[WeLoveLilo05]

I would not exchage gifts with such a distant relative-that YOU are not even related to!

Get the Fiancee to buy the gift!

I dealt with a wacky gift-giver for years and was relieved when we stopped exchanging stuff-she gave JUNK to my kids and it would really make me mad. SO NOT worth it!

If I send fiance out he will spend $20 on each kid, when I DON'T want to spend more than $5 on them

 

[sunnyshari]

I would have your child try on the outfit in front of everyone so they can see how ridiculously big it looks.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

If I send fiance out he will spend $20 on each kid, when I DON'T want to spend more than $5 on them

So you are only spending 5 bucks on each kid? Might be a reason that you are getting regifts?

 

[Ciao Mickey]

Why don't you just have a talk with her and call her out on her behavior? "Jane, I understand that you don't like my DD so maybe it would just be best if you stop giving her ridiculous gifts. We will just stop exchanging gifts between our families". No gift is way better then what she is getting now.

 

[Ciao Mickey]

I have posted about this before on here, so I am sorry if some of you have heard these stories before....

Every Christmas/Birthday my fiance's Aunt regifts her DD's past gifts. Which wouldn't bother me, if it was something DD would get use out of. Since DD turned 2, she has given her nonsense gifts. On her 2nd birthday she gave her outfits, a bathing suit (dds birthday is in January and it is cold here in Jersey) but they were all a size 6x!!! The next Christmas she received a high school musical barbie and clothing, size 10/12, again my DD is 2 going to be 3 at this point. Her 4th birthday she gave DD High School Musical sweatshirt and two dressier shirts guess what size? 14/16!!!! I was about to pick the shirt up and ask if it was for me, I could fit into it!
Now I KNOW money is tight, we are living off one income, trying to save up for a wedding while I finish up my last semester of college. But I still take my time and try to find her kids something nice. Her DD loves HS Musical so I got 2 shirts from the Disney store last year when they went on clearance. Her DS I try to get him a nice sports t or something at Kohls. I get even more annoyed b/c they have money to spend and we don't.

This just bothers me and I am not sure what to do about the situation. I'd really just like to end the gift exchange altogether, but they are kids and i would feel funny not giving kids something at Christmas/birthday time. Why should my DD get the short end of the stick? I mean, whenever she gets ANYTHING she always says "thank you" but I just don't think that its fair and in my honest opinion I feel like a fool. WWYD? Because honestly, if DD gets another shirt, it may be a juniors size this year, I may actually flip out, I feel as though I have kept my cool for too long.

WHY are you allowing this person to disrespect your child by giving her crappy gifts?

WHY are you continuing with this gift-giving charade?

If she did it once, I'd let it go, but the second time it happened? No way would I continue exchanging gifts with this family and would ask her point blank why she is giving your kid leftover junk.

She is making you look foolish.

Why doesn't your bf open his mouth?

 

[TLSnell1981]

Honestly, I would graciously accept the gift, and either exchange it, or sell it and buy your DD another gift. You won't ever be able to change your fiance's Aunt. I just wouldn't take it personally.

You could ask your fiance to speak to her about it...it might be worth a try.

I agree, you aren't going to change this woman. She's weird. No worries....we all have one in the family. It won't be long before DD realizes "Aunt So and So" is bat poop crazy.

She has also made nut covered cakes and given DD reeses peanut butter cups for easter and my DD is allergic to nuts and EVERYONE knows it.

I don't think I'd let my child any where near this lunatic. She's not just weird...she's dangerous.

 

[WeLoveLilo05]

So you are only spending 5 bucks on each kid? Might be a reason that you are getting regifts?

No, NOW after 4 years of Christmas' and birthday's I know better then to spend more than $5.

I was spending $20 on each occasions for these kids, and she didn't spend a dime on mine, is that fair? They make way more then us and we are saving for a wedding and I am finishing up my last semester in college.

 

[WeLoveLilo05]

WHY are you allowing this person to disrespect your child by giving her crappy gifts?

WHY are you continuing with this gift-giving charade?

If she did it once, I'd let it go, but the second time it happened? No way would I continue exchanging gifts with this family and would ask her point blank why she is giving your kid leftover junk.

She is making you look foolish.

Why doesn't your bf open his mouth?

This is how i feel, like a fool. I don't want to be disrespectful or rude or cause a big family issue, but it drives me crazy that she does this to my DD!!!
We actually left a family get together after she presented the nut cake, we just got up and left and make it known that DD could not be exposed to any nut and we didn't want to risk exposure. Realistically all someone had to do was kiss DD after eating the cake and she could have a reaction. I am telling you things have changed since then. The fam doesn't really talk to us as much.

I am just bummed b/c I LOVE the holidays, but when I think about this whole christmas eve get together I seriously begin to stress.

But I think if she gives DD something totally off the charts this year I am just going to have to make it be known that what she is doing is wrong, even if it does come out rude.

Thanks everyone!

 

[AKL_Megs]

I always get these people A.) Clothes from the clearance rack at Kohl's for $1.99, B.) The most "expensive" Dollar Store find I can find, or C.) Any other REALLY cheap clearance rack/shelf find.

A GREAT suggestion for you if any of these kids are younger... I've done this before... around this time of year, you can find Crayola crayons and markers for $0.10 a box of crayons and $0.50 a box of markers, and then Dollar Store coloring books and stickers.

My "get back at 'em" suggestion is, if the kids are older (12/14 clothes, they must be...), give them one of YOUR DD's shirts! Point taken, perhaps???

 

[TLSnell1981]

My "get back at 'em" suggestion is, if the kids are older (12/14 clothes, they must be...), give them one of YOUR DD's shirts! Point taken, perhaps???

Why treat their children this way? What have they done? They aren't responsible for the mother's actions.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

No, NOW after 4 years of Christmas' and birthday's I know better then to spend more than $5.

I was spending $20 on each occasions for these kids, and she didn't spend a dime on mine, is that fair? They make way more then us and we are saving for a wedding and I am finishing up my last semester in college.

Oh, OK. I was just wondering.

Since you are giving gifts to older kids, I would say that cash is better. At some point you have to seperate out the mom's crappy gift giving and having a relationship with the kids. I don't know how close you are to them.

If you are not close, I would probably ask her that you stop exchanging and end it.