What to call your in-laws?

[pixie dust 112]

Any chance you might give them their first grandchild soon??? Because I've found the names "Grandma" and "Grandpa" to be the miracle cure for this little discomfort....

I'm with you, it felt beyond strange to call my in-laws "mom" and "dad." I generally just avoided using any title whatsoever during the first couple years of my marriage. Just "Hi, How are you guys? Oh, that turkey smells marvelous! How has work been?" Etc, etc....
Then we had our first child and the whole name issue ended abruptly, with the introduction of "grandma" and "grandpa."

Me too!

 

[Pigeon]

I call them by their first names. I had a mother and father, and the ILs are not them. My MIL actualy wanted me to call her Mother In Law, but eventually saw the light.

 

[luvmy3]

I call my inlaws by their first names.

 

[disneyfans95]

,, bad posting skills.. see below

 

[disneyfans95]

To my husband and to them, I refer to them by their first names.

In my head, I refer to them as dumb and dumber. They are nice enough people but my husband came from a very shallow gene pool.

That is pretty mean.. I am sure you are such a better person for making fun of them like that...

nothing beats "saying" something in your head.. means you are too weak to say it outloud

 

[pixie dust 112]

That is pretty mean.. I am sure you are such a better person for making fun of them like that...

nothing beats "saying" something in your head.. means you are too weak to say it outloud

I disagree. I tell my children that they are entitled to think whatever they want in their heads, but they have to be careful of what comes out of their mouths. This certainly doesn't make them weak.

 

[LovinPooh]

I cant post what i call them...
They truly are awful people... that treated my DH very badly.
and have always been envious of people with great inlaws.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

That is pretty mean.. I am sure you are such a better person for making fun of them like that...

nothing beats "saying" something in your head.. means you are too weak to say it outloud

Yeah...no. It just makes you not wanting to start a fight or hurt someone's feelings. Do you blurt out every thought you have?

 

[MIGrandma]

I happily called my MIL "Mom", and still do call my FIL "Dad." There could have been serious religious problems between them and their son and myself, but they welcomed me into their family from the very beginning so I was honored to be close enough to them to call them "Mom" and "Dad." Sadly, MIL passed away 10 years ago, and "Dad" remarried. I cannot call his new wife "Mom." I had one sweet, wonderful MIL. "Mom" is reserved for her. His new wife is called by her first name, Rosie.

Both of my son's wives called us "Mom" and "Dad" and our daughter's husband does as well. I love that. But if they were only comfortable calling me by my first name, or a nick-name I would be fine with that as well. I'm just thankful to have/had good relationships with them. That is the most important thing, really, than what they call me is.

 

[Angelhalo]

My DH's mother passed away before we ever met. His dad remarried but NO ONE likes her including myself. I call his dad "Dad". I call his dad's wife Peggy. Because that's what everyone calls her.

DH seems uncomfortable calling my parents anything. He likes them just doesn't feel close to them so he is like a previous poster who just asks, How you guys doing? What's for dinner? rather than What's for dinner *insert name*.

 

[pixie dust 112]

I happily called my MIL "Mom", and still do call my FIL "Dad." There could have been serious religious problems between them and their son and myself, but they welcomed me into their family from the very beginning so I was honored to be close enough to them to call them "Mom" and "Dad." Sadly, MIL passed away 10 years ago, and "Dad" remarried. I cannot call his new wife "Mom." I had one sweet, wonderful MIL. "Mom" is reserved for her. His new wife is called by her first name, Rosie.

Both of my son's wives called us "Mom" and "Dad" and our daughter's husband does as well. I love that. But if they were only comfortable calling me by my first name, or a nick-name I would be fine with that as well. I'm just thankful to have/had good relationships with them. That is the most important thing, really, than what they call me is.

This is so nice to read! You must be doing something right!

 

[TerriP]

We've been married for 12 years and I have spent the last 11 not calling them anything...in fact, DH teases that I called them both "Ummm". As in..."ummm, would you like some coffee" or "ummmm, how was your day?" <lol> Once he pointed that out to me about a year ago (why the heck he waited so long to point it out, I'll never know...but apparently he thought it was hilarious and knew I'd stop if he brought it up to me!), I knew that had to change. So now I call them by their first names and I'm getting flack for it. Neither of them like it...guess it's back to "Ummm"!

 

[bumbershoot]

Any chance you might give them their first grandchild soon??? Because I've found the names "Grandma" and "Grandpa" to be the miracle cure for this little discomfort....

I'm with you, it felt beyond strange to call my in-laws "mom" and "dad." I generally just avoided using any title whatsoever during the first couple years of my marriage. Just "Hi, How are you guys? Oh, that turkey smells marvelous! How has work been?" Etc, etc....
Then we had our first child and the whole name issue ended abruptly, with the introduction of "grandma" and "grandpa."

LOL, I just realized the other day that DS has made the whole awkward situation so much better.

I don't really have a huge problem with inlaws being called 'Dad' or 'Mom'
Hey, whatever works!

But, in my own situation, there was just NO way I was going to call my MIL and FIL 'Mom' and 'Dad'.

Yeah, that's how I felt, too.

DH calls my dad by dad's first name (something I am not allowed to do) because that's what my dad prefers from those not "his". DH would have called my mom "mom" or by first name, whatever she wanted, as he likely would have felt happy to do whatever she wanted (she was a lovely person).

But my MIL was so incredibly MEAN to me for SO long...I don't call her anything but grandma now. I rarely see her. I help her, heck, we just bought her a costco membership, I found her her cardiologist, I encourage hubby and son to see her (as long as she doesn't insult DH or DS), but I don't want to socialize with her...and she's certainly NOT my mom. She doesn't treat any of her children like a "mom", and even though I'm the "favorite" above any of her actual children, she didn't treat me in a mom-like fashion for just too dang long!

I think it's unfair to insinuate that people who don't wish to call their inlaws mom or dad are inmature or insecure.

The person was somehow saying that the parents of the person who is uncomfortable are insecure...

They act like you are insulting your parents or something when you do it..

Very insecure parents if they are that worried about what the inlaws are being called.

I have a great relationship with my in-laws. So very blessed by that! I call them Mr. Howard and Mrs. Debbie, but my FIL told me the other day to call him "dad". He's always wanted a daughter (because all they had were 2 sons) and was excited that his son married me. My husband's brother will 99.9% never get married or be in a good relationship. Basically, I'm the only "daughter" my FIL will have. I'm not sure what to do. I think of my in-laws as my second set of parents, but to call someone else "dad" is weird for me. If I called him something else like "Pop", it wouldn't be so weird. I just don't want to hurt my FIL's feelings if I tell him I can't call him dad.

See, to me, insisting on that is just weird. And if I'm my in law's daughter, then am I married to my brother?

If comes naturally to call someone mom and dad, that's one thing. If my son called his in laws mom and dad out of joy and love that would be fine. If a future son's spouse in law calls me mom that would be fine (weird, since DS calls me by my first name, but if the spouse gets hung up on the first name, my title is fine). But I can't imagine *insisting* on it...that's the weird part for me...


I would have FAR preferred to just call my in laws Mr and Mrs hubby's last name...but they didn't seem to like it, so instead, I just called them...nothing. Until DS showed up.

 

[disneyfans95]

Yeah...no. It just makes you not wanting to start a fight or hurt someone's feelings. Do you blurt out every thought you have?

Please.. she was calling them dumb and dumber and made it clear it was not something that was one time thing. she was not blurting something out..


Just being mean

 

[Cinderella94]

I'm 16, so I'll answer this about my parents in respect to my grandparents :.

My mom calls my dad's parents "mom" and "dad," but my dad calls my mom's parents by their first names.

 

[luvsJack]

Well, I call my mil "Nanny" (what all the grandkids call her) or by her first name and my fil "Pop" (what dh used to call him-now he just calls him dad, not sure why the change). My x-inlaws were "Momma XXX" and "Poppa XXX" (theirr first names)

Dh called my dad "Pa-in-law" and still calls my mom "Ma-in-law", my bil calls them the same thing. Not sure how that got started.

When my grandparents were still alive, Mom called Dad's parents, "Mom" and "Dad". Daddy called Mom's dad, "Mr. Jones".

My two dil's are different too. One calls me "Ma" and dh "Pa. The other calls us by our first names.

 

[C.Ann]

Kind of strange.. Loved my IL's dearly - called my FIL "Pop", but always called my MIL "Mrs. XXXXX".. I don't know why, but I just didn't feel comfortable calling her "Mom" or "Ma" or anything along those lines.. For some reason I had this weird idea that calling her anything other than "Mrs. XXXXX" was "disrespectful".. (She was quite a bit older than the typical MIL..)

Then after my FIL passed away, she met a man - when she was in her mid-80's and the only person she called to ask if it would be okay to "date" him was me!! That was such a shocker.. (And it was so gosh darn cute.. She was all giggly like a high school girl with her first sweetheart..) It was at that time that she asked me if I would call her by her first name from that point on - and I did.. She would call me every morning to "report" that she & Frank had played cards; gone to bingo; etc.. I felt honored that I was the one she chose to share these secrets with and now feel kind of bad that I hadn't called her "Mom" or something all those years prior.. I still wonder "why" I didn't..

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Please.. she was calling them dumb and dumber and made it clear it was not something that was one time thing. she was not blurting something out..


Just being mean

I guess I don't see the big deal in having a thought like that. I am sure there are plenty of people who don't like me or whatever and think tons of stuff. I don't think it is mean. They are entitled to their own thoughts. Everyone is. As long as you are polite I don't see an issue with it. There is nothing to gain by calling someone dumb or annoying etc. Your thoughts are your thoughts. YMMV.

 

[punkin]

I only ever had one mother, thank you very much, and I will never call my MIL the same thing I called my mother. I call my in-laws by their first names when I am addressing them directly and Grandma Her Name and Grandpa His Name when I talk about them in front of the kids. They don't seem to mind.

 

[C.Ann]

To my husband and to them, I refer to them by their first names.

In my head, I refer to them as dumb and dumber. They are nice enough people but my husband came from a very shallow gene pool.