What should I have done?

[1stluvispooh]

This morning the 3rd grade had there state showcase. Each student takes a state and learns about it. DD had North Carolina. Any way they have all there work set up on tables in the gym and the parents come in and look at the work. I arrived and went straight to DD ( she had ASD and is in one of the inclusion classes, both of the inclusion classes did the state show case) I was very proud of her work!! I then went around to the other students, talked to DD's friends and some mom's and the teachers. One of the 5th grade classes came in, not DS's. I was getting ready to leave but was going to tell DD. As I was approaching her the 5th grade teacher told her students to line up. I reached DD and 2 5th graders were standing in front of DD's place. One of the 5th graders said "that's DS's sister. She scares me. " Now I can understand that she is different. I wanted to ask him what he meant or how she scares him and maybe educate him but but didn't want to do it in front of DD and they were leaving. And well I was also shocked because she really is a sweet little girl. So what would you have done.

 

[NJMomma]

awww, I know exactly how you feel, and I know you need this -

I have overheard kids making fun of my DS (ASD too). I took the mature high road of complaining loudly about these kids to my friends in front of them and them telling everyone I knew which kid it was that made fun of my kid. This is really what NOT to do

I can't tell you what you should have done, but wanted to let you know you are not alone! I will be interested to see your responses, cause I need advise with this too!

 

[kirstenb1]

I hate to say it, but I probably wouldn't have said anything. I have a 6th grader, and I overhear her enough to know she says offhand stuff all the time, with little to no thought. Even though her own younger sister has ASD, I can see her saying something like this.

The irony is, her actions are way better than the silly comments that come out of her mouth. Before her sister was even born, I'd get compliments all the time on how kind dd was to a kid with pretty severe autism.

 

[bookwormde]

One of the most importan thing schools can do is to educate all students about neurological variations but only a few actually do it, even though it is one of the simplest and best ways to improve our kids enviroment.

bookwormde

 

[LockShockBarrel]

Yikes that's a tricky situation. Of course your gut reaction is to come to her defense. You were really better off not saying anything though, at least in my opinion. Even if your intentions are good, approaching a kid and doing anything that may be miscontriued as scolding or intimidating them is just going to turn out bad. Just playing devil's advocate, but imagine if this had happened: You intend to go up to this kid and try to explain that there's nothing "wrong" with DD, just different, and there's no reason to be "scared". Imagine this kid says "I don't know, I still think she's a freak". At this point you get angry, and you try not to let it show, but maybe your voice raises a little bit. So fast forward and the kid goes home. "So Billy how was your day at school?" "Oh someone yelled at me because I don't like this girl at school" ""SOMEONE YELLED AT YOU?! HOW DARE THEY!? I'M CONTACTING THIS SCHOOL AND FINDING OUT WHAT KIND OF PSYCHOPATHS THEY LET IN THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Obviously I'm exaggerating, just trying to make a point of things like that can go sour very quickly. While in the ideal world you'd be able to calmly educate this kid, and he'd go away an informed citizen, the likelyhood is that's just not how things would go. And maybe (please no flames) its a good thing in that its a reminder that there's always room for people to improve, and no matter how you handle things, there's always going to be someone out there that will be stubborn and not believe you.

*places 2 pennies on the table*

 

[EllenFrasier]

I don't think it was a teachable moment as I don't believe he really meant that she scared him. My kids say this sometimes "he scares me" and what it really means is, to them that person they are talking about is different or odd to them. Not actually an insult, but an observation.

 

[kampfirekim]

Yikes that's a tricky situation. Of course your gut reaction is to come to her defense. You were really better off not saying anything though, at least in my opinion. Even if your intentions are good, approaching a kid and doing anything that may be miscontriued as scolding or intimidating them is just going to turn out bad. Just playing devil's advocate, but imagine if this had happened: You intend to go up to this kid and try to explain that there's nothing "wrong" with DD, just different, and there's no reason to be "scared". Imagine this kid says "I don't know, I still think she's a freak". At this point you get angry, and you try not to let it show, but maybe your voice raises a little bit. So fast forward and the kid goes home. "So Billy how was your day at school?" "Oh someone yelled at me because I don't like this girl at school" ""SOMEONE YELLED AT YOU?! HOW DARE THEY!? I'M CONTACTING THIS SCHOOL AND FINDING OUT WHAT KIND OF PSYCHOPATHS THEY LET IN THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Obviously I'm exaggerating, just trying to make a point of things like that can go sour very quickly. While in the ideal world you'd be able to calmly educate this kid, and he'd go away an informed citizen, the likelyhood is that's just not how things would go. And maybe (please no flames) its a good thing in that its a reminder that there's always room for people to improve, and no matter how you handle things, there's always going to be someone out there that will be stubborn and not believe you.

*places 2 pennies on the table*

LockShockBarrel, I was thinking almost the same thing. Correcting someone else's child, especially one you don't know....and in public at that could have gone downhill fast! Sadly, the scenario you stated may not be as exaggerated as you think. You're right that there will always be someone out there who is less than understanding, whether it be another child or adult. I would think that making a big deal of it would have only caused an embarassing situation for OP's DD. IMHO. I am very sorry this happened though. I have seen looks and heard comments about my DS and have come to realize it is just going to happen and I can't make a battle out of every incident. I reserve my "flip out, stare back and talk loudly" moments for more direct and purposefully rude comments and/or actions!

I don't think it was a teachable moment as I don't believe he really meant that she scared him. My kids say this sometimes "he scares me" and what it really means is, to them that person they are talking about is different or odd to them. Not actually an insult, but an observation.

Well stated! Def not the time or the place. I was thinking that speaking to the teacher about an "awareness session" in the class would be a nice idea. A friend of mine substituted in a class and was permitted to read a book and discuss kids who are a little "different". She has an autistic son as well and this was very well received by the children.