What should I expect different in the South?

[NotUrsula]

Where I am from, yes. Well, "ma'am" is perfectly normal. "Miss" really isn't. But yes, where I am from, it really doesn't matter the age. You can and often will still be addressed as "ma'am" if many settings. Now, as far as just hanging out with friends and such, not really. But my friends will say "yes ma'am" to my daughter and I to theirs. I think that in those settings, it helps to say it to the younger kids because it helps them also get in the habit of saying it. Then, you get so used to saying it that it becomes second nature to say it to all people, regardless of age.

You forgot the most common use of "Miss" as a term of address: young waitresses or store clerks. If I am waiting for my check and I need to get her attention as she walks by, I'm going to say, "Excuse me ... Miss?" For an older waitress I would probably use Ma'am, but for high school kids in service jobs, Miss is the usual.

Now the converse calls for Ma'am. I remember getting a job waiting tables in New Orleans when in my teens, and it was a rule that ALL customers were Ma'am or Sir, regardless of age. If we were serving them, we were
to address them in the most respectful manner possible.

"Missy" is something else entirely; that one usually is a bit of a mild scold ... it implies that the young person in question may be inappropriately bucking authority.

PS: That article references the negative version of "Bless her heart" as implying that the person is mean or nasty. That's not how I know it at all: in my experience, when used negatively, it pretty universally implies that she is kind of stupid. As in, "Vicky Lynn got another speeding ticket yesterday, Bless her heart." (Note that if one were being kind and expressing sincere pity, that "another" would be omitted.)

 

[North of Mouse]

Y'all
Bless her heart

Food, everything is fried, or most everything...if that's to your liking, I guess it "Can't be beat" but not everyone likes "crawdads"

Born and bred in the South, by the grace of God. I like gumbo, but I have never eaten a crawdad iny life.

Well, most everyone in 'my' deep south LA loves their crawfish!! Yummy!
They're a lot like 'mini' lobsters, but can be prepared so many ways!! Love our gumbo too! And, no, we 'don't' fry everything-------

I know that there are times when people say "Bless your heart" and actually mean "stick it in your ear"; however, there are many many times that they are being sincere. Often times, I hear it (and say it) in place of something like "poor thing" or the like. In those situations, which, again, I hear more often than the other, it is not used as an insult.

Never knew 'Bless your heart' to be an insult! We never used or heard it like that! It was used as you said above.

Oh, I forgot about funeral processions. You stop for them. You pull over and stop. And on the highway you do not pass the funeral procession. Just stay back. I was surprised when I realized that this is not done everywhere.

Yep, a way of life to us!

Love our grits too, and talking to perfect strangers while we shop!!
Also our warm weather - sure beats cold to us!

 

[tajz90]

Just the other day, I struck up a conversation with two women at the Houston Zoo that lasted 30 minutes. Complete strangers making conversation!!! Lol Can't beat the South!

 

[ken2]

Living on the coast of Georgia we have our own rules.Its ok to wear shorts and flip-flops everywhere.Winters are mild but do get cold.Summers are long,humid and hot.Life is a little slower pace than "up there".We say "yall" and "yes mam".Smile or node when eye contact is made.Grits can be eaten with shrimp and alot of things are fried.Sweet tea is the drink of choice.Tradition runs deep down here and a promise had better be kept.Welcome to the dirty deep south!Pull up a chair and stay awhile.Im sure you'll enjoy it.

 

[SAMCRO]

One of the it's important things to remember in the south is that constant tailgating and blowing of your cars horn isn't necessary.

 

[Crunchy Yogurt]

One of the it's important things to remember in the south is that constant tailgating and blowing of your cars horn isn't necessary.

I am from Mississippi, moved to NYC for 20 years, now back in the semi-south (North Carolina, which really isn't that southern)

The one thing I will say about southern drivers is they love to ride in the left lane. Obliviously. Slowly. While people are trying to pass

Northern drivers seem to be more polite (perhaps efficient is a better word) in the way that they pass and then get back in the right lane and allow others to pass. They also use their blinker, which seems to be a lost art in the south.

Other than the long winters, the north really is a super great place to live. I just couldn't take the cold anymore. No way could I move back to the slow pace of Mississippi.

North Carolina is a nice happy medium.

 

[Wishing on a star]

The one thing I will say about southern drivers is they love to ride in the left lane. Obliviously. Slowly. While people are trying to pass

That's funny!!! Because, while I will admit that, yes, there are probably many from the slower more rural South who just aren't accustomed to, or skilled, at driving under Highway conditions... But, I have to say that I have noticed, from driving in BOTH parts of the country, that the opposite is true.

And, just to throw this in.... The 'oblivious' thing applies in the aisle of the stores here... Sometimes can't get by because of what we call the 'OBLIVIOUS PEOPLE'!!!!! Myrtle runs into Edna, and they get to their southern chit-catting, with both of their carts (buggies!!!) blocking an aisle or entire intersection. This gets even more interesting when they are with an entourage of kids/family... or Miss Daisy also joins the club...

Okay back to driving.
When driving on trips up to where my husband is from, it was like EVERYBODY, in all lanes, would be going the exact same speed, even staying right with other vehicles in their blind-spots (which I would NEVER do....), for MILES. perhaps in an effort to go the exact speed limit????? Seriously, not easy to ever pass anyone and get ahead.

In contrast.... We recently drove down to the FL panhandle to the beach.
Since there does not seem to be a preponderance of law-enforcement... we, and everybody were FLYING!!!!!!!
I mean seriously.... 85 a lot of the time.

My husband, who, remember is from 'up north', will totally agree with and corroborate this!!!! In fact, I can remember his dad saying "Nobody is ever in a hurry for anything down here... until they get in their car."

Of course, he was a royal you-know-what, and that was his way of making one of those slick backhanded negative comments, regarding the slower pace of life, right in front of everyone down here.

Of course, on many such common occasions, I would be the good Southern Girl, just smile and NOT be up front and say what I think.
Maybe a sweet 'Bless your heart' would have been appropriate.

 

[Crunchy Yogurt]

Since there does not seem to be a preponderance of law-enforcement... we, and everybody were FLYING!!!!!!!
I mean seriously.... 85 a lot of the time.

Oh, yes. The NASCAR crowd I know what you are talking about for sure!

Of course, on many such common occasions, I would be the good Southern Girl, just smile and NOT be up front and say what I think.

And this is one of the reasons I am so thankful for living in the north for two decades. How sad that we are taught that shutting up and hiding our feelings is the hallmark of being a “good Southern Girl”. So pathetic. So fake. How could you ever work in a corporate setting with that mindset?

I have taught my daughter so much differently than I was raised. There is no pride in sitting back and allowing others to invade your boundaries, while you smile and nod so sweetly, while thinking “I’m a Southern Gal”. None whatsoever. It is uneducated and holds women back.

Hopefully that “Be a Southern Girl” mantra is squashed with each generation. The most sickening part of it was that every “Southern Girl” I knew would just turn around after smiling and nodding and proceed to talk about that person behind their back. Seriously.

Teach your daughters that there is a polite and direct manner to express your feelings and work out problems. There is nothing fabulous about smiling when you are being insulted. Be calm. Be direct. Allow others to know your view point and move on from there.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Ohhh, but you have to understand, that is not the way I am all the time.
That is not the way all southern girls are.

I was in a position where this was my husband's parents!!!!
Remember, this was my husband's parents, who, especially by some particular posters here, as parents and inlaws must ALWAYS be respected, obeyed, and worshiped... No matter how badly they disrespect boundaries.

And, believe me, they, especially my FIL, had some serious issues...
If I ever spoke one word... I would be totally verbally assaulted.. and there would be no limits to what they would do. Including disowning my husband.

Also, Remember sweet, poised, polite, Emily Maynard....absolutely INCREDIBLE SOCIAL AND COMMUNICATION SKILLS!!! And, when it came down to it, even she stepped up and held her own!!!!

Don't get us Southern Girls riled up!!!!
We can and will speak our mind.
I am known here for stating it like I see it.

Us southern girls can speak our mind... and we have no problem using a few choice words that we would usually never utter on an everyday basis, while doing so!!!!

Just would never, ever, in my particular position, be able to do that with my husband's parents.

And, believe me...
This whole stereotype of talking behind one's back...
No Way... Not Me...
Never have... Never will....
(Now, my MIL, who was, of course, from 'up north', would be on the phone wagging her tongue about me in a heartbeat!)

Believe me, this is one of the very bad and untrue and negative stereotypes here that has been kind of bugging me...

Several of them here that have had me... WTH
Like, who is this person and where are they getting this!!!!

Because, believe me... there is no way that any region has the corner on that market. No way that this is that much more common here than anywhere else.

 

[Planogirl]

Dallas is an interesting place since over half the population aren't native Texans.

A joke I've heard here a few times goes like this:
Q: How can you tell if a stranger is from the Northeast?
A: Don't worry, give him 5 seconds & he will tell you all about it.

This is great and I agree! Some of them will happily tell you that where they came from is better and why too.

As for the ma'am thing, I don't recall being called that much when I was younger. But maybe I just didn't notice.

 

[luvsJack]

Oh, yes. The NASCAR crowd I know what you are talking about for sure!

And this is one of the reasons I am so thankful for living in the north for two decades. How sad that we are taught that shutting up and hiding our feelings is the hallmark of being a “good Southern Girl”. So pathetic. So fake. How could you ever work in a corporate setting with that mindset?

I have taught my daughter so much differently than I was raised. There is no pride in sitting back and allowing others to invade your boundaries, while you smile and nod so sweetly, while thinking “I’m a Southern Gal”. None whatsoever. It is uneducated and holds women back.

Hopefully that “Be a Southern Girl” mantra is squashed with each generation. The most sickening part of it was that every “Southern Girl” I knew would just turn around after smiling and nodding and proceed to talk about that person behind their back. Seriously.

Teach your daughters that there is a polite and direct manner to express your feelings and work out problems. There is nothing fabulous about smiling when you are being insulted. Be calm. Be direct. Allow others to know your view point and move on from there.

There is a huge difference in what WOAS is describing and talking behind someones back or allowing someone to walk all over you.
I can assure you that as a good Southern girl no one steps on my toes and dd has been raised the same way. There is a way to be nice and set boundaries.

There is a line in a movie that says "Be nice. Be nice until its time to not be nice" A good Southern girl knows when its time.

 

[JaneBanks]

This is great and I agree! Some of them will happily tell you that where they came from is better and why too.

As for the ma'am thing, I don't recall being called that much when I was younger. But maybe I just didn't notice.

I find the same thing about southerners. This thread is a great example of it. It has plenty of backhanded insults. I mean, earlier in the thread someone pointed out a song about shooting yankees and thought it was funny?

No matter though. My point is that this trait is true of any part of the country. Of course the majority of people would think where they came from would be better. You like what you know. It's human nature, not just a northern thing.

 

[Crunchy Yogurt]

Believe me, this is one of the very bad and untrue and negative stereotypes here that has been kind of bugging me...

Several of them here that have had me... WTH
Like, who is this person and where are they getting this!!!!

Oh. Ok. Because I thought it was you giving the negative stereotype when you said that you "would be the good Southern Girl, just smile and NOT be up front and say what I think."

Why would you associate smiling and NOT being up front with being a "good Southern Girl"?

And, as a "southern girl" myself, who actually lived in the north, I promise you that the southern gals do corner the market on smiling and nodding and then turning around and spewing venom. You see, those Yankees Gals would just tell it to your face right off the bat

 

[Jennasis]

Haha! Here you go...I'm in Lowe's right now and passed by an employee (who happens to be the receptionist for my ophthalmologist). She said "hi Jennasis! How are you?" And I said "hi Sally!" And then had to resist the urge to tell her all about my bad back that's been acting up.

Yup..I've become southern!

 

[MomofKatie]

I find the same thing about southerners. This thread is a great example of it. It has plenty of backhanded insults. I mean, earlier in the thread someone pointed out a song about shooting yankees and thought it was funny?

Um, that was me. I thought it was funny, yes- because it is a parody song! Of course, nobody in their right minds, southern or northern, eastern or western, would want to shoot someone else and think it was funny IN REAL LIFE.

The song is a comedic take on being slightly annoyed by hearing people 'put down' your hometown and way of doing things. Let's not read anything else into it.

Sometimes the PCness of this board astounds me...

 

[Sydney2977]

Having lived all over, I am pretty confident in saying that people are NOT the same everywhere. The biggest differences I have found, that depend on location, are:

1. Genuine friendliness versus fake friendliness
2. Willingness to tell the truth and handle conflict in a healthy manner that resolves the problem versus "polite lies" and backstabbing that leads to drama.
3. Willingness to learn about and value different backgrounds and lifestyles versus kneejerk hatred or mocking of the "different".

Having lived in, visited, and known people from all around the country and world (moved around as a kid and am a military spouse) I will have to say I disagree with this. There are friendly and fake people everywhere. There are straightforward and backstabbing people everywhere. And there are open-minded and judgmental people everywhere too. IMO, your assessment is stereotyping way too much.

What I find funny is that you don't follow your own suggestion in #2 and have the "Willingness to tell the truth" about what region you are talking negatively about and are turning this discussion that was meant to be light hearted into something "that leads to drama."

 

[Wishing on a star]

Oh. Ok. Because I thought it was you giving the negative stereotype when you said that you "would be the good Southern Girl, just smile and NOT be up front and say what I think."

Ohhhh!!!!! See, I was being tongue in cheek, leading into the 'bless your heart' comment!!!!
So, first, that was kind of showing how I felt about how bad such a negative and untrue stereotype can look.
Second, If you knew me, at all, or had read my follow-up, you would fully understand.

And, one can act civilly and appropriately and NOT turn around and gossip and spread drama and negativity... Maybe that has been missed here. And, as mentioned, talking behind one's back and backstabbing is NOT limited to any one region....

Perhaps there is some honest confusion or disagreement here.
But, IMHO, I do not think it is better to feel so obliged, and so quickly, to just 'Tell one off to their face'. Quite the opposite to be sure.

Perhaps what you are mentioning here is actually a trait that has contributed to some of the negative stereotypes about people from 'up north'.

Maybe all the other civil and socially appropriate posters here in the South have refrained from being negative and making such comments about any negative stereotypes about parts up north.

But, seems a few posters here who are not from the south have not been extending such courtesy.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Haha! Here you go...I'm in Lowe's right now and passed by an employee (who happens to be the receptionist for my ophthalmologist). She said "hi Jennasis! How are you?" And I said "hi Sally!" And then had to resist the urge to tell her all about my bad back that's been acting up.

Yup..I've become southern!

Love, LOVE, this!!!!!!

 

[Wishing on a star]

Um, that was me. I thought it was funny, yes- because it is a parody song! Of course, nobody in their right minds, southern or northern, eastern or western, would want to shoot someone else and think it was funny IN REAL LIFE.

The song is a comedic take on being slightly annoyed by hearing people 'put down' your hometown and way of doing things. Let's not read anything else into it.

Sometimes the PCness of this board astounds me...

Very much agreed..
That was one silly post about a silly song.
A joke... Maybe not such a good one... But a stupid little joke song.
But not, 'REAL LIFE'.... Are you serious???
And, for the record, I have never, ever, personally, heard such a song. Not in my whole life here in the South.
And, I live in area with LOTS of transplants and snowbirds.
I have never heard anything even close.

Funny but, it seems okay, how there can all kinds of negativity and negative stereotypes about the south here. But one stupid little post about a funny stupid song is taken so seriously and is used as an accusation???? Seriously??? Like there are not a GaBillion negative and bad jokes about southern people??? OMG???

Astounding, for sure.
But, def. not surprising.

 

[Crunchy Yogurt]

But, IMHO, I do not think it is better to feel so obliged, and so quickly, to just 'Tell one off to their face'. Quite the opposite to be sure.

Perhaps what you are mentioning here is actually a trait that has contributed to some of the negative stereotypes about people from 'up north'.

I would rather someone tell me during a confrontation what they think to my face. I don't find that negative.

Maybe all the other civil and socially appropriate posters here in the South have refrained from being negative and making such comments about any negative stereotypes about parts up north.

Yes. Us civil and socially appropriate southern folk often hold back on The DIS Because we are Southern Girls.