What should I expect different in the South?

[Sydney2977]

Reading this thread has really made me laugh!

DH and I are both from Texas (Houston suburbs mainly) but have been in the Charleston, SC area for the last 16 years. While we joke that Texas is "a whole other country" most would probably consider it the South. There are things we find the same and things we still miss.

I would definitely say there are many differences even in the South between big city, suburban, small town, and rural areas. These stereotypes are funny though. Even within South Carolina you'll here people from the "upstate" teasing about us down here in the "low country" and vice versa. With the military having a strong presence here and in many other southern places you get a diverse group of people with lots of different experiences. Some things we've gotten accustomed to, some things we're still the same as the day we moved here, and that's ok.

Sweet tea- I think people start bottle feeding it to their kids We had to work up to drinking it full strength, as DH and I both were just used to iced tea. He usually still just orders it half and half. My boys don't drink any tea, and some of their friends think it's weird.

Football (or sports in general)- this state has no pro teams, so college is huge! We still constantly get asked "Clemson or Carolina?" and have to tell people we don't root for either one. It is fun though to have people get all hyped about it. The schools even do fun things like a canned food drive around Thanksgiving where the kids donate to their favorite team pile to see who "wins."

Accents and phrases- every area of the country has their own way of speaking so you'll just have to be patient to pick it up. My dad's side of the family is all up in the Cleveland area and they thought we had southern accents, while people here and in Texas don't think we do at all. My kids like to tease me when I say certain things that sound like I've grown up here. They've both pretty much grown up here and don't sound like it. Actually, having an accent from "up north" can be a benefit because people will recognize you're new in town and hopefully try to make you feel more welcome. And before you know it you'll be using "y'all" and other phrases like a native.

Church- it is pretty important in most communities, but we've never felt pressure or anything about it. We're Catholic, and that's a lot more popular in Texas and on the Gulf Coast, but even here in our pretty small town there are two different Catholic churches we can go to, plus many more in surrounding towns. To me it's always more of a feeling like people understand if you can't be somewhere or do something because you have a church function or service to attend, rather than they look down on you if you don't go to church. And if they invite you to their church it's just being friendly and trying to make you feel welcome in the community.

My favorite thing about living in this area is the history and culture. Just from reading what others have posted about the area you're moving to it sounds interesting too. I'd recommend learning about the area even more. Find that thing that makes it special to you. I hope you enjoy your new home!

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Oh, I forgot about funeral processions. You stop for them. You pull over and stop. And on the highway you do not pass the funeral procession. Just stay back. I was surprised when I realized that this is not done everywhere.

Around here, funeral processions get the right of way at traffic lights and stopsigns. Usually there's a police motorcycle at intersections.

If they are behind you, they are behind you. No reason to pull over for them. Same with if they are on the other side of the street. It's not a school bus.

I've never seen one on a highway.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Kids will be expected to attend manners and deportment classes around middle school age.

What?

Is this serious?

 

[luvsJack]

Around here, funeral processions get the right of way at traffic lights and stopsigns. Usually there's a police motorcycle at intersections.

If they are behind you, they are behind you. No reason to pull over for them. Same with if they are on the other side of the street. It's not a school bus.

I've never seen one on a highway.

Here there will be an officer with the procession and he will go ahead of them to stop traffic at lights and stop signs. Or there may be an officer with the procession and then others at the intersections.

If we are on a back road (2 lane road) and a procession comes up behind us or toward us from the other directions, we pull over and stop until it has passed.

They don't have much choice but to go on the highway here. The funeral home may be in the larger town and the church/gravesite be in a smaller town 30 minutes away. On the highway, the folks traveling the other direction don't stop but if you are on the same side as they are, you pull over, let them pass and then stay behind them.

Its not a safety thing like with a school bus, its a show of respect.


The cemetery where my dad is buried is close to a school. If a procession comes by during school hours and the kids are outside, they know to stand quietly until it passes. If football practice is going on, they all take a knee and remove their helmets.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Again, I live in the Mid-South....
And here, I have never heard of anyone, at all, personally, who has gone thru Cotillion, Manners Classes, and this type thing.

I do believe that this does occur, and can be significant, in certain very well-to-do circles.

But, to anyone here who has commented, this is just not expected or commonplace, or anything like that.

 

[luvsJack]

Again, I live in the Mid-South....
And here, I have never heard of anyone, at all, personally, who has gone thru Cotillion, Manners Classes, and this type thing.

I do believe that this does occur, and can be significant, in certain very well-to-do circles.

But, to anyone here who has commented, this is just not expected or commonplace, or anything like that.

I am in the deep south and I know of one girl that has done the Cotillion thing and she had no friends that were doing it with her. Until her, I didn't even realize it was really a "thing".

I highly doubt most of dd's friends have even heard of such a thing.

 

[lam0037]

It is a bigger deal when I live in Alabama. Not everyone does it (I definitely didn't) but 25-50 of my classmates did when we were entering middle school.

 

[MomofKatie]

What?

Is this serious?

Definitely not everywhere,but in many smaller cities and towns, yes, Cotillion is still an important tradition. Less in bigger, more cosmopolitan cities of the South. I have a niece who grew up in a small town north of Atlanta that did Cotillion and loved it. All the popular kids attended.

Sorority sisters from Augusta, GA told us city girls all about the tradition there. Some of them have kids doing Cotillion now, and they are the 4th generation attending. Boys and girls must apply as a pair when they are middle school age- friends arrange for their kids to be partners sometimes when they are toddlers! There is a strict dress code ( white gloves, dresses, coat and tie) and the kids learn manners as well as several traditional ballroom dances. They attend a huge formal dance at the end of each years' weekly lessons and it is a massive social event for the whole town.

While not something that is known everywhere, "charm school", deportment and dance lessons, or Cotillion is still an important part of some Southern lives.

 

[asta]

Again, I live in the Mid-South....
And here, I have never heard of anyone, at all, personally, who has gone thru Cotillion, Manners Classes, and this type thing.

I do believe that this does occur, and can be significant, in certain very well-to-do circles.

But, to anyone here who has commented, this is just not expected or commonplace, or anything like that.

I live in the Nashville area and my daughters went thru Cotillion when they were in 6th grade. It is very selective, you have to be invited to participate. Many of their friends went thru with them. It is really a nice idea. They learn formal manners and have a couple of events/dances where they get to practice. One of my favorite rules they practice is that guys have to ask someone to dance every dance and the girls are not allowed to say no. This helps them get over awkward times and reinforces being kind to others.

 

[Simba's Mom]

Sweet tea.

And at least in this part of the deep south, when you go into a restaurant and order "tea", you'll get iced tea, not hot tea. And be sure to learn about "Mums" for homecoming weekend, actually learn about the entire homecoming "rituals". Don't ask where the "bubbller" is (or was that a Massachusetts thing?).

 

[luvsJack]

Definitely not everywhere,but in many smaller cities and towns, yes, Cotillion is still an important tradition. Less in bigger, more cosmopolitan cities of the South. I have a niece who grew up in a small town north of Atlanta that did Cotillion and loved it. All the popular kids attended.

Sorority sisters from Augusta, GA told us city girls all about the tradition there. Some of them have kids doing Cotillion now, and they are the 4th generation attending. Boys and girls must apply as a pair when they are middle school age- friends arrange for their kids to be partners sometimes when they are toddlers! There is a strict dress code ( white gloves, dresses, coat and tie) and the kids learn manners as well as several traditional ballroom dances. They attend a huge formal dance at the end of each years' weekly lessons and it is a massive social event for the whole town.

While not something that is known everywhere, "charm school", deportment and dance lessons, or Cotillion is still an important part of some Southern lives.

I am in a small town and its never been a big or important deal here. Like I said, I personally know 1 girl that did it.

Maybe its a state thing? Meaning in some states its a bigger deal than in others?

We used to have the whole debutante thing (i am guessing that is a part of it) and the big ball in the spring and the girls in their white dresses. Hasn't been a "thing" here in many, many years.

I live in the Nashville area and my daughters went thru Cotillion when they were in 6th grade. It is very selective, you have to be invited to participate. Many of their friends went thru with them. It is really a nice idea. They learn formal manners and have a couple of events/dances where they get to practice. One of my favorite rules they practice is that guys have to ask someone to dance every dance and the girls are not allowed to say no. This helps them get over awkward times and reinforces being kind to others.

The one girl I know wasn't invited. Her mom signed her up. So that must be another difference from area to area.

The dances she has gone, except for the one formal, aren't any different than regular school dances. They have a theme and they dress to that theme. Jeans and boots one dance, 50's style another dance, hip hop at another. It seems more like an expensive club than anything else.

 

[LBIJim]

I get the feeling that even 90%+ of Southerners make fun of the Cotillion crowd.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Some of these things, especially those manners related, remind me of Regency-era England.

 

[luvsJack]

I get the feeling that even 90%+ of Southerners make fun of the Cotillion crowd.

Probably true. It sounds a bit old fashioned in its true sense. I keep envisioning Scarlett's mother teaching them manners and how to act around a "gentleman".

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

I get the feeling that even 90%+ of Southerners make fun of the Cotillion crowd.

Not around here. (East Central Alabama)

Now, not everyone does Cotillion. But those that do aren't made fun of. It is just another "thing." Like soccer or scouts.

 

[asta]

I am in a small town and its never been a big or important deal here. Like I said, I personally know 1 girl that did it.

Maybe its a state thing? Meaning in some states its a bigger deal than in others?

We used to have the whole debutante thing (i am guessing that is a part of it) and the big ball in the spring and the girls in their white dresses. Hasn't been a "thing" here in many, many years.

Debutante balls are an entirely different thing than cotillion. Cotillion is for a younger group and is aimed at teaching manners and hopefully helping socialize the participants. The whole debutante thing is aimed at college age students. It is much, much more expensive and is many times more selective. There are two debutante balls in Nashville and both of them have a philanthropic aspect. It is a huge honor to be selected.

 

[luvsJack]

Debutante balls are an entirely different thing than cotillion. Cotillion is for a younger group and is aimed at teaching manners and hopefully helping socialize the participants. The whole debutante thing is aimed at college age students. It is much, much more expensive and is many times more selective. There are two debutante balls in Nashville and both of them have a philanthropic aspect. It is a huge honor to be selected.

Ahhh. I see. See what I mean? Its such a small thing here that most of us don't have a clue what all goes along with it. I thought the debutante ball was sort of like at the end of the cotillion thing. Like a graduation deal?

Teaching manners is nice though. Some kids never learn any.

I just know that the dances the girl I know goes to are not all about formality and manners and such. They are just dances no different than any other middle school or high school dance, they just don't include anyone not in the "club".

 

[lakelandgal70]

Lived in Florida for almost 40 years and occasionally go back up north to my home state of Indiana. Things move much slower down here. Want work done to your house or landscape. Well don't expect them to move too fast. lol. It is much more laid back down here. Have friends who live in Ohio and travel down to Alabama to see family. They seem to really love it down there. I think just going someplace new without any expectations is probably the best way to go. And like PP don't complain about how you did it up north. Nothing more annoying to us. Good luck on your move!

 

[jrmasm]

I live in the Nashville area and my daughters went thru Cotillion when they were in 6th grade. It is very selective, you have to be invited to participate. Many of their friends went thru with them. It is really a nice idea. They learn formal manners and have a couple of events/dances where they get to practice. One of my favorite rules they practice is that guys have to ask someone to dance every dance and the girls are not allowed to say no. This helps them get over awkward times and reinforces being kind to others.

You don't find those two statements to be contradictory?

 

[asta]

You don't find those two statements to be contradictory?

I don't think accepting an honor is being unkind to others. There are many activities and organizations where everyone does not get to participate. Sports, cheerleading and even certain Girl Scout troops are selective. I don't think people who get to participate in those are being unkind.