What should I expect different in the South?

[deedeetoo]

Debutante balls are an entirely different thing than cotillion. Cotillion is for a younger group and is aimed at teaching manners and hopefully helping socialize the participants. The whole debutante thing is aimed at college age students. It is much, much more expensive and is many times more selective. There are two debutante balls in Nashville and both of them have a philanthropic aspect. It is a huge honor to be selected.

Why is it an honor to be selected? Is it based on academic achievement or community service or some other achievement? Or is it based on your family's social standing and how wealthy they are? Do poor people get picked for this honor?

 

[jrmasm]

I don't think accepting an honor is being unkind to others. There are many activities and organizations where everyone does not get to participate. Sports, cheerleading and even certain Girl Scout troops are selective. I don't think people who get to participate in those are being unkind.

Is everyone that wants to participate allowed to?

 

[SirDuff]

I don't think accepting an honor is being unkind to others. There are many activities and organizations where everyone does not get to participate. Sports, cheerleading and even certain Girl Scout troops are selective. I don't think people who get to participate in those are being unkind.

Are there try-outs (or some other form of application to be selected) for the Cotillion? As there are for the other things you list.

 

[NotUrsula]

Unless South Alabama is extremely different than South Mississippi (and since I am maybe an hour from the border, its not that different), its not like the pp describes.

Such things do exist but the kids that go are in the minority--extreme minority. And there is no connection to high school teams, squads or other organiations.

And to clarify the church thing, the OP will most certainly be asked and possibly invited but there is no shunning or pressure or any such thing. Its just making conversation. There are a lot of churches in the south and of all different faiths. A lot of community events tend to center around one church or another.

Op, I love South Alabama. We spend a lot of time there. Gulf Shores is a fun and beautiful vacation spot. We are lucky enough to live close enough to go for day trips.

Absolutely true re: Cotillion. Only at very exclusive private schools will anyone care, and not as much as the PP implied -- not even close. IME, those customs are almost always connected with old-money families; and if you have no local family connection, no one would expect you to participate; nor would you be likely to be able to. In most parts of the South, one doesn't just sign up for organizations like Cotillion or the Junior League; one has to be nominated by a member, and members don't often nominate people who they have not known for quite some time.

The one thing that I have to add re: south Alabama, specifically the Mobile area, is that there is an island of Catholicism there (thus the large Mardi Gras celebration.) For the most part in the rest of Alabama, Baptist custom prevails (for instance, no sports practices on Wednesday, because Baptists and several other Protestant denominations go to church in the evenings). However, Mobile (like NOLA) is a very old city that has its roots in the Age of Exploration, and thus it still has a large Catholic population, pretty much the only place in Alabama that does, as far as I know. In Mobile you will not find the church invitation thing to be so prevalent, because as a rule, Catholics don't invite people to come to church with them.

Oh, and BTW for another PP: no one eats "crawdads". If you live somewhere where the locals have the sense to know how to properly prepare and eat them, then you also live somewhere where the locals call them CRAWFISH.
Calling them "crawdads" will get you looked at funny.

FWIW, on the soda and pop thing, your best bet phrase is "soft drink." "Soda" usually is taken to mean club soda.

 

[Miskey]

I live in the Nashville area and my daughters went thru Cotillion when they were in 6th grade. It is very selective, you have to be invited to participate. Many of their friends went thru with them. It is really a nice idea. They learn formal manners and have a couple of events/dances where they get to practice. One of my favorite rules they practice is that guys have to ask someone to dance every dance and the girls are not allowed to say no. This helps them get over awkward times and reinforces being kind to others.

That sentence greatly bothers me

 

[Wishing on a star]

I wouldn't let it bother me that much.
It is just one dance at a highly organized and chaperoned function.

And nobody is doing anything that they do not knowingly and willingly choose to do.

I wouldn't do it...
Never known of anyone here that has...
But, because I see it mentioned, it doesn't bother me, at all.
And I am HUGE on women's issues lately!

I agree with NotUrsula above.
From what I understand, this is something that one might see in certain circles in old tradition and families in the deep south.... NOLA, Mobile...

People here are making WAY to much of this talk about these old customs that remnants still might exist in certain circles.

They are misreading a few comments that make this sound, like, way more than what it is....

It is nothing that is of any concern to most people.

And, while I am at it....
NOPE people, slavery is no longer a common practice here in the South!!!!

 

[A_Princess'_Daddy]

I've never lived in the South, but I will say that over the past 18 months I've traveled to Alabama frequently for business and have been deeply impressed by the beauty of the state (particularly Huntsville and Auburn). I didn't realize how varied the terrain is, and the northern part of the state reminded me of growing up in New England and Auburn reminded me of pretty much every other cute college town in the country. I'm not sure I'd want to live there, as it is definitely much more hot and humid than I would like, but every place has its weather issues (with the possible exception of San Diego and Hawaii). I never felt out of place, nor judged, nor overtly welcomed. I felt the people, on the whole, are pretty much like the people who live every place I travel for business.

I've also been impressed with the restaurants and the only thing I've had that was fried was an absolutely spectacular cajun shrimp po'boy at a place in Huntsville that was worth every calorie. Aside from that, I've had all sorts of great meals from high end to roadside BBQ and it's all been great.

I think this thread captures that people are people everywhere and, in general, people are basically good and normal. In small towns people wave more to each other, but that's clearly not exclusive to the south. Regions of the south have their own unique idiosyncrasies, but they do in the rest of the country, as well.

 

[powellrj]

Let me start off by saying I am old (55) and I have no idea if they still have Cotillion or not. We moved from one small city to another one so my kids didn't grow-up in the same town I did. All I know is the town we now live in doesn't have it.

I started at I want to say 2nd grade. You were referred to Cotillion. We were referred by my aunt. We met every other Monday night at a local hotel ballroom complete with a small band so we had live music. Girls wore white gloves, dresses and hose. Guys wore suits and ties. You began the evening with a receiving line of parents. I want to say each set of parents had to chaperone at least one time during the year and those were who we greeted in the receiving line. You had to curtsey and the guys had to bow.

You had a partner, but I forget how that was decided. You learned ballroom dancing and then your partner served you punch. We learned proper manners. Several times a year you had parties where prizes were given. I want to say the prizes were 45's. I want to say you got to pick your partner at parties because for many years Steve and Lisa always won the dance prizes at parties! Not sure why I remember that little gem!

At the end of the evening you went through the receiving line and then everyone went back down to the lobby to wait for our rides to come and get us. We had a Cotillion car pool, so parents didn't have to drive us every week. I do know we had to ride the elevator to the lobby. Everyone behaved because we were warned it was a hotel and we couldn't bother the guests. In this day and age I can't imagine parents allowing kids to be in a hotel without an adult to watch you in the elevator and lobby. Parents just pulled up and picked you up without getting out of cars.

My dad was a railroad conductor so we were very far from wealthy and upperclass! I do know it was run by a mother and daughter and they held Cotillion all over Indiana. I can't imagine it was very expensive because we never had much money for extras. I remember it as just something we did like swimming lessons and girl scouts. It wasn't an honor or anything like that. They didn't have a Debutante Ball or a Junior League, so it didn't really lead to anything. As I got older it was nice to know basic dance steps, but it wasn't something that I ever used much.

 

[wenmc]

Deleted

 

[Lady Marie]

Just wanted to weigh in on the Cotillion stuff--

I am originally from a small town in Deep South Georgia and much like a previous poster mentioned I was referred to a cotillion-esque club where we met every week in the spinning room of the local YMCA where we were taught manners and how to dance (this was around 6th grade). Girls had to wear skirts and hose. At the end of the year, there was a dance at the local country club where we were to use all our new knowledge and fill our dance cards, etc. (or hide in the bathroom when you were embarrassed that you weren't asked to dance that particular dance yeah that was me!)

This was about about 13 years ago so I am not sure if they still do it, but I do know almost everyone I knew participated. It was not "expected" but it was the "in" thing to do.

I also agree that Bless your heart and Yankee can have negative and positive connotations--- it really depends on the context and you will be able to tell the difference

Now I live in super south Florida, and wish I could go back. The people were really so friendly compared to down here!

 

[Wishing on a star]

OP here again...In response to some of the comments. I'm sure I will say pop a lot cuz I drink tons of it. I will have to get out of that habit. LOL I might bring up how we did things in the North but not in a "we do it better up there" kinda way but just general conversation. I think some people may enjoy hearing how the other part of the country lives. I do. I have absolutely loved it in LA the times I have visited. I am a private person but love the friendliest of the people I have met and worked with so far. I love being called M'am and Miss (my name). We are really looking forward to this adventure!

And an adventure it will be!!!!

Do realize, that no matter where one is moving 'from' or 'to', it will be taken the wrong way if you make any comments about how things were, or were done, where you are from.... It just will... Unless there is a clear message that there might actually be something BETTER about where you are at.

As I had mentioned, there are a LOT of folks here who have moved and retired to this area from 'up North'... I've seen both sides of this... Especially as one being born and raised here, and my Husband and his relatives coming from, and visiting from, 'up North'.... And my husband and I traveling a couple of times to where he is originally from.

I am not kidding when I tell you this:
I have actually seen local bumper stickers that say "I DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT HOW YOU DID THINGS UP NORTH"

I can remember spending the Holidays with my husband's relatives, eating what should have been an insanely delicious Virginia Baked Ham, that his aunt had absolutely ruined by putting it in a pot and boiling it... While listening to them mention every little thing that was not as good here as it was there.

OMG, talk about having to bite one's tongue!!!!!

PS: Practice giving up the word Pop... Seriously... Just try getting used to other words, like soft-drink, Coke, etc... The word 'Pop" is just not used here, at all.... Nothing sounds worse to southern ears than the sound of the word "Pahhhhp" with a heavy northern accent. Not meaning to be negative here... Just a 'stating it how it is', as a heads-up.

 

[MomofKatie]

I am not kidding when I tell you this:
I have actually seen local bumper stickers that say "I DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT HOW YOU DID THINGS UP NORTH"

There is a funny song about Northerners coming down South (especially the ones that come every winter) called "If It's Snowbird Season, Why Can't We Shoot Them?" and that bumper sticker phrase is a line in the song.

Really, we love you northerners, bless your hearts!

 

[Tarheel girl 1975]

If I may, I'd like to address the first part. I have never referred to anyone as a yankee in a negative way. To me, a yankee is a person from up north, but not all areas up north. It's just another way to describe someone just like "southerner", "New Englander", etc. I rarely hear it as an insult. As to the second part...

That's funny, I live in NC and Yankee is almost always has a negtive undertone. Otherwise they'll call you a New Yorker or New Englander.

And at least in this part of the deep south, when you go into a restaurant and order "tea", you'll get iced tea, not hot tea. And be sure to learn about "Mums" for homecoming weekend, actually learn about the entire homecoming "rituals". Don't ask where the "bubbller" is (or was that a Massachusetts thing?).

"Bubbler" is a Wisconsin thing!


I grew up in Wisconsin and moved to rural NC after college. I found rural NC to be very different. Now I live in Raleigh and there are so many people here from other states, that it's not that different at all. Although tea is always sweet here. Barbecue is is usually a noun and not a verb. And dealing with ice is way different than snow.

 

[trip]

That's funny, I live in NC and Yankee is almost always has a negtive undertone. Otherwise they'll call you a New Yorker or New Englander.

"Bubbler" is a Wisconsin thing!

I grew up in Wisconsin and moved to rural NC after college. I found rural NC to be very different. Now I live in Raleigh and there are so many people here from other states, that it's not that different at all. Although tea is always sweet here. Barbecue is is usually a noun and not a verb. And dealing with ice is way different than snow.

It's funny the things you learn on the DIS... I grew up in Wisconsin and never heard of a water fountain referred to as a "bubbler".

 

[asta]

I am not kidding when I tell you this:
I have actually seen local bumper stickers that say "I DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT HOW YOU DID THINGS UP NORTH"

On the subject of bumper stickers, we used to see this around Nashville
Welcome to Nashville. (Now Y’All Go Home!). With Nashviille's new found "it" city status you don't see this much anymore. There are so many transplants from north, south and everywhere else here now that I think the natives gave up on that sentiment.

 

[JanaDee]

It's funny the things you learn on the DIS... I grew up in Wisconsin and never heard of a water fountain referred to as a "bubbler".

Depends on which side of the state you grew up on. I never heard of a bubbler, either until I met DH, who grew up on the southeastern side of the state.

I grew up on the Western side.

 

[trip]

It's funny the things you learn on the DIS... I grew up in Wisconsin and never heard of a water fountain referred to as a "bubbler".

Depends on which side of the state you grew up on. I never heard of a bubbler, either until I met DH, who grew up on the southeastern side of the state.

I grew up on the Western side.

I'm a northern girl, myself.

 

[HelloMimi]

Reading all of these comments has been really fascinating!

I've lived in the South my whole life, but Houston is a far cry from "the deep South."

The only consistencies (between here and there) I've noticed from the comments are the conversations between strangers (does this really only happen in the South?) and use of the word "y'all." My little sister cringes every time I say "y'all," but I think it's even more awkward to say "you all" or "you guys."

I never call soda "coke" unless it's actually Coca-Cola. I didn't start drinking sweet tea until a couple of years ago, but I only have it on rare occasions (McAlister's has the best I've tried). Southern accents are more foreign to me than actual foreign accents. I've never been to a football game, nor have I watched one on TV. No one has ever asked me where I go to church. And the closest I've been to Cotillion was watching it on Gossip Girl!

 

[marmalade]

I wonder what kind of responses the OP would get if she said the opposite, that she was moving North East from the deep south?

 

[SAMCRO]

I wonder what kind of responses the OP would get if she said the opposite, that she was moving North East from the deep south?

Why would anyone do that would be my question?