Let me say right off that I am not a judgemental parent. I will not judge any of you for your opinions on this thread. That being said, I would like to just put some facts out there. That way everyone can make their own decisions based on the facts, not opinions. Every parent has to make their own decisions in regards to their own kids. I think we sometimes get caught up in trying to prove that our way is the best way, and don't look at the facts in order to make our guidelines for our kids. In reading this thread I saw several general statements that weren't based as much on fact as they were on the "It won't happen to us" mentality. In my line of work I come across parents every day who didn't know how easy it is for someone to hurt a child, and never thought it would happen to their kid. So, in order for you to make an informed decision, I looked up some current statistics.
Again, I am not saying I agree or disagree with sending a kid to the bathroom on their own. I have had to do things I wouldn't normally do in a pinch before. You really never know what is going on in any given situation. I don't think the child's age, or how old they look really matters bc it was that parent's decision to do what she did, and it's everyone else's right to do the same or differently. In any case, here are the facts:
1. 49% of kidnappings are family kidnappings (divorce, etc..), 27% are aquaintance kidnappings (someone who knows the victim or the family), and 24% are stranger kidnappings.
2. Of the 24% of stranger kidnappings, in most cases, the abductor has had some kind of contact with the child at some point. That however, does not mean they know the person. It can be as simple as someone observing the child as they pass by or speaking to the child while a parent is not looking.
3. In the US, there are about 2,000 reported missing (I am editing my mistake since it was pointed out!) per day, with more females than males being taken in stranger abductions. This number does include runaways and such, and most of the reported missing are found and returned within 24-48 hours. (There. All fixed.)
4. Most abductions take place in outdoor places, (71%) but...most happen close to the child's home.
5. 20% of abducted children are not found alive.
6. 49% of stranger abductions happen to serve a sexual purpose. In those cases, 40% of the victims were murdered.
I say this only to give information. I personally choose to take my kids to the bathroom, but if my older children are the ones who need to go, I will allow them to go as long as I can see all exits of the bathroom. I don't feel as though I have to hold their hands, but I still want to make sure no one leaves with my kid. The statistics are enough for me to believe that most likely my child won't be abducted at Disney, but I personally am not willing to risk the chance. That's my personal choice though. I will not make a snap judgement if someone else decides to let their kid go on their own. To each their own. I will hold the hand of my 6 year old and take her to the bathroom with me. I don't go in the stall with her, but I will go in a stall close by and have her wait to leave the stall if she finishes first so that she won't be standing there without supervision until I am done. Again, it's a personal decision.
What I am about to say comes from the point of view of a sensei. Every day I teach kids who have been abused in some way. I am required as part of my job to read books about the sickest people in the world so that I am able to have the skills to teach these kids how to heal from their wounds. (Our studio is not just about kicking and punching. We have 2 psychologists on staff, and the rest of our staff must have the equivalent to a degree in psychology before becoming an instructor.) The best thing any parent can do is to not only teach them about bad people (I say bad people b/c of the family factor. It's not all strangers, so stranger danger becomes moot in most cases), but to give them the physical skills they need to defend themselves. I strongly believe in especially girls knowing how to fight off an attacker. My daughters know how to fight against fully grown men. I've seen them do it. However, I still choose to make sure I can see those exits. That's because of all the schooling I have done on how attackers choose their victims. It could be just a look that convinces them they have to do anything they can to have that child. Most of all I think we all have to use our God-given intuition. If something feels wrong, don't do it. If you feel safe sending your child to the bathroom, then by all means, do it. If you don't feel it's safe, don't. There's been times I have been uncomfortable around certain people and decided to keep my kids close and get them away. That person may have been completely innocent of any malicious intent, but I wasn't going to take the chance. I have to trust my own instincts. Most of all, just be aware of your environment. I teach my kids how to look around without appearing to do so. I show them how to look under cars from a distance away, and to park away from things that someone could hide behind. Notice I teach them these things now and none of them are of driving age yet. I teach them to listen to their guts, and to avoid potentially dangerous situations. That is our job as parents. It is not our job to argue who is right and who is wrong when it comes to parenting choices.
A bit more information (all of the info here is something you can google yourself by the way):
TOP CHOKING HAZARDS:
1. hot dogs
2. peanuts
3. carrots
4. boned chicken
5. candy
6. meat
7. popcorn
8. boned fish
9. sunflower seeds
10. apples
and a couple more that weren't in this study, but I have heard of myself are: marshmallows (they get lodged in the throat and are hard to pull out b/c they are sticky and stretchy), cheese (my daughter went to the ER b/c my mom didn't realize she was choking on cheese) and I had another daughter choke on mozzarella sticks with me sitting right there b/c they were melty and stretchy. Pretzels-a visitor to my parents' house gave my son one and I happened to get home just in time to notice him choking on it. Grapes-common sense.
I'm sure you have all experienced something in regards to any one of these and more. That doesn't mean we are going to stop giving our kids these items, nor should we judge others who do if we decide we are going to rip them from our kids' diets. I gave my kids hot dogs, but I cut them into miniscule pieces and watched them eat them. Same with apples, carrots, popcorn, meat, etc... It's not our place to judge other people's choices when it comes to their kids just because we choose other paths. Shoot, if I worried about every item my kids could choke on, they would be on a liquid diet. Nevermind. They would never eat b/c I've choked on liquid before! I am just going to do what I can to make sure they are safe in eating those items. I would make sure the pieces were small, I would watch the child, and I would educate myself on how to help a child who is choking.
I too strongly believe in giving my kids their independence. I don't think that means I can't protect them in circumstances I see fit to do so though. I teach them independence in as many ways as I possibly can. I start by teaching them to have responsibilities at home, school, church, karate, and in the community. I guess what I am trying to say is that you do things your way and I'll do things mine. I can guarantee we won't see eye to eye on everything, but that's okay.
Some of this confidence is her nature, but I will credit another large part of it to her early karate training and also her participation on the gym team and dance classes. This doesn't mean she's any more or less safe on the playground than another child who has a parent still standing at the end of the slide waiting for them at the age of 8. I don't really give those parents a second thought and hope they do the same for me, as I sit to the side reading a book while my 5 year old runs and plays. Honestly I think too many people are too worried about what everyone else is doing. On our Disney trip we sat next to a nice family with young kids and I spent about 20 minutes talking to the mom, waiting for the parade to start. At the moment I can't tell you specifically what we talked about, but I can tell you how exciting and wonderful the parade was and how much my child enjoyed it.
I agree 100%.
