what makes parents kick their kids out?

[Trixieplus2]

When I was 19 I was married and by 22 I was married with a child.
Yeah we drank beer and made bad decisions. Heck, I drink beer and make bad decisions at 43 - that's not age dependent. We also worked out tails off and graduated from college and eventually Grad School because we pretty much wanted to have a better life.

Kids today are NOT all that different from kids of other generations. They are bright and capable and more than capable of self-sufficiency. This whole concept that a 23 year old man is going to starve to death and be a burden on society if his parents don't shelter him is really just a continuation of our societal insistence on continuously baby-ing down our population.

I currently have no plans to cut-off my 21year old child but if I did I expect he'd find a job or two and a roommate or 3 and he'd be just fine.

Cool Ditto for me except I got married at 19 and had a child by 20 then another by 22 and we are very happy and doing just fine I was on my own from 16 until I met my husband at 18 I somehow managed to work 2 jobs and do night school to get my GED My husband worked in the day and finished his Associate's degree. I started out rooming with 4 other people and then moved out on my own to a tiny studio.When we married we got our first house that measured a whopping 900 sqft . We live in a much nicer 4 bedroom now of course I am only 26 now but we are happy and plan to continue to work hard and not burden society LOL.

 

[Jennasis]

Because sometimes these burgeoning adults need a swift kick in the butt and a dose of reality to appreciate how good they had it living off their parents.

 

[punkin]

I think everyone is talking about two different situations. One is a situation in which a parent made the decision to cut their child off at 18, no matter what.
The OP is talking about kids who were presumably living at home with financial support and then got kicked out. I'm sure at least half of these kids did something to get kicked out. Especially for them to call it getting kicked out.

I'm all for parents supporting and helping their kids through college or their beginning working years if they don't go to college. I don't like the "you're 18, my job is done" idea at all. I hope I will be able to pay for my future kids' college educations. But if the kids are not appreciative and not taking advantage of the opportunities they are given, sometimes the parents have to do something drastic. In most cases a parent is not going to kick out a child who is working hard and doing their best. I do feel bad for kids who are kicked out because their parent is intolerant of their sexual orientation or some similar situation.

18 to 24 is also a pretty wide range in terms of maturity and being able to take care of yourself. Besides being sick or impaired, I would think a 24 year old would be able to take care of themselves independently if they really had to. Often living with your parents is a smart financial choice as it allows you to pay down loans, save up for a down payment, etc. I see nothing wrong with it. But if they got "kicked out" I would think most 24 year olds could handle. I'm sure someone will tell me why I'm wrong

I agree with you. It is the "kick 'em out at 18 - they're adults" crowd that I don't understand.

 

[quentina]

Wow, I am shocked at some of these responses. I am 39 and believe me, if I needed to, I would be welcome in my parents home today (hubby, kids and dogs included). In addition, my parents and their pets would be welcome with us.

Now, my oldest is only 13 however; I cannot ever imagine telling any of my kids to leave and not return. I tell my oldest to attend college locally so that we do not have to pay room and board elsewhere and live at home, save money and buy a house. Maybe, I will change my mind but, I just can't imagine forcing them out. My middle daughter has some learning disabilities and I imagine she will live with us for a long time. I am perfectly fine with this.

I guess, whatever works for each individual family differs, beliefs are different etc.

 

[luvmy3]

I was living on my own at 20, married at 23. I would hardly call these "kids" homeless, they are old enough to work and pay rent. I agree with everyone else, there is probably much more to their stories and I can't say I would be so quick to think whats wrong with the parents in all these situations.

 

[Jennasis]

And before anyone thinks I'm heartless for my above reply...when I was just a hair shy of 18 (by a few months, but had graduated high school) and my older sister was 21, my parents sat us both down and told us we both had exactly one month to pack our stuff and move out. They suggested we find a place together but said they didn't care where we went, but we could no longer live at home with them.

Their reasoning? They claimed (well really, MOM claimed) that we were ruining their marriage. Mom and Dad had hit a very ugly rough spot and were fighting all the time. Apparently, many of the head butting moments were over decisions concerning us kids (and my 11 year old younger sister) so mom assumed it was the stress WE were causing her that must be messing up her happy marriage...so out we were to go.

A few months later, my dad confessed to having had multiple affairs over the course of many years. all the anger and unrest was HIS fault and there is a part of me that will always harbor resentment towards him sitting quietly by and letting my sister and I take the rap for his failed marriage and his failure as a husband. FWIW, we did not move out, but we also never got an apology from either of them.

 

[MrsPete]

I teach high school seniors, and I hear these "my parents kicked me out" stories occasionally -- I haven't had one yet this year.

Typical story:

Kids tell me this after they've failed to complete some big assignment, and they're looking for sympathy /extra time. Of course, I'm obligated to talk to their guidance counselors, who need to know things like this, and I always call their parents, saying something like, "I hear John isn't living at home any more. What's going on?" Almost always, the parents' story is very different from the student's version. Almost always the student portrays himself as an innocent victim -- uncaring parents, lack of space, step parents who've usurped the parent's affections, don't like the kid's boyfriend/girlfriend etc. And almost always the parents' story is more like, "He did this, this and that bad thing. We tried this, this and that. We told him that he can't live here if he won't follow our rules. If he'll follow our rules, he's welcome to come back."

Typical things that cause rifts like this: Drugs, stealing from parents, staying out for days at a time. And for girls, disappearing for days at a time with an older boyfriend.

Now, those kids are younger and still in high school -- quite a bit different from the kids you're describing.

Speaking only for myself, I can't imagine kicking my kid out if she were working towards college, BUT if she were out of high school and was just meandering about doing nothing, and if I felt that I was enabling her by allowing her to live in my house, I might push her towards finding another living arrangement. Depending upon the circumstances, it might be better to push her a bit than have her flounder around for a decade in a go-nowhere job, wondering what to do with herself.

On the other hand, if my child were attending college, or if she was out of college and working, I'd have no problem with her living here with me until she chose to move out -- especially if living at home meant she could save a good bit towards a place of her own. That'd mean she had her act together and was making good choices.

I think it'd depend on the circumstances.

And for certain I'd put a child out over drug use or criminal activity. I would try to get her help, but if she were continuing in those unexcusable behaviors, I wouldn't risk myself, my house, my finances, and my other children for her bad choices.

 

[teacherforhi]

Wow, I am shocked at some of these responses. I am 39 and believe me, if I needed to, I would be welcome in my parents home today (hubby, kids and dogs included). In addition, my parents and their pets would be welcome with us.

Now, my oldest is only 13 however; I cannot ever imagine telling any of my kids to leave and not return. I tell my oldest to attend college locally so that we do not have to pay room and board elsewhere and live at home, save money and buy a house. Maybe, I will change my mind but, I just can't imagine forcing them out. My middle daughter has some learning disabilities and I imagine she will live with us for a long time. I am perfectly fine with this.

I guess, whatever works for each individual family differs, beliefs are different etc.

The difference being that, I presume, you would be actively looking for other accommocations while with your parents, or saving the money to get them. If you didn't have jobs, you would be looking for them, not sitting in the bedroom whining that your mom didn't buy your favorite flavor of ice cream when she went to the store. You would be taking care of your kids and doing everything in your power not to be too much of a burden on your parents.

When I graduated from high school, I knew that I had to have a job in the summer. I was 18 and it was not acceptable to my parents that I sit around doing nothing every summer when I came home from college. Until I found a job, I had to show my mom proof that I was looking for one.

When I finished college, my parents charged me rent. Honestly, I think that was fair. After all, I was 22 years old and had a decent paying job.

If I needed to today, I would be welcome there, but I would not be sitting there doing nothing.

 

[Chris2597]

Wow, this thread came at a time when I needed to read these posts. We have a 25yr old son living at home. He moved out at 18 saying we were too strict (we did expect him to abide by the same common rules that we did). He moved in with my elderly mom..pretty much ran wild for 3 yrs and caused some problems at her house (she wouldnt allow us to have him removed). She passed away and he asked if he could move home. We agreed if he would work part time and go to school and abide by the house rules or he would have to get a full time job and be out of the house in 6 months. School/part time flopped...he dropped out(we paid and lost all school $$) and quit his job. We booted him out twice in the last 3 yrs for serious issues (stealing from us and drugs). He begged to come back with more promises. Against our better judgement we let him back in...things were better for a short time and then he reverted to his old ways. Since last May he has been fired from 3 jobs, had 4 car accidents, arrested for shoplifting, doesnt pay his bills (bill collectors constantly call for him and our mailbox is full of letters demanding he pay up), he has an addiction to RX drugs, smokes pot (I have found paraphanalia in his room),has traffic violation that he ignores, throws half eaten food under his bed, beer bottles thrown in his closet, is disrespectful, his room is a mess, leaves the kitchen a mess. I could go on and on. We are at our wits end. We don't want to see our son on the streets but we are sick and tired of being used. We also know that we are not helping him by enabling him to continue this way. We gave him notice in November that we have had enough and want him out by January. He said he would not leave and that he has established residency at our home. We have been forced to file eviction papers on him which will take 3 weeks to process. I am sure he will make us out to be horrible parents once he is out to anyone that will listen. He is good looking, clean cut, can be charming and a bit shy...very All-American looking. I am sure an outsider couldnt imagine him ever behaving as he has. We also have 2 girls that have completed college, work, and are married. They can barely tolerate their brother and the way he has treated us and the family. This is heartbreaking to be at the point of evicting your own child, no matter what their age, but we dont seem to have any other choice.

 

[Tinijocaro]

Previous poster-I am so sorry for your troubles with your son. I truly think most people will realize that if you are kicking your 25 year old MAN out of YOUR house, then there is trouble. You've done all you can for him, and as you said, allowing him to live in your house isn't helping him any.

I often wonder if one of my kids pulls this garbage on me, how will I handle it. I imagine it would be terribly difficult to kick your own young adult out of the house-not sure if I could, even knowing it is the right thing.

Good luck to you, it must be terribly stressful. Let him figure his own life out. You've done your job. Now it's his turn.

 

[Kim♥DISNEY]

To Chris2597 ...

My thoughts are with you. I hope it works out for you and your husband. Praying that you son can get his act together.

 

[PixieTl]

hugs Chris i'm sorry he does not want to be an adult, i hope he learns quickly that he has no choice!

 

[tonilea]

Those "seemingly minor" things they tell you are probably just the proverbial straw. But, I am sure that they believe that is why they were kicked out.

 

[midori sweet]

I agree with many of the PPs - it totally depends on the circumstances.

It would be terribly hard, IMO, to just be immediately set off on your own at 18 with no additional support from family. Without a degree or vocational training, I would think it would be hard to be immediately self-supporting at that age.

However, I have seen the other side of it, and I don't think it does the kids any favors. As long as Mommy and Daddy are paying the bills, I have seen 20 year olds perfectly content to sit at home all day playing video games, having dropped out of college a few years prior. Since there is no rent, and the parents pay for groceries, car and cell phones, the kids really don't have much incentive to get off the couch and find a job.

That never would have worked with my parents, and I will be the same way with DD. I was welcome to live at home as long as I was in college.

I would have been welcome to stay if I dropped out, or even after I graduated, but I would have been expected to work, contribute money to the household, and take on a share of chores. My Dad wouldn't have cared if I had to be babysitting and doing yard work for the neighbors - but the constant sitting around would have been a deal breaker.

Plus, it was totally understood that in their house, it was their rules.

I do truly feel sorry for kids who don't continue to have parental support into early adulthood, but I also think that parents are totally within their rights to expect certain things out of adult children who live at home.

 

[NHdisneylover]

hmmm. sorta, kinda, maybe if I squint my eyes agree. Sorry but the 18 year olds I work with in college are not what you see on tv. They do stupid things. they have beer keg parties, they speed without wearing seat belts.

I just don't know where these magical kids that when they hit 18 are suddenly fully functioning, making great decision adults are? Most 18 year olds in my college are working part time, miniumum wage jobs.
How is it on the Dis every one knows 19 year olds pulling down 60K jobs able to live on their own?
Where are they? the young adults I know barely make their insurance payment on the 4 year old clunker they own.

My 20 year old is a great kid, if I kicked him out today would he suddenly be able to "not" be a burden on society? NO. where is he suddenly going to get rent money from? I mean, these so called adults still have to eat? A h.s. graduate with no college degree on the east coast? unemployment at 10% and you guys all know 19 year olds who can live without financial support?

I totally agree that some kids have to go but to think all these kids on the street are just not "grown up" is an illusion, they very much end up as a burden to society.

N one just grows up instantaneously. However, I think the majority of people, of ANY age, will have "growing pains" (for lack of a better term coming to me at this hour of the morning) in the first few months or years on their own. Whether that is at 18, 22, or 35. Of course, society is a little more forgiving of such stupid acts coming from young adults than the same coming from people over 30--so perhaps it is better to finsih the growing up stage at a younger age

When I was 19 I was married and by 22 I was married with a child.
Yeah we drank beer and made bad decisions. Heck, I drink beer and make bad decisions at 43 - that's not age dependent. We also worked out tails off and graduated from college and eventually Grad School because we pretty much wanted to have a better life.

Kids today are NOT all that different from kids of other generations. They are bright and capable and more than capable of self-sufficiency. This whole concept that a 23 year old man is going to starve to death and be a burden on society if his parents don't shelter him is really just a continuation of our societal insistence on continuously baby-ing down our population.

I currently have no plans to cut-off my 21year old child but if I did I expect he'd find a job or two and a roommate or 3 and he'd be just fine.

I agree. Like you, I have no plans to kick my kids out (though mine are younger and not even to the point of that being any kind of option now)--but if they chose to treat their family and home disrespectfully and to not work or go to school I would and I would expect that they COULD handle it.

Wow, who knew, all those thousands of college graduates unable to find employment to pay back student loans let alone live decently are actually just being babies, wanting to live off of mom and dad. definitely kick 'em out.

MOST people (not all, as many posters have said some parents kick kids out when they probably shouldn't) they would kick out a kid who was NOT trying to find a job, not helping out at home, not going to school, etc. Ad, yes, while SOME college graduates can truly not find ANY job--many others could find something to support themselves (in a little place with roomate, etc) but it may not be in their field, it may not be hard labor or cleaning hotels or other "yucky" work, or it may require relocating to where the job is, or working night shifts, etc. Many, MANY people these days seem to believe that if they cannot have a job that they want then they cannot find any work. Yes, I know, in this economy there are people who truly cannot get ANY work at all, but there are far more people who could work if they were willing to lower their standards on what is an acceptable job.

While this may seem very bad, there is really nothing wrong with it. The same exact scenario happened to my friend K. Now, her parents had discussed with her for years what would happen as her sibling all received similar treatment, but to others it may have looked bad. At the age of 18, K was out of her home and sent to college. She was given a bank account with enough money to get her through 4 years of college if she budgetted well. She was told there was only that bank account and she could not move home again. The sibling closest in age to her was 12 years older and she was the youngest of 4.

Her parents didn't even drop her off at college! College was 2 states away, she had no car, they set her on a plane and said 'figure it out'!.
She survived! She went to college, became an RA to get free room and board for a couple years before her and I became roomies. She had enough $$ to have a little fun but she had to budget her money.

After her undergrad she managed to maintain a job and get her Masters Degree without any support at all. She isn't scarred for life and still has a great relationship with her parents. Some may think it mean but at the age of 18 a child needs to learn to be an adult.

My parents financially supported me through college but made it very clear that I would *never* move back home. Heck, while I was a camp counselor during the summer after HS graduation I received a letter 4 weeks into camp informing me of my parents new home address! I had no clue they were moving! The new home is in a retirement community with no room for any of the kiddos to come home.

I was lucky that my parents continued financial support while I was in college. I did have a job for extra spending money. I had many friends who had to pay their own way and all of them were OK. It is what ya do! Everyone goes through a couple of poor years, or rough years, but it helps you realize what it is like to be an adult.

Some kids just seem to have the idea that the should never have a tight time. That they should just pick up financially where their parents left off. It is a harsh slap in the face for them to realize otherwise.

I think K's parents sound brilliant

I agree with the bolded. Worse, s that many parents now feel the same way. There seems to be a growing belief that the next generation should not ever have to live through the lean years of struggling and working your tail off to get by. With an entire generation that is practically inexperienced in that we will be in real trouble the next time a serious recession hits. We are already seeing it too often in this one: people who still keep charging non essentials and thinking those wants are needs in spite of having not enough income to make ends meet. The reality of what is really required to get by in life seems lost n more and more people every day. Let's please not do this to our future generations too.

Maybe that's the difference - we didn't have any expectations, and we didn't need a remotely nice area to live in. We didn't have to worry about theft, because we had nothing worth stealing (except the beer). There was a group of us so didn't have to worry about being home alone, and besides - we were young and were going to live forever. When we were really broke we'd sit out on the stoop on Saturday nights and listen to the church groups who would come down and sing gospel music to the hookers for our entertainment.
I'm sure my parents were horrified the first time they came to visit but I was so proud that I was out on my own and surviving and to their credit, my parents never said a word about how I was living in a flea infested rat trap. Those times when I struggled help make me the person I am today, and I'm grateful for the experiences I had during those times.

It can be different with apartments, and in different locations. We have a friend who is a property manager for a guy who owns 400 apartments. By group, the under 25, still in school, making minimum wage tenants are the least problem. The over 40, making $20+ an hour group who should know better , they need to pay their rent no blow the money on other stuff people, are their biggest problem group.

Yep. We have had more issues with those who were older and should have known better too.

Another reason as to the "why" is perhaps the teen/young adult was no longer welcome at home due to their sexual orientation (estimated 20-40% of homeless youths).




http://uspoverty.change.org/blog/view/who_is_advocating_for_homeless_lgbt_youth

http://minnesota.publicradio.org/display/web/2010/01/28/gay-homeless/

That is depressing and sad. I think that article is also looking at minors--which is a whole different situation than what the OP is talking about.

See, I just don't get this.

K is my best buddy and we have discussed this several times. K views herself as luckier than most. Yes, she was out of the house and had to make her own way but her parents did not abandon her emotionally.

She had a large bank account with enough to get through 4 years of college, so long as she was responsible. This is WAY more than many kids receive. She lived in dorms, had a job, and then we bunked together in our own apartment. She was never going to move home again and that money in the account was the only financial support she would get. However, her parents still loved her. They came and visited her. She is still very close with them.

Sure, she was out of the house and given a flat sum of financial support but parental love isn't about just money. It is about preparing the child (now and adult) for the rest of their life. They were still her mom and dad and available for any advice she needed. They gave her the freedom to make her own way in the world. She made her way and thrived.


The ones I feel sorry for are the kids I read about on here who are college age and whose parents still check their grades and are over involved in their lives. These kids never have an opportunity to be truly self sufficient and become adults.

I feel sorry for them too--and I always wonder how they will handle it when they hit 40 or 50 and lose the parents who have enabled them for so long.

I teach high school seniors, and I hear these "my parents kicked me out" stories occasionally -- I haven't had one yet this year.

Typical story:

Kids tell me this after they've failed to complete some big assignment, and they're looking for sympathy /extra time. Of course, I'm obligated to talk to their guidance counselors, who need to know things like this, and I always call their parents, saying something like, "I hear John isn't living at home any more. What's going on?" Almost always, the parents' story is very different from the student's version. Almost always the student portrays himself as an innocent victim -- uncaring parents, lack of space, step parents who've usurped the parent's affections, don't like the kid's boyfriend/girlfriend etc. And almost always the parents' story is more like, "He did this, this and that bad thing. We tried this, this and that. We told him that he can't live here if he won't follow our rules. If he'll follow our rules, he's welcome to come back."

Typical things that cause rifts like this: Drugs, stealing from parents, staying out for days at a time. And for girls, disappearing for days at a time with an older boyfriend.

Now, those kids are younger and still in high school -- quite a bit different from the kids you're describing.

Speaking only for myself, I can't imagine kicking my kid out if she were working towards college, BUT if she were out of high school and was just meandering about doing nothing, and if I felt that I was enabling her by allowing her to live in my house, I might push her towards finding another living arrangement. Depending upon the circumstances, it might be better to push her a bit than have her flounder around for a decade in a go-nowhere job, wondering what to do with herself.

On the other hand, if my child were attending college, or if she was out of college and working, I'd have no problem with her living here with me until she chose to move out -- especially if living at home meant she could save a good bit towards a place of her own. That'd mean she had her act together and was making good choices.

I think it'd depend on the circumstances.

And for certain I'd put a child out over drug use or criminal activity. I would try to get her help, but if she were continuing in those unexcusable behaviors, I wouldn't risk myself, my house, my finances, and my other children for her bad choices.

That is exactly how I feel about it as well.

Wow, this thread came at a time when I needed to read these posts. We have a 25yr old son living at home. He moved out at 18 saying we were too strict (we did expect him to abide by the same common rules that we did). He moved in with my elderly mom..pretty much ran wild for 3 yrs and caused some problems at her house (she wouldnt allow us to have him removed). She passed away and he asked if he could move home. We agreed if he would work part time and go to school and abide by the house rules or he would have to get a full time job and be out of the house in 6 months. School/part time flopped...he dropped out(we paid and lost all school $$) and quit his job. We booted him out twice in the last 3 yrs for serious issues (stealing from us and drugs). He begged to come back with more promises. Against our better judgement we let him back in...things were better for a short time and then he reverted to his old ways. Since last May he has been fired from 3 jobs, had 4 car accidents, arrested for shoplifting, doesnt pay his bills (bill collectors constantly call for him and our mailbox is full of letters demanding he pay up), he has an addiction to RX drugs, smokes pot (I have found paraphanalia in his room),has traffic violation that he ignores, throws half eaten food under his bed, beer bottles thrown in his closet, is disrespectful, his room is a mess, leaves the kitchen a mess. I could go on and on. We are at our wits end. We don't want to see our son on the streets but we are sick and tired of being used. We also know that we are not helping him by enabling him to continue this way. We gave him notice in November that we have had enough and want him out by January. He said he would not leave and that he has established residency at our home. We have been forced to file eviction papers on him which will take 3 weeks to process. I am sure he will make us out to be horrible parents once he is out to anyone that will listen. He is good looking, clean cut, can be charming and a bit shy...very All-American looking. I am sure an outsider couldnt imagine him ever behaving as he has. We also have 2 girls that have completed college, work, and are married. They can barely tolerate their brother and the way he has treated us and the family. This is heartbreaking to be at the point of evicting your own child, no matter what their age, but we dont seem to have any other choice.

I am so very sorry you are living through this. I am glad you are doing what you need to do to help yourselves and also your son (see bolded). Best of luck to you.

 

[wdwmom0f3]

I have always said that as long as I have a home, my children will be welcome, however if my child was doing some of the things talked about here and they were 18 or older, he/she would be out. No questions asked. You are not doing your child any good at all by enabling them to continue their bad behavior.

 

[shortbun]

18-24 year olds are adults not children.

Wow, see, I don't agree. I think human beings are not equipped to live on their own magically at 18. 18-22/23 is an incredibly stupid age where kids can still benefit immensely from parental help. After that age, I agree that young adults should be able to mostly support themselves. My best friend's daughters are 24 and 27, out of the house for several years, gainfully employed-they each have two jobs- and yet, they still need her help to exist. She pays for their cell phones, she takes care of their pets and the youngest is still getting her tuition paid as she is in grad school with two jobs. These girls are not afraid of work; they are very hard workers but today they need their parents support.

I remember days of getting by on very little to eat, living in slum housing and barely making it. It was dangerous and I would never allow my child to live in those circumstances. My good friend and neighbor was raped in her bed; my parents did nothing to bail me out of there. I'm saying there's a time when you must keep your child safe no matter how old they are. Random age deadlines are just that-random. Had my parents chosen to give me a little money, I could have securred safer housing and would have. I would not have moved home. They never even offered to give me a little gas money. One year I barely made it home for christmas because I could not afford to put gas in my car. My roomate and I donated plasma for gas money that year. For Christmas, I got a beautiful pair of leather boots. I needed something more practical but the boots were gorgeous.

 

[luvsJack]

hmmm. sorta, kinda, maybe if I squint my eyes agree. Sorry but the 18 year olds I work with in college are not what you see on tv. They do stupid things. they have beer keg parties, they speed without wearing seat belts.

I just don't know where these magical kids that when they hit 18 are suddenly fully functioning, making great decision adults are? Most 18 year olds in my college are working part time, miniumum wage jobs.
How is it on the Dis every one knows 19 year olds pulling down 60K jobs able to live on their own?
Where are they? the young adults I know barely make their insurance payment on the 4 year old clunker they own.

My 20 year old is a great kid, if I kicked him out today would he suddenly be able to "not" be a burden on society? NO. where is he suddenly going to get rent money from? I mean, these so called adults still have to eat? A h.s. graduate with no college degree on the east coast? unemployment at 10% and you guys all know 19 year olds who can live without financial support?

I totally agree that some kids have to go but to think all these kids on the street are just not "grown up" is an illusion, they very much end up as a burden to society.

I didn't read past this post, but I 100%, totally agree! Very few 18 year olds are really "ready" for the world at large.

I have seen quite a few 18-20 year olds that have been suddenly kicked out of thier home, told "you are an adult, take care of yourself". They sit in the fa office of the college and cry because they don't know what they will do. They are trying to go to school and earn a degree so they CAN take care of themselves and their parent throws them out. Sorry, folks, but McD's doesn't pay rent. And to add to it they can't get fa because they can't get their parent to give them their financial info for fafsa. And a LOT of these kids are put out simply because mom or dad is ready for their "own life" and want Johnny out of the way.

We are supposed to give our kids wings to fly but that doesn't mean we are supposed kick them out of the nest before those wings are through forming.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I didn't read past this post, but I 100%, totally agree! Very few 18 year olds are really "ready" for the world at large.

I have seen quite a few 18-20 year olds that have been suddenly kicked out of thier home, told "you are an adult, take care of yourself". They sit in the fa office of the college and cry because they don't know what they will do. They are trying to go to school and earn a degree so they CAN take care of themselves and their parent throws them out. Sorry, folks, but McD's doesn't pay rent. And to add to it they can't get fa because they can't get their parent to give them their financial info for fafsa. And a LOT of these kids are put out simply because mom or dad is ready for their "own life" and want Johnny out of the way.

We are supposed to give our kids wings to fly but that doesn't mean we are supposed kick them out of the nest before those wings are through forming.

Well I am going to counter that with how it is going to benefit a kid to stay with a parent who is a piece of crap to them?

If they kick them out for no reason, honestly it is probably better to get out and start their own life in the long run. The parents are probably not good parents to the kids anyway.

 

[Disney Doll]

I lived at home until I got married. The rules there were:

~If you are going to college you will work part time
~If you are not going to college, you will work full time
~You will follow the rules of the house. These were no terrible...your basic be respectful, pick up after yourself, help out with household things when needed

My parents did not require me to pay rent, however they did "strongly encourage" that I save part of my weekly paychecks.

I can tell you in no uncertain terms that there would have been no chance of me sitting around the house doing nothing in the age 18-24 years. Had that been my choice, I owuld have been sitting around doing nothing elsewhere, because it would not have been in my parents house.