what makes parents kick their kids out?

[denisenh]

i have had so many stray 18-24 year olds brought home by my daughter (thats another story) i am wondering what is going on?

i ask these kids why their parents won't let them live at home ..." i caught my mom cheating on my dad" " i had my friend over and my mother doesn't like him" ...all seemingly mild problems. i am aware that there is probably more to the story.... but what?

these kids are going to wind up being a burden on society i would imagine.

i feed them, offer them a shower, ask them what their plans are for the future, tell them to apologize to their parents, whatever.

i just don't understand. what do parents think that their homeless child is going to do?

 

[NHdisneylover]

i have had so many stray 18-24 year olds brought home by my daughter (thats another story) i am wondering what is going on?

i ask these kids why their parents won't let them live at home ..." i caught my mom cheating on my dad" " i had my friend over and my mother doesn't like him" ...all seemingly mild problems. i am aware that there is probably more to the story.... but what?

these kids are going to wind up being a burden on society i would imagine.

i feed them, offer them a shower, ask them what their plans are for the future, tell them to apologize to their parents, whatever.

i just don't understand. what do parents think that their homeless child is going to do?

18-24 years old? Assuming they are out of highschool, I would think the parents feel the now adult offspring can get a job and pay for their own housing

Sometimes you may be hearing the full story from the "stray" but mostly young adults are not going to tell you "I was constantly rude, refused to help around the house, did not try hard to find a job and ignored repeated warnings to shape up" even if THAT is closer to the the truth than "my mom didn't like my friend"). Or, perhaps the friend is a known gang member and/or drug dealer and mom has specifically told the young adult that this person cannot be in the home but the young adult has violated that? I know MANY young people who live at home, chip in as needed and are very much where they should be. I know man others who take advantage of the situation and whose parents should kick them out and quit enabling them to act like children.

 

[RitaE]

at that age range it is usually caused by an obnoxious entitlement attitude adult acting like a spoiled rotten 8 year old who won't clean their room, respect house rules, help with common household chores and growls out about 3 times a week "I don't have to do what you say, I'm an adult!" driving their parents to the point where somebody answers:

"that's enough - get your butt out of here and find out what it is like to pay your own rent and utilities."

"Dear."

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

The only reason I would throw my boys out would be drugs. Short of that, I would work with them.

 

[bluesaturn]

Why would a 18-24 year old be a burden on society? Unless they are still in high school, they should be capable of taking care of themselves. They might need to stay with friends for awhile, but they should be able to find a job and somewhere to live.

Something tells me the majority of these "kids" weren't really kicked out for one silly little thing. And that they probably won't be living on the streets and homeless.

 

[TheIncredibles!]

i have had so many stray 18-24 year olds brought home by my daughter (thats another story) i am wondering what is going on?

i ask these kids why their parents won't let them live at home ..." i caught my mom cheating on my dad" " i had my friend over and my mother doesn't like him" ...all seemingly mild problems. i am aware that there is probably more to the story.... but what?

these kids are going to wind up being a burden on society i would imagine.

i feed them, offer them a shower, ask them what their plans are for the future, tell them to apologize to their parents, whatever.

i just don't understand. what do parents think that their homeless child is going to do?

18-24 year olds are adults not children.

 

[Magic Mom]

I agee with the PP that said there is probably more to most of the stories. If my son is going to school and has a job and helps with chores, he can live here at 22, but if he isn't, then he can learn to live on his own.

 

[disneyhand]

i have had so many stray 18-24 year olds brought home by my daughter (thats another story) i am wondering what is going on?

i ask these kids why their parents won't let them live at home ..." i caught my mom cheating on my dad" " i had my friend over and my mother doesn't like him" ...all seemingly mild problems. i am aware that there is probably more to the story.... but what?

these kids are going to wind up being a burden on society i would imagine.

i feed them, offer them a shower, ask them what their plans are for the future, tell them to apologize to their parents, whatever.

i just don't understand. what do parents think that their homeless child is going to do?

I admit I have seen some young adults that have had a tuff home life and you are kind to worry. For the majority I bet that if many of them stayed with w/ you for about a week or more, you'd eventually want to kick them out too!

 

[minkydog]

18-24 years old? Assuming they are out of highschool, I would think the parents feel the now adult offspring can get a job and pay for their own housing

Sometimes you may be hearing the full story from the "stray" but mostly young adults are not going to tell you "I was constantly rude, refused to help around the house, did not try hard to find a job and ignored repeated warnings to shape up" even if THAT is closer to the the truth than "my mom didn't like my friend"). ...Parents should kick them out and quit enabling them to act like children.

Totally agree. We went through this very thing with DS24 last year--wouldn't get a job or do household chores, wanted to stay up all night playing video games, eating us out of house and home and never contributing to the household. He generally held us in contempt, even told us "Its your JOB to take care of me!" He was 23 at the time.

So when we held his feet to the fire he decided to move out. Fine, I hope it all works out for ya, son. He went straight to his then-16yo sister with his terrible tale of woe about how we threw him out and he had nowhere to go. She was distraught. He told all his friends and cousins the same sad story. I'm sure they thought we were terrible people, throwing him out on the street at 11pm without even a sandwich.

OP, I understand your altruism. But I would caution you to be careful not to stand in judgement of the parents of these young people. I have taken in a number of kids myself, but I always know that there is more to the story than they're telling me. I don't judge the kids or the parents. As long as they're keeping their nose clean in my house--no stealing, no drugs/alcohol, no "sleepovers", make you bed and clean up behind yourself--they're allowed to stay.But only after they have called their parents and I have personally spoken to them, just to let them know where their child is. I ask no questions and make no judgements.

ETA: Our DS, now 24, is doing well now. Has his own apartment, has a job, pays his own bills. I don't know that he would say he is grateful for the way it happened, but some kids have to do things the hard way. He has learned a lot about being a man this year.

 

[SaraJayne]

18-24 year olds are adults not children.

Yup, I agree.

If you aren't in school, working or helping out around the house, out on your own you go.

 

[RitaE]

The only reason I would throw my boys out would be drugs. Short of that, I would work with them.

For most of them I don't think the issue is the parents aren't willing to work with the kids. Its more that the kids aren't willing to work with the parents and the situation becomes unworkable. I mean, you can't ground a 23 year old man or take his iPOD away. Its really hard to parent an adult and if an adult in your house won't behave themselves the parents often have no choice but to say "Either this or leave."

There probably are some instances where the parents do horrible things, but on the whole I don't think many Moms and Dads enjoy telling a kid they have to leave the house.

 

[ilovejack02]

WELL, I have an answer for this . My DSS21 is a sweet sweet boy however, there was a time the "child" would not get off his butt . Would not go to school, not get a job and wanted to treat our home as a laundry mat and restaurant. No matter what we did nothing convinced him to change, we took the car, stopped giving him money, pleaded, cried, shouted, discussed , hugged etc... anything we could think of to get him moving.

Funny, nothing like Dad telling him it was time for his butt to find another couch to lay around on, for him to find the motivation to get a job, go to school and become a productive member of society .

He bounced back just fine, had to sleep on a few friends couches and even spent a few weeks at his Mom's house , which I am sure was painful, because he detests his stepfather. He is now working full time, has his own place with a cpl of friends and starting back school in January. Its tough and I know lots of peanut butter and jelly and ramen noodles are being eaten , but he is making it just fine.

He wanders over about once a week and asks for a home cooked meal, which I am happy to oblige , and there are always a few goodies waiting for him to take home with him . ; ) Gently kicking his little butt to the curb helped him tremendously . I cried for days when we did it, but in the end it has worked out well and we are all happier because of tough love.

 

[Big Cuddly Bear]

Well, let's see... my wife's nephew s slightly older than that, and was living at home... they just kicked him out after ( in no order ):

1. He forged his dad's name on a check... the bank caught him, but did not prosecute. Following that incident, the father beat the crap out of the son.

2. He stole his sister's credit card and used it

3. He's a drug addict

4. He crashed his car, and left it where he crashed it at 3AM... and walked home... the assumption was that he was drunk and didn't want police interviewing him.

5. He broke into his sister's house while she was on vacation and drank the whole keg of beer she had in her basement.

6. He broke out of a halfway house.

7. And he's verbally abusive to his mother.

Now, see, this is where if that were my kid, he would have been booted out of the house a few years ago.

 

[Acklander]

Some birds leave the nest on their own, some birds need nudging to go. The parents send them on their way, because it's their responsibility as parents to do so. If the 20 something is too comfortable where he/she is, then you end up with the adult living in his parent's basement unable to find his way in the real world. It can't be easy having to push your child out of the nest, and for many parents I'm sure it's one of the hardest things they've had to do as a parent. But, even though it's a heartbreaking thing to do, it's important. They're not doing them any favors by letting them sit home, unable to take the next step in becoming an independent person.

 

[eliza61]

18-24 year olds are adults not children.

hmmm. sorta, kinda, maybe if I squint my eyes agree. Sorry but the 18 year olds I work with in college are not what you see on tv. They do stupid things. they have beer keg parties, they speed without wearing seat belts.

I just don't know where these magical kids that when they hit 18 are suddenly fully functioning, making great decision adults are? Most 18 year olds in my college are working part time, miniumum wage jobs.
How is it on the Dis every one knows 19 year olds pulling down 60K jobs able to live on their own?
Where are they? the young adults I know barely make their insurance payment on the 4 year old clunker they own.

My 20 year old is a great kid, if I kicked him out today would he suddenly be able to "not" be a burden on society? NO. where is he suddenly going to get rent money from? I mean, these so called adults still have to eat? A h.s. graduate with no college degree on the east coast? unemployment at 10% and you guys all know 19 year olds who can live without financial support?

I totally agree that some kids have to go but to think all these kids on the street are just not "grown up" is an illusion, they very much end up as a burden to society.

 

[Acklander]

hmmm. sorta, kinda, maybe if I squint my eyes agree. Sorry but the 18 year olds I work with in college are not what you see on tv. They do stupid things. they have beer keg parties, they speed without wearing seat belts.

I just don't know where these magical kids that when they hit 18 are suddenly fully functioning, making great decision adults are? Most 18 year olds in my college are working part time, miniumum wage jobs.
How is it on the Dis every one knows 19 year olds pulling down 60K jobs able to live on their own?
Where are they? the young adults I know barely make their insurance payment on the 4 year old clunker they own.

When I was 18 years old, I shared a house with 6 other people (we all chipped in for rent and utilities), maybe combined we all made 60K???? Nope, we weren't responsible, we didn't have to be, we were late teens/early 20's. sometimes the phone worked, sometimes not. Sometimes the car worked, sometimes we hitched a ride. Sometimes we could afford to order pizza, sometimes we ate Raman noodles (but we always managed to have beer). I didn't know anyone who made good money (mostly min. wage jobs or tipped waitress jobs) but even though we lived pay check to paycheck we could usually scare up concert tickets, or a fun weekend road trip. Yeah, times were tough, but we had a blast and if I had to do it all over again, I'd do it the exact same way.

 

[Colleen27]

I personally wouldn't be so quick to assume it is all the child's fault; a lot of my friends who were kicked out at that age were reasonably good young adults. One got kicked out because her parents found her birth control pills in her room and decided she wasn't the sort of influence they wanted around her younger siblings. Another got the 'sink or swim' treatment because his parents were just ready to be done having kids at home; he was the youngest of four with a big age gap and they downsized to an adults-only community practically before the ink was dry on his high school diploma. Of course there were others that got kicked out for not doing anything more constructive than playing video games or acting like they were in a hotel complete with maid service and a personal chef, but it does go both ways - there are a lot of parents out there who feel their job ends with high school graduation (I think we forget that on the DIS and in middle class America in general, where college is seen as just as necessary as high schol) and others who just can't deal with the "adult" part of their children becoming "young adults".

 

[Colleen27]

Why would a 18-24 year old be a burden on society? Unless they are still in high school, they should be capable of taking care of themselves. They might need to stay with friends for awhile, but they should be able to find a job and somewhere to live.

I think the problem isn't the right now but the long run. The odds of a kid finishing college while also supporting himself fully are pretty slim, but the odds that he'll marry and have children are quite high. He probably wouldn't be a burden on society the week or month or year he's kicked out, but how about five or ten years down the road when he's got a wife and a kid or two and no skills to command a living wage?

 

[Tink888]

18-24 year olds are adults not children.

Agree with this and think that there are two sides to every story, the truth usually being somewhere in the middle.

 

[eliza61]

When I was 18 years old, I shared a house with 6 other people (we all chipped in for rent and utilities), maybe combined we all made 60K???? Nope, we weren't responsible, we didn't have to be, we were late teens/early 20's. sometimes the phone worked, sometimes not. Sometimes the car worked, sometimes we hitched a ride. Sometimes we could afford to order pizza, sometimes we ate Raman noodles (but we always managed to have beer). I didn't know anyone who made good money (mostly min. wage jobs or tipped waitress jobs) but even though we lived pay check to paycheck we could usually scare up concert tickets, or a fun weekend road trip. Yeah, times were tough, but we had a blast and if I had to do it all over again, I'd do it the exact same way.

That was me Ack, it's just I always hear on the dis about how "mature" these kids are supposed to be at 18-20 even 21.
I was a college student at University of Pittsburgh. I loved it, but the reality is if my parents had kicked me out, I would have sunk and sunk fast. Heck even after I graduated, I needed financial support for a time.
So they "sink or swim" method would have probably ended very tragically for me and I went to college in the 70's when life was decidely easier.
Like I said, I'm trying to imagine an 21 year old in NYC all of a sudden making an income to afford 900 a month to live. working at the movie theater sure is not going to do it. so the vast majority end up on the streets. 10% unemployment and "they should be able to get and job and live" would probably make a good soap opera story line but here on the great east coast, not so much.