What is your opinion?

[coolshannie]

There is a situation happening in my life that I'd love to hear opinions on. I'm stuck in the middle of this scenario, but am curious to see what others think as I know what I think... but haven't given an input because what was supposed to be an extremely fun trip has turned kind of into a nightmare.

Vanessa has four free tickets to a concert and can invite three friends to go with her (They are going out of state). She invites Ally, Bridget, and Tina and all three girls accept. A few days later Vanessa and Bridget are talking about the trip and realize that the concert is very close to Disneyland and it would be a lot of fun to spend a day there. Ally immediately agrees as well, but Tina is hesitant. She finally agrees. The girls are discussing the trip and the plans some more and realize it is a little silly to drive down for the concert, go to disney the next day, and drive back home the same night they are going to disneyland. Ally asks Vanessa if she thinks they should stay a second night, enjoy the park for the entire day and come back the next day in the morning; meaning they would stay a total of two nights and come back on the third day. Everyone agrees except Tina. The next day Tina tells Vanessa that she thinks they should just stay near the concert venue and come home the next day and skip Disney. The other three girls want to go to disney and stay the extra night.

How would you handle this situation? Is Vanessa in the wrong for wanting to stay and go to disney because she technically only originally invited Tina to go see the concert? Or is it Tina's decision whether or not she should stay or go because of the change in travel plans that everyone else is agreeing on?

 

[cornflake]

I was gonna take notes because this sounded like the thing about getting the chicken and the fox and the feed across the river but then it wasn't.

Heh. I don't really get the big deal - Tina just wants to go to the concert, Tina says she'll just go back afterwards. Everyone else wants to go, they go. It doesn't sound like anyone's peeved, what's the issue?

 

[NMAmy]

It doesn't sound like a big deal to me. Tina should stay near the concert venue and return home the next day while the others head on to Disneyland and spend an extra night there. No one is in the wrong that I can figure out.

 

[coolshannie]

I was gonna take notes because this sounded like the thing about getting the chicken and the fox and the feed across the river but then it wasn't.

Heh. I don't really get the big deal - Tina just wants to go to the concert, Tina says she'll just go back afterwards. Everyone else wants to go, they go. It doesn't sound like anyone's peeved, what's the issue?

The issue is they are taking one car, Vanessa's car. Tina wasn't open to the idea of driving to and from the concert alone. It's a couple of hours worth of driving that she has never driven before. Tina feels as though Vanessa invited her to the concert and she would like to go to the concert, but she does not want to stay an extra night to go to disneyland or drive back alone. Tina basically wants all of the girls to not go to disneyland or stay an extra night, and just go home the day after the concert.

 

[Michelle67]

If I'm reading it right, they all have to stay or they all have to go because they are driving down together, right?

While I don't think anybody is really "wrong", if it's Tina's car it's kinda her choice. What are her reasons? Perhaps Tina was hesitant because tickets to the park are not cheap and it was an expense she hadn't previously planned on. Adding a hotel and another day's worth of meals makes it that much more expensive, and maybe she just can't afford that.

 

[cornflake]

The issue is they are taking one car, Vanessa's car. Tina wasn't open to the idea of driving to and from the concert alone. It's a couple of hours worth of driving that she has never driven before. Tina feels as though Vanessa invited her to the concert and she would like to go to the concert, but she does not want to stay an extra night to go to disneyland or drive back alone. Tina basically wants all of the girls to not go to disneyland or stay an extra night, and just go home the day after the concert.

That changes things a lot.

Is there no other way to get home besides driving? Train?

You say Tina only kind of reluctantly agreed in the first place. I'd be very wary that it's a money thing - it's extra days that someone won't be working if they have a job, plus entry to Disney, hotel, food, etc.

I think I'd side with Tina in general, because it's not just like, a side trip to the movies but days of real expenses, but there's probably another way to get home.

 

[Michelle67]

Ooops, you posted while I was typing, and I see I had it a little mixed up. Not Tina's car, Tina was one of the extra invited girls.

Well...if it was me I would find out what Tina's issue with staying is. If it is the expense, maybe the other girls would be willing to help her with that. If not---either that isn't the issue or the other girls can't help---then I guess the other girls have to decide which is more important to them, having Tina along or going to the park and staying an extra night.

Honestly, everyone that knows me knows that if you get me as far south as San Francisco, I'm GOING TO DISNEYLAND! So for me, it wouldn't be that hard to say "OK, sorry, but I must do it and if you don't want to I understand, maybe we can catch another concert together some other time."

Best wishes with the situation. I can see where someone is inevitably going to be disappointed here.

 

[coolshannie]

Money isn't the problem. She didn't want the trip to be to high in price, but staying the extra night that caused the problem was a difference of $30 a person. (The other three girls had offered to pitch in to pay for her second night as we thought perhaps it was a money issue as well.) Not to mention that the hotel Tina wants to stay at by the concert venue instead is much more pricey. It's not equal to the amount of a disney ticket and hotel, but it's not a huge difference.

She would not be pulled away from work. For those of us still in college, classes start the next week, so it does not pull her away from school work either.

She was saying that she needed to get back home to get ready for school. She had already agreed to go to Disneyland and come back that same night. So really her disagreement was staying an extra night to come back the next morning, as opposed to being home around 10 or 11 p.m. the day before.

The only other form of transportation home would be to fly back.

 

[cornflake]

Well just because she said it's not about money doesn't necessarily mean it isn't, if you know what I mean. And while I think it's nice of the other girls to offer to cover her extra night, a lot of people are uncomfortable with that.

However, it kind of sounds like y'all had plans and she was on board - nice hotel near the venue, concert and home. Then you guys decided to change them - go to Disney, change the hotel - and she reluctantly agreed. It's when y'all decided to change the plans a second time - stay over another night - that she said it was really too much, yes?

In which case I think I'm still on her side. It was one thing and became another. How about compromising back to staying just the one day and leaving at night like you'd planned? Tina may still not want to - maybe she had plans, even just of her own or with her family at home, for what she was going to do and now it's three days basically instead of one.

Generally, I tend to think the original plans or agreements should take precedence. Sortof like if you'd agreed to go to the concert and split expenses and then someone asked you to something better on the same night. You'd be kind of jerky if you ditched the original plans for something else, even if it was better.

 

[Darcy03231]

I think Tina needs to decide if she wants to go with the new plans or stay home. Three want to go on an extended trip and one doesn't. Majority rules.

 

[Andtototoo]

Sounds to me as though the group did a bait and switch on Tina -- who you say was the original invitee:

Let's do A. Yeah!

Wait. now let's do A+B.

Wait, again. Now let's do A+B+C. And if you don't agree to C+B, then you don't get to do A, loser.

I think the original plans to which everyone agreed initially at the outset of the invitation should hold precedence.

 

[Nancyg56]

I feel badly for Tina. She was invited to a concert and then was asked to extend the event for a Disneyland visit. She was not enthusiastic but agreed. Now the trip is extended one more day and she does not want that but if she disagrees........Bad Tina!

Tina needs to come home instead of staying the second night. It does not matter why. If the trip was originally presented as a three day trip with one day at the concert and two days visiting DL I bet she would have declined. The girl agreed to one more night so I think the other three need to be gracious.

 

[aprilgail2]

I think Tina should either find another way home if she really wants to get home or just not go at all. Tina is outvoted so she can either suck it up and go or just stay home.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Tina should bow out of the trip. Yes it stinks the plans changed however these are free concert tickets that were offered to her.

My answer would be different if Tina paid for her ticket in advance.

 

[anniemae]

I think Tina is in a bad spot. She agreed to a plan and now it has changed and she wants to do the original plan. The fact that she is outnumbered puts her at a disadvantage and now she either has to suck it up and do the extended nights, or not go at all.

If I were Tina, I would just back out entirely. If I did not want to do the extended plan (does not matter why), then I would not expect the other 3 to give up the DL trip just for me.

 

[luvsJack]

I would invite everyone over for lunch (or out to lunch) and then have a group discussion of what to do. Letting everyone give their whys and why nots of not wanting or wanting to do either plan.

Maybe there is another solution that the four of you haven't thought of yet.

 

[LuvOrlando]

I think Tina sounds like a wet blanket and really should tell everyone something came up and back out instead of ruining 3 other people's fun. Maybe another 4th girl will be willing to go along with the group, being flexible is part of being in a group & it you aren't willing to bend for the hostess when you are being given a free ticket then the trip just isn't a good fit. Personally, I wouldn't dare to try and change plans on someone being so generous. If there were no limits on my time I'd suck it up and hang out at the hotel with a book and a smile on my face instead of visiting WDL. One person vs 3 means either bend or get out of the way.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Tina has the right to stay longer or cut the trip short, if it were only one other girl going, I might say they should stick to original plans, but if everyone except Tina wants to stay longer I think Tina should find other transportation home (as long as this is discussed beforehand, which it is being) or decide she'd rather not go at all.

 

[Liberty Belle]

The issue is they are taking one car, Vanessa's car. Tina wasn't open to the idea of driving to and from the concert alone. It's a couple of hours worth of driving that she has never driven before. Tina feels as though Vanessa invited her to the concert and she would like to go to the concert, but she does not want to stay an extra night to go to disneyland or drive back alone. Tina basically wants all of the girls to not go to disneyland or stay an extra night, and just go home the day after the concert.

I can see where Tina would be disappointed, but...sometimes plans change. And we're not talking about just two people.

Is there a good reason Tina can't stay longer? Work? Money?

 

[pyrxtc]

I think Tina is in a bad spot. She agreed to a plan and now it has changed and she wants to do the original plan. The fact that she is outnumbered puts her at a disadvantage and now she either has to suck it up and do the extended nights, or not go at all.

If I were Tina, I would just back out entirely. If I did not want to do the extended plan (does not matter why), then I would not expect the other 3 to give up the DL trip just for me.

I agree with this. She was offered a free ticket to a concert by a friend. Friend and more friends decided not to waste the drive and have some more fun while they were there. Unless she has something going on at 11 pm the night after Disneyland then what is the difference if they decide to come home early the next morning. If they get up early enough, they could be home by 7 am and still have the whole day in front of them.

If Tina doesn't want to go, she should let veronica know that she can't make this trip so they can find someone else to use the 4th ticket.