What is your opinion on this?

[CindysGusGus]

In my area there was an accident several months ago that killed a 17 yo boy. He was thrown from the vehicle and died on the side yard of a lady's property. In VA its extremely popular (im not sure if its just VA) to mark someones death location with a cross or some type of memorial. So the family put a cross up in rememberance. The family kept noticing that the cross was up and thrown into the middle of the street (45 MPH zone). It comes to find out that the lady whose property they were placing the cross on is Athiest and does not want this on her property. They had never gotten permission to do so.
So in retalition (strong word but couldnt think of another) the family would drive by at night and throw a red rose into her side yard. Again, the woman would get mad and there have been witnesses to her stomping on the rose in the middle of the street.
My opinion is this: The woman, however mean she is, has the right to remove anything placed on her property. I feel for the family but it is her right. Is it right morally? I dont think anyone should be subjected to having a memorial set up in their yard. I wouldnt want a constant reminder that someone died on my property. Again I have all sympathies for the family but would ask that they remember him in a different way that didnt include me. My friend and I had different opinions on this as she said she would let the family set up a shrine in her yard if they wished.
What is your opinion, what would you do?

 

[grinningghost]

I don't think anyone should be forced to have a memorial on their property, but if it happened in front of my house, I would leave it alone. The death was tragic and if that's what the family needs to make them feel better, I wouldn't have a problem with it.

And the religion wouldn't matter either - whatever symbol they use would be OK.

 

[liznboys]

Wow, I totally think it's that woman's right not to have a cross in her yard! Seems obvious to me! Maybe they could set up a memorial down the road a bit off of her property?

 

[Lanshark]

It's her right not to have a shrine/memorial set up in her yard. I am confused as to why the family is insisting on this when it's obvious this woman does not want this on her property.

 

[monkeyboy]

Couldn't thay just visit the grave?

It's the woman's private property

 

[HollyJoy]

I think it was wrong of the family to build a memorial on someone elses property w/out permission. I can fully understand why they did so, but still you need to ask permission.

 

[Hillbeans]

Though I understand why the family who lost their child wants a memorial set up, i'd not want one on my private property. I'd not want to see that every day on my lawn. They should set up a memorial on their own property or the gravesite.

 

[phorsenuf]

Gotta agree with the lady on this one. I personally don't like seeing those crosses around. Never did. I'm sorry somebody died, but why mark the spot? What does it really do? I could never understand this. There is a gravesite, if you want to put up rememberances go there.
I'm sorry if this seems harsh, but I hate taking a nice road trip and seeing the side of the road marked with crosses. Kinda depressing. I really don't need to know somebody died there. Do people put up crosses at their homes if someone should die there? What about at hospitals? Why leave them on the sides of the road?
Putting one on private property and then going back to constantly replace it is childish. Obviously the women doesn't want it on her property. The family needs to respect her rights. Why torment themselves any further anyway by getting into a pissing match with the homeowner. Wouldn't that just make things worse for the family.
I'm sorry the family (or any family for that matter) lost a loved one. It is hard. Been there, done that, by why make things worse for themselves.
I'm sure I'm gonna get flamed for not agreeing with the whole cross thing in general, but hey, we all have different opinions in life!

 

[Eeyore1954]

ITA with Hillbeans. The family had no right to set up anything on this woman's private property. Throwing a red rose on her property seems to come close to harassment. I think they could have asked first -- at least.

 

[#1Mouse]

They do the same thing around here and I don't understand why anyone would want to memorialize the site your loved one died at! What a great thought everytime you drive by that site - "OH that's where xxxx died" Wouldn't it be more comforting to plant a tree in the persons honor. Or how about visiting the grave site.

I would prefer to honor my loved ones life - not the spot where they died.

The lady has every right (religion based or not) to take anything down that is on her property. Has the boys family even thought for a minute that the lady might be having a hard time dealing with the fact that someone died in her yard?

Gail

 

[CajunDixie]

Accidents ending in death are tragic yet I'm so sick of seeing all these crosses all over along the roadways. It's one thing to maybe put a cross at the site and let people place flowers around it for a week or so but after that get rid of the mess. Cemeteries are the place for mourning.....not our roads and streets. If this keeps up every intersection, road, and street will have these memorials. How depressing is that? I'm not an Athiest but I wouldnt want a memorial on my property either.

 

[RachelEllen]

You're not exagerating. We just got back from Greece where both the driving is more dangerous and the memorials are more common. Without exagerating, there is a memorial at least every 100 yards. They are elaborate affairs that look something like a newspaper dispenser often with icons and oil lamps inside. We saw well over 100 each day of driving.

Rachel

 

[~*Belle 2003*~]

I think building a small memorial on someone's elses property is quite ridiculous. I'm with the woman on this one too - it's HER property, not theirs!

It's a common sight in Spain to see small shrines on the side of the roads, especially up in the hills where the roads are notoriously winding and a little dangerous. When someone gets killed in England, from a car accident, you often see flowers laying on the spot or nearby but that's all. It's usually only left immediately after the accident and sometimes people lay them on anniversaries.

The "rose throwing" family sound as if they have no manners and are completely ignorant IMO.

 

[Rollwithit]

I can see how the woman wouldn't want the memorial on her property, but I also believe there's a part of her yard right along the street that doesn't actually belong to her, it belongs to the city.

Tough spot to be in.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I would not want it on my property. That is ridiculous. Ok on the side of the highway or public property, sure, but not in my yard!

 

[phorsenuf]

Originally posted by Rollwithit
but I also believe there's a part of her yard right along the street that doesn't actually belong to her, it belongs to the city.

Depending on where you live the zoning is different. For instance I happened to look at Hamilton, VA (that's what showed up first on my search) and if you measure 50 feet from the center line towards the property, that's what the town "owns", after that it is private property.
Of course it depends too if its a town road, county road, city road or state road. They can all differ. I learned this back when we had a business and needed to put up a sign on our property.
Regardless, they have no right to place it on a town road either. Technically, I would think you would need a permit to do that. I know nobody enforces it because I'm sure nobody wants to be that town that denied crosses. Bad PR.

 

[Desiree]

I do agree with the majority. The family should have asked permission first. If the lady said no, just drop it and plan a memorial elsewhere.

On a side note, we do have a cross set up where my grandfather was killed but it's on a Highway in Florida and it's nowhere near anyone's property.

 

[Chattyaholic]

It's popular here, too, to put crosses with flowers, etc. at the site where someone died in an auto accident. It doesn't bother me to see them at roadsides, but I really wouldn't want one in my yard. It would be a pain to mow around, plus I wouldn't want to see it every time I was outside, or looking out my window. I think it's completely out of line for that family to be upset at the woman for not wanting their shrine in her yard. It's her yard. She has every right not to have it there. And shame on them for not even asking permission first!!

 

[Microcell]

Originally posted by monkeyboy
Couldn't thay just visit the grave?

It's the woman's private property

Yep! On highways I guess it isn't hurting anybody, but someone's yard?

 

[Sandy V.]

I also agree with the majority - it's private property and the woman has every right to remove the cross. Seems mean-spirited though, to throw it into the street.

The fact that they didn't ask for permission to erect it in the first place bothers me.

My dad died in a car accident in an intersection collision when I was nine. We didn't place a memorial there - it wasn't "done" back then anyway. I had enough difficulty traveling through that area (which I had to several times a week) without being reminded of it every time I did. But I do understand that people have different ways of working through their grief - though they needed to be considerate of all concerned when they decided to do this. I don't think the family was in this instance.