What is with the trend toward extravagant weddings

[pigletgirl]

*guilty*....*runs away*

 

[AKL_Megs]

A family member recently had a FOUR day wedding.

It all started Thursday on the other side of the state with a BBQ. Friday was the wedding, followed by cocktails and snacks, followed by a fancy dinner. Saturday was the reception on the other side of the state. We had an even fancier dinner with FOUR cakes and cupcakes and ice cream. Sunday was a picnic at the zoo. By day four, everyone wanted to kill everyone.

At our wedding, we had Pub Mix on the table that people could enjoy with a cocktail while they waited for the ceremony to begin, a Costco sheet cake, brownies, and a delicious buffet. It was over in about three hours, and DH and I still love each other more than anything.

 

[eliza61]

It seems in the last 5 years or so weddings have turned into events with expensive engraved invites for everything from the bachlorette party to the engagement party to the rehearsal supper, over the top decorations for the church and reception hall, gifts for everyone. I just don't understand it. Went to one last year for a co worker. I also work with her mother. They spent a fortune that they did not have to put on this show. It was beautiful and the food was great but come on, so many favors and treats at the reception, ranglers for the 20 or children that participated in the wedding, etc. We are going to another later this summer where they are spending about $150 a head for the reception. These are from very modest income parents. It seems a wedding has turned into a one upsman kind of thing. Sort of a keeping up with the Joneses but before you even buy the house. If Julie has a $300 rose covered cross then Becky has to have 4 of them. What are people thinking?

It is called "keeping up with the Joneses". My family is in the middle of this nonsense.
The problem I've been having is not only do they want these extravagent weddings they can't afford they expect every one else to chip in to make it a reality.

I had a family member last summer pitch a fit because she wanted a $5,000 wedding cake. and had the nerve to ask people to give her cash so she could afford it.

 

[onelilspark]

Right now, a lot of my friends are getting married, the past couple years, this year and the next couple are filled with weddings. I don't see what the OP is discribing. Nice weddings, sure, but definitely not over the top. So I wouldn't say it's a trend necessarily. You see over the top weddings on TV because well, watching a plain, nice wedding would be boring, wouldn't it? Plus, it really doesn't take a lot of money to add special touches to the wedding. The majority of my friend's invitations are being printed by themselves on themed cardstock. Looks nice, doesn't cost a fortune.

 

[Jennasis]

Ugh. not this again.

It's either the folks bashing those who do a wedding simple, or those bshing the ones who spent a lot of money. You really can't win.

Do the couple a favor and keep your judgemental selves home that night. Just decline the invite.

There is no new trend to this. I spent $25K (of my own money) on my first wedding back in 1999. My sister spent close to $40K on her first.

On my second wedding, DH and I spent a total of $3k for a lovely BBQ on our farm for friends and family.

Both parties were outstanding and the "talk of the town".

 

[stevenpensacola]

With today's divorce rates, spending big bucks on a wedding ceremony is a pretty risky "investment"

that's all I'm sayin'...

A marriage is NOT about the ceremony.

now I'm done.

 

[msjprincess]

ITA with the original post.

Whatever happened to just having peanuts, mints, and punch on a table in the middle of the room? Plus, you're gonna get some cake too.

I blame tv and the movies.

Great posts

"We both believe that getting married is about beginning a life together, not having a wedding."

this one also

"I woulds rather that kind of money go towards my house or something a long term them that will benefit us for years to come and not just one day."

With today's divorce rates, spending big bucks on a wedding ceremony is a pretty risky "investment"

I'm almost 50 and I've never been to a wedding like that.

 

[eliza61]

Ugh. not this again.

It's either the folks bashing those who do a wedding simple, or those bshing the ones who spent a lot of money. You really can't win.

Do the couple a favor and keep your judgemental selves home that night. Just decline the invite.

There is no new trend to this. I spent $25K (of my own money) on my first wedding back in 1999. My sister spent close to $40K on her first.On my second wedding, DH and I spent a total of $3k for a lovely BBQ on our farm for friends and family.

Both parties were outstanding and the "talk of the town".

's

And that's the difference. You spent you're own money. The trend I'm seeing more and more is folks wanting major 100K celebrations on some one elses dime.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

's

And that's the difference. You spent you're own money. The trend I'm seeing more and more is folks wanting major 100K celebrations on some one elses dime.

I have never seen or heard of that, though I am sure that it happens. I know of a few people that borrowed money for their wedding, but no more than they could pay back with wedding gifts.

 

[stevenpensacola]

I'm almost 50 and I've never been to a wedding like that.

Oh...I forgot...If it was really fancy, there'd be meatballs. If you really wanted to show off, you'd have cocktail sausages in a crockpot.

There might be chairs around the room to sit in, but no tables...

 

[loveadobie]

I think if couple wants large, extravagant wedding larger than families reasonably can afford, that the couple should
pay the difference.

 

[NHdisneylover]

So yesterday we had an OP basically saying that it is not as a big of a deal to know show for a cheap wedding as for an expensive wedding and now we have an OP complaining about the expensive weddings--a couple just can't win now can they

FWIW I agree for the most part with the OP. Huge extravagant weddings generally strike me as too impersonal and too much for show and, if they involve the couple or their family going into debt I think that is a terrible start to a marriage--but some people can afford them and do do them because it is what they love and not to show off and I say more power to them.

 

[Buckalew11]

I think it is fine if you can afford it. But if you have to steal money from the school's concession stand, then don't have one.

Yep, that happened around here...the principal. For his daughter's wedding. Trying to impress the who's who in town, I guess. Can you imagine being the bride and knowing your dad did that for your wedding. That'd be awful. Very crazy thing to do--sad, really.

BTW, I went to the most lovely wedding on Memorial Day weekend that was very nice but simple. It was the nicest wedding I've ever attended. Funniest thing is...it was probably 95% planned by the groom. He did a great job!!

 

[eliza61]

I have never seen or heard of that, though I am sure that it happens. I know of a few people that borrowed money for their wedding, but no more than they could pay back with wedding gifts.

Man DBF,
come on down to Philly. I went to a Bridal shower (and I've heard this is popular) where they do a money dance. Basically, one person puts on an apron then holds the apron out while dancing around the floor. Guest are encouraged to "throw" money into the apron to help the Bride either start her new life or pay for her honeymoon.
We've also seen a trend to getting "coporate" sponsers for receptions. So a florist will give a discount or throw in the flowers for free, if they can place a "discreet" ad some where on the table that will say "Flowers by Anne"

I am no longer shocked.

 

[Acklander]

I've been to a very simple wedding of just the couple and a justice of the peace (my own) all the way up to one of the 4 day extravaganza type weddings (dh's cousin) . If that's how you want to spend your money, great - it's your money, not mine. I can respect the fact that other couples have different priorities than me. Nothing wrong with that.

 

[krcit]

I think this is a regional thing. I live on Long Island and have only been to 1 wedding (out of probably 50?60?) that was not in a catering hall. I got married 16 years ago and the reception was held in a Knights of Columbus hall. I think it was about $65 a plate then and that was very reasonable price. DH and I paid for the whole thing ourselves and while it was very nice, looking back I would rather have had that 30K in the bank but hindsight is 20/20. BTW, there was absolutely no 'keeping up with the Jones' involved. I had a DJ because a band was twice the price, no favors b/c they were too expensive, stuck with the basic flowers and cake.

I will say I cannot stand those shows like Bridzillas. The sense of entitlement those spoiled brats have makes me sick. They all probably had ridiculous sweet 16 parties too.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Man DBF,
come on down to Philly. I went to a Bridal shower (and I've heard this is popular) where they do a money dance. Basically, one person puts on an apron then holds the apron out while dancing around the floor. Guest are encouraged to "throw" money into the apron to help the Bride either start her new life or pay for her honeymoon.
We've also seen a trend to getting "coporate" sponsers for receptions. So a florist will give a discount or throw in the flowers for free, if they can place a "discreet" ad some where on the table that will say "Flowers by Anne"

I am no longer shocked.

LOL, haven't seen it, but at least they are not ruining anyone else's life to do it this way. But this is pretty amusing.

 

[Aisling]

Whatever happened to just having peanuts, mints, and punch on a table in the middle of the room? Plus, you're gonna get some cake too.

Not to sound like a wedding-snob, but this is definitely NOT the kind of wedding I would have wanted or had!

"We both believe that getting married is about beginning a life together, not having a wedding."

Getting married, for me, is about beginning a life together AND having a big party!

"I woulds rather that kind of money go towards my house or something a long term them that will benefit us for years to come and not just one day."

That one day was worth every $$$$$ spent. But I understand your point. I'd still do it again the same way.


Keep in mind, not everyone who has an extravagant wedding goes into debt or can't afford it. It's easy to look at a big wedding and judge the people for wasting money, and to me that's wrong.

 

[Mkrop]

Man DBF,
come on down to Philly. I went to a Bridal shower (and I've heard this is popular) where they do a money dance. Basically, one person puts on an apron then holds the apron out while dancing around the floor. Guest are encouraged to "throw" money into the apron to help the Bride either start her new life or pay for her honeymoon.
We've also seen a trend to getting "coporate" sponsers for receptions. So a florist will give a discount or throw in the flowers for free, if they can place a "discreet" ad some where on the table that will say "Flowers by Anne"

I am no longer shocked.

I have been to tons of Philly weddings and have never seen this

The only time I EVER saw a money dance was in Scranton PA (NE PA) at my BIL's wedding, when my SIL actually did this I was quite shocked. I had never seen a money dance before.

My brother just got married, the only people who contributed were the couple, her parents and my mom. A groomsmen gave them wedding invitations as his gift because he is a graphic artist.

I got married 15 years ago this Nov and weddings have always been a big deal. A big party for family and friends. We dance and have a blast. I dont think we left the dance for long at my brother's wedding.

To each their own.

 

[MIGrandma]

I think if a couple (or their parents) can afford it and that's the type of wedding they want, and they don't go into debt for it, what's the harm? If you're not paying for it, why should it bother you?

Now when people go several thousand dollars into debt (like the one person that took 10 years to pay it off ) that's different.

Most weddings that DH and I have been to have not been hugely extravagant. Some have been large, but very nice, nothing overboard. Maybe it's the area, or the fact that we don't have any super rich friends.

When DH and I got married it was still normal to just have cake, ice cream, punch and coffee (and yes, the peanuts and mints at the tables!). My parents paid for my dress and the wedding cake, DH and I paid for everything else ourselves. We could have had a fancier wedding, but we chose to buy furniture for our new home instead. The wedding is not the "destination", the marriage is.