What is this parent thinking!! UGH!

[tiggerlover]

I took DS trick or treating tonight and we ran into our neighbor so they tagged along with us. As we were walking around we got to talking about school and a project that our kids had due tomorrow. My neighbor said, "darn, I knew I forgot something, I guess I will be working on this tonight so DD can hand it in tomorrow." I didn't say anything, but boy did this steam me! Later on when the kids came back her DD mentioned that her mom would be working on her project tonight and I said to her, why would your mom work on it, she isn't the one getting a grade, I told her that she would get the zero and not her mom, but she said my mom better do it, she forgot to remind me to do it.

I just can't believe parents, what do they think they are teaching their kids by completing their kids homework.

 

[grinningghost]

I agree with you. Doing your kid's homework is a bad idea. Although I do admit to helping DD out quite a bit in first grade. Her teacher was nutty about giving them homework - in first grade! I can remember DD and I coloring papers until 10:00 at night for homework. I would have to color out of the lines and make it look like a first grader did it.

I really thought that teacher should have been teaching college.

 

[Regina]

I had a friend/neighbor like this. She did all of her son's work, even through high school. He graduated by the skin of his teeth, and is a worthless lump now.

It's so sad. They think that they're helping the kid and all that they're teaching them is to be irresponsible.

 

[aprilgail2]

Originally posted by grinningghost
I agree with you. Doing your kid's homework is a bad idea. Although I do admit to helping DD out quite a bit in first grade. Her teacher was nutty about giving them homework - in first grade! I can remember DD and I coloring papers until 10:00 at night for homework. I would have to color out of the lines and make it look like a first grader did it.

I help my daughter out all the time with useless busy type homework like coloring....it burns me when she comes home with a ditto to color along with the rest of her homework....so I just scribble on it with her until its done. I am very anti homework to begin with so it doesn't help when she comes home with busy work. Let the teacher give them that in school if she wants to keep them busy, we have enough things oging on after school that we don't need busy work..if she wants to send home a writing ditto or spelling fine but coloring..don't bother me with it!

 

[geffric]

I agree with dvcreg .. What is the child learning?

Surely the teacher knows when the parent does the work vs the child...

our school used to have projects that the kids did at home and then they were shown off at open house... many of the parents (who believed that the child needed to do their own project ) were amazed at the " professionalism " of some of the projects.. I had asked the teacher about is and they are very aware that the kids didn;t do it.. Our school has stopped this and now the kids are required to do their projects at school.. so they it is their work...

 

[grinningghost]

Originally posted by geffric
I agree with dvcreg .. What is the child learning?

Surely the teacher knows when the parent does the work vs the child...

our school used to have projects that the kids did at home and then they were shown off at open house... many of the parents (who believed that the child needed to do their own project ) were amazed at the " professionalism " of some of the projects.. I had asked the teacher about is and they are very aware that the kids didn;t do it.. Our school has stopped this and now the kids are required to do their projects at school.. so they it is their work...

I can relate. When DD was in 3rd grade, they were supposed to build an Indian village. They displayed all of them for Open House and it was pretty clear which ones were NOT done by 3rd graders. There was one kid who had his Engineer father build his longhouse. It looked like something you would see in a museum exhibit.

 

[CEDmom]

That's setting a really bad precedent. What happens when the child gets into the upper grades and her mom can no longer whip together a project in 20 minutes?

DD is only in kindergarten and while I help her with her homework I don't do any part of it for her. Even at 5 she understands what consequences are. I can tell you one thing she wouldn't be out trick or treating with a project not yet done.

 

[monarchsfan16]

Here's the other thing. If the parent does all the homework for the kid, or has to constantly remind them to do stuff, how will they manage to pass the tests when they get older, and that's suddenly the major part of the grade? How will they have the responsibility to take the initiative to get started?

My mom has always helped me with my homework. But she helps from the standpoint of proofreading my essays and papers. Last year, I'll admit she helped me more than that with a bio project. But it was matching up "chromosomes" (tiny photographed sticks with patterns on them) and gluing them down. I never would have gotten it finished with the amount of work I had, and I was having a real hard time emotionally, with family stuff going on. I was working on it too though. There's a big difference. I think at one time (from what I've seen with my friends and their projects) every kid has a parent who helps out a lot with at least one or two projects. But they shouldn't be doing them for the kid.

My aunt does my cousin's homework for her. Guess who is a freshman and now struggling greatly because having the answers right on the homework isn't enough to get an A in the classes anymore. This will come back to bite that kid in the butt someday.

 

[Kallison]

When DD was in 3rd grade she got a project to do a shadowbox of a scene from the book they were reading. She completely designed and made the entire thing, found the materials around the house -- made stars out of foil and taped them on a string to look like the sky, found pillow stuffing to make clouds. I did not lift a finger. The night before it was due she came home ripped the whole thing apart and threw it in the trash. Seems the kids were bringing theirs in early and they were these elaborate set ups with miniature hand bought furniture and things turning and lights going on. Nothing the kids could have possibly made on their own. She cried and said hers was garbage. I explained that the moms and dads probably made the other ones -- she was just flabbergasted........why would they do that? So we put hers back together, and wouldn't you know it, the teacher gave her a B and the other elaborate ones got A's. A good lesson to teach her huh? I wrote a note and told the teacher that it was 100 percent her own 8 year old work. I never liked that teacher that much!

 

[KimRaye]

Originally posted by geffric
Our school has stopped this and now the kids are required to do their projects at school.. so they it is their work...

Very good idea!

 

[tiggerlover]

Originally posted by Kallison
When DD was in 3rd grade she got a project to do a shadowbox of a scene from the book they were reading. She completely designed and made the entire thing, found the materials around the house -- made stars out of foil and taped them on a string to look like the sky, found pillow stuffing to make clouds. I did not lift a finger. The night before it was due she came home ripped the whole thing apart and threw it in the trash. Seems the kids were bringing theirs in early and they were these elaborate set ups with miniature hand bought furniture and things turning and lights going on. Nothing the kids could have possibly made on their own. She cried and said hers was garbage. I explained that the moms and dads probably made the other ones -- she was just flabbergasted........why would they do that? So we put hers back together, and wouldn't you know it, the teacher gave her a B and the other elaborate ones got A's. A good lesson to teach her huh? I wrote a note and told the teacher that it was 100 percent her own 8 year old work. I never liked that teacher that much!

Wow, I was surprised to read the ending of this one! I think you taught your DD a great lesson even though the teachers grading didn't back you up.

I have to admit, I do help DS with his homework sometimes, but I never do it for him. What I mean by this is I always go over his homework after he is done and if he did something wrong I will show him which problem is wrong and then together we will discuss it. I will find out why he came up with the answer he did and then explain to him (without doing the work) how he should have gone about doing it to get the right answer. And recently with his book report he was stumped so what we did was get the book out and re-read sections together so that he could come up with more ideas. I think teachers (for the most part) know when a student does his own work or if a parent does it for them, and in that case I think the teacher should call the parents on it....but then againif they did the homework and passed it off as their kids they may just deny helping anyway.

 

[RitaZ.]

Originally posted by dvcreg
They think that they're helping the kid and all that they're teaching them is to be irresponsible.

Not only that, but the parents also send their child the message that he/she isn't capable of completing the work, coming up with an idea on his/her own or that their work simply isn't "good enough".

Last year, my younger DS had to come up with an original invention for a class project; he was in 2nd grade. He came up with his own idea and designed the prototype all by himself with Legos, it was a "Lego Picker-Upper" (BTW, it would be great to have one of those in real life to pick up Legos). Anyway, when we went to his class for Academic Night, all the inventions were being displayed. There was one other "invention" that was obviously kid-made, you should have seen the rest. Fortunately, grades aren't given in 2nd grade.

You'd be surprised at the number of parents that do this for their kids. All you have to do is go to school and look at the projects "made by the students", and it's obvious they were made by adults. Amazingly, those projects usually earn high grades.

 

[ksjayhawks]

My son's school has assigned a lot of what we parents refer to as "parent projects". These are the assignments that are to be done at home in a short amount of time with requirements that no child is able to do on their own!

I have noticed that many of these projects that my ds had to do in lower grades (he's in 6th now) have been revised or are being done at school--in groups sometimes. This is much better for the kids.

 

[miste76]

I was one of those bratty kids. My parents did every big project and a lot of the smaller work also. The work that they didn't do, often didn't get turned in.
I'm about 20 months away from earning a doctorates degree now, but I do struggle sometimes. I was lucky enough that I didn't need to study much through highschool and undergrad... but now, I procrastinate (bad) and don't really know how to study effectively.
Let's hope these parents are doing enough other things right that these kids will be alright!

 

[disykat]

I have to kind of laugh at this post because I am usually VERY adamant that the kid's do their own work. I am there to help or be a sounding board only.

However, I spent a great deal of the afternoon helping my 6th grader with his homework - and,yes, I was actually coloring etc. right along with him. His teacher sent home a 22 page (yes, I said 22 page) packet of Halloween mazes, puzzles, coloring pages, and worksheets that she expects to be done. She told them it would be fun and that she expected it to be done and done well - no recess etc. if it isn't just the same as any other homework. My son worked with me at a carnival at his school Friday night, helped me make cupcakes etc. for the carnival at church tonight on Saturday, and spent today at church, then setting up and working the carnival at church tonight. In between these activities he has spent probably 3 1/2 - 4 hours on his packet and is at it again now. Dh is currently helping him because this one worksheet has me stumped - it is a very elaborate problem solving exercise that we might have had fun with had it been the ONLY homework.

He has a project he's working on - writing a piece of music for the PTA Reflections contest that is due on Friday. He has been unable to fit in working on it. He was also going to enter the Patriot's Pen writing contest (due tomorrow) put on by the VFW but he hasn't been able to finish proof reading etc. because he insists he has to have his homework done. He is giving up worthwhile projects that he was very excited about to do his Halloween packet!

Life isn't always fair and he has to learn that, but this one has me really irritated. This same teacher gives them lectures about how they should be in a sport etc. because they need to learn how to balance their lives - all the while piling them with unrealistic homework. My son loves to play basketball but refuses to join a team because he worries he won't get his homework done. My son is one of the "smart kids" - it really makes me wonder how the kids who have a harder time academically do.

Sorry for the long post - can you tell I'm irritated?

 

[gr8tpanther]

I very rarely help my kids with homework, heck, I don't even ask them their spelling words for their tests, I make them write them and write them and write them until they KNOW them! They hate it, but I have proven to them that it works!

I did help my DD with her presentation a few weeks ago, but that is because I won't let her use my computer and hers is broke (which is WHY I won't let her use mine!)

 

[N.Bailey]

disykat,
I really do understand what you're saying. Both of my children are in 7th grade this year, but 6th grade was the most difficult where homework was concerned. I'm so thankful we made it through!!

I'm a little upset myself tonight. My kids for language arts homework had to draw a picture of something that represented evil (the devil is what they both chose, my daughter choosing a cartoon type symbol while my son chose something more dramatic) and then they had to draw something to represent hope. My daughter drew a picture of an angel holding a sign that said, "LOVE," and my son drew a cross with Christ on it. Then, because they're studying mythology, they each had to choose a figure to draw too. My daughter drew Pegasus and my son chose Medusa (very difficult to draw, lemmie tell ya! LOL).

Now, this is a language arts class, where this teacher gives NO spelling tests, and refuses to teach parts of speech because she says these kids should already know all that.

As stated, they are both in 7th grade now and neither one of them has had an art class since 5th grade, but this particular language arts teacher CONSTANTLY makes these kids draw these types of pictures (and my kids can both draw better than I can) instead of teaching them something they might actually use in life.

Some may agree with her teaching methods, but I'm not at all happy and I plan on discussing it in an upcoming parent/teacher conference. This is hours and hours spent on what I consider nonsense. If it were art class, I'd see the point, but it's not!

 

[Pooh's Pal]

Originally posted by monarchsfan16
My aunt does my cousin's homework for her. Guess who is a freshman and now struggling greatly because having the answers right on the homework isn't enough to get an A in the classes anymore. This will come back to bite that kid in the butt someday.

Funny I should read this post tonight, my DD made a surprise visit home from college this weekend for my birthday. We went out to dinner Saturday night & she was chatting about her roommate & said how she calls home everyday and asks for help on all of her school work! These are college freshman! DD told me her roommate is not doing well at all...really struggling through, getting good grades on her papers(probably the ones she gets help with!) but failing her in class exams! A perfect example to what happens when the child gets soooo much help throughout their school years, they never learn to do anything on their own.

I figure DD will be looking for a new roommate soon if this doesn't change, I don't think the roomie will make it through her 1st year at college! Too bad, she's a great kid and DD says she's a great roommate too!

 

[Planogirl]

I can relate to some of this. In our former district the kids have to turn in a science project every year. DS did a pretty good one and also did about 90% of the work himself. (I did a little cutting and gluing to help out.) But he is no artist and was also only in 4th grade so it looked a little ragged.

We had a chance to see all of the projects and I couldn't believe some of the work that had received ribbons. There is NO way that a 4th grader came up with some of the terminology and the beautiful drawings and so on. I discovered later that buying finished science projects is sometimes done too.

The teachers gave A's to these perfect projects of course while those that were sloppier got the B's.

 

[poohandwendy]

some people just don't look at the bigger picture, they are more worried about this very moment...doing the work for your children is not helping.