What is the best way for kids to fight a school yard bully?

[Chubroach]

It seems like everywhere you go now days there is a bully to be found. I think the worst bullies are in middle school (grades 7-9). I have a relative who is 14 years old and is being attacked by school bullies on almost a daily basis. He is young looking for his age, thin and, to be honest, a little bit of a nerd. He is just the type of a kid who looks like he will be picked on in school.

A number of kids make fun of him, call him names, and kick and punch him almost every day. He does not have the personal or physical presence to stop the bullies. His mother stopped by the school and talked to the principal but he was little help. The School Principal said that reporting on the bullies may make the situation worse because he will be branded as a "tattle tale" and then more kids will be cruel to him.

A couple of kids (bullies) demand Thomas to give them money or a worse beating will be given.

How can be stop the harrasment without being branded a tattle tale?

 

[Jasminesmommy]

Send him to karate school so he can defend him self.

 

[disneysnowflake]

I'm not sure if you can stop bullies without being labeled a tattletale.

Bullies are sneaky and will do whatever they want, but how dare the one being bullied tell.

I believe that if the principal won't do anything about the bullying then the parent should go to the school board. It took our school being sued by a parent of a bullied child to come up with a bullying policy.

Bullying only stops when the victim tells an adult. Most of the employees at our school ignore bullying, even if they see it in front of their face. If the one being bullied doesn't complain then the staff will ignore it.

At a nearby school the bullying got so bad that many parents took their kids out of public school and cyber school them at the school districts expense. Boy, did that school district start wanting to make changes once money was involved.

No child deserves to feel scared. No child deserves to be threatened. What a terrible feeling to wake up each day knowing what you will be facing for the next 8 or more hours.

If we bullied our children at home they would be taken away from us. We would be considered child abusers.

If a child gets bullied constantly at school, then it's the same thing. Bullying can scar a child for life.

 

[luvmarypoppins]

How sad to read this. My kids dont go to a public school so I know they are always safe. That kind of behavior is not tolerated in any way. Where are the recess aides? What adults are even supervising these kids? If the principal is of no help, then go to the administrator of the district, also school board president etc. One mom around here even went on the local news and it was in the newspaper. This district is known for always looking the other way. Perhaps you have heard about the football team hazing controversy around here. This must stop and the parents definetely need to be involved, all the parents of all the kids involved. Let her voice be heard. Bless that little david against all the goliaths.

 

[olena]

Karate. It worked like a charm for me. It doesn't take brute force to be effective. It may also help this kid's confidence.

 

[Lorix2]

luvsmarypoppins - I'm glad you feel you're kids are safe because they are not "in a public school", but I'd like to remind you that even private schools are not exempt to bullying and teasing, whether there is a zero tolerance or not, until it's reported, it happens - everywhere.

If this child doesn't report this abuse, which is was it is, it will always continue and they will get away with it. I also feel that the school and police should notify these kids parents and let them know they will held responsible for these kids actions too if god forbid this boy should every get hurt physically. Parents are not aware of what their kids do while they are in school, so maybe it needs to be brought to their attention.

This goes for my own children as well, if it were mine doing the bullying I would put a stop to it immediately and with consequences and if mine were on the receiving end, I'd do what I mentioned above.

I really hope this will be resolved for this child very soon. Things like this does scar a child.

 

[tlgoblue]

Get him on a school team. My DS13, was (He has since had a growth spurt, but is decidedly behind the rest of the guys for the most part) one of the smallest kids, definately a "nerd" (Never Ending Radical Dude ), and part of the "elitist School within a school" program. He had been threatened ever since we moved to this town, and had often born the brunt of the teasing even
in our hometown. He played Football and his life has forever changed. He was not the best player, but he went to practice every day, and played in every game and was the water handler and mother hen for any injured team mate. He had gained respect from his peers on the team, and through the entire student body. He has not been picked on that I am aware of since then. Before you say he couldn't do a sport, think of the possibilities. Swimming, track, basketball? At this level, they do take just about anyone who wants to play. It is a great self-esteem builder, and he will learn to appreciate people of differing abilities, which may benefit him. (My DS used to refer to anyone not in the SWS programme as "those people." No wonder everybody wanted to kick his butt! He now realizes that eveyone, even the "big ugly stupid guys" have value and problems and vulnerabilities.) Kids who are victems of bullies, are not always entirely innocent. Talk about these things with him as well. See if he unintentionally (or not) provokes these bullies, and what could he do to change his behavior, to thwart future incidences. Good luck!

Keep the Faith!
Tracy

I might aslo add that he did get throttled many times on purpose from some of the teammates that had bullied him in the past. He came home almost every day with awful bruises and tales of woe.
But he didn't quit. He didn't tell his coaches (despite prodding from me to do so), and he eventually got his licks back at them. When he got throttled, the rest of the team would cheer. He'd come home and break down and cry for hours, threaten to quit, etc. One day, he finally got a piece of the kid who was the most brutal, and more threats came his way. It was terrible! He kept it up and eventually a truce was called. These two are not friends, but he is not picked on any more. they will be on the same team next year, and I anticipate a more friendly environment, especially since DS's growth spurt.

 

[LtlTee]

How awful for this child! And what an awful stance for the principal to take. What an example that sets.
The schools must take an proactive stance, and they have set consequences for such actions. In my kids' elementary school they have a whole week dedicated to bullying. They run workshops for the kids and the teachers, bring in guest speakers, law enforcement, etc. I will never forget how my daughter was touched after one such speaker came to talk to her third grade class. The speaker was an adult social worker, and described his school days as miserable -- he was called names, shoved into his locker daily, etc. My daughter (now a teen) still remembers this and how badly she hurt for him after hearing the names he was called. She said it made her think twice about name-calling herself.
What the OP describes is assault -- kicking and punching -- and the so-called adults who look the other way should be ashamed. No kid should have to endure this while trying to get an education.
I agree with the above poster -- if the principal won't do anything, then take it over his/her head and go to the school board.

 

[cruisnfamily]

Originally posted by Chubroach
ItHis mother stopped by the school and talked to the principal but he was little help. The School Principal said that reporting on the bullies may make the situation worse because he will be branded as a "tattle tale" and then more kids will be cruel to him.

I am appalled that this was the school's response to your situation!

A friend's son had a bullying issue in 6th grade this year(middle school). It was not severe but it was enough to make him upset, dislike school, etc. His mother went to the school and they called the police, right there from the office and had the police come out and she filled out whatever paperwork was required and the situation was handled by the police and the school. And this was not a situation of extortion or physical abuse...it was your run of the mill picking on another kid kind of thing. But the school(and the police) took it very seriously and it was handled then and there. That was last fall and all is still well. No more bullying!

You need to have her go back to the school and have the situation handled, whether he is branded a tattle tale or not.

 

[Zurg]

I would have another chat with the princial and be sure to get the superintendants phone number in the conversation.

I would quote his comments back and ask for him to sign a copy.

It is his problem and his problem to solve without further victimization. If he can't or will not it is the superintendants issue.

 

[Chubroach]

The responses so far have been great but I disagree with some of them. I remember being bullied in school 35 years ago and going to the teacher for support. She punished the bullies but the word got out that I was a tattle tale and the rest of the kids withdrew from me. Some increased verbal attacks! While the physical attacks stopped the emotional and verbal attacks and isolation was even worse. No matter how hard a teacher or principal tries they can not force the kids to be nice to the "tattle tale"

I see this as an adult. Cops will not tattle tale on other bad cops (police officers), or will doctors report on other bad doctors. Bullies in the workplace are sold as tough no nonsense managers.

No, I think the answer to my orginal question is a set of behaviors by the bullied person, not interdiction by school officals. But what action or behavior can stop the bullies?

 

[kasar]

I don't know about all public schools but our school allows parents to volunteer to be recess monitors. I don't know if I'd go this far because it might make the situation worse (not only would the child be a tattletale but his PARENTS would be there making sure he's okay - how embarrasing!) but I'm sure the threat of it would get the principal's attention. I'm sure the superintendent would be interested in knowing that parents have so little faith in the principal's ability to control his school.

 

[Doug123]

If physical abuse is taking place, and school officials won't do anything about it, I'd try to contact their parents directly or the police. What you're describing is taking place are felonies. Take a stand, if not for your kid, then for all the other kids that are going through the same thing.

 

[Pin Wizard]

No, private schools are not exempt. DS was just in first grade when he finally told me about a kid bullying him. I don't think he would say anything now if he were having a problem. But when I picked him up after school one day, I saw the bully and told him that if he didn't knock it off, I would be talking with his father and the principal. His eyes got as big as saucers. Not a problem since. And now my son is in 5th and the "bully" is in 6th.

 

[LtlTee]

Chubroach,
I suppose if you're looking for something that the kid can do to get them to stop, get him involved in some sort of self-defense class -- karate or whatever. A class like that could never hurt. What bothers me is that the bullying that you are describing is not just the verbal stuff, it's physical assault.
I still say that the school should be more involved and held accountable in educating the kids that this is no okay and will not be overlooked.
I don't want the kids that are bullying your relative to grow up and be my kids' bosses, doctors, or cops in their town. I don't want them to grow up to be adults who think it's okay to push people around and suffer no consequences.
Good luck -- it's a tough situation!

 

[goofy4tink]

I would go back to the school and ask again. If no satisfaction, then off to the school board. This type of behavior can not be tolerated, anytime, anywhere!!! I'm sick to death of people saying that the victim will be persecuted even more. Well, I guess the school is just going to have to make sure that doesn't happen. Our kids have to feel safe. If they don't feel safe, they can not be getting a good education. And no one, absolutely no one, has the right to take this away from any child. We are our children's strongest advocate. If we don't stand up for them, then who will. My dd had been the victim of 'girl bullying'. Man, can girls be brutal. I spoke with her teacher and she took it from there. Saw that several other girls were having the same problem. She spoke with the offending girls' parents. The parents' reactions?? "Oh, you must be mistaken, my daughter would never do that. She's much too sensitive." The teacher has taken action on her own in the classroom. The victimized girls are doing better. So, go back to the school. Then the school board. If no one seems to be to concerned and the bullying doesn't stop, then there is no recourse other than going to the police. Parents, please take the time to sit with your children and talk to them about this issue.

 

[RitaZ.]

The School Principal said that reporting on the bullies may make the situation worse because he will be branded as a "tattle tale" and then more kids will be cruel to him.

I haven't read the other replies, so disregard what I'm about to say if it has already been said.

Every school district has a code of conduct in which, among other things, the rights of the students are clearly described. One of them being that a student has the right to attend school in a safe and orderly environment. Some of them may even mention the word harassment. I would make an appointment with the principal right away and take the booklet with me. Tell him/her that you aren't going away and this problem has to be addressed immediately, as the child doesn't feel safe in his school. If the principal isn't willing to "help" at this point, tell him/her that you will contact the superintendent's office after you leave his office to get some resolution to this serious problem.

The key to resolving these bullying problems when they get out of hand is to stay on top of them. Don't just threaten the school with words, carry out what you tell them you are going to do. Trust me, the squeaky wheels always gets the grease. School administrators prefer that parents just go away quietly. If everyone turns the other way when bullying occurs, which schools often do, they are then condoning the behavior.

Good luck!

 

[raidermatt]

Chubroach, I understand what you are saying about wanting things that the bullied person can do. I think the school can address the situation without making it look like a "tattletale" situation. Certainly when it gets to the level you describe, they really do need to get involved. We're talking criminal behavior.

That said, the two best suggestions are for him to join some kind of team, and look into taking martial arts.

The team would help his self-esteem, as well as build a network of friends. Whatever the sport is, if he gives his all, most of his teamates will respect him. It does have to be something he is interested in though, or it will just backfire.

Martial arts would obviously help him learn to defend himself, but that takes time (if taught properly). Moreso, it helps with self-esteem and confidence, as well as networking.

 

[Snowysmom]

It is appalling that the principal would do nothing about the bullying. The middle school in our town has a strict policy regarding bullying and it is no tolerance. My son had a problem with a bully (along with alot of other kids) and we called his homeroom teacher. We asked that he keep it confidential. He went to the principal, the bully and his parents were spoken to, and that ended it. Try again with the school but then I would go higher up. Karate is a good confidence builder but it does take time to learn. Good luck.

 

[Kallison]

I would ask the Principal if he has ever heard of Columbine.